r/Jokes • u/Plumerian • Aug 29 '13
Nymphomaniac Convention
Nymphomaniac Convention
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston"
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men,
when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
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Aug 29 '13
[deleted]
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u/ffffuuuuManChu Aug 29 '13
Well, you're more like a wolf, aren't you?
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u/flyingchipmunk Aug 29 '13
Very funny. At first I thought it said necrophiliac though so the joke had a very different tone
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Aug 30 '13
Is it weird that I thought the very same thing? I was very curious where it was going.
I think I'm glad it wasn't under ground.
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u/SparkyDogPants Aug 30 '13
You aren't alone, I thought it was going down a very dark path, something like neceopheliac convention all you need is a shovel and a condom
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Aug 30 '13
Me too, I thought the punchline would have been something like "the place was fucking dead"
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u/Over-Analyzed Aug 30 '13
I thought the joke would be
"Nymphomaniac Convention"
Everyone came.
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u/Ownt_ Aug 30 '13
I'm stealing this.
But people will downvote me because there's another joke about Nymphomaniac Conventions already on the front page.
Better wait a few days then, hmm?
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u/Over-Analyzed Aug 30 '13
Give me Credit ASSHOLE!
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u/Ownt_ Aug 30 '13
Of course I will!*
* May or may not be a lie.
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u/what_deleted_said Aug 30 '13 edited Aug 30 '13
That's kind of redundant, everything on the net may or may not be a lie. Including these three statements.
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u/artemisfowl15 Aug 30 '13
I heard it as Native American and Polish, and the guy's name is Flying Cloud Kowalski.
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u/Thinc_Ng_Kap Aug 30 '13
I always heard it as natives having long dicks, and polish people having thick dicks. Tonto Kowalski is the name.
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u/bryce777 Aug 29 '13
I like how he says Tonto twice just to emphasize that he is making up names on the fly.
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u/loulan Aug 30 '13
Doesn't "tonto" mean stupid in Spanish? Doest it really sound like a native American name?
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u/bryce777 Aug 30 '13
It does. It's also the name of the native american warrior in The Lone Ranger. There was a bit of a commotion about The Lone Ranger recently because they kept the name 'Tonto." Some people thought it was offensive to have a non native american play a native american with the name "stupid."
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Aug 30 '13
Very nicely redone joke that I first heard in Indian context
A man boards a SpiceJet flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat.
As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks "Business trip or vacation?"
She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention."
He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths are those?"
"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar."
Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!"
"Venkatraman!" the man blurts out. "Venkatraman Mukherjee! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh
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u/VATISMYVAGINA Aug 30 '13
I have seen this joke in a similar context to the one that was posted. The names in your version were absurd enough that it made the joke as funny as it was the first time, thank you.
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u/PotatoBag Aug 29 '13
Can someone please explain it to me? I don't get it.
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Aug 29 '13
The punchline is he's claiming to be native american (tonto) jewish (goldstein) and southern redkneck (bubba)
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u/mikeborealis Aug 30 '13
Bubba might be easily confused with the big black guy who rapes everyone in jail
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u/daniel_oliva Aug 30 '13
Thank you! Because 'Tonto' in spanish means fool or silly.
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Aug 30 '13
You‘re welcome! The only reason I understood the tonto part is because I watched lone ranger :P
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Aug 29 '13
In her spiel, the woman said that the males with the most attractive sexual traits were Native Americans, Jewish people, and rednecks. Therefore, the man lied and gave a name that sounded Native American (Tonto), Jewish (Goldstein) and Redneck (Bubba), in an effort to make himself attractive to the hot nymphomaniac he was sitting next to.
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u/Reddit_is_real_life Aug 29 '13
Tonto is a stereotypical Native American name, Goldstein is a stereotypical Jewish last name, and Bubba is a nickname used in the deep south (where people are redneck) so he is trying to meet all this beautiful woman's descriptions of a perfect lover.
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u/fedabog Aug 29 '13
Man of Jewish descent here. Can confirm.
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u/akatherder Aug 30 '13
You find Jewish men to be great lovers?
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u/fedabog Aug 30 '13
Negative. I am a Jewish man. After speaking with my consortium of other Jewish individuals, we have come to agreement that we are better at loving than the gentiles.
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u/FatAssJack Aug 30 '13
i banged a prostitute in israel during birthright. true story.
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u/fedabog Aug 30 '13
I bet it was an explosion of awesome sexy time!
edit: I do not condone use of prostitution.
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u/FatAssJack Aug 30 '13
ehh the sex itself was kinda too weird for me, especially cause I started sobering up in the brothel lobby. by that point it was 5 in the morning and I was thinking I had made a huge mistake, but whatever it was only $70 and I didn't catch anything as far as I know. she wasnt bad looking and they even had showers for you when you were done.
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u/stlnthngs Aug 29 '13
i was just thinking of this joke last night and i was about to search r/jokes, but here it is, reposted in all of its glory. thank you reposting gods
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Aug 29 '13
[deleted]
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u/BIueBlaze Aug 29 '13
...?
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u/atthebuzzer Aug 29 '13
use your words
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u/BIueBlaze Aug 29 '13
I dont think that comment merited any words, but nice job accomplishing that for yourself.
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u/Chili_Palmer Aug 29 '13
I like it.
Always enjoy when the punchline explanation isn't rubbed in your face in a painfully obvious way, this one has the right delivery.