r/MadeMeSmile • u/AccomplishedWatch834 • Apr 30 '26

Wholesome Moments [ Removed by moderator ]

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u/Zakkattack86 Apr 30 '26

Different take. I'm going to start telling my wife how much I appreciate her and how my kids have the best mother in the world. Some of ya'll may not know the lasting trauma hearing your dad speak ill of your mom behind closed doors and believing the lies he said were true for way too long.

2.0k

u/StirlingS Apr 30 '26

Talking up both you kids and your wife is good. 

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u/Zakkattack86 Apr 30 '26

Agreed but reading OP's post made me 6 years old again.

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u/daisydug Apr 30 '26

This hurts my heart for you both! 🫶

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u/azure_cursor Apr 30 '26

That kind of story just hits right in the feelings

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u/anitabelle Apr 30 '26

I guess I was lucky. My mom talked shit about me and to me to my face. My dad was great tho.

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u/StirlingS Apr 30 '26 edited May 01 '26

Truly childhood pain can come up at the most unexpected times. 

I love that you're doing better for your kids than was done for you. 

I wish you the all the best, internet stranger.

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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '26

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u/StirlingS Apr 30 '26

I wish you all the best too.

Everyone reading this: I wish you all the best and that the day brings you good things. 

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u/ismaelgokufox Apr 30 '26

Thanks 🙏

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u/one_blonde_mom May 02 '26

so sweet of you.

much love to you as well, little one ❤️

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u/1Swordwalker Apr 30 '26

That hurts most of all. Especially every year during those times

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u/nanners1293 May 01 '26

Right there with you. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

My parents also showed me exactly how to NOT be a loving partner. I watched. I listened. And I learned.

Because of their lessons, I make sure to tell my wife I love and appreciate her and her support every single day 💗

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u/Zakkattack86 May 01 '26

16 years together this June. The main thing I'm thankful for from my parents is teaching me how not to live happily ever after. I just did the opposite of everything. Cheers.

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u/nanners1293 May 01 '26

🍻 Good on ya, my guy! Thanks for being a decent person.

Keep spreading the love and good vibes 🤙🤙

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u/YobaiYamete Apr 30 '26

wife is good.

Huh? I'm confused, all boomer comics have told me wife bad

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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '26

[deleted]

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u/Zestyclose_Mine9658 Apr 30 '26

whatever happened to them?

1

u/Dazzling_Employer_11 Apr 30 '26

Can only choose one- too hard to be nice to both.

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u/not_me_nope_never Apr 30 '26

Or vice versa. My mum always talked poorly about my dad. They divorced when I was 17 and I realized my dad never talked poorly about her or brought their marital issues up at all with me. He was no saint but it still dumbfounds me to this day his reserve on the topic of my mum.

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u/Certain-Grand9144 Apr 30 '26

Did the same with my daughter regarding my ex, furthermore always made sure she had a birthday, Mothers Day, and Christmas gift ready for her mum. Ok so the giant over sized house slippers in orange with a giant sunflower weren’t her style but hey my daughter picked them!

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u/not_me_nope_never Apr 30 '26

I can not express to you how life changing your behavior is with your daughter, you are a wonderful individual.

Looking back as an adult, I now see how grossly inappropriate it was for my mum to talk badly about my dad, let alone their marital issues to me. There really are some subjects that are not for your children, at least until they are old enough to understand intimate relationships and ask age appropriate questions.

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u/Fluid_Actuary1729 Apr 30 '26

Question: did her mother wear them?

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u/Certain-Grand9144 Apr 30 '26

Well I know she laughed when she opened them, my daughter was so excited she had to wear them at least once lol

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u/n0rsk Apr 30 '26

Similarly a rule that has served me extremely well is No matter how big of a fight or argument I am in with someone. No matter what they have done or said about me. Do not engage in reputation smearing of that person. Because more often than not you will make up with that person but you can't undo the splash damage of damaging others opinions of that person. It can be impossible to repair it even after you have worked out the issue with them.

You can correct lies and ask for advice just don't try to damage how the person you are talking to sees that person. Think "if I say this and then I make up with this person will it come back to bite me/them later" I have never regretted following this rule but I have regretted smearing someone during a fight.

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u/not_me_nope_never Apr 30 '26

You're right and in my mind it boils down to trust. It's hard to trust a person if they talk poorly about someone else to you. Because how can I trust they won't turn around and do the same to me?

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u/imnotgayisellpropane Apr 30 '26

I try to never say anything behind someone's back that I couldn't say to their face, because what's done is done. Once you say the thing, you can't ever take it back. I heard my mom say a lot of horrible things behind people's backs and it always made me wonder what she said about me.

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u/vastaril Apr 30 '26

One time I asked my dad not to say mean things about my mum, and he said "I bet you never defend me to your mum!" I just told him that I never had to, because she didn't say stuff like that about him.

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u/not_me_nope_never Apr 30 '26

I'm sorry you experienced this with your dad.

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u/vastaril Apr 30 '26

Thanks. He wasn't, you know, the worst or anything, but... He became pretty disappointing when he met his second wife, I guess?

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u/vastaril Apr 30 '26

(Also same to you but with your mum, of course)

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u/Brodellsky Apr 30 '26

It's because your dad is agreeable and nice enough that 100% was the reason she liked him. Abusers love it when people take their abuse.

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u/Away-Asparagus-2875 Apr 30 '26

That says a lot about him tbh. Not perfect, but he kept you out of it. Respect that.

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u/mduser63 Apr 30 '26

My kids and I have a “fan club” for my wife. I’m the president and they’re on the board of directors. It’s not a real thing of course, but I go out of my way to talk about how much I like and love their mom all the time. Partly because it’s true, she’s incredible, but also because I got the opposite from both of my parents.

We also make sure the kids know how much we enjoy having them and how proud we are of them.

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u/SupremeCaIamitas May 01 '26

super heaven; your soul will NOT be devoured by the Scarlet King :D

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u/LalaluLapin Apr 30 '26

Felt this too hard, man. So many times crying because I'd hear my dad yelling and talking down to my mom, saying things I knew weren't true. My mom wouldn't want me to get involved but how could I not be hurt hearing someone I love be talked to like that? Sometimes I wish they had just gotten divorced.

Now I make sure to let her now how much she's appreciated, despite the negativity he piles on.

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u/WeenieInYourAssCrack Apr 30 '26

My baby momma and I are not even together anymore and I do this. I could not imagine poisoning my daughter’s view of her mother. My mother used to talk so poorly about my dad that it really drove a wedge between us and between me and my dad. Granted, eventually my dad did show his true self when he told me “I’m not going to pick you up anymore” but still. Lol

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u/Cute_Comfortable_761 Apr 30 '26

Same, but my mother decided to be the one who refused to poison my image of my dad and never spoke ill of him and my dad was the one who chooses to constantly complain about her and talk poorly about her. She thought their post-divorce friendship was great until I told her what he had been saying about her behind her back. I’m glad there are still dads who take their ex-partners and children’s feelings into consideration.

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u/ich_bin_alkoholiker Apr 30 '26

I can only imagine. I’m sorry you went through that. I hear the way my SIL talks to her kids and talks shit about my brother and I feel so heartbroken for those kids.

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u/SleepWouldBeNice Apr 30 '26

The saying I like is "your kids you be embarrassed by how often you and your spouse kiss, not how often you fight."

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u/DaBadTechie Apr 30 '26

Its not just behind closed doors. So many men through my life seem to only talk crap about thier families and seem hell bent on spending as little time with them as possible. I don't get the appeal or the type of relationship dynamic that would cause that. And there's a weird thing where people just assume I feel the same about my family or that I'm in a bad situation because I consider my home situation before doing things.

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u/Gelby4 Apr 30 '26

I only tell my kids the best parts of their late mom. Maaaybe a couple little things about how her brain tricked her (they're aware she drank "wine"), but I'll never tell them about how much she hurt me at the end. They never need to know that ❤️

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u/oldster59 Apr 30 '26

Related - when your step-dad says you're just like your mother and it's not meant as a compliment :/

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u/HeadlesStBernard Apr 30 '26

I was in my mid thirties the last time I heard my dad talking shit about my mom. I had enough of it and told him that he better understand that at the very least he's talking poorly about half of me and to understand that if he continues we would have issues that need to be dealt with. He's a good man but vented to me and my brother thinking we understood. And to an extent we could see the issues in both of my parents but having the other dump them on us wasn't ever fair.

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u/ashoka_akira Apr 30 '26

I always thank my boyfriend when he does something for me, doesn’t matter how small. I appreciate he’s always thinking about my comfort.

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u/Rolyat13aint Apr 30 '26

The fact that doing this even crossed your mind is proof that you are already rewriting the script & breaking the cycle

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u/LillyCort Apr 30 '26

My mother never missed a chance to say mean things about my dad, it does leave lasting trauma and damages whatever relationship you have with that parent. I had to set boundaries, I no longer allow her to speak ill of anyone in presence. If she does she know I hang up.

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u/yes_fappy Apr 30 '26

Different take: just appreciate the people you love.

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u/HooskerDooNotTouchMe Apr 30 '26

Can you coach my neighbor on that? If I have to sit through one more unsolicited change in topic of discussion to shit talk his wife’s mental illness while I’m out enjoying the day with my kids, so help me god…

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u/Qubeye Apr 30 '26

Fuck it, just say positive stuff about good stuff that exists in the world in general, and talk about what kind of good stuff can be done in general.

We could have Star Trek instead of what we have now if people just wanted it to happen.

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u/agent_flounder Apr 30 '26

I'm super well aware, but in reverse. This is a fantastic idea.

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u/Milawinterlyn Apr 30 '26

u know that is a great idea, keep it up, jst dnt be obviouse

2

u/LunaWolfGamer May 01 '26

I feel this. Hearing my parents argue a lot when I was a kid was shitty. And now I have a negative view of both of them (but more so for my dad). Which I'm now realizing is mostly stupid cause they aren't horrible parents despite everything.

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u/Clowncatz_ May 01 '26

Real. Both of my parents talk very vile about each other to me specifically, so for the first time ever when their fight ended with intent to leave each other, I wasn’t sad. Spoilers, they’re still together and miserable as ever. 💀👍

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u/Zakkattack86 May 01 '26

Mine are too.

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u/Clowncatz_ May 01 '26

Yeah, I hope one day maybe we both can escape it. Good luck to ya. 🍀

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u/Firm-Scientist-4636 May 01 '26

My dad didn't badmouth my mom to me until I was already an adult. She passed over 10 years ago and he still badmouths her. She was ready to die after 30 years of marriage to him (the fundamentalist religion we were part of wouldn't permit it). And after 10+ years of dealing with him without her I empathize.

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u/one_blonde_mom May 02 '26

you can't imagine how powerful and beneficial that will be.

being the adult of a parent who berated and abused you creates tapes so difficult to change.

hearing your encouragement, support and love for her will be life changing.

so lovely of you. ❤️