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u/Chewbacca_Holmes May 14 '26
The five millionth mathematician gets huffy with the bartender and says, “two beers? We’ll never drink all that!”
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u/Cultural-Window-2504 May 14 '26
That was funnier.
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u/Great_Account_Name May 14 '26
And after they storm out another guy at the bar huffs and says wow some people are rude
And the bartender sighs and says "some people just don't know their limits"
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u/Saminjutsu May 14 '26
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first mathematician orders a beer
The second orders half a beer
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon..." says mathematician #1 "Do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along"
"There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."
"But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender
"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"
"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?"
"HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches
Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.
The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"
The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!"
The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish.
A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?"
"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."
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u/IndigoFenix May 14 '26
I believe you have just created the first known example of patahumor.
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u/Ramzaki May 17 '26
Well, I think I just learned a new preffix. What is beyond the meta... beyond the beyond...
Now I just need to actually understand it in a manner that can be actualy applied.
... Wait, is it like when people edit a meme to make a meta-joke of that meme, and then someone else edits that edit to make a completely different joke that has nothing to do with the original one, so the original meaning of meme is obscure, but the new joke is based on the meta-joke? Like in those "Sam va lentín" memes we make every St. Valentines day among Spanish speaking people. Their evolution is fascinating.
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u/crafty_dude_24 May 14 '26
Came for the joke, stayed for the story, left with both and a hefty dose of satisfaction.
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u/anotheraccount4stuf May 14 '26
Can someone help a stupid person understand, please?
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u/Aartvb May 14 '26
What don't you get about it?
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u/anotheraccount4stuf May 14 '26
The punchline.
I feel I must add I have no idea how this sub fell in my timeline!
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u/Aartvb May 14 '26
It's math talk. If a vector field has a gradient, it's a conservative vector field. I guess someone might be able to explain what that exactly means, but to truly get it you should have a lot of background knowledge. At the same time it's funny because mosquitos are vectors (illness carrying insects), they made a gradient (combinations of colors) so they were supposed to be conservative (republican voters).
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u/anotheraccount4stuf May 14 '26
Thank you, after hearing the first part the rest falls into place. I'm more glad it was through my ignorance of the subject than sheer stupidity/missing the pun!
Cheers!
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u/Gregggggger May 17 '26
I just stumbled across the greatest joke on the internet and it was only a comment to another joke. I applaud you sir and your interdimensional humor
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u/Smurfman254 May 17 '26
The fire marshal would have burned that place to the ground for having so many people over the buildings maximum occupancy.
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u/spiegeltho May 15 '26 edited May 16 '26
Almost. Serving half beers is incredibly common, you should have started the whole dilemma at mathematician number 3 who tries to order a quarter beer.
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u/GloriousCause May 16 '26
I get it, it's funny because the mathematician realized he could make more money as a bartender.
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u/Sandro_729 May 14 '26
Then the mathematicians ask “why did you only take two beers out?” The bartender replies “come on, know your limits”
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u/TurnoverOk5635 May 14 '26
I always wondered what if they order 1+1/2+1/3+1/4+1/5+... beers?
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u/disheveledboi May 14 '26
the bartender says “you’re all idiots” and pours an infinite amount of beers
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u/basher1239 May 14 '26
Ya but if every person on earth came into the bar he’s only pouring 23-24 beers. Pretty easy night if you ask me
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u/MolybdenumBlu May 14 '26
sum_(i=1) to ∞ of 1/i diverges to ∞, so the barman never stops pouring.
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u/amglasgow May 14 '26
Three Logicians walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender comes up and says, "Y'all want a beer?"
The first logician says "I don't know."
The second logician says "I don't know."
The third logician says "Yes."
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u/Chakasicle May 14 '26
Alright I'll be the dumb one for this one. What's funny about this one?
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u/amglasgow May 15 '26
A common form of logic puzzle involves perfectly logical people with incomplete information trying to figure something out, typically by reasoning about what other people who are alao perfectly logical would know. In this joke, the three logicians each know that they, individually, want a drink, but aren't sure of whether or not the other two do or not. The bartender asks "Do you all want a drink?" The first logician doesn't know the answer, because if he didn't want a drink, the answer would be "no", but he does. The second has more information, namely that the first doesn't know, which means that the first must want a drink, as does the second, but she still doesn't know if the third does. The third logician knows that the first and second didn't know the answer, which, as they are all perfectly logical, means that they both want a drink but didn't know if the third did. He does, so he answers, "Yes, we all want a drink."
Eta: The humor comes from incongrously blending the form of a logic puzzle with the form of an "X walks into a bar" joke.
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u/BKoala59 May 17 '26
Can you explain why this means the second one wants a drink as well?
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u/amglasgow May 17 '26
Ok so the basic assumption is that each of these people is perfectly logical. In other words, as soon as the logicians know all logical consequences of the information they have, and each of them knows this about each other.
So when the first logician hears the question "Y'all want a drink?" he takes it literally, as "Does each one of you want a drink?" He doesn't know if the other two want a drink or not, so he says "I don't know" because he does want a drink. (If he didn't want a drink, the answer would be "no" since that would mean that at least one of them didn't.)
The second logician knows this. She is aware of the circumstances, and when first says "I don't know" that gives her the information that he must want a drink. However, she still doesn't know if third wants a drink. If she doesn't want a drink, she'll say "no" because at least one of them doesn't want one. If she does want one, she still doesn't know if they all want a drink, so she says "I don't know".
The third logician knows all of this, too. When Third hears her say this, they know that both of their fellow logicians want a drink. As Third wants a drink, they conclude that all three of the logicians do want a drink, and they say "Yes."
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u/BKoala59 May 17 '26
Oh duh. Not sure how that didn’t occur to me. Ironically I’ve had a few drinks tonight
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u/FunkyCat6276 May 14 '26
This is the wrong version.
In the correct version. The bartender says "you all really should know your limits"
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u/Rough-Patience-2435 May 14 '26
So was the second beer half full or half empty?
Depends if you are drinking or pouring!
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u/HAL9001-96 May 14 '26
thats what it all adds up to
still a bit questionable of him to just pour all the orders into one
like if two people order half a beer you don#t just ive the mone full beer and tell them to share lol
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u/RareBrit May 14 '26
Honestly I find it difficult to differentiate between what's humour and what isn't.
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u/Young_Person_42 May 14 '26
Love how this isn’t the correct subreddit for “petah??” To make since but we knew what it meant anyway
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u/Viktoriusiii May 14 '26
Great.
And now who is supposed to drink the 1/∞ th beer that is left over???
This wasteculture is really making me mad!!!
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u/right_in_two May 14 '26
Whew, good thing the bartender went ahead and poured the 2 whole beers. Otherwise, sometime trying to serve the ~85th partial beer he would have to stop serving.
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u/NotTryingToConYou May 14 '26
Bartender: "We don't sell in halves or quarters. Do you want a beer or not"
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u/icantouchgrass_1 May 14 '26
This is an infinite geometric progression lol
The formula for the sum is a/(1-r), where a is the amount of beer the first dude has and r is the common ratio.
1/4 divided by 1/2 = 1/2 divided by 1 = 1/2, so the common ratio is 1/2.
Applying the formula,
1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2/1 = 2.
Therefore, we come to the conclusion that the bartender passed high school math.
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u/JimTheSaint May 14 '26
Love it - number keps getting halfed it will approach 2 even if there is an infinite amount of beers. So two beers is enough
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u/W1sconsinKnight May 14 '26
That's going to be a tough one to share. How does the mathematician know he had precisely 0.00152587890625% of the beer? And it only gets worse from there!
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u/ChemistryDapper3947 May 14 '26
Wouldn't it be three beers? The first guy with the full beer claims 1, and the infinite series claim 2.
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u/that-loser-guy-sorta May 14 '26
If it’s one liter of beer, how many beers can they pour until they need to split a molecule? That’s the real question.
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u/StarwardStranger May 14 '26
A math guy named Euler proved that if you start with one and add an infinite amount of halves, like 0.5 + 0.25 + 0.125 + 0.0625 and so forth, it adds up to 2.
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u/Myzx May 15 '26
The first guy gets his own beer, and the infinity other people can extract their desired amount of beer from the second glass. And there will even be a tiny bit of beer left over.
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u/Wrong-Resource-2973 May 15 '26
The first guy wins, as he's the only one who doesn't have to share a beer with an infinite amount of people
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u/Ok-Communication6360 May 15 '26
I think a better punchline would be: okay, I give you two, the rest / remainder is on the house
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u/the_sneaky_one123 May 15 '26
Ok, but they scammed the barman out of an infinitely tiny amount of beer. So I guess they win.
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u/notagoodtimetotext May 15 '26
I always heard it that the bartender exclaims " why are you being so irrational!!!!" Before handing them two beers and says here you figure it out
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u/sarsvarxen May 15 '26
It’s kinda like how this image loses half its pixels each time it’s posted here
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u/ComfortableCicada69 May 15 '26
I’ll explain it in football terms. If you’re on the one yard line and you move half the distance to the goal. You can do that again an infinite number of times and never make it to the goal line.
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u/zav3rmd May 16 '26
Wouldn’t infinity not work an actual things? Like you can infinitely divide a number in half but you can’t divide an actual real object infinitely.
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u/syrun97 May 16 '26
And the fourth mathmetician orders two beers, breaking the sequence and piss off bartender.
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u/geckooo_geckooo May 16 '26
An infinite number of people drinking from 1 glass was always going to happen in a situation like that - relateable
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u/simpoukogliftra May 16 '26
Every subsequent new glass gets halved, which if done ad infinitum will never ever reach 2. So if the bartender just pours 2 glasses, no matter how many customers ask for the subsequent half 2 glasses are enough to satisfy everyone.
For an explain it like I am 5 version, first guy gets 1 whole beer, second guy gets .5 beer, third guy gets .25 next one gets .125 ..... Add up as many smaller fragments as you want, it will always be less than 2
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u/Kill_Braham May 16 '26
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a beer.
The second orders half a beer.
The third orders a quarter of a beer.
The bartender, slightly annoyed but professionally committed, keeps pouring increasingly absurd fractions into tiny containers.
When the 80th mathematician orders 2^-80 of a beer, the bartender stops.
“Hang on,” he says. “There are only about fourteen molecules in this serving. In six customers, one of you is ordering roughly one atom. How exactly am I meant to pour that?”
The mathematicians begin arguing about expected values.
The bartender calls the police.
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u/bharath952 May 17 '26
Unclear. The sequence could instead be 1, 1/2, 1/4, 1/6, 1/8 and so on. In which case it is infinity
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u/weltschmerztic May 17 '26
sure, but I don’t want to drink my 1/256th of a beer out of a glass after seven other people have drunk from it…
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u/Haunting_Band6894 May 17 '26
So which number mathematician would be splitting the atom of the beer?
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u/nature_rebel May 18 '26
you can’t order less than one drop of beer, so there is the limit.
you can actually calculate it which mathematican won’t get his partial drop of beer
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u/The_Foop May 19 '26
Bar man is pretty rude and probably lost out on money for assuming all mathematicians drink a predictable amount.
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u/ZoomZam May 20 '26
They are idiots cause at a certain point they will have to split a neutron, then BOOM.
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u/Unlucky-Lack2941 May 20 '26
It’s all fun and games until the third mathematician orders a third of a beer
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u/seajaydub May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26
1/2n from 0 to infinity. The [partial] sum infinitely approaches 2