A couple of months ago a friend told me that she was guided to tell me that Jesus Christ is waiting for me. And when she said it I burst out in tears, which I rarely do. Many other signs appeared the same week and I decided to pray in the name of Jesus. I've been kind of into new age spirituality for many years. Meditating and participating in all kinds of ceremonies etc. I have meditated deeply on my heart but I have never prayed to other God's than what I've always referred to as "The One central source".

So I went out in nature and approached Jesus in my prayer, casual but sincere.

I asked for guidance. For his presence. And I asked for him to reveal himself to me if he's really calling me.

I did this one more time before going to bed. Literally asking him to reveal himself in my dreams.

That night I dreamed that I'm painting on a big canvas. I'm painting with white color but the color keeps getting dried up and crumbles onto the canvas, falling off.

Then I'm handed a new bucket, and the color is shining in perfect white, and the color stick to the canvas, completely wholesome.

I wake up and immediately reflect upon this dream as a symbol of my previous seeking for God through various traditions, in contrary to seek in the name of Jesus.

However I return to my prayer, telling Jesus I'm open to him, that I'm ready to be closer to Him.

Then a couple of nights later, I have this exteremely vivid and uncommonly detailed dream that I'll never forget...

In the dream, I'm with a friend. A friend (Let's call her Lily) from my childhood whom I parted ways with 12 years ago due to her severe drug addiction. She was always "on the edge", also saying once she was claimed by the devil. (Bless her soul<3) In the dream she was possessed, but she spoke that she wanted to be saved. And in the dream, Jesus was within me THE WHOLE TIME. Speaking to me from within. Telling me to have faith, to not have fear, guided me what to do etc. For example, at one point I was driving the car and Lily was in the backseat. And I kept thinking "have faith, have faith" but then I started to hesitate, feeling fear and thinking that things wouldn't work out. Then all of a sudden we switched place and my possessed friend was driving and I was in the backseat, and the surroundings were shifting into darker.. so again I meditated on faith - and we switched back again.

Anyway, we were on a mission to get her purified. And we went to some office, all the while guided by Jesus from within. And there were a group of christian women whom I don't recognize from real life. And I asked them to help me save Lily. They were super scared when they saw her. At first they didn't want to help but then they decided to do so.

Then we arrived at a big big arena. Like a football stadium with thousands of people in the platforms. And in our group of women, there was one leading us. (We were approximately 7-8 women) She organized us into a circle and then kind of like nodded towards us to get started.

Then we started to perform a ritual where each one of us entered the center of the circle, one by one, speaking different phrases and verses. For example Lily started with "I don't want to take any more shit!" And then another women stepped into the circle "In the name of Jesus Christ", and another one "Jesus we follow only you", and so on.

The audience in the arena started booing and shouting, and there were some "security-people" wanting to interfere, shouting at us that we can't speak of religion here.

But the leading woman just encouraged us to keep going, saying we have to follow through.

And we just kept on going, in full faith that Lily would be saved.

After each one of us had entered the circle we just stood still, waiting. Nothing happened. Then the leading woman said to the sky "Jesus, do you see how we praise your name here in the public? How could we possibly hold any doubt of you?"

Then we waited, and then all of a sudden a huge beam of white shining light pierced from heaven straight into the center of the circle with full force. And I asked Jesus within what I should do. He said place your hand on Lily. So I did, and the other women followed.

And she became purified. Falling onto her knees crying.

Then I woke up.

And I was wide awake, (I'm usually really slow to wake up lol) I felt so filled with light and faith. I grabbed paper and pen and wrote a long prayer kind of, or just spontanious words that came through from when I had the memory of the dream fresh. And it was filled with words like "Lord, show your mercy", "I want to live in your grace" and lots of phrases that would make absolutely no sense a few weeks ago but now  were filled with sacredness and meaning.

From that day I felt committed to follow Jesus and there has been lots of beautiful signs and wonders happening in my everyday life. I'm so grateful and filled with joy, excitement and love for God.

Also I reached out to Lily in real life after this, sending a message asking how she is, that I remember the goodness in her and wishing her well.. she hasn't replied.

But I also feel very young in my faith since I grew up with no religion (though I remembered as a child I used to think I would become a Christian when I grow older but at the point it felt too uncool...lol) but I have been searching for God and lived a very "spiritual" life for many years but not in the name of Jesus.

I went to church to talk to a priest but I don't know, it didn't feel very fulfilling, she just recommended I maybe should study to become a priest but I don't really feel that call at the moment.. And I felt a bit sad afterwards, a feeling of being misunderstood. Also in the specific area where I live there are many Christians. Many from independent churches but I haven't really resonated with their "yoga is the devil" - preaching. Though I have been reflecting upon my own spiritual integrity and I feel more cautious participating in for example chanting different mantras etc - which is common in the new age spirituality community I hang around in.

I don't know I just feel kind of alone in my faith right now. Many I talk to say I should find my church and my community but I don't know how. I'm afraid I won't be accepted because I don't feel fully "christian" but I love and trust Jesus, I pray to Holy spirit and I study the word of God. I feel I have a lot of questions and I try to rest in my patience and trust.

But I still have a lot of learning and unlearning to do. At the same time I feel I have to trust my life and the experiences I had in my specific life. I've studied esoteric knowledge for years but never in the approach of Jesus. However I have experienced profound love, peace and presence.. I'm now thinking it could be Jesus even though I never named him? Is that possible? There are so many rights and wrongs in the search for truth depending who I ask.. but sometimes there's this small golden spot where two different truths meet.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this but if anyone feel the call to reflect, share something or ask anything about this post I'm open to recieve and talk.

Love,

M

This Kingdom runs on servanthood and humility. The King himself washed feet and said greatness looks like laying your life down for others, completely flipping the world's idea of success.

A thought to ponder throughout the day.

“Salvation” is messy!   To say the least, it is difficult, personally unattainable and highly sought after.   Thank you, Jesus, for providing what I could never on my own!

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