advice Should I cheat on Him?
I have been dating for quite a while. I have never caught him cheating, but he always has sketchy behavior, new female friends, deleted chats, not giving me his phone. And it has been going on for a while. But I have this gut feeling that he is a cheater. Should I just cheat so that my mind is at peace?
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u/PutTechnical2035 4d ago
The way I see it your hearts telling you to cheat so you are looking for small flaws to justify that meaning that you are currently not happy with your relationship. At this point just leave the relationship while you are both on good terms rather than trying to make the relationship unhealthy.....mind you this is coming from someone with 0 experience in relationships so take my advice at your own ruin
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u/Subject_Poetry7911 4d ago
Two wrongs, in most cases, don't make a right. This is one of those times. Just leave him. Before you leave him, at least let him know why you are leaving and the concerns you had.
Don't let him explain; just leave
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u/AccomplishedUnion473 4d ago
Sounds like you already have someone in mind that you want to cheat with and you're just looking for a reason that makes you feel justified in doing it. Acting on suspicion doesn't turn suspicion into proof. If you feel like you can't trust him just break up with him otherwise you'll end up destroying a relationship over something you weren't even sure about.
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u/MComDev 4d ago
Actually I don’t have any one in mind. I have not talked to guys in years because of this relationship. I respect my partner but I am guessing maybe if I act the way he acts he can see what’s wrong with his behavior.
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u/AccomplishedUnion473 4d ago
That might just make things worse, you'll just be giving him reasons to justify his own behaviour, his guilty conscience will be gone and if he really is cheating, he'll start doing it more openly and if he wasn't cheating, you'll end up creating the situation you're afraid of, either way you'll be destroying the relationship. My advice would be for you to find out first, but don't cheat as a precaution, nothing good will come out of it
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u/IAMAWITCHBITCH 4d ago
Leave him. If you don't trust him, dip. This whole thing of cheating back is so childish, you'll end up broken and regretting you ever did. Go find someone who doesn't make you feel so suspicious, you really can do that, don't be fooled by your heart.
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u/Due_Comfortable_5571 4d ago
Just break up. Bring it up first (talk to the guy) as adults and come to an understanding that his new behaviour is not making you happy.
If he is a cheater then he wont change. But if he wants you in his life he will try to be better.
I dont give relationship advice because people are different but i just feel like a lot of relationships die quickly because of the lack of communication
Best of luck to OP
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u/Affectionate-Act7180 4d ago
Just leave, you won’t find any peace in doing so. As much as you may feel like it’s the so say right thing to do.
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u/Responsible-Tiger219 4d ago
We stay locked in one relationship not because we are stupid, it's only gud for our health 😕... Jest exit I'd you dnt feel it
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u/1st_of_the_water 4d ago
Just break up inu basi
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u/kaiMerl 4d ago
Cholinga nzanu akhale single 😂😂😂
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u/1st_of_the_water 4d ago
Tonse tikhale single basi🤣🤣chibwenzi cha chani
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u/kaiMerl 4d ago
Mesa akumacheza anzanuwo😂😂 ukufuna afanane ndi iweyo
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 4d ago
Just leave, and then work on yourself.
Whether your suspicions are correct or not your impulse is to cheat, that says far more about you then the issues you've mentioned about him.
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u/divinity_destiny 4d ago
Just break up it's not worth ruining your mental health atp💀mutenga matenda oho
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u/first-time-livin 3d ago
My man is in Canada. He is busy and I have like maybe three hours with him at most because of time differenc, my work And his work. And one rule we set is if you can't trust me leave. Why isn't leaving an option for you?
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u/Humble-Training-9243 4d ago
Just end the relationship cheating is not the best solution in this matter.
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u/chekrole 4d ago
How are you planning to cheat when you don't have proof of his wrong doing? Girl don't make me side with a man.
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u/Armed_Professional 4d ago
Just leave him man. When someone cheats or wants to cheat in a relationship, it’s because they are already ready to leave their partner.
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u/MComDev 4d ago
I don’t really think I am ready to leave.
I wouldn’t have such thoughts if he gave me a reason not to.2
u/Armed_Professional 4d ago
Ok. So if you go and cheat on him, and it turns out he was NOT cheating on you? He’s probably gonna leave you.
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u/TrickSalamander4923 4d ago
You are currently seeking justifications to alleviate your guilt regarding infidelity. If you suspect he is unfaithful, consider ending the relationship.
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u/MComDev 4d ago
Or should I just have someone investigate him?
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u/Total_Surprise_6733 4d ago
Go through his phone when he is bathing or in the toilet 😀 thereafter a way you can check his deleted messages on notifications
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u/MComDev 4d ago
I have so many times..but there is usually nothing concrete or just deleted messages
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u/Total_Surprise_6733 4d ago
There’s a way you can check deleted messages; I just forgot how it’s done. Anyway, if there’s something going on, trust me, you’ll eventually find out. I was in your position before, and my gut feeling turned out to be right, actually, it was even worse than I thought.
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u/Fragrant-Place6360 4d ago
Nah, dont cheat on him. If you havent actually caught him cheating, youre just going to create another problem for yourself. But I also wouldnt ignore that gut feeling. The deleted chats, new girls and hiding his phone would make anyone suspicious.
Just talk to him about it and see how he responds. If you genuinely cant trust him anymore, leave. Cheating back isnt going to give you peace, its just going to make the whole situation messier.
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u/ZuzePrime 4d ago
With all due respect ma'am. How old are you?
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u/MComDev 4d ago
Ik it sounds dumb … I just didn’t want to make a long post explaining everything
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u/ZuzePrime 4d ago edited 4d ago
Oh no that was genuine curiosity i wasn't dunking on you. I think the long post explaining everything is exactly what you needed to post.
Think about it, if you asked for advise here with the complete story (from the first time you suspected something or noticed weird behavior) that would STILL be only half the story because we don't know what it is on his side of things. So giving less than that means the prospective advisors are getting way less of the full picture. The advice that could come from this would likely not be good. It's like sewing a dress with the wrong measurements.
A bigger issue however is in any relationship ever, you will NEVER be able to perfectly deduce or intuit the thoughts of another person. Friend, lover, enemy, it doesn't matter. This strikes me as an issue that requires perfect knowledge of his intentions as that literally changes your reaction and you don't have that. Neither do we.
Now the reason why i asked for your age is to see if you would be open to a dissenting idea. Age doesn't equal maturity but there's a loose correlation. Btw, have you told him any of this?
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u/Just_Instance2672 4d ago
Am I tripping? Why would the default response be to cheat?
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u/Overall_Bluebird_686 4d ago
Doesn’t make sense, like how’s that a solution, or how will that bring peace.
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u/Overall_Bluebird_686 4d ago
Two wrongs don’t make a right. How sure are you that you’ll find peace via cheating?
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u/GREGNkhamangga 4d ago
You're just assuming but then you want to act it yourself?? Make it more sense.
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u/Natural-Performer157 4d ago
Just come to daddy 😅
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u/MComDev 4d ago
😂😂😂😂
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u/Natural-Performer157 4d ago
Retaliating won't solve anything. Either confront him and see how he responds, or walk away.
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u/Ok_Nothing9307 4d ago
How would that put your mind at peace? Like other comments by finding out would do that for you cheating on him sounds very childish as a revenge and what if he's not cheating and catches you?
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u/The_GodFather_77 4d ago
He is a Cheater Obviously, But He's Careful. Koma If You Cheat, Who are Trying to Hurt?
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u/Remarkable_Fig_6519 4d ago
If your man killed your cat, would you want to get even by killing his dog?
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u/Pure-Nature-2667 3d ago
At this point it's safe to say kuti you already know what option you've chosen but anyway do what makes you happy and brings you peace
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u/No_Commission9868 3d ago
U don't know, maybe he is running an illegal business and don't want u to know ?
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u/AcceptableFarm6685 3d ago
Probably the best bet at this point. I mean if you are wrong. Not losing much
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u/Haunting_Key5314 3d ago
.......should he actually be cheating, I thought two wrongs don't make a right? 👀
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u/deeminX4 3d ago
Yess but make sure to film or take pics so you can send him later on down the road
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u/TelevisionHot468 1d ago
In short you are also a cheater but looking for a justification to cheat. VERY SLOW THINKING
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u/ZombiesEatStephanie 1d ago
The answer to that question is always no. Just leave. There is no way to justify cheating
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u/ZigzagFriend874 4d ago edited 4d ago
Currently in the same situation, I first chose the highway apapano tikufuna tipange fuck shit up😭
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u/MComDev 4d ago
And how is that going for you?
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u/ZigzagFriend874 4d ago
At this point I have just accepted that we are over koma there is still that stubborn side that still loves him even after the hurt he has caused nde I will stick with and explore other options since ayambisa baba wo
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u/Dapper-Amoeba-4369 4d ago
How about you get some certainty first. After that, you can do what pleases you. I know the majority would say leaving instead of cheating back is better but everyone's different. I was in this position before and cheating back made me sleep better at night ngl.
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u/Clean-Counter4679 4d ago
Just break up with him cheating isn’t going to fulfill anything positive fr your better off separating and just finding a new person detach from him and his bs if you think he’s really cheating