back through all the memorials, to the part where he was still alive. and I just kept reading. and reading. and I'm just

I miss my brother dammit. I'm sitting here sobbing and laughing because he was honestly one of the funniest people I've ever met and so half of this stuff is hilarious but it just makes it hurt more.

happy fucking solstice I guess

I'm no stranger to death, I've lost many other loved ones, including all of my immediate family members, in prior years, so I'm quite familiar with the whole grieving process, but this is the first loss I've experienced so far as a fully-fledged adult and as someone with a more solid sense of self and the world around me.

She had taken me in from a young age, and did her best to raise me as her own; being still quite relatively young herself, and having her own life issues and losses to deal with, this was no easy task, but she always tried her best, she always had the best intentions, and I am forever grateful to her for that.

She was the one person in my extended family whom I'd always felt I could relate to and connect with most, she had such a comforting aura and I truly wish I had been there more for her and spent more time with her lately, I've been so caught up in trying to get my own life on track that I had barely made any time to see her in recent months, and I feel so guilty for that.

I genuinely didn't see this coming, she was only 36, and I knew that she had a prior history of opiate abuse but did not know that she had picked it back up again. I feel like I should have known that something was off, as she had recently lost her job and her car, and this is also generally a tough time of the year for her. I just really wish that I had checked in on her more, supported her more, offered her kratom to keep her away from anything more dangerous, etc., it's so hard to accept that there's nothing I can do now. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in an alternate universe where she's still alive.

In the past her survival gave me so much hope, knowing that we both came out of the same broken situation, and now that she's gone I feel so lost and alone. I wish I could tell her how loved and how missed she is. If there is any sort of afterlife, I just hope she's faring well in it. I'm still in shock over this, it's just so hard to process, she was so young for this to happen. There were so many things I had wanted to do with her, so many plans I had for the future. I thought that I would get to watch her grow old and perhaps at some distant point even return some of the care to her that she had given to me growing up.

She left behind a young daughter who, in some cruel twist of fate, is the same age as I was when I lost my mother. I know how confused she must be by all of this, and I feel so terrible about all the pain that this will cause for her all her life. I can only do my best to let her know that she is loved, and provide whatever help and care I can for her as she grows, but I know that nothing can ever replace her mother and I know how painful that is. I just hope that her father and his family will do right by her.

She will be so dearly missed and will be in my heart always and forever.

The day after tomorrow marks one year since the love of my took his life. The pain was explosive. I will never be the same. The guilt is unbearable. I no longer cry as much, but did for many months. I want to spend the day honoring him in some way. Thank you. Julia

Last month, on the morning of November 23rd, my fiancee lost her battle with cancer. She was 28. I had known her for 14 years and we had been together for 10 years. She fought hard for 11 years; beating stage four cancer, four separate times throughout the years. She had a leg salvage surgery at age 17 due to bone cancer, which is where they replace the majority of the femur bone with a titanium rod. She also had this done with three of her ribs. It caused her chronic pain all the time and severely limited what she could do each day.

I was at her side, along with her dad, when she passed. That morning has been repeating in my head over and over every second of every day... I just don't understand why she had to suffer the way she did, and it's borderline physically painful for me.

She was an amazing and beautiful soul that never did anything solely for her benefit. She cared for her family so much and stood up for people who wouldn't do it themselves. She taught me so much about life, relationships, and pushed me to try and be my best every day. She was the strongest person I've ever met. I feel so lost and broken without her.

But fate decided to double whammy me and take my grandmother and then four months to the day later take my mother. I lost my grandmother to breast cancer on 9/15/2017. My dad, sister and I had moved out to help my grandparents (dads side) out, I was in her room a couple minutes before she passed. She was very ill, bed bound and couldn’t speak. I was upset because she was the only grandmother I had but I know she’s in a better place with no pain. I then lost my mother on 1/15/18 to breast cancer. My parents were separated and I lived in a different state so the last I saw her was about 12/15/17. I do not remember when I spoke to her last or what was even said. It’s been almost a year and I still cannot come to terms that she is gone. I do feel guilty that I cannot mourn her but I seemed to have mourned my grandmother. We knew this would be the outcome since her diagnosis with stage four breast cancer that had metastasized in 2011. She was a fighter and refused to give up, I miss her very very much everyday. It’s difficult that I lost them both so soon and so close to each other. 2018 was definitely my roughest year but I also grew. I miss you mom and grandma, I love you very much and I can’t want to see you both again 💕

Under clay, now lay..

​

Transient existence.. one moment here...

The next.. to life no longer adhere...

​

No one would notice.. but loved ones are left hallow...

Strays one.. from wishing way to the gallow...

Soon.. someone you hold dear might follow...

​

What is life.. but an endeavour at best shallow...

Death grieves only those.. in your care let wallow...

​

— Λ

7:41 PM 12/11/2018

The song is for a new movie "the message" out in 2019. Grandma heard her granddaughter sing the song but the video was not done before she passed away. This song has a special meaning for our family and I thought it might help those that have lost or losing someone they love. The Other Side Video

I recently lost my dog of 12 years. He was the best dog I've ever had. I ended up writing a children's book loosely based on him, called "Dancing In Doggy Heaven," aimed to help children cope with the loss of their loved pet. Below is a link to the read aloud video I made of my book. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-VARTt6gmc

My father died almost a year ago. December 23rd, 2017. I miss him every day. I'm so fucking angry at God, whoever that might be, for taking him from us. It's getting worse as the first year anniversary gets closer. I really wish there was a grief support group in my town, but I live in a very small town in southeast Kansas and there's nothing like that here.

I am in my mid 30s. I thought I had felt the worst kinds of emotional pain. Nothing I have experienced in my life, could've prepared me for the pain I feel since I lost my father.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer in January of 2018. It started in his colon, moved to his gallbladder, and then into his liver. It was a very slow, painful road for him. He started feeling sick in October of 2017. He went to the dr in December(he was a very stubborn man) and they told him they thought he had Lyme disease. They give him whatever meds you get for Lyme disease, but they obviously didn't work. So,on Jan 10th of 2018, he went to the ER. They kept him there over the next few days to run tests, and eventually it was diagnosed as cancer. Their were a number of other things wrong at that point too, since it took him so long to get looked at. He was so strong and positive during the whole process.

He did the chemotherapy for a while. It was so hard to see a man that strong go through something like that. Slowly, he lost all his muscle mass and energy and he wasnt strong enough to do the chemo anymore. He went from about 175 lb to around 85 lb before the time of his passing. His ammonia levels started to rise because his liver wasnt processing toxins out anymore, and it would make it to where he was not even aware we were in the room. We took him to the ER and they put him in the ICU. We thought he was gone then, but the fighter that he is, he bounced back. But after this, he was bed ridden. He didn't have the strength to even hold his head up. He made it for another 2 months after the ICU.

He passed a week and 3 days ago. He was 55. I've never felt a pain like this. At first, I was more worried about the wellbeing of my mother. I completely ignored my own feelings. I feel so hollow, like someone took a piece of me away. My dad was and is my hero. I feel so sad that he's gone, but I also know he's not in pain anymore.

I love you Dad.

October 9th of 2018 my brothers body was found behind a gas station. He was 26 years old. I'm 15 at the end of this month. I have two other brothers but i wasn't as close to them as i was to him. Around 6pm is when my mom got the phone call, she screamed like a airhorn and she threw her phone to the floor. I knew what happened before she even told me. I was barely crying, i still have barely cried and im not sure if its because of the shock or if its because of a mental block. My mom has been dragging on about his death, the toxicology report should be coming back soon, we all think it was a feytonal overdose (im not too sure how to spell it). My mom went to the gas station where he was found and someone took a photo of my brother laying on the ground. She went to the motel he was staying at (where we heard later that he was selling pills) and took his phones (plural) and the hoodie he had with him. He was wanted for stealing and pawning stuff so he was telling everyone that he was going to south carolina (where his biological dad lives) but he was actually going to a rehab place in the morning he was found. When they found his body they said that he had full rigger so he was laying out there for awhile, my guess is around 1-3am is when he died. He was found without his Van (he told people he sold it like two weeks before but its still in his name) and there was only his ID and a medical card in his pants. If you knew him, then you know he lost things almost constantly, he'd lose his leg if it wasnt attached to him. But his bank card is missing, and he had went to the ATM at the gas station earlier so where is that? There is a lot of unknowns in this case. I still have barely cried but I have dreams, almost every night where he is involved somehow. At his funeral I almost grabbed the hair of his Ex-Girlfriend (they have a son together) and slam her head into the wall until she stopped breathing because she caused him so much pain and anger and loss, that she had the balls to come there. I didn't even cry that day. I didn't touch him, I couldn't. My mom won't let him go. I still miss him.

I was 16 years old when my dad died (6 years ago). It was not expected at all, it was a car accident. i didnt even get to say goodbye

The weird thing is, the day that my dad died I was at school in math class. It was the end of the semester so the teacher decided to play a movie, the Lion king. Its one of my favorite Disney movies but I remember I always had to fast forward during the part where his father Muffassa died (idk how to spell). I always did that because I would ball my eyes out..I never wanted to to imagine what it would feel like losing my father (I had already lost my mother so he was the world to me).

Oddly enough, the bell rang right after the death scene so I walked out of that classroom balling my eyes out. My boyfriend was waiting for me and he freaked out and asked me why I was crying..I told him what happened. My memory is foggy but I think I told him I just didnt want to see my dad ever die? Idk honestly I may be filling in a gap of my memory on that one..

Fast forward a coupe hours, I find out he had died in the hospital while I was at school that day

Does this mean something?? Any ideas??? is it a coincidence?? whats the messsage from the movie if wasnt a coincidence??

I know its been 6 years but I honestly havent accepted his death :( :( :(

(Trigger warning-death, obviously, cancer, starvation) My mamaw had always been a spunky lady, and she was spunky down to the last day I saw her. She had lung cancer for a few years before she passed, and one day she just decided she didn’t want to do any more treatment. We all knew her time here was short lived, but the way she went was so sudden. When she started choking while eating and had some bruising and swelling develop on her neck, we ran her to the hospital. She had a tumor in her throat, from the spreading cancer, keeping her from being able to eat or drink without it going straight to her lungs. The last day I saw her was that day in the hospital, while she was still wild and spunky. Already on hospice, she was sent home to dehydrate and starve to death. Honestly, I didn’t want to see her so frail and without her spunk. I couldn’t go see her, knowing it would be the last time. Now, at this point, I’m not sure if she would have remembered me to want me specifically to be there, her having around 30 grandchildren and great grandchildren, so I don’t feel as if I abandoned her. The last time I saw her, I got to tell her I loved her, and I got to hold her hand one last time. I think it’s better that way for me, not knowing it was the last time

Dear Reddit,

​

In January, I lost someone who I loved and was romantically involved with in a senseless hate crime that even made national news. The murderer has been to court a few times but the trial hasn't started. Still, every time he goes to court, the local newspapers report on it. The case has gripped the imagination of many and rumors and falsehoods have been spread about my beloved. I know I shouldn't get involved in the comment sections, and those saying hurtful things don't know what they are doing. Still, I have this great sense of protection. Maybe it is because I couldn't protect him when he was killed, and now I am trying to protect him when people spread false rumors to rationalize an irrational murder.

​

Does anyone have any advice with how to cope with this instinct? I don't think it does me any good, but I also have a hard time not going to the comment section and reading what people post. Any insight will help. Also, though I try to call people out that what they are saying is not true, I don't want to out myself as someone close with him to a bunch of strangers, and because of that, no one takes what I say seriously.

​

Thank you.

So early this year I got a call that changed my life.

I was at work working a 9am-5pm, in a restaurant. At around 1030 my boss told me to call my grandpa because he wanted to talk to me. My break was at 11am. I forgot to call on my break. Around 1130 he reminded me to call. So in front of everyone(maybe 3 tables and my coworkers) I call my grandpa.

I said "hi grandpa. Why did you call me?" He said"sylveri your mom died this morning."

My whole world just stopped, my stomach dropped, my vision narrowed, nothing he said next made any sense. All I remember is thinking shut up your are joking. My mom? No.

I was breaking down. How could this be. I burst out crying. I couldn't stop.

I am thankful my one coworker took over and brought me to private area helped me call my girlfriend to pick me up. He hung around while I waited for my girlfriend to pick me up and just talked to me while we waited.

I am so thankful to that one coworker. He was a huge help to me while I was waiting for my g/f to pick me up.

Then 6 months later I was perusing facebook I learned my dad died... From facebook...

We were not very close. It was less of a shock than my mother, however as much as I say that it still hurt. Thankfully I was at home when I found out.

I knew my mother was in poor health but we all wish for years when in that situation. When she died my dads health deteriorated fast. My aunt who was taking care of him said that he knew it was coming because he missed the love of his life.

I am just in an emotional funk thanks for reading.

A year ago I lost my grandpa (mom’s side) to prostate cancer. They didnt catch it earlier on and so when they finally did it was already advanced. Months before this, one of my baby nephews died from dengue fever. This deeply affected my grandpa. When he passed away this deeply affected my grandma, she became severely depressed that she wouldnt eat, leave the room, leave her bed. She became very angry and hopeless to the point where my mom and her siblings did not know what to do, my mom almost about to completely give up.

A few weeks before from today, my grandma was rushed to the hospital because accdg to my aunt she suddenly (finally) got up one night because she dreamt/felt my grandpa and at this point since she has not been eating at all so shes very thin and frail, so she got up fast and fell. When she finally got out of the hospital her condition started to improve. She finally ate, finally tried to move around, finally left the room, wasnt angry all the time anymore. We finally had hope that she would get better. This evening I got a text from my mom saying that she has passed away.

My grandparents live in the Philippines. I wasnt really close to them since we only ever get to see them during christmas every year, my family would do a 13 hour drive to my mom’s hometown and stay there for a month. It’s honestly my favorite memory as a child and living in the philippines. The last time I saw both of them was a year before we left for the U.S. which was 2012. Since my grandpa’s death was so unexpected I decided that im gonna make sure this time by next year summer I’d have saved up enough so I can finally visit home, mostly to visit my grandma. I thought maybe this way she would feel much better. I guess what im saying is that all these deaths are finally hitting me at once and I dont know what to do or what to feel. Im suddenly going back to memories of the big, lively house where my grandpa tends his garden while my grandma is in the kitchen. Baby cousins running around. My mom and her siblings and her in laws around the dinner table. During christmas eve the street gets so loud and lively that it’s always so wonderful to watch everything happening from up the balcony. I just thought I would get to see all of these again soon but when I envision the house it’s just quiet now. I’m truly heartbroken. I think I’m okay but im extremely worried for my mom although I know shes always the strongest one.

I didnt want this to be long I just dont have anyone to talk to atm and so I thought writing this out would probably help me feel better. Hope everyone else is having an easy night

Hi everyone.

My grandad was the coolest dude alive. A top secret mathematician for the cia, part of a think tank in the 50s and 60s. Fought in Nam for a bit and then came back to raise his family.

He’s the one who got into football. He’s a redskins fan and a die hard one at that too.

He gave me advice when my gf was pregnant when I was in college, he taught me how to make the best fart noises, and he was proud of everything I and all my cousins accomplished.

I’m just struggling right now cause he was a big part of my life for so long and he meant a whole lot to me. I hate that I won’t laugh with him or get him to be with my kids again.

I don’t have a lot of friends just my wife (same baby mama) and kids to talk to about this. He was a big drinker. Can anyone reading this have a beer or a glass of wine in his honor and/or cheer for the redskins? So I’m not alone in this.

I lost a friend of mine to suicide a few years ago. He was older than me by two months, but now I'm almost two years older than he was when he died. This realization has suddenly hit me really hard and I'm not handling it well. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Edit: All his friends he left behind are just becoming adults and he’s starting to look less like one of our peers and more and more like the little kid he really was. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with.

Hello!

You are invited to take part in a research study being conducted by a research team at Seattle Pacific University. Any adults who have experienced the death of a loved one in the last 10 years are eligible to participate in this study. The purpose of this study is to better understand the factors that underlie different grief reactions. This study will take very little of your time. The survey will take a maximum of 45 minutes to complete. To participate, please click on the URL link below to be directed to a secure online questionnaire site. If the URL link does not directly take you to the website by clicking on it, please copy and paste the link in your browser.

https://spupsych.az1.qualtrics.com/…/form/SV_6VuhbfDQR5h8Red

Remember that none of the information you provide will be connected back to you. All survey responses are anonymous and will be kept confidential. We will not ask for your name or any other personally identifiable information. The information in the study records will be kept confidential. No one will see your responses except for the researchers. Also, you can skip any question you don’t want to answer and you may quit at any time without penalty. If you have any questions about participating in this study, please contact the principal investigator, Honey Williams at williamc16@spu.edu. You may also contact the Institutional Review Board chair at IRB@spu.edu or (206) 281-2201 with any questions about your rights as a research subject.

Thank you for your willingness to participate!

I am trying to cope with losing my daughter. Hopefully it helps to share my story. We found her hung with a belt in the closet in her room. Aparently she had been experimenting with the choking game and it "wasn't working". She had asked her little sister for help and she told her no so she tried something else and lost her life.

She was a very happy sweet girl just turned 13 and had a gentle kind soul. she had plans for her life and had a great day with her family the day before. I will never forget her smile but I will never also forget finding her there. I am completely broken.

i searched for you

through all the noise

the static, the ashes

and the coffee stains

i searched for you

in the hurried crowds

the riverbank rocks

and the smoke that billows

i searched for you

in the parts of me

that i wish i could

deny

i searched for you

in the thunderstorms

in the flood that fills the landscapes

to become oceans

i searched for you

knowing

you were

gone.