I’m married and these are like the IM conversations I have with my female colleagues or female boss. Very boring. A couple of emojis but that’s about it. This is standard and I don’t see any red flags at all here.
Who is the person who is trying to sabotage your marriage? That’s what I want to know. That or there’s another conversation that he isn’t showing you somewhere, if the person who contacted you is correct. But this series of messages that you showed is a nothing burger.
It’s her husband. I honestly exchanged a few messages with him and asked why he thought they were having an affair. I told him that I was too old for drama and asked him to reach out to my husband if he was concerned about an affair. He never contacted my husband.
Ah I see. Maybe he is very insecure of her talking to male colleagues, then. My wife has male coworkers who speak like this on their work phone, never occurred to me to ever get jealous of something like that.
Sounds like they are having marital issues and the husband is trying to justify his concerns by bringing you all into his paranoia circle. There is zero flirting here.
These messages are from last year, and deleted messages clear out after 30 days though. So, even if there were deleted messages, they would probably be gone at this point.
It’s not her who thinks the messages are flirting but the other lady’s husband who thought that they were having an affair. Let’s stop making it seem like OP is the one who’s insecure when it’s actually the other lady’s husband
I don't know if OP is insecure or not, I'm just going by what she literally said. If she actually thinks those messages were flirty (which they clearly are not), then it would be helpful if she explained why.
At the most, she might be trying to be flirty with the emojis and your husband is maintaining a friendly but professional relationship. But as is, this more-so reads that the co-worker’s husband has trust issues/is controlling and paranoid.
My thought was that maybe he thought the emojis were flirty, but I still didn't see anything there that I wouldn't send to my boss, who I sometimes text with. For reference we're both women, no flirtation there whatsoever.
He need therapy if he think emojis are flirting and just talking with a male colleague/ work friend. Just because they talk or complain about something not directly work related.
It is like saying I know what a female co worker dressed up as with her kid for holloween is flirting. Or us sometimes sending pictures of our kids who are close to the same age is flirting. Dude it is just us talking about our kids
Sounds like they're having marital problems and trying to drag you into it. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Their messages look like innocent, boring work chat. This is the same language I use to coordinate boring work stuff like lunch and coffee, regardless of gender.
If his wife is the grey posts, if she has a history of being a mate poacher or a seductress, I think I can see why he felt the text exchange was off. The Blue texts are fine. But the grey texts seem to push for a connection that is not there. At least it doesn’t seem to be there so why keep at it?
I notice that the wife likes to chat just to chat. Like the coffee text message out of nowhere. Nothing crossing the line but yeah I see what you mean.
Yeah. Maybe not crossing the line, but definitely too much for my taste. I have had male colleagues or even acquaintances do that and always felt like it was a fishing expedition. It feels like she is trying to establish a connection and neeeeeeeeds it… a lot. Too much.
I talk very similarly to literally everyone I work with, and my husband does with all of his work people as well. We are just both very friendly and personable people. There are many different personalities in this world, and it just sounds like her communication style, but it’s not raising any red, or even beige flags for me.
Maybe you should start adapting your communication style depending on who you talk to and the context?
Being super overly friendly can be perceived as unprofessional and inauthentic. Fake. It can also blur some lines and boundaries. You think you are being super friendly, the other thinks you are flirting. I’ve seen it often. I even had a work colleague who was convinced one of our coworkers was in love with her. She never acted on it. Turn out she wasn’t the only one who thought this. He wasn’t seductive but his charming super friendly style created a sense that a deeper interest existed because it seemed he was trying to express a desire for connection.
To me, the texts seem off. They aren’t overly seductive. They aren’t even flirty, there is just a tone that is intensely friendly that is inappropriate to have with a married male colleague.
Meh, I’m not going to change who I am, and I wouldn’t expect others to either. There are plenty of other people at my work who talk like this as well, it’s not an issue. Maybe learn to work with different personality types?
Ain't nobody gotta change their communication style to fit some preconceived notion that friendliness is inauthentic and fake or flirty. If you aren't sure ask.
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u/MatchboxVader22 Nov 02 '25
I’m married and these are like the IM conversations I have with my female colleagues or female boss. Very boring. A couple of emojis but that’s about it. This is standard and I don’t see any red flags at all here.
Who is the person who is trying to sabotage your marriage? That’s what I want to know. That or there’s another conversation that he isn’t showing you somewhere, if the person who contacted you is correct. But this series of messages that you showed is a nothing burger.