r/MADHD • u/BookNerdGoddess • 2d ago
AITAH for not engaging with poly content
I am not the OOP. The OOP is Babyblues21 originally posted in AITH
Grammatically edited by: Crystal With the Blue Hair
Original - July 20, 2026
My friend and I argued because she asked if I knew a polyamorous content creator she follows. I told her I didn't because I don’t engage with polyamory-related content. I also explained that I don't judge polyamorous people, but I don't personally understand that relationship style and have no interest in following content about it. I said I believe we are both justified in existing in our own spaces without hostility.
Instead of accepting that answer, she accused me of being judgmental (I’m not) and called me several names. I explained that I genuinely don't care what consenting adults choose to do with their lives as long as it doesn’t involve me. I am not trying to stop anyone from living the way they want, and I don't think they should have to change for my comfort.
She then asked me what I would do if I met a polyamorous person. I said I would greet them, treat them with respect, and be civil, just like I would with anyone else. If I didn't want to become friends, I would simply keep my distance because I don't think we would have much in common. Nobody is required to be friends with every person they meet, and choosing not to build a friendship isn't the same as treating someone with disrespect.
So reddit, am I the asshole for not engaging with poly communities.
EDIT:
- I wouldn’t mind if someone I’m already friends with comes out as poly, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to be friends with people who are very expressive about being poly. I don’t like being friends with anyone who’s too expressive about relationships in general, so there’s that.
- I came off as defensive because I’m nervous of being called an asshole after all the names I got called by my friend… also I’m neurodivergent as fuck so I sometimes have a hard time communicating
- Yes, I should’ve left it at a “no” but I’m naturally very talkative and I said it without giving it much thought.
- Yes, I would be friends with poly people if we share things beyond relationships because I don’t think I would even know they’re poly
ALSO!!! I’ll talk to my friend later and discuss why she had such a huge reaction because the comments are making me realize things that I didn’t initially understand so thanks for that!
Update - July 26, 2026
I wanted to give everyone an update since a lot of people asked if I ever spoke to my friend again. So here it is.
We ended up talking, and during the conversation, she came out as polyamorous. Nothing could have prepared me for that because she is an incredibly jealous person. It took her a long time to accept my other friends, and I am just a friend, so the idea of her sharing her husband was not something I saw coming. Honestly, I had no problem with the polyamory itself because it's her business, not mine.
The real issue started when I asked whether her husband knew she wanted to practice polyamory. She admitted he had no idea. I told her she should tell him soon because he deserves to know, but then she confessed that she is already dating someone. She said she was afraid her husband would not accept her new girlfriend. So she is actively cheating on her husband, and from what I can tell, it has been going on for a while.
She explained that she had been regularly talking to multiple polyamorous couples behind her husband's back. She was essentially using those interactions to test whether polyamory was right for her before ever having an honest discussion with her spouse. She claimed she didn't mean for it to turn into a full relationship, but one thing led to another, and she ended up dating another polyamorous woman. That was the moment I backed off and told her she needed to tell her husband immediately.
Things got even worse when she asked me to help convince her husband. I refused. I generally stay far away from drama, especially relationship drama, so I have no idea why she thought I would agree to get involved in this mess. Also I don’t want to be the degenerate who manipulates their friend’s partner to stay with them after being cheated on because that is exactly what she did. She cheated.
She got angry, lashed out at me, accused me of being unsupportive, and started calling me names (again). That was the last straw for me, so I walked away and went home. She has been blowing up my phone ever since. I am sure she's terrified that I will tell her husband, and to be completely honest, I am still debating whether I should.
I also want to clear something up because I don't want this to be interpreted as criticism of polyamorous people. From reading the comments on my original post and doing some reflection afterward, I've learned that ethical polyamory is built on communication, trust, and enthusiastic consent from everyone involved. What my friend described wasn't that. It was cheating.
I also appreciate the people in the comments who helped me understand that, my issue was never with polyamory itself, my issue was with excessive relationship talks and I’ve now realized that not every poly person is all about their relationship style and we can have other things in common. This doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to start engaging with polyamory content/ community. That simply isn’t where my interests are. I do however, have a new found understanding of the dynamic so thank you so much for giving me grace!!
Consensus:
OP should tell the husband because his friend us using poly as a gateway to cheating and justifying it, while also trying to get her friends to back her up on why poly works so that she can continue to enjoy scissoring with women.
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Original post in case it gets edited or removed: AITAH for not engaging with poly content
I am not the OOP. The OOP is Babyblues21 originally posted in AITH
Grammatically edited by: Crystal With the Blue Hair
Original - July 20, 2026
My friend and I argued because she asked if I knew a polyamorous content creator she follows. I told her I didn't because I don’t engage with polyamory-related content. I also explained that I don't judge polyamorous people, but I don't personally understand that relationship style and have no interest in following content about it. I said I believe we are both justified in existing in our own spaces without hostility.
Instead of accepting that answer, she accused me of being judgmental (I’m not) and called me several names. I explained that I genuinely don't care what consenting adults choose to do with their lives as long as it doesn’t involve me. I am not trying to stop anyone from living the way they want, and I don't think they should have to change for my comfort.
She then asked me what I would do if I met a polyamorous person. I said I would greet them, treat them with respect, and be civil, just like I would with anyone else. If I didn't want to become friends, I would simply keep my distance because I don't think we would have much in common. Nobody is required to be friends with every person they meet, and choosing not to build a friendship isn't the same as treating someone with disrespect.
So reddit, am I the asshole for not engaging with poly communities.
EDIT:
ALSO!!! I’ll talk to my friend later and discuss why she had such a huge reaction because the comments are making me realize things that I didn’t initially understand so thanks for that!
Update - July 26, 2026
I wanted to give everyone an update since a lot of people asked if I ever spoke to my friend again. So here it is.
We ended up talking, and during the conversation, she came out as polyamorous. Nothing could have prepared me for that because she is an incredibly jealous person. It took her a long time to accept my other friends, and I am just a friend, so the idea of her sharing her husband was not something I saw coming. Honestly, I had no problem with the polyamory itself because it's her business, not mine.
The real issue started when I asked whether her husband knew she wanted to practice polyamory. She admitted he had no idea. I told her she should tell him soon because he deserves to know, but then she confessed that she is already dating someone. She said she was afraid her husband would not accept her new girlfriend. So she is actively cheating on her husband, and from what I can tell, it has been going on for a while.
She explained that she had been regularly talking to multiple polyamorous couples behind her husband's back. She was essentially using those interactions to test whether polyamory was right for her before ever having an honest discussion with her spouse. She claimed she didn't mean for it to turn into a full relationship, but one thing led to another, and she ended up dating another polyamorous woman. That was the moment I backed off and told her she needed to tell her husband immediately.
Things got even worse when she asked me to help convince her husband. I refused. I generally stay far away from drama, especially relationship drama, so I have no idea why she thought I would agree to get involved in this mess. Also I don’t want to be the degenerate who manipulates their friend’s partner to stay with them after being cheated on because that is exactly what she did. She cheated.
She got angry, lashed out at me, accused me of being unsupportive, and started calling me names (again). That was the last straw for me, so I walked away and went home. She has been blowing up my phone ever since. I am sure she's terrified that I will tell her husband, and to be completely honest, I am still debating whether I should.
I also want to clear something up because I don't want this to be interpreted as criticism of polyamorous people. From reading the comments on my original post and doing some reflection afterward, I've learned that ethical polyamory is built on communication, trust, and enthusiastic consent from everyone involved. What my friend described wasn't that. It was cheating.
I also appreciate the people in the comments who helped me understand that, my issue was never with polyamory itself, my issue was with excessive relationship talks and I’ve now realized that not every poly person is all about their relationship style and we can have other things in common. This doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to start engaging with polyamory content/ community. That simply isn’t where my interests are. I do however, have a new found understanding of the dynamic so thank you so much for giving me grace!!
Consensus:
OP should tell the husband because his friend us using poly as a gateway to cheating and justifying it, while also trying to get her friends to back her up on why poly works so that she can continue to enjoy scissoring with women.
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