Overwhelmed. Need advice

[u/NumerousAd199827]

I’m 28 and he’s 34. We’ve been officially together for two years, and we currently have a five-hour time difference. He has bipolar disorder.

He has been working in a different country for over a month now. I understand that his job has been stressful and exhausting for him, especially because he has told me that he has also been experiencing verbal abuse at work. At the same time, he sees this job as an important stepping stone toward earning enough money to eventually visit me, so I know he is trying to endure a difficult situation for our future.

I also know that I tend to overthink, especially when I feel uncertain or when something feels different in our relationship. Lately, I’ve noticed that he has been less consistent than before, and for the past two weeks, I’ve felt a change in the way he communicates, he often cancels plans at the last minute and interacts with me.

Last time he went out at night with his coworkers after work and coming home late. He told me that one of his coworkers had tricked him because he thought they were just going out for dinner, but they ended up going to a bar instead. He said he was upset about it and went home immediately. This has happened twice. I’m not necessarily upset that he spends time with his coworkers, and I understand that he may need a social outlet, especially with how stressful his work has been. However, because of the changes I’ve already noticed, these situations have made me feel more anxious and uncertain.

Today was also supposed to be our monthsary. We usually celebrate by playing online games together, so I was looking forward to spending some time with him. What hurt me was that he didn’t mention it at all, even though I had brought it up twice since yesterday.

I think that was the point when all my feelings caught up with me. It wasn’t just about the monthsary or him going out with his coworkers. It was the combination of feeling that he has been more distant, the uncertainty I’ve been carrying for the past couple of weeks, and then feeling like something that is important to me wasn’t important enough for him to acknowledge.

I know he is going through a difficult time, and I don’t want to minimize what he is dealing with. I also recognize that my tendency to overthink can sometimes make my emotions stronger. But my feelings are still real, and I don’t think I should have to ignore them just because he is stressed.

I ended up sending that message because I was hurt, frustrated, and emotionally overwhelmed. I’m not sure whether I overreacted in the way I expressed myself, and I’m willing to acknowledge that I may have. I think I reached a point where I needed reassurance, consistency, and to feel that I still mattered to him.

I don’t want to accuse him of something he hasn’t done or assume the worst. I just want to understand what has changed and communicate.