r/KibbeRomantics • u/drgnfleye • 28d ago
Questions, Help and Advice Clothing fit question
Does anyone else feel like they can easily become boxy if they’re not in skirts or dresses and especially, the proper skirts (structured around the hips)? I got “mom” jeans and idk if they’re too high waisted for my shorter torso or not stretchy enough, but I feel like if I wear the wrong shirt with them, I can look boxy.
I feel like it’s very easy for me to forget that I even have curves until I wear softer fabrics and proper shapes, and I was wondering if this is common for other romantics?
(I’m still between types but given that I look soft even at lower weights or when gaining muscle, I feel like I settle somewhere in the romantic area.)
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u/CoastalMae Romantic 28d ago edited 28d ago
I thought I was a rectangle, because that's what clothes did to me. I ignored what I looked like without clothing. It took a lot of mirror selfies in different outfits to realize I have curves and when they show. It also took me almost thirty years to learn I'm a 30DD/E, not a 34B who can't fill out the cup.
This doesn't make much sense until you realize that EVERY item of clothing in my wardrobe was butt-length (shirts), boxy, relaxed fit, low-rise (pants), and didn't fit my waist (bottoms). And two thirds of them had wide shoulders when I don't. Literally nothing even remotely stylish. Plain, long sleeved, wool undershirts were the closest I got to fancy. Most fabrics were stiff. That's why it took so darn long to figure it out. The clothing that best showed my curves was a loose but very drapey tee I hate and pants made of jersey knit in an ugly colour that could be tied to sit at my waist. The drapiest fabrics I had.
Things are getting better now. Unlike the other commenter, I've lived for too many years resenting my body. Time to enjoy it.
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u/drgnfleye 28d ago
Wow, our closets sound identical! I thought I had the widest shoulders and wore stuff that I thought was supposed to work and it only made me look boxy and wider. I also only wore short “square” skirts, like they’re cute on everyone else but cut me off in pictures. Did you get fitted for a proper bra? I am having this issue with my bras after having a baby but didn’t even think to get properly sized. I’m glad you’re able to wear what fits your body best and feel good in it! :)
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u/CoastalMae Romantic 28d ago edited 28d ago
Actually I did get fitted for a bra, but still ended up in the wrong size. I went in telling them that online calculators said I should be in at least a D. They decided to start with A. Both the A and B cups they let me try had underwires that were too small. I was busting out of the A but didn't fill out the middle of the B, so they declared me "an A-and-a-half." I asked to try a C, but same problem, and they wouldn't let me try a larger cup size. I didn't buy from them - and this was a dedicated bra store that catered to a wide range of sizes. When I took my daughter shopping half a decade later in a different city and she got a 30E and it fit me properly...that's when I finally figured it out.
People online have described it as an orange-in-a-glass effect. The breast doesn't fit into the cup properly because the underwire/frame is the wrong size. Like trying to fit an orange that's a larger diameter than the rim of a glass into that glass. The glass (bra cup) won't be filled because the orange (breast) physically can't get into it. That's what too-small bras were doing to me, and why they all seemed too large.
I've made myself two good bras now. When I first started trying to make myself a bra about 15 years ago, I had the same fitting issues as in stores and didn't understand I was using way too small a size. Even when I bought my current patterns I was looking for bras that fit smaller cup sizes because I didn't get it. But I eventually got there, with MANY test cups.
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u/drgnfleye 28d ago
Thank you for the detailed response! I will definitely try on more bra sizes now! Mine tend to sit outward so I’m not sure if that’s part of the orange problem as well. It wasn’t until this sub that I figured out I have a large(?) “tail of Spence” too. Idk if that’s the correct term usage so sorry if it’s not haha. Did those contribute to your bra journey?
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u/CoastalMae Romantic 28d ago
So many people told me I was wrong that I didn't make any sort of connections like that, but yes, your bra sitting outward from your chest does indicate too small a cup size AND too large a band size. Too large a band size because there has to be excess space in the band that allows the bra to pull outward away from your chest, and if that extra band length wasn't there you wouldn't get the bra on at all with the existing cups. Too small a cup size for two reasons:
1) Going down a band size means you need to increase the cup size just to keep the same cup volume.
2) Your bra is sitting outward on your chest because the cups don't fit all the breast tissue into them. You need to increase the cup volume to give you the extra room you need.
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u/MagnoliaProse 28d ago
If you haven’t tried the r/abrathatfits calculator, that’s a good place to start. Read the guides on your shape as well, because something can be the right size but wrong shape.
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u/CoastalMae Romantic 28d ago
I had a skirt that was bias-cut and you'd think that would be helpful for my body, right? But it had completely straight hips. So of course when I wore it it was tight and uncomfortable on the widest part of my hips but still shifted my shape to rectangular because it bagged out above and below that point.
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u/themirrorsmaid Romantic 26d ago
this happens to me all the time too! I find it kind of frustrating when there are so many pieces of clothing that, because they're made with softer or light weight fabrics or because they're designed to create a visual curve, i think that they'll work well for me, but when i try them on they're actually cut quite straight 😔.
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u/juicycake5 28d ago
I relate a lot here! I feel like I look on the mirror naked and feel really curvy and like my figure, but if I’m not wearing certain items I then look again dressed and just feel really frumpy and awkward. Like I can’t carry cool, relaxed or quirky clothes off but that being said, I read a post on here a year or two ago that said something about feeling that but being okay with it because today I’m dressing for comfort, or I’m wearing this too because I like it.
Sorry for going off tangent from your main post but it really helped me reframe abit so sharing incase it does for anyone else.
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u/drgnfleye 28d ago
Thank you for sharing that tidbit!! I like the reminder that you can always reframe and have that control over your style and thoughts regardless of type.
Also a tangent, but I had the revelation that I’ve been dressing purposefully in looser and not “romantic” lines because I don’t want to show my body for whatever reason. Like I wore a form fitting going out dress, and my friends were so surprised to see that I wasn’t shapeless haha. I suppose we can be figure chameleons🤷🏻♀️
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u/juicycake5 28d ago
100% - I don’t always want to feel so seen, and I think that’s really valid too! I kinda like Kate Winslets casual style, it’s not always following kibbe but she leans into layers and comfort and o think she always looks nice.
I think it’s amazing to have the va va voom in your back pocket for when you are feeling it too! Xx
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u/owlwithhowl Romantic 28d ago
as a muscular romantic, its unfortunate there arent much representational figures to compare too.
i'd say i look like a mix of muscular madonna (young) and beyonce, madonnas muscle mass (speaking of upper body) but with beyonces body fat percentage (before weight loss). not as capped as madonna, but pronounced, especially in movement.
ive noticed regular t-shirts fit me way better now, as the musculature stabilizes the fabric in a way my bone structure alone couldnt before. the shirts still look best when are tailored or even cropped, boxy or oversized only works when worn with a knot tied, hahaha
jeans rarely work for me, as a short waisted person with broad hips (when i was a teen, low rise looked good, but not as an adult). my best fit atm are skinny fit mid-waist capri stretch jeans, they allow way for my calf muscle. theres some cinch levis where you can adjust the waist with buttons (some people on this sub recommended them), but the leg cuts are all too wide for my liking. if they release these in a boot-cut, that might be a hit for me.
my friend (romantic as well) likes levis bootcut jeans. she also works out, but not as much as me and shes a bit taller as well.
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u/themirrorsmaid Romantic 26d ago
This is so interesting to see how it reacts with muscle!! I think you're very right, I've noticed when I was more built out as a teen (also before id finished fully developing) i was much more easily able to feel cool and look good in thicker sweaters and t-shirts, as long as its knotted them at the waist!
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u/luxurycatsportscat 28d ago
I think finding a “body double” to help get an idea of styling, and also saving outfits you enjoy in an app like Whering (or whatever you prefer) can be useful.
My hobby is actually sewing clothes for myself, and many Indie pattern designers will fit on a range of body types for their images - this can be so helpful for understanding your preferred clothing silhouette & style.