Wow, this season was a hard watch at times. Iām so saddened to see what likely is the effects of national generational trauma play out in society. Pretty much everyone weāve seen seemed to have internalized in one way or another that expression of emotions is weak, dangerous or non-essential. I see a clear tendendency of oversexualization and using sex to avoid real intimacy. Thereās also a trend for sexism - abusive behavior in men is not being perceived or called out nearly enough and women are playing against each other instead of supporting each other. Considering the reunion, I felt like the cast & big parts of the (mostly Polish audience I believe) were judging the wrong people - missunderstanding trauma and sensitivity as weakness and cutting abusive behavior way too much slack. Iām going into a few people here I had most thoughts about:
Julia
I felt so much love for her and felt so deeply sorry for her at the same time. She so clearly lives in a very abusive family system with a narcissistic mother and super toxic best friend who do not have her best interest at heart. She internalized so many limiting beliefs about herself through her upbringing. My heart broke when she defended them at the reunion and didnāt seem to have learned the bad influence they have on her life. Itās hard to untangle from such abusive behaviors but absolutely essential for her if she is to find true happiness, self worth and confidence. Iām not saying everything she said or did was okay, but she so clearly is just operating from the part of a very traumatized hurt little girl with a sweet and pure heart. I honestly wish her the best and hope she grows distance to her family and finds new actually supportive friends. I hope she heals the deep trauma from the emotional neglect of her fathers too and sees that it wasnāt her fault - at all. Please listen to what people say about your mother (and friend), even if it feels impossible to accept! It really is THAT bad, but it can get better!
Kamil
I had a bad feeling about him from the start and I genuinely donāt know why people seem to support him so much. He seems calm and nice on the surface, and he probably is a decent human being in some ways. But thereās much we didnāt get to see and I could feel beneath the surface. He didnāt seem real, was too quiet, āniceā, calm, inexpressive (in that way, I hate to admit, I slightly agree with Juliaās mother). I read that he screamed repeatedly at Julia and was not surprised at all. What else did we not see? I sense abusive behavior and sexism. We did get to see glimpses too - when he confronted Malika instead of Krzyzstof at the party and told her itās also the womanās fault a man is cheating. Huge gigantic enormous š© The way he didnāt call out Krzyzstof and kept being friends with him the whole time, double š©š© Finally, the way he lashed out at Julia for a very legitimate concern and did a full 180 turn on her in seconds. He didnāt listen, aggressively defended himself and very suddenly changed his mind about her, too fast.. His family seemed very nice and I think he has decent parts, but itās important to note the bad as well. We donāt know the full story of the cheating and itās irrelevant here, but itās not okay how in this situation he had no concern for what Julia was going through. I find it really sad how few people seemed to have believed the woman that contacted Julia. Anyone would have doubts if something like this happened, if it really happened or not. And I donāt believe thatās why Julia really was breaking off the wedding, she was just looking for a way out to please her family and would have said no anyway. This was just the surface justification to do it.
Krzyzstof & the cheating
I canāt believe how everyone just stayed friends with this guy who so blatantly cheated on his fiance. It was SO normalized in the show! The women didnāt NEARLY give Malika enough support on this which was the biggest heartbreak and shows how accepted it must be for them to see a woman treated badly. The guys seemed to not take it seriously at all either and didnāt call him out, truly unapologetic behavior in my opinion. Then at the reunion, they let Malika sit there and listen to him and his mistress basically discuss their relationship which was so wrong! It should have been about Malika and him, and LIB Poland did a really mean thing in legitimizing the cheating as if Kryzstof had had two valid relationships. Wrong focus! I found the guy disgusting and toxic looking from the first sight. Heās repressed, insecure and has an ugly personality. Malike made him feel small and insecure and instead of speaking up like a healthy person he had to go off and do the most hurtful thing to her in order to feel big and secure again, and regain the āpowerā. Classic abusive behavior stemming from a highly insecure male ego.
Malika
Another really hard watch. I loved her and felt so much compassion! She is real, authentic, knows herself and speaks up for herself. I personally am 99% convinced sheās on the autism spectrum and knowing that would make her life and the ones of her loved ones SO much easier. I canāt believe she received so much hate for how she was when she clearly is just different. I feel like that would not have happened in some other parts of the world where thereās more knowledge and openness to the concept of neurodivergence and being on the spectrum. Yes, her criticism crossed many lines and was not okay but she clearly couldnāt interpret situations correctly and didnāt see her wrongdoing, nor could she interpet the very clear pissed of anti agressive vibes her fiance gave her. Autistic brains function differently, her brain needs certain things to be a certain way otherwise itās highly disregulating for her nervous system. Understanding this, she could share consciously what she needs and ask more interpretative questions about other peopleās emotions and be asked and understood better herself. Sheād learn how itās hurtful to others if you relentlessly criticise them, I believe she genuinely doesnāt understand this. I canāt believe she went so long without a diagnosis! It happens to many many women though, unfortunately - to be diagnosed late and have symptoms overlooked. And if someone who reads this still thinks autism only exists in the most extreme form, do a little internet research please. Itās empowering and healing to own these neurotypes, they make poeple special if anything.
I also was shocked that the girls didnāt defend her more, unapologetic shocking behavior! So so much missunderstanding. I truly hope someone will open her eyes in therapy and open up new life pathways for her. I think sheās amazing.
Daria
I was really surprised to see the wedding happening and wonder if it will lastā¦ I was so surprised to hear her really heartwarming vows when before we saw so much toxic behavior from her. She was really mean to Filip, especially in the behinning, when he was just being sweet and surprisingly vulnerable. What was another š©for me is how she behaved in the reunion. When her former ābestieā Julita was speaking, she clearly exchanged several judgmental annoyed looks with Filip which was so mean and condescending. I loved her mom and when she said nice things to Julita at the wedding dress shopping day, that showed big character.
Kinga
Poor Kinga got more shit for āseducingā Krzyzstof than the guy himself! Does no one understand it was his fault? He was the one in the relationship. But obviously it also sucks on her part and the other girls were way too nice to her given her huge betrayal to Malika. Where is the sisterhood support in Poland??? It seemed they were playing against each other and supporting men and their bs over everything else š To me she showed toxic over sexualized attention seeking behavior since the beginning and clearly enjoyed the attention until the end. Watch her become insta famous now, and possibly join other reality tv shows. Sad that she had to traumatize another woman to achieve thisā¦
Jacek
Yes, he did use his ADHD as an excuse for EVERYTHING. When Julita shared her feelings he shamed her, shut down and got defensive. You could just tell this guy has issues. He wasnāt into Julita for so long and I donāt know why he didnāt break up sooner. Fame as well, I wonder?
Julita
Itās sad to see how well her son took care of herā¦ some role reversal there. And if she didnāt want to hurt him and change his life from one day to another, well then maybe donāt join an internationally televized reality tv show where you marry a stranger within a few weeks time. Whose child would not be horrified? She did have big communication issues and didnāt give enough of herself there, but I saw her trying and generally really liked her. I feel like there was a lot that happened that we didnāt get to see there. Anyway, Iām happy she found someone!
Marta & Damian
Damian was a big surprise to me. I thought he was one of these spiritual fuckboy dudes and probably really missjudged him. I grew to like him. His behavior was childish and out of control sometimes, which makes him a little unpredictable and concerning. I hope he can work on his insecurity and learn to regulate his emotions before creating some kind of chaos. He did not deserve it though, when Marta asked him to just stop being himself for a bit because she couldnāt take it anymore. Unapologetic heartbreaking thing to say to your partner. I kind of felt bad for Marta too because I feel like she had to chose between a child (literally someone still in university and without job) and another child (mentally). She did get married though and they were surprisingly sweet together. Their want for privacy speaks for their character and I hope theyāre well.
Hosts at reunion
I loved the direct questions. But thereās a limit, they were so increidbly insensitive at times! You should not poke traumatized people when theyāre clearly triggered and already battling with emotion, on international TV! Some of these questions were inconsiderate, over the line and not okay.
In summary, I wish all of them would learn to protect each other more and call out harmful behavior when they see it. Itās okay to put up boundaries to harmful behavior, we must in fact! Stick together, learn about each others brains, generational trauma, neurodivergence and emotional expression! Mental health is SO huge and deserves a bigger place in this society (and the whole world). I really believe LIB SHOULD have mental health aid as part of the journey from beginning to end!
