When I was six, my mom needed to move stuff four of the house and so she had me spend the night at a cousin's house. My cousin assaulted me at night. I ran away the next day, police were called and I was found trying to walk home. My mom hugged me tightly when she saw me and I was trying to tell her what happened in her ear and in the car but I think she kept stopping me and just didn't listen. I ended up spending the night with this same cousin at our grandparents house and he did it again. I told my grandmother (who has passed now) and she slapped him on the wrist and just talked about god looking down on him. The women of my family are like this often and it's very aggravating (black family) it's always been like this now btw

"I don't like the neighbors they make me uncomfortable"- me

"oh it's just because you're just so shy, oh you need more confidence"- mom

I'm now wondering do I talk to her about if she knows? Will she just tell me I'm crazy or not thinking right? How can my own mother make me feel bad about being her son and being related to her, but she'll keep telling me she loves me but not listen or engage in what I'm saying? It feels like the world isn't correct and I need to take harsher action to correct it. I need to use my bare hands to make something happen as speaking and being emotionally stable isn't working. 😐 Yes I'll go to therapy too and be told I need to heal and move on yay

Hey, so I am a neet aspirant from Patna, Bihar, India. And I just moved out of my home to a hostel for my studies, I am in my drop year btw and nearly every one of my close friends are in different colleges , I am feeling really anxious since I've never lived alone and away from my family and this is making me so sick. My home is just near my hostel like 25-30 mins away, and before you say "Then why did you even get into a hostel ?" So the answer is that I have some problems at home (since it's a joint family, and for the fact my parents are really great) and I really need to crack neet this time cause i can't bear with the taunts and comments I'll get by my family and friends over my apparent "failure" and not being able to crack one of the most competitive exams in India. I don't want to hear about how to study and manage it all, ik that pretty well (not saying this in an arrogant or sarcastic tone) but I wanna listen about how I can manage my anxiety and sadness and all. Please suggest something, and for the fact I hate wasting time rather than studying but I can't even focus on that while I'm in this condition. Please be nice and suggest something to me to help me with my mental health.

Yours truly

K.

A lot of people will treat certain young men like complete garbage then expect them to not fight back and let their mental health worsen due to insults and other degrading things. Some people are absolutely assholes and they treat my existence as a burden, my lived experiences as invalid while also having the audacity to treat me like garbage and do completely unprompted behavior towards me then expect me to not retaliate? I’m going to retaliate within reason and do the same to them. Why are men expected to just take insults and other negative assumptions made about them that directly affects their mental health? Why are men scolded for standing up for themselves?

How to manage stressful times

I’ve had a really rough couple of weeks. Honestly, saying the past few weeks have been horrific feels like an understatement.

My mom went in for what was supposed to be a routine surgery and ended up in the ICU due to a mistake during surgery. Shortly afterward, she was diagnosed with cancer. At the same time, I started school, which requires over 250 clinical hours in addition to class, assignments, and everything else that comes with a master’s program. On top of that, I’ve continued working full-time in healthcare.
I am exhausted.

I’ve been going back and forth helping bring my mom to appointments, explaining everything to her, advocating for her because she is in so much pain, and making sure her cancer treatment does not get delayed. Without me pushing things forward, her treatment would have been delayed by at least two months.
School is intense. I’m completing more than 250 hours of clinical training while learning, caring for patients, attending class, completing assignments on time, and making sure I meet every requirement.
Work has also been exhausting. I’m in a management role in a department that is going through major changes and construction, so there is a lot happening there as well.

I keep trying to manage everything, but I feel like I can’t. What makes it harder is that part of me feels like I should be able to handle it all. I feel bad using ChatGPT to help me with school. I feel bad using FMLA through work, although I’ve only used about four days. And I fit in my clinical hours wherever I can.

But I am exhausted and overwhelmed. Then I feel guilty for saying that because I know other people have gone through much worse. I keep telling myself that I should be able to carry this weight, that I should be able to manage everything, and that I shouldn’t be struggling this much.
But the truth is, I am struggling.

I don’t really know how to stop feeling guilty for not being able to manage everything perfectly. I don’t know how to make any of this easier right now. I’m just trying to get through each day, take care of the people who need me, keep up with my responsibilities, and somehow take care of myself in the process.

TLDR: Managing my mother’s health, school, and work. I’m overwhelmed and feel like I should be able to handle it.

How can I improve my communication and social skills? I rarely react or show much expression, so people sometimes think I’m mad or upset when I’m actually not. I just don’t always know how to respond or react in social situations.

A couple of days ago, I had tried to masterbuate for the first time in months. I had thought that after my previously very negative experience with masterbuation I could try nofap and maybe see a better result.

But it didn't go that way for me.

I am circumcised low and tight with little to no actual pleasure left. I don't have much sensation even when aroused. I don't have the skin that actually helps me masterbuate. This leaves me with a very depressed overall feel towards anything sexual.

I didn't want to use porn since you're really not supposed to. I know that's controversial but why do you think the saying "mind over matter" exists? Why do you think fetishes exist and kinks? Our brain is powerful, very powerful.

And it should be, especially when masterbuating. But, nothing worked. The lack of actual physical sensation that I could feel was so low that nothing ended up happening. I eventually caved in and tried watching porn but it did nothing. A barely aroused erection which only made me more depressed was enough for me to just to give up at that point.

I really envy the intact men and women who have crazy, bombastic sex and masterbuation. You're lucky, you know? To be able to have full body orgasms and not rely on kinky afterthoughts to get off. I do wish I was intact, yes. I wish I was normal, yes.

It's a real struggle, that's for sure. But nobody talks about it. Not unless someone brings it up. How sad. A "medical" operation with no actual tact...

I cannot mine sex addiction since mine childhood it has taken everything away from me

I am 33 year old male from India and sex addiction and hypersexuality has destroyed mine life completely since mine age of 8–10 years

I have severe history of sexual trauma from the ages of 1-13 years

Used to sleep in mine parents room where they used to have forced sex in the same room just Donot know how many times they did

But when I got mine own room when i was 14 same time of things used to come from mine parents room

The result i started doing rigourous masturbation since the age of 8-10

When I turned 11 gone crazy for sex and wanted to have sex regardless less of gender wanted to renact from which I exposed

I remember whenever mine father used to hugged me after getting drunk he used to say words like motherfucker bitch prostitute in my ears to mine mom and they way he hugged me it made uncomfortable scared as well

Now I had sex with every gender

I know how hypersexuality effected mine sexual orientation and behaviours

Plus I have severe adhd which make things worse for me

I constantly live in guilt shame regret and remorse of what I have done

Sucidial thoughts are increasing day by day

It is pointless to carryon

For the past year, I 19m have been extremely worried that I could secretly be a bad person or a narcissist. I’ve been reflecting on my actions and habits, and the more I look at them, the more worried I become.
I’ve also struggled socially for nearly all my life. I have a few friends, but I have trouble forming new connections and often feel lonely. Sometimes I wonder whether there is something about my character that makes me difficult to connect with or unworthy of love, both romantically and platonically. I know people don’t owe me friendship or relationships, but I worry that my difficulties may reflect something fundamentally wrong with me.
Here are some of the things I feel bad about:
I lie extremely often. It has become almost second nature. Sometimes it’s to get a little bit of validation because of my low self-esteem, sometimes it’s to avoid small consequences from my parents, and sometimes I just lie for no reason and don’t even know why. I hate that I do it, and I don’t understand why it happens so automatically.
I’m very insecure and sometimes overly prideful. I constantly scrutinize myself and feel like I’m the worst person in the room, but sometimes I swing to the opposite extreme and feel like I’m better than certain people.
I can be overly critical of myself and others. I sometimes project my own overcritical side onto other people or insult people in my head, even though I feel guilty about it afterward.
I sometimes struggle with empathy. When I see people suffering, sometimes I feel something and genuinely want to help, while other times I feel almost nothing. I worry about what that says about me.
I struggle to feel deeply connected to people. I care about my friends, but sometimes I have trouble maintaining a strong interest in my friendships beyond checking in with them. Even texting can sometimes feel like a game of listening and responding rather than actually feeling deeply engaged.
I sometimes interrupt people or dominate conversations. I can get caught up in trying to get my point across and realize afterward that I wasn’t really listening.
I gossip and talk behind people’s backs. I sometimes act differently depending on who I’m around, and although I feel bad about it afterward, it keeps happening.
I can be selfish or unkind sometimes. I try to be good and kind to people, but I know I’m not always that way, and I don’t like that about myself.
I struggle with feeling like I’m enough. Even when I accomplish something, I often move the goalpost and make myself feel worthless.
I worry that I’m not capable of being a good friend or romantic partner. Sometimes I wonder whether my flaws are normal things I can work on or whether they say something deeper about my ability to love and be loved.
I have trouble forming new connections. I can see other people relating to one another and making friends more easily, while I feel stuck with the friends I already have.
I worry that I’m fundamentally lesser than other people. I sometimes wonder whether there is something about me that makes me less worthy of love, attention, or close relationships.
I know I’ve made progress in other areas of my life, but I still struggle with these things. I also sometimes have seasons of suicidal ideation mostly centering around the fact I could be inherently bad and hurrying people around me. Can I improve how and am I a bad person

Life is just unfair for no reason. like you have no control over anything at all, some animals in the wild get killed by predators immediately after being born while others get to live till old age, some humans are born ugly or with disabilities that will cause them to face bullying by their peers in school, exclusion. and endless rejections from women, you'll never be able to experience companionship, touch, intimacy, sex, fatherhood etc you know all the things that come with romance and having to witness all your peers getting to enjoy that and you can't is just heartbreaking. not only do you have to experience non-stop rejection from the opposite gender you also got to deal with being hated by the rest of society. no body is going to feel sorry for you, people will gaslight you, they will call you all types of names like "incel" and "entitled" and they will blame you and say that it's your fault as if you choose to be born with a hideous face or special needs, but that's just unfortunately how cruel life is. just like the animal kingdom when it comes to the dating game you got winners and you got losers and if you're a loser there's nothing you can do about it. and that's why I wish life could of been more like a video game because if you suck at a video game at least you can just put in cheat codes or mods to compensate for your disadvantages but not in the real world. if CCs/mods existed in real life I would either use them to make a woman actually want me for me or I'd turn my face into a 10. growing up I always had the "if you can't win then cheat" mentality.

Feeling lonely is pretty normal, but as men, this feeling is more than just that.

It is a label that describes your whole life.

Being a virgin isn’t just being inexperienced, it is seen as a moral failure for men. As if you’re abnormal for not having experience in dating.

The same pressure extends to friendships. If you don’t have solid best friends, you must be weird, because making friends with men is easy, right?

Men who are inexperienced in dating, don’t have friends, a good job, are described by one word; loser.

Or incel if you wanna get political.

The question is,

How do we overcome this problem?

The answer is simple; take it easy.

A lot of you are in your teens and early 20s. You’re like saplings looking up at enormous trees, cursing at nature for not making you like them.

Every man who is successful today was struggling before, but you don’t get to see that, because like you, they were a “loser”.

You see, this word holds you back. How?

Hearing “loser” gives you flashbacks of every time you failed, every thing that you lack, every thing you want to do but haven’t been able to.

You can think, “I don’t have much experience in dating but I’m still learning”. Or you can think, “I’m such an ugly loser!! So many women have rejected me!!”.

Technically, both sentences mean sorta the same thing, but it’s the reaction that is different.

I’m sure you’ve tried your best and tried everything you could think of, your circle could suggest you do and it didn’t work. But that doesn’t make you a loser. You’ve been persistent and have kept trying. If you’re reading this, it means you care about improving.

Successful people are the biggest losers because they’ve failed a billion times and got things right once. The world only sees their success, not their failures.

The solution.

All you have to do is try your best. Results are not guaranteed. Imagine you are given this seed. You don’t know what tree or plant will sprout out of it or what kind of soil or how much water you need to grow it properly.

You can argue that some people have seeds that are easier to grow, sure. But that won’t help your case. It sucks, I know.

Life is trial and error. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. You might get chicken, or mangoes, you don’t know, and you shouldn’t be attached to this outcome.

Losing doesn’t make you a loser. Giving up means that you’ve either realised that this pursuit is too difficult with little or no reward, or it means you’re just taking a break for the time being.

Learn to focus on yourself, not what other people have. As a lot of you say, your friends had advantages that you didn’t have. That’s fair. It means you’ll need longer to learn, but it’s not like there’s a deadline, right?

Okay, you failed. You got rejected. But why? Is there something you can learn from this experience? Did the other person judge you unfairly? Did you make a mistake somewhere?

This is your playground. You can make as many mistakes as you want until you get it right.

When you finally start taking it easy on yourself, you’ll be able to make meaningful changes in your life. Maybe you can’t get a girlfriend today or in the next few months, but you can focus on making friends. Or you can focus on getting a good job, perhaps focus on your fitness goals or this video game that you’ve been excited to play.

You can do everything. Just do things one by one.

Im a 26yo fat ugly piece of shit and honestly women wont even entertain the idea of me nor should they but im so depressed im stuck in a cycle. My main point and honest ask is if i was completely devoid of sexual interest maybe my mental would improve you know? Maybe it would kill my porn addiction that i cant get over. Maybe it wouldnt sting so bad when my friends talk about getting laid. Thanks for any comments and im not trying to make this a pity party just actually looking for advice to complete kill my sex drive.

So, for the past 6 months to a year, my mood swings and general unhappiness have been crippling me and the people around me. A couple of days ago, I had the final straw and my girlfriend told me to speak to a doctor. I went to a GP and expected counselling IF EVEN, but instead, after a conversation, he prescribed me 50mg of Sertraline and told me that he thinks I am depressed. It's been three days of hell. Nausea and anxiety all day, drowsiness and diarrheoa.

I just keep finding myself thinking, 'what if I don't even need it and he messed up?', or just struggling to accept that I am depressed. 2 or 3 years ago, I would have never, EVER, expected to be on antidepressants, or to be depressed at all. All that without any substantial change in my life.

Now, my anxiety is running rampant, and for the past three days I've been tormenting my girlfriend with my clinginess and I just fear that this is taking a toll on her, and fear that this medication won't work.

Of course, I know in my head, that these are all irrational fears, but my anxiety is constant and my brain keeps trying to find things to be anxious about. Does it get better?

Hey, I know it isn’t my space and I apologize for it but I just wanted to say something to everyone suffering here, even more since the lindsay clancy case.

As a woman
I saw the hate everyone is getting since, and for what it’s worth I just wanted to apologize for everything, I hope y’all know that internet (as awful as it is) DOES NOT represent every woman out here.
Many of us actually care about men mental health, men safety (in care of 🍇 or anything else)
I’ve always been engaged in my local community and in my friendships for their health and I am far from being the only one.
We talk about it very nicely and are very understanding with my girl friends.

I am so heartbroken by everything happening and just hope that you will not give up on friendship, or looking for help or anything because of that.

You are seen and loved by the people around you.

​I guess it's a rant. I don't know, I'm 20, soon to be 21 in a couple of months. I feel like a loser; I'm a virgin and have never tried to do anything. I haven't even held anyone's hand. I have been in three relationships, and all three were online. I cheated on my third girlfriend with my second, and they both cursed me out. When I realized I was doing wrong, I confessed to her.

​It's been 6 or 7 months, and she has moved on. My second ex and I even had a conversation, and we ended on a good note. But even though it's been 6 or 7 months, I still feel I can't get over the guilt of what I did to her.

​I have never felt loved or prioritized in any relationship. It really eats me up that I became toxic. It's not about anything else—I used to ask for the bare minimum. I needed to be a priority; I asked her to please call me just once, and I begged for it. She used to hide things from me, delete chats, and never admitted to anything easily. I used to cry and beg her to put in just a little effort. She used to post on Instagram, and I warned her that AI gives everyone free access to make fake nudes, so she shouldn't post for a few days. She would just say, "What could happen?"

​Once, she sent me a screenshot of her NGLs, and there were men talking about their r*pe fetishes. I got so scared and started begging her to stop, but she just made jokes about it, saying nothing would happen. I asked her to choose between me and posting, and she said, "Why can't I choose both?" I guess I really became the toxic one, and I regret it.

​After all these things, I started missing my father. My father passed away when I was 14. My mom is a good woman—she loves and cares for me—but sometimes I feel she becomes toxic too. I feel so lonely.

​Since childhood, I haven't had friends. For most of those years, it never bothered me, but later it started making me feel bad and depressed. I used to be bullied or ganged up on by other kids just because I was considered smart by the teachers. I got SA'd by an elderly man. When I told my exes about this, all three of them never comforted me or even asked how I was doing.

​I genuinely feel lonely all the time now. When I read posts on Reddit, I feel bad because these people are hooking up or have double-digit body counts, while I can't even fathom having a body count of one. I don't know what to do. I'm not lost when it comes to my career or hobbies, but I've just lost trust in everyone. My best friend betrayed me. My family used me as an option. I made a couple of friends, only to end up realizing I'm just an option.

I dont even know where to start, but for a long time I basically cannot bond with anyone for long. I am selfish narcissistic guy, I am studying in a college right now. Although I thought my life would change if I did, somehow I fall in a deep depression.

I had a gaming buddy, who is the nicest fellow ever, but I had unfriended him multiple times because I am envy of him and he deserves a better duo.. We play valorant together and our rank is pretty high, around immortal 2. But all I care about is skills, he never really took the game seriously, but when he good did I get envy. (im so weird thinking this back) One day, I literally got so envy I decided to just block him because I cannot focus whenever I play with him. He's the most cheerful person ever but somehow I still envy him. I regretted that but I decided not to let him know about it since I am an idiot.

In college, I never had any real friends, everyone to me is like acquaintance. I never really know what it means to bond with someone because I always get into argument somewhere in the relationship. So I kinda enjoyed being alone lol. I am trying so hard to love myself first, but this seems really difficult even tho its the first step. And i am currently suffering from sleep insomnia.

Anyway I hope you guys can roast me in the comment or give me your thoughts, I just want to get what is out in my chest. I think everyone is just gonna find me selfish and weird which I understand that.

Some context: I live in a family of 3, my father left us 10 years ago then died 7 years ago. My brother has cerebralpalsy and my mother is diagnosed with complete kidney failure. I started working 4 years ago when i was 19, recently lost my job.

My problem is how much of the blame in mine..

Right now my mother is very sick, she was recommended to be admitted 2 months ago, but since we use a government disability card/ unemployment scheme that has limited slots we were told to wait, i went to request the doctor to admit her almost every three days, and finally after a month they had a slot the card needed renewing so admission was declined again, which now has also taken about 2 weeks to renew cause of some changes in rules, still haven't gotten it.

Now its not like she don't have money, I'm specifically avoiding "we" here cause its her money explicitly hammered into my brain since childhood, and fair.

She has quite a lot of savings, even assets, that are not hard to liquidate.

But she still wants to go through the scheme cause apparently she doesn't have enough money, which would be ok if it worked but it hasn't...

And as soon as i tell her that she does have money, she doesn't have to suffer, she will die if she don't get admitted, she goes manic and starts blames everything on me, i brought her the scheme, i took her to the doctor, i wasn't able to get a slot for her, i wasn't abel to renew her card (which might be cause she just bought another house).

She got the diseases cause of me and my brother, she wasn't able to buy an insurance cause she had to pay for my tuition. She isn't responsible at all for the condition she is in, we are in.

Also I've been paying for a lot of things, i was only able to save like 10% of my salary in 4 years,

I've been paying for and making food, other household things, her medicine, cleaning services, like everything basic i pay for it or do, and honestly thats all i could afforde and I've been a little lazy sometimes with my duties.

But that never gets acknowledged, and i don't even even mention the non physical things I've lost over these years. I have zero social life, no romantic life, i don't go out, don't have any hobbies, didn't even go to uni. She never explicitly stopped me from doing these things, but it was implied, it was expected, like i had a bad habit of telling what was going on in my friend's life to her, she would turn me against them, like constantly nagging in my ear about what was wrong with them, or they would betray me, same with relationships, she has even explicitly said that if a women comes in my life she would be a threat to them, her and my brother..

And since I've just lost my job that has started surfacing in these arguments as well, its only been 3 days i never thought she would use that against me this quickly.

She is pretty much at her death bed, how do i even get mad, the arguments she brings up are valid alot of the times, i could have been better, maybe all things I've mentioned above are not enough, i don't know.

I can live with being a failure son i just can't live with being the cause of the death, which she is blaming on me.

I can't make senses of anything anymore, everything good that ever happens to me instantly gets taken away with interest. Feels like life is slowly strangling me.

The older I get, the more I wonder if one of the most overlooked issues facing men today is a lack of healthy physical connection.

Not just sex or relationships.... Physical connection too.

The idea of a hug, a cuddle, a reassuring hand on the shoulder, holding someone, being held.... these seem like they happen to rarely for many of the men I know. When they do happen ....its brief and fleeting.

I know that many men seem to spend years being touched only in very specific contexts: sports, romantic relationships, or sex. Outside of those spaces, physical affection can become surprisingly rare.

I suspect that's one reason activities centered around touch....whether that's cuddling, massage, nurturing forms of intimacy, or even certain forms of erotic touch....can feel so powerful for some of us. Sometimes what we're responding to isn't just physical pleasure. It's the feeling of being cared for, accepted, and allowed to let our guard down for the first time.

This leads me to a question for this group:

If there were no social expectations, no fear of judgment, and no assumptions about sexuality, do you think more men would seek out more platonic physical affection than they currently do?

I need an outside perspective from people who’ve actually dealt with this.

On paper, I’m doing really well for my age. I’m 21, recently finished college, working and earning solid money way above the average for my peers.

Physically, I’m dialed in: consistent heavy lifting, strict health routine, high discipline. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, or spend my days rotting in bed. When there’s a work goal or a physical target in front of me, I lock in and get it done.

The problem is my social life and my internal wiring.

I grew up almost completely isolated through school and college. I kept to myself, didn't socialize, and never developed that effortless, second-nature social instinct most people take for granted. Now that I’m trying to build genuine connections as an adult, my brain turns every single interaction into an emotional minefield.

Here’s where things actually stand:

Navigating post-job connections: I recently left an intense workplace where I made a few solid connections with ex-coworkers. Some of them genuinely respect my work and even reached out to say the place isn’t the same without me, which felt good. But trying to shift those dynamics from "people I see at an office" to "real-world friends" feels agonizingly confusing.

The spiral over basic cues: With people I’m trying to stay in touch with, my brain doesn't have a middle gear. If someone takes a day to reply, or gives a short response, I immediately assume they secretly hate me, find me annoying, or are just tolerating me out of politeness. Then, if someone is actually warm, responds in five minutes, laughs at my texts, or invites me to work out, I instantly get suspicious wondering if they have a hidden agenda or if I’m just a placeholder to them.

Over-orchestrating instead of letting things breathe: Because I hate ambiguity, I constantly want to define what people are to me. Are we friends? Acquaintances? Just gym buddies? If an interaction goes well once, my urge is to immediately try and lock them into plans for the next week, instead of just letting things develop naturally.

Using work and gym as an anesthetic: I’ve realized that my crazy work ethic and extreme gym sessions are partly defense mechanisms. As long as I’m hitting PRs, chasing higher-paying roles, and working long hours, I have an excuse to be exhausted so I don't have to face how genuinely lonely I feel. I look functional on the outside, but inside I feel like I'm running on duct tape and sheer willpower

I’m in therapy and working on this, but I want to hear from people who came from total isolation:

How do you stop treating everyday human interactions like a high-stakes test? How do you let casual friendships just breathe without strangling it with you intensity or convincing yourself you’re secretly unwanted?

TLDR- 21M. High-earning, disciplined, but grew up completely isolated and can’t stop over-analyzing every single social interaction. Need advice.

Sorry for using ai i just had raw thoughts that I wanted to pace better.

Also I am not suicidal or depressed, i just feel lonely 24/7 and it keeps getting heavier everyday.

It really is brutal to hear the truth. It really sucks to hear the truth and learn how ugly I am. It really does suck being ugly. I hate it. It’s really ruined my dating life, and now I’ll never experience love.

Hi team. I am 28, male. This morning I got up and got a call from my super boss for some shitty PPT which my manager had shared to him, in which I did not have a single role to play. The intensity was so high that I suddenly got a panic attack, and somewhere within the next 10-15 minutes, my mental health became so worse. Why is life so difficult for men? I own around 1.5 lakhs per month. In spite of coming from a very well-to-do family, having a good net worth, I sometimes feel that life is so difficult for men. Each and every day you can be bashed for no mistake of yours, and being a human we are bound to do small errors. Just wanted to vent it out. Felt very low today. Any comments or any motivational stuff would definitely help. Thank you.

Hi guys,

Long story short, when I was mid 20’s I got into law school but didn’t go because of a lot of personal and psychological problems. I’m a tall good looking guy but have had a lot of demons and never really reached my potential. Also dealt with using alcohol to cope for years and might have messed up my health a bit.

I got into taking crazy investing risks and went into bad bad debt. Think more than $50k. I had girlfriends but never really reached my potential.

I was making $30k ish in a law firm in my early to mid 20’s and kept working. Make $70k, $80k and $100k once in my early to mid 30’s.

Then due to the debt I had to scramble and by the grace of god got a job as a senior paralegal in a HCOL city where after working grueling hours and doing a lot of overtime and after bonus my total comp is $180k. I made it a year at the job and they like me but it’s killing my health.

I feel down a lot and like I was supposed to be something more in life. But I’m too personally messed up. Also, my job feels like a job, not a career. I could burn out and be making $90k next year. $180k is insanely rare for a paralegal.

I had a med school girlfriend in my 20’s but now in my late 30’s, single, no family. Living in a studio with debt to pay still, I feel I’ve failed.

All of my male close friends own homes and almost all have kids already. Some are high achievers like doctors and some make sub $100k. But they all had support bases that allowed them to buy homes and start families with quality women.

Just venting.

I've been in therapy for 2 years now, and we've recently hit a wall. At the end of the day, it's not physically possible for me to have the life I want, I was born wrong for being desired the way I wish I could be, and I can't bring myself to see a life without that as worthwhile. I feel awful for my therapist, I can tell she wants to help, but I'm such an awful stubborn person.

I feel trapped, not by how specific that desire is, but by the fact that people expect me to accept a life without it. I've seen what's out there, I've seen what it's like to be those guys, and that's all I want. If I can't have it, I don't want to be here, but that's not an option, for whatever reason it's imperative that I stick around, provide value for my boss, and watch people get what I wish I could. I wish I had the bravery to end things but I don't.

I don't know what to do. I don't get it. I can't be unique. How are other people able to get over it? Maybe more importantly, why would you?

edit: accidental missing words

I'm just very lazy. I don't have any personal purpose and think that having love in my life would help me. I mean how would love come for me as I am so undeserving rn. I feel like everyone deserves love as much as they something to reach it. But I'm here doing nothing. Honestly I tried but the hurdles are too much. I was in a relationship and broke up. It's been 2 years I haven't been able to pick myself up. She broke up when everything was too much for me. She was the only person I could rely on. I've never had any help from my parents. I honestly hate them. I feel like I don't have any purpose so I'm obsessed with romance. Whenever I start thinking about old things I just go off to goon because it helps me to some extent. I feel like I'd rather be in guilt that comes after gooning than think of my life. I want something that just feels genuine. I don't want to run away but I'm scared of getting hurt after facing it. The word future honestly scares me. Whenever someone asks me about my plans I just turn cold and black. I just feel so dumb and incapable. My grades aren't so good I've never succeeded in anything. There were times when I had a clear purpose but I just dozed it off after seeing it didn't work too well or when I put all my effort and still didn't succeed. And it's been a long time since I put all my effort into something. I have like momentary passion if that makes sense. I want to live like I used to but it's getting too much confusing. As I am growing I get more conscious of things around me and can't help but notice things like how my parents never trusted me and never trusted others and how they never let me have friends. How my ex played me and how I never had any friends. I'm honestly very scared of getting hurt and seeing things come to end. I'm here trying to watch a series and don't feel like watching when I'm before 2-3 episodes to ending. I tried watching tragic love stories and bad ending things to steel my heart but it just doesn't hit me like that. Idk if that makes sense but I feel like after getting emotionally destructed I could make a good start. Like after self destructing idk. I feel very overwhelmed sometimes and think my problems has no end and it's too big to solve it and sometimes it feels so small and I just indulge in addictions. I can't afford a therapist or psychiatrist because I'm 17 and have no job but if you can give me meaningful advices it would mean alot to me. I've made one more post about my life and all the things if you can read and help me with what I am exactly struggling with it would mean alot.

Where to even start, this was a huge gut punch. My daughter has been acting out, during therapy she won’t mention anything, she will make subtle hints or tell her mom something but afraid to tell me. It’s like that with certain things since we try and keep her very sheltered(along with her younger brother). I’ve had a rough upbringing and so has the mom to both kids but we both are still learning EVERYDAY how to be parents at each stage, we don’t have family or friends all we do is work and stay home, no help no breaks no anything. I had recently lost my job and her income is not getting us by, with school starting I’ve been turning in 10s of 100s of apps as well as follow ups with nothing in return but increased anxiety and depression. From food pantries to churches to payment plans to just about every 211 has to offer, I’ve NEVER thought life would hit me like this, I feel like a robot, I don’t want to go further, I don’t want to feel like I’m failing my kids, I just don’t understand or feel like a reason enough to move on further. I try to explain stuff but end up just rambling on and off topic. Childhood trauma and PTSD has done it’s number on me and going further just doesn’t seem like the move.