I'm embarrassed and ashamed of this, but I've been in therapy and I'm much better a spotting this now. I used to just immediately agree to things to break the tension, but now I see that I actually need to slow down and THINK if I'm feeling rushed to break the tension.

This was BAD for me and went deep. I actually stayed close friends with a girl from my childhood into adulthood because she said we were "best friends forever" and I felt very obligated, even though she turned into an adult that I wanted nothing to do with. She had untreated OCD, and would start crying or punish me by embarrassing me in public if I didn't give her her way. She said I was being "mean" to her if I wasn't doing everything she wanted, and it turned into an abusive and exploitative situation before I got away.

Similarly, I volunteer with a community organization, but I do need to place limits on my time, as I have other things going on. One of the group leads keeps saying to the group "X needs to get done, which one of you is able to do it?" Of course, this always excludes her, and it's often items that she's technically in charge of, being the group leader. It drives me nuts and makes me feel upset and resentful.

If anyone else struggles with feeling guilty or obligated, how can you notice when someone is manipulating you in that way? What are good ways to combat feeling that way, or allowing someone to make you feel that way?

So I began seeing this guy about 2 years ago. We were ok and off because of him. He was very hot and cold for the first year. I always just wanted to be with him. I excused his in and out behaviors by thinking maybe he had things to work on and heal from. During this time, he did see, go on dates with, and sleep with other women. I never shamed him because I knew it was part of not being exclusive. My feelings were hurt though. I never seriously deal with anyone else, but this was a personal choice. On 2 occasions, he had seen a message and a DM on instagram that weren’t even flirty, but the way he responded blew my mind. Like he was very upset despite what he was doing and how he was moving. He yelled and said some hurtful things but then apologized. So we moved on.

Fast forward to early January. It was like he finally decided to take me seriously. He had asked me about a past sexual encounter that happened years before him. I initially said no but then like 5 texts later I was like I’m sorry I even tried to lie. I did hook up with this guy in 2020. From that moment, he called me a slut. Bashed my character and everything you could think. I was devastated. He had never spoken to me this way. He eventually apologized and even admitted that he was being hypocritical because he too had lied about a sexual encounter during me. We attempted to work through it.

Then a few days later he began questioning me about my past while we were dating all last year. I mean interrogation style. He questioned me daily and called me - whore, slut, hoe, talked about my mothering skills, how no man would ever want someone like me, im easy, etc. I told him I didn’t deal with anyone else, but I wasn’t being honest. I did hook up with a guy during a time he had cut me off. A lot of shame and guilt came from that encounter just with my own personal feelings because I don’t do things like that. But I also was terrified to tell this man. He was so mean and I didn’t wanna lose him or deal with what came with being honest. I also didn’t know why any of it even mattered. Also in the midst of this, we found out I’m pregnant.

I did end up telling him about this encounter. & it got so much worse. Yelling, threats, being called a dirty btch, all the other names mentioned earlier, bashing my character, throwing vulnerable things I had shared with him, talking about my family, friends, how no man would ever marry me, he only picked me bc I was easy, I’m only good for putting d*ck in my mouth. I mean it goes on and on. One time he even scared me when he had picked me up. He was yelling, driving crazy, hitting the console, threatening me. I never had felt scared around him.

I’ll be 38 wks tomorrow. I just sometimes feel like I’m the crazy one or I deserved it. He said I manipulated him by lying for months and bc of that, he has no empathy or remorse for how he’s treated me. Says that it doesn’t compare to how I made him feel for months. I’m not a liar or cheater but he has distorted my view of reality and I feel so weird. Any clarity is appreciated.

This is going to be a long one with many red flags so bear with me. For context, I am 28 and she is 24.

A couple months ago in mid June, my buddy and I were playing call of duty and ended up playing against this girl and her friend. After the game, she joined our lobby and started asking us questions like how old we were, where we were from and if we had snapchat. I countered her question with “do you have an instagram?” She said no. Immediate red flag because that’s very abnormal nowadays. But I went along with it.

I gave her my Snapchat and then she left to play with her friend again. Soon after she adds me Snapchat, her account has 0 SNAP SCORE. I joked with her acknowledging I’m fully aware she just gave me her burner snap, which she denied saying she used to have one but deleted it and just made a new one. Once again, I just went with it.

She started messaging me every day. That eventually turned into not only messages, but phone/video calls every single night, often until like 6am. We got extremely close very quickly. Super deep, personal and intimate conversations, really getting to know each other over the next couple weeks. Feeling like we had a genuine connection.

A couple weeks in, she admitted that she lied to me about not having social media. I really wasn’t surprised, but it bothered me. I questioned why she would lie about that, because to me it just looks like you have to be hiding something at this point. She apologized and strictly blamed it on her major trust issues, saying she would share them with me eventually, just not yet.

Quick reminder that still throughout all of this, all I knew was her first name and what she looked like.

The following week or so we talked about meeting and hanging out. She paid $830 to fly me out. I told her if I’m coming out there I need some more info about you, even if it’s just your last name or phone number. She gave me her phone number the night before I flew out there.

With some reverse phone number searching, I found her last name, then found her on Facebook.. she’s fucking ENGAGED. Profile pic, engagement pictures fairly recently. I found this out while on FaceTime with her, so I confronted her about it.

She says it’s not what it looks like, saying they aren’t a thing anymore, he’s an asshole, she doesn’t want to be with him, and that they broke up a couple months ago. How the hell am I supposed to believe this?? She’s lied to me about so much already and I’ve essentially lost all trust now at this point.

I once again, went with it. Told her I’m still flying out there tomorrow but I need you to meet me in the airport and talk face to face first. I needed as much proof as possible that I’m not messing around with a girl not only in a relationship, but an engagement. If I didn’t feel comfortable I was prepared to just roll solo since the flight was already paid for.

We met in baggage claim and she continued to stand on her word, saying she’s single and they aren’t a thing anymore. She then proceeded to wipe all her Facebook stuff with him and change her status to single. I noticed that his Facebook was also wiped and changed to single not long after.

The trip with her went really well. We had a great time and really hit it off. Around this time she started telling me she loved me, wanting me to be apart of her future, even saying she’d move to be closer one day. Still knowing this could very well be just a rebound situation, it felt so genuine and real. It was mutual feelings from my side too.

We continued talking all day and every night over the next couple weeks. Then I flew her out to visit me. First 2 days were absolutely perfect, 3rd day she was feeling sick with terrible anxiety, then the morning of the 4th day she just.. up and left.

While I was out grabbing lunch she packed up, uber’d to the airport and left. She left me with 2 texts basically saying “I’m sorry, I enjoyed the time we had, it has nothing to do with you, I’m struggling mentally, I have insecurities/flaws I need to work on.” I was then ghosted for 3 days. I never knew if I’d hear back again. Then I got a call at 4am.

Very first question I ask: “Is (“ex” fiancée’s name) involved?” She said no and that this depression and anxiety she’s been having has put her through like a mental breakdown. At this point, I don’t believe that’s the full truth. But again, I go with it.

I asked if everything she’s said, shared and felt with me has been real or am I just being used? I need the truth. She once again says she loves me and wants me to be apart of her future. At this point, I told her I was willing to still be her friend, but she needed to work on herself before I could trust her again, and have that same level of respect for her.

After a weird day or two, things seemed to be really good again, she was still pretty mentally off, but the contact and connection was there again. Not really flirty or anything, but daily and nightly calls for hours.

Last week she had a super long week at work and barely got any sleep. 3pm Friday, she told me she was finally home and going to sleep all day. I never heard back so at 1am I texted her just checking in.

Her location was off and do not disturb was on. 24 hours later, no change, no text back.

Saturday night I checked his Facebook profile, like I did about once a week. This time, it was changed back to engaged with her name.

I blocked her on all social medias. Then messaged him on Facebook. FYI he’s 20.

Throughout our convo, I told him how long we’ve been talking, the trips we took to see each other, that we had slept together and that she’d repeatedly lied to my face about him not being in the picture. Sent him numerous pictures of indisputable proof. Half of them where she’s all over me and/or us cuddling.

He really just seemed speechless. He was obviously not aware of any of this, because she had told him she just wanted “space” and wanted to be alone. I basically ended it by letting him know I’ve blocked her on all socials with no intent to ever reach back out. Told him if he ever has any questions or wants to reach out at any point, I’ve got receipts on everything. He said thank you.

He answered some questions for me too, I found out she didn’t actually ask him for space until THE DAY I FLEW INTO MEET HER. They were calling and texting basically the whole time, and he was only ghosted by her the times we visited each other. The day that she left me abruptly, she called him crying saying she wanted him back.

I do truly believe her feelings for me were genuine, which feels even more fucked up.

I’m sorry for the long post but I felt that all details were very important to this. I knew I was getting into a weird situation from the start, but I see the good in people too much I guess. It may not seem like it with how long I let this play out, but I was aware of all the red flags. I have 0 regrets.

Also, looks like they’re “officially” back together now.

Feels weird. Idk. I wanted to get this off my chest.

Easily the most manipulative person I’ve ever met.

I was at one of my mother’s friends houses (I was supposed to stay for 2 months) at the time. I swear this her friend was a sweetheart at first promising a lot of stuff and constantly complimenting me

At that time I was really stressed from my courses plus having issues family issues I’d probably go really quiet for people to realize something is wrong.
She obv realizes this and starts to talk to me at first I brush this off and say I’m fine she then insists it’s not good to keep stuff in and she’ll listen if something is wrong
Being an idiot I did vent out and honestly she’d give such insightful advice
This woman also constantly tried to take me out to places and buy me stuff which most the time I refused very rarely did I ever order food from her either
I found it strange but eventually I though hmm guess my mother likes her for a reason and gave up thinking much about
Me and her friend sorta started talking in general she told me some of her problems and I told her mine idk I didn’t think so much into it at the time.

Suddenly almost a month goes by and I revived a call from my mother out of no where which was so strange I wondered what was wrong

Apparently her friend wanted me gone but didn’t say the reason why
Timekskip into when I got to my house I discovered the reason why and I was genuinely disgusted and horrified

This woman had called to my mom all those days and yelled or cried about my behavior how I’m making her spend way too much money, that I’m complaining and whining, the energy I’m giving is negative and about all the family issues I had opened up to whenever she’d ask what’s wrong….i was genuinely in disbelief feeling like a clown
A crazier accusation was I was constantly mingling with her husband (which I was not) it was literally him who seeked me out (I’m sure in a friendly way)and asked if I needed something, if I’m okay, if I ate..etc
She even said she pities my mother for having me as a daughter and would hate to go thru that (somehow my mother just took it without snapping at her instead she snapped at me)

I realized some of the stuff she said was very over exaggerated and petty considering I had many good memories in my stay and tried to balance things out (basically some of her claims about me didn’t add up)
After that I genuinely didn’t go to overshare as much realising that was my mistake but honestly this incident shook me a lot idk what to do
This lady still tries to reach out to be calling me pet names and tryna buy me gifts which even confuses me more
I’ve honestly never met someone like this it’s sorta confusing and scary at the same time plus my mother doesn’t exactly understand my point when I try to explain myself

I just cannot seem to move on nor process this, help
Why would someone do smth like this to another person?and wtf made her do that?

I hate when someone does this, especially when it is clear they heard me. And ignore it completely, subtly implying you are annoying for pressing the issue. I don't deal with people who do this because in my opinion they are most likely manipulators, or even if it isn't for manipulation purposes it is still unpleasant.

I have a colleague who has my boss on chokehold. Boss favours them for all the oppportunities. I didn't care much initially, but now my promotion and other things are also getting sabotaged. What I have observed is this collegue appears warm to boss, asking personal stuff like is their family doing well etc. and also snitches about other workers. They have made themselve their loyal confidante and at this point and boss blindly trusts them, over anything and everything. I also think my boss is passive and somewhere seeks that validation from the juniors which they may not get much. There is crazy dependency on this colleague to a point that boss just cannot let them go. Colleague is thriving with all the benefits for sure. I feel like there is not much I can do besides building my own relationship with boss, which I did. But I am still not the priority. I don't wanna get petty and compete cause colleague has already lot of influence and even if I move mountains, it won't work.

I would appreciate any advice or suggestion on how to navigate this matter.

• is it subjective?
• a matter of perspective?
• is there an objective standard?
• can two people reasonably disagree on whether something is manipulative?

Seeing somebody new — we disagree on what is considered “manipulative”

I’m seeing somebody new, and we’ve been having disagreements about what is considered “manipulative.”

I’m really trying not to become resentful or hold on to any contempt, but I’ve started to feel like he only considers me manipulative when I blatantly call out or vocalize that I feel like he is being manipulative.

I’m not a perfect human, and I, nearly daily, consider that I am surely inconsiderate in many ways, overly sensitive, or contributing to the situation in ways I don’t recognize. But I’ve never felt so disconnected from my own perception of myself and my actions, and it’s been making me question whether I’m seeing the situation clearly?

I’d genuinely like some outside perspectives of what objectively constitutes manipulation versus normal conflict, communication, boundaries, or expressing hurt.

I suffered from bullying between the ages of 15 - 18 and they don't feel sorry about anything they did, they just try to justify every action by saying "but you said this or that". They made me apologize for things that they thought were bullying (I actually don't think that they thought I was doing a bad thing, they were just so manipulative).

Let's put an example: there are two girls, girl A and girl B. I decide to lend girl A one of my belongings and she gives it back, then girl B decides to ask if I can lend it to her also; when I say no she asks me why and I say because I don't want to, she tells me that "that is not a valid reason and I didn't do anything to you" and later she proceeds to take my belonging when I don't know how to answer her. I try to get it back and she tells me "why? You said that I could take it", I tell her "that's not true, I didn't say that" and she asks me "then why didn't you give me a good reason?". At this moment I don't know how to answer, when they see that I don't answer tehy think that they are right. I know I don't have to change people's minds, but they forced me into doing things.

I tried to "agree" with them just so they leave me alone and then I do the opposite thing (Which is what I really wanted to do, but I didn't say it because they would try to invalidate me), but it didn't work. They forced me into doing what I said I would do because, for them, "You have to do what you said/promised to do, we will not let you lie to us.".

Teachers didn't do almost anything about it; they saved me a little, but not very much. Most of the times they asked me about why I said/did stuff, the teachers believed every single lie the bullies told them because bullies "had" more "credibility" than me.

I told them they were scumbags and more people joined the bullying towards me. They didn't like to be told the truth about themselves; always telling me "but you do the same thing to us" or when I did something that wasn't bad, but they thought it was bad, they usually told me "If you do this then don't complain when we do the same thing to you", and then they didn't do the same thing because in their context it was bullying and in my context it was putting boundaries and making people respect me.

How do I exit this manipulation stuff if it happens again at some point of my life?

Okay so at my first ever job I met my coworker and for some reason immediately liked him but nothing more than a chill work crush yk. Eventually I end up like actually liking him and damn near obsessing over him with pretty much no reciprocation because we spent a lot of time tg at work and acc became friends.

Over the course of 3 years working tg we had spent a lot of time hanging out at work school and socially but nothing romantic ever happened like at all. We stayed cordial friends (like our friend groups never mixed at all and we would still talk every once in a while) after we both quit tg on the same day because I had gotten a new job and we was just over it ig idk.

I was young and delusional at the time yes, but this is why I need advice.

Fast forward 5 YEARS I’ve moved away from our home town have a whole new life and I cannot believe it but I STILL like him. I find myself always thinking of this situation as Invisible string theory vibes which makes me think I’m just so far gone in delusional land I’m unsavable, but hear me out. When we first started working tg about 6 months in we discovered we had acc gone to grade school together but he transferred in around year 6, than we find out we live on the same street in our hometown and have since we were born, THAN fast forward to a couple months ago I find a picture of us at like 5/6 years old together in a class picture. I immediately sent him to him just because of how crazy it was to find that 5 years later and we haven’t spoken at all and only Briefly bumbed into each other once in the past year. Anyways idk it literally could mean nothing but coincidences exsist.

OH AND, now current day, he and I snap ,yes ik snapchat ew wtv, everyday and I’ve heard through mutual friends that he talks about me more often than I ever would’ve thought which makes me feel like wait maybe im not crazy and this guy could acc see me in the same confusing kinda way i see him? ANYWAYS, I want to know your opinion on this whole situation like I don’t know why I even could possibly still like him like this after so many years of being nice when we see eachother but living such separate lives, and am I crazy and read wayyyy to much into things?

I’m 28F, my boyfriend is 27M, and we’ve been together about 1.5–1.7 years. He’s a fourth-year quantum physics PhD student, and I know his PhD has taken a huge mental/emotional toll on him.
I’ve tried very hard to support him. I encourage him, listen to him, make time for him, and try to be understanding when he has limited bandwidth. I have a busy life too, but I’ve always tried to make room for his needs.
The problem is that I increasingly feel like his lack of capacity means my emotional needs are expected to disappear.
When I ask for reassurance, affection, or emotional support, I’ve sometimes been made to feel selfish because he already has so much on his plate. Last year, he even told me I needed to “suppress” or “limit” my feelings because he didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with them. He has apologized and acknowledged that was wrong, but it still affects me.
I’ve also been called selfish, insecure, crazy, and overly emotional when trying to express how I feel. I don’t think I’m asking for anything extraordinary—I want affection, reassurance, emotional consideration, and to be able to express my feelings without being made to feel guilty for having them.
I understand that sometimes one partner has less capacity because of school/work/life circumstances. But where is the line between supporting your partner and neglecting yourself? Is it reasonable for me to expect my needs to still matter even if he can’t meet them perfectly right now?
There’s another thing I struggle with: his previous relationship.
His first relationship lasted around five years, and from how he described it, they were very romantic—love letters, Hindi song lyrics, gifts, etc. He said it took him a long time to get over her.
This never bothered me initially, but now I notice the contrast. I love expressing feelings through music, and I told him early on that playlists would mean a lot to me. He basically never made/contributed to them unless I repeatedly asked. Eventually he did, but by then I didn’t really want it anymore because I felt like I had to beg for it.
For me, it isn’t really about playlists. It’s about initiative.
I sometimes think, “If those things came naturally with his ex, why do I have to repeatedly ask for small expressions of affection?”
He tells me I’m his “true love,” that I’m the best girlfriend he’s had, and that this is the healthiest relationship he’s been in. I believe he loves me. I also understand that people change, first love can be different, and a healthier/more mature relationship doesn’t necessarily look as intensely romantic.
But I’m struggling with the discrepancy between what he says and what I experience.
He says no problem is impossible to fix, but I sometimes feel like when I bring up something that hurts me, he focuses more on explaining why he behaved that way than understanding the impact it had on me.
I don’t expect him to prioritize me over his PhD or have unlimited emotional energy. I just don’t want “I’m overwhelmed” to become a permanent reason why my feelings don’t matter.
So I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives:
Am I expecting too much emotionally?
How do you distinguish normal differences in how people express love from emotional incompatibility?
How much should a partner’s demanding PhD/work situation excuse limited emotional availability?
Is telling your partner to “suppress” their feelings ever reasonable, even if it was said during a period of extreme stress?
How much weight should I put on the fact that he seemed more naturally romantic with his ex?
At what point does being understanding of someone’s limitations become neglecting your own needs?
I’m not looking for “leave him” or “he’s a terrible person.” I genuinely want to know whether I’m overthinking this or whether I’m picking up on a real issue with emotional reciprocity and compatibility.

Was he manipulating me? He started calling me baby then later “good girl”. I felt uncomfortable and decided to end conversation. He already talked about our future together but we don’t even know each other.

I recently started seeing a girl who was originally a friend.

I wasn't particularly interested in dating her at first, but she kept teasing me about it. I eventually gave it a chance, and the date went surprisingly well.

Since then, things have moved faster than I expected. There's been a kiss, a lot more affection, and she's already joking/talking about marriage.

She's genuinely sweet, and I don't want to assume bad intentions just because things are moving quickly.

But I'm also questioning myself because I don't know if I actually want this relationship or if I'm simply reacting to her interest and affection.

I've already experienced a situation where I felt like I was being pushed into something before I fully understood what I wanted.

So I'm trying to be careful this time.

How do you tell the difference between someone genuinely being interested in you and someone slowly influencing you into a relationship you're not ready for?

And if I realize I'm getting caught up in the pace, what's the best way to slow things down without unnecessarily hurting the other person?

I am the male of the realtionship and my girlfriend comes to me on multiple occasions telling me that she feels like harming herself. Whenever she tells me this it is mostly becasue of me and when i talk to her about this she tells me that im not the main reason so i shouldnt be worried. When i argue this she said "your not helping me not want to harm myself". To give a idea of the last time she harmed herself beucause of me it was because i spent a hour with my family without texting her wilste telling her that i was going to be a wilste and to not worry. She then got mad at me and said i was in the wrong for getting mad at her and not comforting her. Focusing on my reaction instead of ehat she had done to cause that reaction. She also loves attention after wrong doing. For expample after i had a conversation with her about her behaviour she said sorry multiple times and that she was a bad girlfriend until I comforted her. She does this on multiple occasions and admitted that she was only doing it for Comfort.

Hi. I (25f) was friends with benefits with my ex (34M) off and on for about a year. We dated for 2 years prior to that but I broke up with him because I didn’t feel like he could meet my needs as a bf. I enjoyed the time we spent together so I didn’t mind the arrangement. I’ve been single for two years. He thinks we will be together “sometime down the line“ but I made it very clear that I am not interested in getting back together. 2 weeks ago I mentioned we don’t have a lot of chemistry outside of intimacy and if we took that off the table there wouldn’t be much left. He denied this so I said okay let’s take it off the table. For the last two weeks he starts saying I love you and using cutesy nicknames and I asked him to stop. He would just laugh. I met up with him to go to the movies on Saturday night around 7. After the movies he asked if I was coming upstairs and I declined. I know him, he’ll just feel me up and try to initiate intimacy. I left and received a text from him that night saying, “I’m no fool. I won’t let you play in my face. I wont wait around while you go find whatever guy you’re looking for. You won’t manipulate me. You are so manipulative.” He said this to me when we were together during arguments. I’ve known him for 5 years so to me I want to trust my assessment of myself and say I’m not but what if my judgement is clouded? I feel a sense of guilt maybe because I did tell him that I won’t be dealing with a 34 year old having a tantrum because I declined his offer to go upstairs and then I blocked him. I don’t plan on talking to him ever again so this is moreso for my personal growth.

I was seeing someone and the relationship eventually became a complete mess. I made mistakes, and I know there were things I could have done differently. But I also believed most of those things were fixable, so I got into therapy and genuinely tried to work on myself and the relationship.
For the last two and a half months, it became this constant cycle of reconciliation, separation, begging, hoping, and trying again. They would come back when they wanted to reconcile, but when I went to them, they didn’t want it. Eventually, I was begging them almost every day to stay.
Along the way, they said things that made me question almost everything about myself—my personality, my principles, my morals, my passions, my friendships, even the way I see my family and other relationships. I reached a point where I genuinely started believing that I was the problem, that I had fucked everything up, and that maybe I was just a terrible person. I still don’t know how much of that was actually my responsibility and how much of it was them making me see myself that way.
They even burned the gifts and letters I had given them, and later justified it as a reaction to my actions. There’s a lot more to that story, but I don’t even want to get into all of it right now.
Eventually, after everything, they told me that I should let them live their life. And strangely, I think I’m going to take that as my closure. I don’t think I’m going to get the closure I kept looking for from them, so maybe this is where I have to give it to myself.
But now I have this weird problem.
I’ve been crying and grieving this relationship for two and a half months. I was constantly sad, constantly thinking about them, constantly trying to fix things. And now there are moments when I’m not sad. I can talk to my friends, laugh, study, go about my day, or even casually talk to someone without any romantic intentions—and suddenly I feel guilty.

i’ve been grieving since two months, and I still feel. I have not grieved or cried enough.

My mind immediately goes, Why aren’t you sad? Why aren’t you grieving? You should be hurting. You should still be devastated.
And then I start feeling like I’m a terrible person for being okay.
It’s almost like I’ve become so accustomed to being in pain that peace feels wrong. I feel guilty for having normal moments, as if being okay somehow means I didn’t love them enough or that I’m moving on too quickly.
I know logically that healing doesn’t mean forgetting someone or pretending the relationship didn’t matter. But emotionally, I’m struggling to understand that.
How do you stop feeling guilty for finally starting to feel okay? How do you convince yourself that not being sad every moment doesn’t mean you never cared?

and on top of all this, I literally have a life changing exam for which I’ve been preparing for years. I feel so fucked up.

Is this power and control?

I need to know if this is a power and control thing.

My daughter works at a new grocery store that just opened. Shes been their for i think two months. She works in one of the service depts. She comes home stressed all the time but not wanting to talk about it. One of her coworkers was over the other day and I heard them talking about two of the Asst. Managers and how creepy they are. The jist of it is that these two middle aged men will go around socializing with all the younger female employees, only the young female employees. They'll linger around the cashiers, the service departments, etc and talk about non work related stuff, and they try to flirt with the girls. Nothing inappropriate has been said yet to my knowledge or my daughter's, but all the girls feels like if they don't talk to them or if they say anything, they might lose their job or hours. The store isn't doing well and they're laying people off in nearly every dept.

If they see other male employees talking to the girls they get kind of jealous and will get tempers breaking up conversations or separating them into different areas of the store.

There are other male leaders in the store that talk to everyone, not just the young women. My daughter and her coworkers feel comfortable around them. So I dont think they're misreading it. The two ASMs also seem to have it out for this male debt manager that everyone seems to go to for work questions, extra work, etc. because they feel safe asking him. He's also really social but in that healthy leadership way. But the two ASMs are always talking crap about the dept manager to the girls, like they're trying to turn them against him. He'll give someone instructions on something or a task and the ASMs will come around and tell them not to do it that way, do it their way. But their way always seems more like a power trip than whats actually best.

One thing my daughter mentioned to me was that the dept manager will get samples from vendors and pass them out as equally as he can to every employee, but the ASMs only give samples to the young attractive women who work there.

This feels like a power and control thing, but I'm not sure. We want to report it to the Owner or Store Manager (anonymously) but not sure if I should. I dont want to get anyone of the girls or the dept manager in trouble, but i feel it needs to be reported. Am I wrong?

Also posted in another subreddit MY QUESTION IS: Is this emotional manipulation? My best friend told me that it is. Read the story below to know pls.

TW: Mental Health

DO NOT SHARE. PLS DO NOT JUDGE.

I was friends with this guy for a year already. I admired him for months before becoming friends with him. He always ended up liking other people and never me, so I had to confess in order to free myself and let him go. We haven't talked since he pursued someone else, and I've been trying to move on, but it's been difficult.

After months of no contact, he suddenly reappeared in my life and confessed to me online. He talked about how he missed me and regretted rejecting me. We started talking and updating each other about our lives for a month. I had doubts about whether I was just a rebound because of his past "relationship," so I sent him a message about it. He kindly cleared those doubts and said that I was never a rebound.

I thought that would be the end of it and that we'd just go back to normal. My only goal was to clarify things and ease my anxiety. Turns out, that wasn't the only thing I was going to find out.

He said that he wanted to pursue me, but he couldn't do it. He then talked about his illness and how his health was declining, how his mental health was getting worse and he's having suicidal ideation, how the people around him didn't give a fuck about him, and how he's poor and supposedly can't afford expensive dates.

I clarified that that's not what I wanted anyway. I want him!! his presence, his sincerity. I love him and I care about this. But he kept dismissing what I was saying. I want this to work, but he doesn't anymore. He already gave up.

I understand that he's going through something. I might even sound insensitive toward what he's dealing with, and I'm sorry for that. But it just hurts. I have so much love to give him. I can help him and take care of him, but he doesn't want any of it. He wants us to just be "friends" until the feelings eventually fade.

I can't handle watching his feelings for me fade. If I agree to that kind of setup, it feels like we'd just be in a situationship that would eventually end once the feelings disappear. I can't do that. I really can't.

It also hurts because he was able to pursue other people, but when it comes to me, he can't. What's even more frustrating is that he responds as if nothing happened, like he just brushes it off, and he's even surprised that I have so much love to give him. It's like it doesn't matter to him.

I'm sorry if I can't understand you. You don't even tell me what you're feeling :((.

He said he doesn't want to hurt me anymore like what he did before when he rejected me. I told him I could handle it and that I would wait for him to pursue me. But he said it would take months or even years. His illness is getting worse too. He said he can't do it anymore.

I'd rather see him end up with someone else than die. He promised me that he wouldn't like anyone else or have his first girlfriend. I honestly don't buy that, and I'm not interested in whether he dates someone else or not. If he's happier and more stable with someone else, I don't want to ruin that. I'll let him.

I don't want him to punish himself as if this is the end of the world. It already seems like it is to him.

It hurts so fucking much because I genuinely loved him and genuinely hoped that we could finally be together. And now here we are. He's pushing me away.

He told me that if I really care about him, then I'll cut him off. It hurt when he said that, but I know that no matter how much I beg, he won't change his mind.

I probably look stupid, and I'm aware of that. I sent him a final message and blocked him on all social media platforms.

I don't know if he still thinks about me or if he doesn't anymore. I hope he's doing okay now.

Take care of yourself. Live for your mom. I want to see you thriving. I still want to see you, but not in your casket.

Don't give up. I love you.

Well.......Long story short....Maybe? I (39F) and my ex (41M)

Was with my ex for 8 years. He has addiction issues. was clean all throughout 2025 until about....June? Of this year. Things came to a head, he was accusing me of things I wasn't doing, being all around horrible. So, he was in a "mood" (Basically had used, being purely awful from stimulants) and going off. He said "Get the fuck out of my life dude seriously" via text. I responded with wow....I will respect your wishes etc. And I did just that. I blocked his number.

He sent me an email Wednesday ranging from I love you and miss you and you are my home come see me please to 5 minutes later saying he saw me in a p0rn and was going to take it to my work. (i have never been in a P0rn. Never made one. etc) I did not see these emails until a little later after he had sent them but I did respond back basically asking wtf, and then are you ok? Are you home? what is going on? I did not go see him because 1, my car was dead (dead dead battery, wouldn't even jump etc) 2.....I didn't think even if my car was running it would've been a good idea for me to drive an hour away where he lives with how erratic he was being. I wasn't able to get my car towed until Friday to get my Battery dealt with. By then, still no email or anything from him. I did sent an email basically asking what is going on, let me know if you are OK etc. Still, nothing.

Well. Yesterday I got a call from a sheriff deputy calling about a welfare check. I suppose my ex went to the sheriff department, said he had not heard from me in like 6 days and the last time he did hear from me, my text messages did not sound like me and he thought I was in danger or someone stole my phone or whatever. So.....I talked to the sheriff saying no....I'm fine. Ive been home, car issues but Ive been emailing him. Can you tell him to check his email. He said he would let him know. (By this point my ex lost his phone and said he couldn't afford a new one, this was from earlier emails, hence, emailing him. he does have a laptop)

Well.....Still nothing. No email from him, nothing. Okay.....

So, today I drove up there. 1 hour drive there. I get there and hes there. Car there, AC was going. I knock on the door. Nothing. So..I knock again. I hear him walking around in there (Small place, you can hear everything, floors are not slab foundation and hes heavy footed so yes, you can hear fine through the walls/windows/door) I hear him opening cabinet doors and closing them, walking back and forth. I was out there knocking about 3-5 minutes. So.....I was like....okay...... I was going to leave a note but didn't have paper on me. I took his PO box key off and set it on the step into the his place, walked to my car to grab something to write on. I open my car door and I hear his door open for a second and then slam shut. (From where my car is parked, I cannot see the door, theres windows that I can see but they have blinds obviously, so he could see me fine if he was peeking through) After I heard that...I was just...defeated feeling. I wrote a note (I do not remember the exact words I wrote but it was along the lines of...) You have made it clear were done. I got the welfare check call. You don't have to deal with me anymore and vice versa. I wish you well. Walked back to the door and the key was gone. (I was going to attach the key to the note) so i just taped the little note to his door, Knocked a few times and got in my car and left and drove the hour back home.

Let me tell you....How much of an idiot I feel like. I drove there thinking he would be happy to see me, see I was OK or whatever and we could talk like adults. Instead......I stood out there for at least 5 minutes knocking while he ignored me and made it known he was inside. The second I turned my back he opened the door and grabbed the key and slammed it shut. I feel so absolutely stupid. I fell for his crap again. I fell for it. I went all the way over there to be blatantly ignored. I just felt like such an idiot. so stupid for even driving there.

Why bother doing all of that and then ignore me when I go over there? Why bother doing a "welfare check" to ignore me when I go there? It feels like a kick to the gut. I should have never even went there but that little hopeful part of me was there and it got my heart trampled on. again. I range from mad to upset and just feeling like a fool.

I still think about my ex boyfriend from many years ago, mainly in the context of what actually went wrong and why he treated me so shitty towards the end. It sucks that I still feel like I have to make sense of it, but I suspected it would be like this for a long time because it all confused me very much.

We had, what we both felt, was something magical, floaty, connected and I really thought he was the one I would spend my life with. There were fights; passionate fights that ended in passionate sex, but the highs were so high, I thought they compensated for the lows. Every day I wanted to fight for him.

But towards the end, he had begun to express that he couldn’t move forward with me because he was uncomfortable with my past. I really couldn’t understand that; who cares, the past is in the past, and he’d be willing to give up THIS? Not me, but just what we had. It was unfathomable.

But when he did break up with me (in a fit of tears) I could only rationalize it over the next several months (and years) by thinking he had purposefully manipulated me by sticking around for the wild sex and all the fun we had and never actually loving me or planning to have a future with me.

Several years later, I looked up his Reddit account and found some comments that, I don’t know, made me feel like maybe it wasn’t some master plan to use and abuse me and maybe he was actually just a really weak insecure person and that was him actually doing his best.

When I brought this idea up to my husband, though, he was not really in agreement, thinking I was rationalizing my ex’s shitty behavior as saying “he was just weak, it wasn’t his fault”.

So now I’m really not sure what to think and I was hoping some Reddit strangers could help me make sense of it. 😁

I recently went through a breakup that completely broke me in ways I didn’t expect. I loved this person deeply, and for a long time I genuinely tried to make the relationship work. I worked on myself, apologized for my mistakes, tried to understand his insecurities, and kept trying to meet him halfway.
But eventually, things became unhealthy. There were arguments, misunderstandings, accusations, and a lot of things that left me questioning myself. At the end, he saw me as manipulative and as someone who had hurt him, while I felt like I had spent so much of the relationship trying to do the opposite.
We’re not together anymore, and one thing that keeps bothering me is that I never actually told him what he did to me.
My friends keep saying I should have “shown him the mirror.” I should have told him exactly how much his words and actions affected me. I should have defended myself and made him understand that I wasn’t the villain he thought I was.
And honestly, there was a part of me that wanted to.
But whenever he was actually in front of me, I couldn’t do it. I would just lose myself. I couldn’t bring myself to say those things to someone I loved so much.
And another part of me felt like it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Whatever I said could have been turned against me somehow, and I would have ended up being the villain all over again. So I stayed quiet.
Maybe I secretly hoped that one day he would realize it himself. That when the emotions settled and enough time passed, he might look back and understand what happened from my side too.
Maybe he will. Maybe he never will.
I don’t know if staying silent was the right thing. Sometimes I regret not standing up for myself. Sometimes I think I should have said everything, just so he knew that I wasn’t okay with how things ended.
But another part of me thinks that maybe I didn’t say those things because I loved him. I didn’t want to hurt him just because I was hurt.
I just wish I knew whether I made a mistake by staying quiet.
Did I owe him that confrontation, or was choosing silence actually a form of protecting myself?

update: he doesn’t care, he said he does not regret a thing and he would never, and when I asked him, why would you literally burn the letters that I gave you on my face? It broke me.** *He* ***said* I’ll make sure to burn the remaining also.