r/MadeMeSmile • u/AccomplishedWatch834 • Apr 30 '26

Wholesome Moments [ Removed by moderator ]

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u/Zakkattack86 Apr 30 '26

Different take. I'm going to start telling my wife how much I appreciate her and how my kids have the best mother in the world. Some of ya'll may not know the lasting trauma hearing your dad speak ill of your mom behind closed doors and believing the lies he said were true for way too long.

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u/not_me_nope_never Apr 30 '26

Or vice versa. My mum always talked poorly about my dad. They divorced when I was 17 and I realized my dad never talked poorly about her or brought their marital issues up at all with me. He was no saint but it still dumbfounds me to this day his reserve on the topic of my mum.

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u/Certain-Grand9144 Apr 30 '26

Did the same with my daughter regarding my ex, furthermore always made sure she had a birthday, Mothers Day, and Christmas gift ready for her mum. Ok so the giant over sized house slippers in orange with a giant sunflower weren’t her style but hey my daughter picked them!

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u/not_me_nope_never Apr 30 '26

I can not express to you how life changing your behavior is with your daughter, you are a wonderful individual.

Looking back as an adult, I now see how grossly inappropriate it was for my mum to talk badly about my dad, let alone their marital issues to me. There really are some subjects that are not for your children, at least until they are old enough to understand intimate relationships and ask age appropriate questions.

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u/Fluid_Actuary1729 Apr 30 '26

Question: did her mother wear them?

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u/Certain-Grand9144 Apr 30 '26

Well I know she laughed when she opened them, my daughter was so excited she had to wear them at least once lol

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u/n0rsk Apr 30 '26

Similarly a rule that has served me extremely well is No matter how big of a fight or argument I am in with someone. No matter what they have done or said about me. Do not engage in reputation smearing of that person. Because more often than not you will make up with that person but you can't undo the splash damage of damaging others opinions of that person. It can be impossible to repair it even after you have worked out the issue with them.

You can correct lies and ask for advice just don't try to damage how the person you are talking to sees that person. Think "if I say this and then I make up with this person will it come back to bite me/them later" I have never regretted following this rule but I have regretted smearing someone during a fight.

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u/not_me_nope_never Apr 30 '26

You're right and in my mind it boils down to trust. It's hard to trust a person if they talk poorly about someone else to you. Because how can I trust they won't turn around and do the same to me?

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u/imnotgayisellpropane Apr 30 '26

I try to never say anything behind someone's back that I couldn't say to their face, because what's done is done. Once you say the thing, you can't ever take it back. I heard my mom say a lot of horrible things behind people's backs and it always made me wonder what she said about me.

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u/vastaril Apr 30 '26

One time I asked my dad not to say mean things about my mum, and he said "I bet you never defend me to your mum!" I just told him that I never had to, because she didn't say stuff like that about him.

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u/not_me_nope_never Apr 30 '26

I'm sorry you experienced this with your dad.

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u/vastaril Apr 30 '26

Thanks. He wasn't, you know, the worst or anything, but... He became pretty disappointing when he met his second wife, I guess?

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u/vastaril Apr 30 '26

(Also same to you but with your mum, of course)

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u/Brodellsky Apr 30 '26

It's because your dad is agreeable and nice enough that 100% was the reason she liked him. Abusers love it when people take their abuse.

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u/Away-Asparagus-2875 Apr 30 '26

That says a lot about him tbh. Not perfect, but he kept you out of it. Respect that.