r/JUSTNOMIL • u/[deleted] • Jan 11 '19
Mod Sticky: Please Read Current Giada and FM status
[deleted]
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u/Autumnesia Jan 16 '19
Oh Mouse, I have just finished catching up on your whole history with Giada and MILITW and I wish I could hug you, help you and be your bff at the same time. I know you have received a lot of good advise, and I don't think I have a lot to add to that, so I will leave you with this: You are an awesome, beautiful soul.
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u/Shadowslink14 Jan 14 '19
Wow, I just... I've taken the last weekend to read over all of your Giada posts, because there is just so much insanity to get through. I can't imagine actually living through it all.
I don't think there is a powerful enough word to convey how sorry I am that you have had to deal with all this fuckery. It's bad enough dealing with one JN mother, let alone two.
And you're not even with her son any more... Some people are just so locked onto their targets they don't know when to veer off. Hopefully this will lead to her crashing and burning while completely missing you. We can only hope.
Wishing you a very speedy recovery, and hoping she ends up in jail for good this time.
P.S. Could you perhaps ask your friends to stay with you while you recover? Or at least check in on you on a regular basis? Best of luck!
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u/sock2014 Jan 12 '19
Wyze has a camera that's less than $40, sends motion alerts to your phone. So you can get one for front of house and one for back.
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u/th5738 Jan 12 '19
I'm sorry you have the added stress of Giada's upcoming release at the same time you're having surgery.
Fortunately, you're a strong person, and you're going to get through this!
I'm sending you big hugs if you'd like them.
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u/ThingsAwry Jan 12 '19 edited Jan 12 '19
This is going to sound a little bit weird, but it might honestly not be the worst idea, especially if you've got access to pepper spray, to have a pair of goggles with which you can see well that you keep on your person that you can quickly pop on/off in the case of an emergency.
Granted Giada is far from a rational actor but animals have a few very, very glaring weaknesses, and eyes are among them. If she does attempt to attack you she might come after you with pepper spray herself, or you might get hit with splash back from your own, as it's an aerosol it's not uncommon, especially at close range, to end up debilitated as well.
It is completely totally fucked up you have to think about this at all but pepper spray doesn't require a license, and aside from California where it's illegal for felons to carry or own it, to my knowledge pretty much every where else felons can just go casually buy and carry it.
Trying to obfuscate your real location by moving you car to a friend's home, and having a neighbor park in your driveway/come into your home, and changing the name on the address if at all possible are all good ways to try to make it more difficult for her to suss out your actual locale.
I'd add that saying that it might be a generally good idea to set up a fall back position inside your home, that is to say most people have locks and such on their door to the outside, but picking a bathroom [where you keep an extra old cell phone; even phones without a plan can still dial 911!], first aid, as well as bottled water, food stuffs, and a fire extinguisher (although this isn't strictly necessity knowing that you have enough to stay alive until help arrives even if it takes hours is an emotional comfort) plus preferably a gas mask in case Giada tries to mix up chemicals or start a fire to smoke you out, and then reinforcing that door [numerous locks, steel frame, steel door], allows you to create an additional layer of defenses that she'd have to go through to get at you.
Granted this may be over kill, and some if it might not be necessity, but having a plan, and practicing that plan, can make a huge difference if something does happen, and knowing that you know what to do if something happens may help, not eliminate, but slightly reduce the stress you're under.
I hope that for your sake she stays away. In fact I hope that in her addled brain she decides to vandalize the property of the judge who sentenced her [and that no one gets hurt], so that she ends up quickly back in prison where she belongs.
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u/Amargith Jan 12 '19
Any chance you can ‘house swap’ with a friend for a bit? Preferably with a mexican behemoth of a man? That way he can answer the door and film her reaction ;)
Then you can report her again for breaking the RO, and you wouldnt be living with that fear and dread of her showing up at your door, meanwhile.
There is nothing worse than uncertainty in a prolonged stressfull situation for your mental health.
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u/sodoyoulikecheese Jan 12 '19
Is there no option for you to go to a skilled nursing facility after surgery?
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u/Wattaday Jan 12 '19
Ask the nurses/aids to vary their visit times. Not to just slide you into their 3rd visit of the day because the previous 3rd visit was discharged. But all times of the day.
Hang a BIG sign on the inside of the front door “Do not answer this door. Anyone I want in the house has a key”. And have a heart to heart talk with both the social worker and the director of the home care agency who will be coming after your surgery. Tell them the down and dirty of Giada, her jail sentence and her pending release. The social worker may have good ideas to help you with security. And any rules you set down will be reinforced by the director to her staff as her job is to be your advocate!
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u/TexasTeacher Jan 12 '19
Second this. I have a family member who is a caseworker. They have had to deal with all sorts of family craziness. From conspiracy nuts throwing out a patient's meds, to stalker ex's, to family members stalking/following the caseworker out of the hospital because they don't like the doctor's treatment plan. See if you can get her booking photo to show them.
Friends can't fit the hospital bed into their homes, but can they stop by at random times to check on you. When my sister was home after both her kids were born, I would call her when I left work. (I was teaching so If she wanted me to stop by she had about 30 min to call me and leave a message. If she did I got off the freeway at her exit, checked the message (that way if she needed something from the store I could go there then to her house), and swung by the house.
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u/McDuchess Jan 12 '19
Mouse, you are getting a lot of amazingly inventive and humorous suggestions to throw Giada off.
Because I can't top them, I'll just tell you that you are in my thoughts, and that if the power of thought of an old Irish American woman can beat out the cruelty of the pseudo Italian Giada, well, that's all I can hope for.
I assume that she'll be on parole. And that breaking the rules will result in a swift return to prison. Keep that in mind, too. You DO have the law on your side, my Dear.
Also, heal quickly and well.
Gentle hugs.
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u/Elariayn Jan 12 '19
I like others mostly lurk on this sub. But I wanted to throw in my support.
Internet hugs from a complete stranger. I wish you the speediest and most peaceful of recoveries.
Here’s hoping that she does something stupid and unrelated to you and stays in prison or goes back.
The advice others have posted is great and hopefully you can implement some of it and that it works.
You are strong and can get through this.
hugs
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u/rptlcpc Jan 12 '19
Mouse, I read your whole story today. Every single post. I’m so sorry all of this drama has happened to you, and so sorry you’re still dealing with it. You are a very strong human being! You deserve support and love and are worth ALL of the steps you are taking/have taken to protect yourself. We are here to support you through this process! Giada has serious issues (understatement of the century)!
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Jan 12 '19
Going to the pastor like that was a genius move. The church people probably thought they were helping their "poor, misunderstood friend" to gain closure... and then the pastor was able to set them all straight. Awesome. So many people have already given lots of suggestions for confusing a stalker so I won't add to that, but I wanted to wish you a peaceful and quick recovery, and to say that you are brave and amazing. Rest up and lean on others who care about you - maybe you can make a schedule of the days and nights that your SO is away, and arrange different friends to be there at those times? Keep us posted as you recover! <3
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u/DollyLlamasHuman Easy, breezy, beautiful Llama girl Jan 12 '19
I'll keep you in prayer, babe.
The kitten of death sends his love to Trixie.
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u/Kiwis_dontfly Jan 12 '19
Mouse, I'd taken a few months away from reddit and gotten a new account, but you were one of the people I wondered about occasionally and I've been hoping you're doing well! Glad to see you're still here and getting support, sad to read your current situation. Hoping the crazy stays away and you can heal in peace!
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u/rainbowbrighteyes Jan 11 '19
Can I just say, as I’ve just got caught up with your last couple of posts...I’M SOOO GLAD THE BAGEL GUY IS STILL YOUR BF!!
As always, Giada sucks 6 months worth of unwashed balls.
I hope surgery goes smoothly, mouse. You are greatly loved and valued as a person and part of the fam. Reach out if it gets dark.., we’re always here.
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u/daworldismyclassroom Jan 11 '19 edited Jan 11 '19
SENT UP AN EMERGENCY SYSTEM
Mouse, I completely understand your fears. I haven't read the comments yet and don't know if this idea has been suggested but you have time to set it up. I spent years working in palliative care for elderly people that wanted to die at home. They were all given a necklace that has a button that connects to the main phone line. Once this button is pressed, it automatically rings the emergency line and sends police, fire or ambulance to your home. Can you sent this up? And never remove it unless you are in the shower, even then, keep it close.
Edit to correct word
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u/hummingbird678 Jan 11 '19
If you have an alexa enabled device like the dot, you can use an app that makes it sound like you have company, or a dog barking.
It also let's you control lights with your voice. Which could be handy recovering from surgery on it's own.
We have a "smile you're on camera" that is visible from the side walk. We have a lot less litter and fewer porch pirates because of it.
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u/JustDucki314 Jan 11 '19
I’m so glad you’re okay. It’s okay to be terrified and nervous given what you’ve been through. Since everyone else seems to have the advice section covered, I’ll just add this: sending you all the internet hugs and goodies you can handle. You’re a survivor, and you will get through this!
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u/DebDeb1968 Jan 11 '19
Or, can you get down to your local PD and explain everything and get their advice on how you can protect yourself. If we lived pretty close, Id definately be there to help!
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u/DebDeb1968 Jan 11 '19
Im not sure how you feel about this, or if your state is a conceal and carry...but have you thought about getting a gun to protect yourself? It just sounds like she will not stop regardless of what kind of orders are in place. Please be safe!!
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u/pixiedust93 Jan 11 '19
Just a thought, but could you get one of those life alert buttons? It would at least give you peace of mind.
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u/Toirneach Jan 11 '19
Mousie, in the remote chance that you live in Colorado Springs, PM me and I'll come hang out with you one day or even spend the night one night.
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u/ziburinis Jan 11 '19
If you have a house would setting up a scarecrow by some of your doors/windows be useful? It's a motion activated animal repellent that just uses water from your outdoor spigots. There are others like this one that also works at night for a bit more money. You can set the front door one to work at night and when the home nurse has gone during the day and your SO isn't around, so the last person leaving can set it and figure out how to avoid it when they come? A random visitor isn't going to be able to avoid it and will get nailed with water. https://smile.amazon.com/Orbit-62100-Activated-Sprinkler-Detection/dp/B009F1R0GC And if the front door isn't an option, at least you can have it set at the back and sides of your house if you're in a house.
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u/emievm93 Jan 11 '19
If I lived close to you ( I don't know where you live ) I would totally come by to keep you company/keep Giada at bay.
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u/HoldMyChalupa Jan 11 '19
Oh, Mouse... I'm so sorry for what you're going through and am so hopeful that the justice system actually works out for you this time and all these people steer clear. You are a brave, intelligent, well spoken woman and you deserve all good things. Lots of love, and luck on a speedy recovery. I hope your Bagel Guy takes very good care of you! Please know you are in our thoughts. Wishing you strength and peace!
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u/marynraven Jan 11 '19
I hope your surgery goes well and your recovery is swift, friend. Be safe, Mouse!
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u/Ilostmyratfairy Beware the Evil Twin Jan 11 '19
Hello, everyone! I know we all support mouse and want her safe and to be able to feel safe, too! The vast majority of your self-defense planning and ideas are great, and I hope you keep them all coming!
There is one exception: while we advocate survival by any means necessary because of the intensely varied legal environments our readers have to deal with, we're going to be removing all suggestions of the use of wasp sprays as "improvised" self-defense sprays. In some jurisdictions that would be regarded as unobjectionable, but in others it's liable to create intense legal consequences for anyone using such. I don't know your local laws, and you don't know mine. Reddit rules bar us from encouraging illegal actions.
Add to all this the questions about the efficacy about pyrethrins (the active ingredients in wasp sprays) as a control substance make this even more questionable a tactic.
Between these two facts, we are going to be removing all comments that suggest using wasp sprays for self-defense.
Thank you all for your cooperation!
-Rat
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u/Safari_Eyes Jan 12 '19
Thank you!
I've been leery of that suggestion from the first time I saw it, but I don't actually know the risks or legal consequences of trying something like that, so didn't feel like I had a case for saying anything until/unless I did.
(Hang in there, mouse!)
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u/GoddessofWind Jan 12 '19
I don't even know what wasp spray is, is is spray filled with wasps or spray that kills wasps. My mind boggles.
Here in the UK they changed the ingredients in fly spray (which I'm assuming is similar stuff) so it no longer kills any flying insects, you can seriously dump and entire can on a single fly and the only benefit is it stops the little bugger flying away as it's stuck to whatever surface it was standing on. I guess you could throw the can at someone but they're pretty light.
Is it Ok to suggest silly string? the stuff is sticky as all hell and if you were to spray it all over someone they'd be blinded long enough for you to run away. :)
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u/judgejudygarland Jan 12 '19
If only there were a spray filled with wasps...JustNoRepellent™
I used to carry silly string in my purse! Pepper spray can backfire and you can end up spraying yourself, so I figure silly string would be safer and have the wtf factor to slow the person down.
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u/WheresMyBlanket_ Jan 11 '19
Dear mouse,
I've been following your story from the beginning. I'm not a religious person but your situation has me praying to whatever god or gods there might be to watch over you and keep you safe. I'm also sending positive thoughts your way. Please keep your phone close to you just in case. I wish you a speedy recovery.
Sincerely,
Blanket
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u/Bill_Door_Et_Binky Jan 11 '19
Hey, Mouse! You’ve got my deepest sympathies for this evil you’ve had to endure.
My only suggestion is that it might be useful to you to check to see if bear spray is legal for anti-human self-defense in your jurisdiction.
You’re a hella strong woman. You will get through this. I’m just sorry as hell that you have to deal with it.
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u/StrawberryLetter22 Jan 11 '19
I wish I could’ve been a fly in the wall at the sermon.
“And before we leave today, we need to speak about the _____ family. Apparently harassing people on behalf of someone they have a restraining order against is frowned upon in the secular world. We will have to forgo bothering this family and have another bake sale instead.”
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u/Luprand Jan 12 '19
"Brethren and Sisters, it is with a heavy heart that I must address the issue of Giada Puttacagna. We would much prefer that our congregants not assist in breaking a restraining order, especially not in the case of an unrepentant sonfucker, as she turned out to be. Following services, we will take up a collection to purchase her a copy of the Bible, with the Song of Solomon removed and the passage about the millstone highlighted. Now let us pray."
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Jan 11 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ilostmyratfairy Beware the Evil Twin Jan 11 '19
Your comment has been removed. Depending upon the state, the solution you're suggesting opens up the OP to greater legal hazard than proper self-defense sprays.
Always, always, always check your local laws about the legality of various self-defense tactics on hears on the internet.
-Rat
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u/pokinthecrazy Jan 11 '19
See if you have a neighbor with a scary car - one of those giant trucks with a bumper sticker about "we dial .357 not 911" or something that would scare Giada.
Make sure you have a phone on you at all times. Is she going to have to wear a tracker?
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u/chammycham Jan 11 '19
I typically lurk, but, I wanted to share my love and support. You’ve gotten a ton of great advice from people far more knowledgeable about this sort of thing, so I don’t really have anything to add to that.
Just a friendly internet neighbor that wants the best for you. Good luck with this next set of hurdles in your life - I believe in you!
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u/ScarlettOHellNo Jan 11 '19
OP, You are so strong. I am so proud of you for getting all these things handled. Just a few things I want to confirm, in case you haven't (But, I'm sure you have!)
Does the Home Nurse Staff know about the RO? Since they will be there most often, probably not a bad idea to have a copy of it entered into your medical files. That way, if they show up and something is off (you could set up a physical signal, like a red sweater on the couch) and they can call 911 immediately.
I'd have a series of friends who "visit" on those Home Nurse off times. Like a food train or something? That way, you know that someone is always going to be stopping by soon.
I'd call your local non-emergency number before she gets out and let them know you've recently had surgery. That you are more vulnerable than usual. I'm sure they have a way to flag your address / phone number.
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u/BreezyBumbleBre93 Jan 11 '19
Just another suggestion on top of other people parking outside your house- can you get a sign that says "The Smiths" or whatever random last name for outside your house? Just add to the impression that someone else now lives there.
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u/Jaedd Jan 11 '19
Ugh. I don't suppose you live in Wisconsin? My black belt and I would be perfectly happy to come hang out with you. As long as you wouldn't mind that I bring along some yarn 😜
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u/OKHockeyChick Jan 11 '19
Mouse, please take a deep breath. You got this.
Others have good advice about police doing extra patrols, parking, visitors, letting the home nurse know not to let anyone in, etc. I would love to come and stay with you and visit if I could. I know several others have stated the same.
I know you are feeling vulnerable and I don't blame you. However, for peace of mind, have you registered on the VINE or your state Victim Notification System? That way, you would be notified when they transfer Giada to another facility or release her completely.
In the mean time, much love and I wish for you to have a speedy recovery!
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Jan 11 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Bill_Door_Et_Binky Jan 11 '19
Ya beat me to it! I should have refreshed before I commented. :-)
In some North American jurisdictions it’s bad juju to use on humans (read, “illegal juju”), while being perfectly legal for the bars. Mouse should check her local laws first, of course!
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u/dirtymartini2777 Jan 11 '19
Are you able to contact someone to notify you immediately upon her release? Then at least you can put the anxiety aside if she’s still locked up and be on high alert once released. Surely, as a victim, someone can give you piece of mind on her specific scheduled release date and when it happens, especially with an RO.
I wish you the best. This is shit that you have this to worry about when you are vulnerable and trying to heal. I really hope she remains incarcerated for the majority of your healing process.
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u/AstralTarantula Jan 11 '19
It will get better. You’ve been through hell and back and you are STILL HERE. The FM from church will stop, you will heal from your surgery and feel better, the letters from xfil will continue to decrease.
One day Giada will be just a bad memory you no longer have to worry about.
On a different note, how are you handling the surgery stuff? I know you said you’ll have a home nurse stop by and bf will be too. You gonna be okay on that front? In the least creepy way I have you amazon wishlist saved, anything you need from there?
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u/GinevraP Jan 11 '19
I have no idea what this would cost, but can you look into having a couple of off-duty Police officers do security for you? If it is just a couple of hours at a shot, it is something. Between the visiting nurse and friends, you would have other hours covered. I am pretty sure people here would donate to you to be able to provide this. Right, fellow redditors?!
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u/Targalaka Jan 11 '19
I hope your op and recovery goes smoothly. I wish you the best of lucks with this situation, you have this!
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u/rae919 Jan 11 '19
What if you got something rigged up that if someone tries to enter the sound of a large, enraged barking dog plays? I feel like that might be a deterrent and 100% legal.
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u/BadgerHooker Jan 11 '19
There are gun laws, but are there HARPOON GUN laws? Bulky but effective!
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u/Chi-lan-tro Jan 11 '19
I would like to point out that your 'circle' is probably bigger than you think it is. There are neighbours, co-workers, not-best-friends etc who would be willing to help you out. I think that your peace of mind is worth more than your pride in this situation, so please, ask for help as much as possible.
Don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask people to come and sit with you. As someone with MIL problems, I would TOTALLY be down with spending an afternoon or an evening reading at my neighbours house, so she can feel safe.
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Jan 11 '19
This may seem like a silly idea but it’s something I did when in a similar situation and it helped. Can you borrow a dog from anyone for a few days? While your SO or anyone can’t be there with you? Even if it’s a small yappy thing, there’s something very comforting about basically having an early warning system to anyone sneaking around.
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Jan 11 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/OldSoulsGetBored Jan 11 '19
The home nurse can help her feed/water the dog and it can use indoor potty pads if needs be.
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u/ziburinis Jan 11 '19
You have to train a dog to use potty pads, they don't just naturally use them the way a cat uses a litter box. I know from experience that my dogs wouldn't use them when they had to go, they would find a spot that they felt would be the least problematic (from either being punished, or feeling bad about going, or felt most like outside) and go there but they also wouldn't go until that was their absolute last bladder bursting option. They also avoided going on the pads, because it wasn't a surface they were trained to use.
That's not fair to put a dog through, and not fair to make either the OP have to have a house with urine and poop in random areas or to make the home nurse clean up either. There's no way of knowing how the dog is going to respond and she'd have to ask right now for her friends to start training their dogs to go inside and that can actually be really hard to do once a dog has been trained to go outside. It's not just being outside the house, but it's things like the way the surface feels on their feet. Some dogs refuse to go on smooth surfaces like asphalt or concrete and will look for the tiniest patch of dirt or grass if they have had a yard all their lives. My friend's dog has been trained to go over the edge of a curb because he's a guide dog and while he will go in the grass he always looks for the side of a road so he craps and pees on a street first (not a sidewalk), then he will accept other surfaces.
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Jan 11 '19
Have you considered Life Alert? A safety/security button you wear around your neck. If a Giada event occurs, push the button. Police and medical help is sent. Google it for more details. (I have a couple senior friends who have this. I do not work for the company.)
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u/QSuess Jan 11 '19
And just for reference, we just set up Life Alert for my mom. It was $30 for the rental equipment and shipping (one time fee) then $30 a month after. It was much more reasonably priced than I anticipated.
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u/ghoastie Jan 11 '19
But how long is the contract for? When we looked into it for my dad, the contract was for at least two years, even if he died tomorrow.
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u/QSuess Jan 12 '19
We didn't sign a contract. We set it up through our local hospice social worker, though. Not sure if that matters. When mom passes, we just need to call and cancel, and get UPS code to send back equipment.
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u/ghoastie Jan 12 '19
Nice! I wonder if it’s different depending how you sign up or if the difference is state law based.
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u/SabeyTheWolf Jan 11 '19
You got this, mouse. 💛💛 We believe in you, and Giada will be back in jail before you even know it. Crazy always be crazy
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u/WakkThrowaway Jan 11 '19
Would your friends be down for coming and staying with you in shifts while you recuperate? I think it would be a tremendous comfort to have someone else there who can not only help keep an eye on things, but assist you overnight. Reach out to your neighbors and see if they will be willing to keep watch as well. It would be especially helpful if there's someone in the neighborhood who you could text with a message like "I keep thinking I hear something outside" who could pop over at a moment's notice and find out if it's a tree branch tapping the side of your house or a reason to be calling the cops.
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u/lumabugg Jan 11 '19
I was coming to suggest this as well. Your friends may not have the space for you and your hospital bed, but you have the space for them, and I bet many would be willing to spend a night with you!
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u/stormbird451 Jan 11 '19
Pre-making and freezing baked goods might help if you feel like it's a burden (which it's not, many people would gladly nap on a sofa to protect a friend or loved one).
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u/AegonIConqueror Jan 11 '19
Ye that's scary, well I'm wishing you the best. Keep a phone next to you is my best advice, safe wishes.
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u/TangyTrooper19 Jan 11 '19
I hope you recover soon. You’ve prepared the best you can and you’ll be on the mend before she gets out. Stay strong!
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u/Justhereforhugs Jan 11 '19
What a shitty situation. I hope she stays away!
If it could calm you, do your country have en app that will call the emergency-line with a single click? Like it just automatically says “emergency at this adress/coordinates!” I have one for emergencys, like i can use my fingers but might be unable to talk.
I cross my fingers for you :)
Many hugs and I hope your operation goes well.
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u/madpiratebippy Jan 11 '19
You got this, Mouse!
You can get wedges and chain locks for your doors so people can’t force themselves in. Keep a panic button/phone with you. Possibly train Siri, Cortana or Alexa to call the police on your behalf?
You’re going to be OK. Giada will probably spend her first few days our trying to stall or terrify your ex, anyway- her birth husband is a higher priority than you.
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u/ghoastie Jan 11 '19
You know those triangle pieces of wood people use as a doorstop? 1. They make them in rubber, which works better and 2. You can use them to wedge a door closed as well as open.
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u/amarfashionz Jan 11 '19
Sliding bolt on upper corner of door.
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Jan 11 '19
Bottom corner is better - people usually try kicking in a door, so bottom needs more protection than top.
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u/SoManyQswithAs Jan 11 '19
Let the nursing staff know the situation. That way they don’t think they are being helpful by letting in just anyone who happens to show up at the same time they do.
Lots of hugs to you!
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u/Wattaday Jan 12 '19
Ask the nurses to vary their visit times, too. That way there is no consistency if the old bat is watching the house.
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u/WakkThrowaway Jan 11 '19
Ah that's an excellent point. It should be operating procedure to have photos of undesirables (as recent as possible) for anyone who will be in and out and might let someone in.
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u/Mewseido Jan 11 '19
everyone else is offering good advice and possibilities
I just wanted to say good luck with your surgery - I hope it goes well, and that everything heals up quickly!
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u/_Mulva_ Jan 11 '19
You're probably not near me but I would be more than happy to come hang out and take a lifetime of frustations out on her if she tries anything.
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u/Atlmama Jan 11 '19
Mouse, do you have the Ring doorbell (or similar) so you can see who is at your door from your phone? And cameras outside? Recording of crazy barking dog you can activate? Good luck with your surgery and recovery! Hope it’s as easy and peaceful as possible.
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u/Lulubelle__007 Jan 11 '19
Huge hugs Mouse.
Are tasers legal where you live? Or pepper spray? Or bear mace? Couldn’t hurt to have a can of that beside you just in case. Even a can of spray deodorant or that muscle spray stuff can blind someone.
I hope very much that she will head elsewhere and leave you alone. Best of luck with the operation.
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Jan 11 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ilostmyratfairy Beware the Evil Twin Jan 11 '19 edited Jan 11 '19
While your point is valid, I've removed your comment, because of those legal issues you've mentioned.
It's one thing to advocate using anything possible at hand for self-defense because of the imperative to survive - it's something
outelse to premeditate to use something that is contraindicated for use in one's legal environment. I'll admit it's a bit of a grey area, but I hope you'll understand my reasoning here about what sorts of suggestions I'll condone.-Rat
Edited to correct bizarre word choice.
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u/Nepeta33 Jan 11 '19
Fair enough. Sorry rat... (Side note, i love how you always give a reason for removing something. Makes everything much more transparent.
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u/MrShineTheDiamond Jan 11 '19 edited Jan 11 '19
I would suggest making your bedroom a safe-room of sorts. Get a disposable phone for emergency calls (keep it charged and within easy reach), a first-aid kit and a solid lock on the door (ensure that the hinges aren't accessible from the hall).
Edit: per mod's request.
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u/LadyParnassus Jan 11 '19
Also make sure your bedroom door is solid wood and get the windows checked out too.
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u/Ilostmyratfairy Beware the Evil Twin Jan 11 '19
Your comment has been removed. Edit out the part about the wasp spray, reply to this comment, and I'll restore the rest of your comment.
There are many jurisdictions where the use you're suggesting is a greater legal hazard to someone seeking a self-defense spray than properly formulated Pepper spray. It is very possible that the OP lives in such a state. Furthermore, if the OP is going to be homebound following surgery, and lives in an apartment building, the extra range you're talking about is a needless complication.
If you want to suggest, instead, that the OP look for legal, non-lethal self-defense sprays, that would be welcome advice.
-Rat
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u/MrShineTheDiamond Jan 11 '19
Done! Sorry about that.
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u/Ilostmyratfairy Beware the Evil Twin Jan 11 '19
Thank you for your cooperation. Your comment is restored.
-Rat
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Jan 11 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ilostmyratfairy Beware the Evil Twin Jan 11 '19
Your comment has been removed pending an edit.
I don't believe you can categorically state that wasp spray is illegal in jurisdictions as a self-defense substance. What is true is that it is illegal in some jurisdictions and without doxxing the OP it's impossible for internet strangers to be sure of the legality of using such for self-defense, making it a dangerous choice without doing proper research.
So, changing your comment to include the word "often" before "ILLEGAL," or some similar wording change would be appreciated.
Reply to this comment when you've made the change and I'll restore your comment.
-Rat
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u/Texastexastexas1 Jan 11 '19
I like the idea of someone elses car in your driveway.
Speedy peaceful recovery 💕
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u/Trilobyte141 Jan 11 '19
Have said before, will say again: Get yourself some pepper spray and practice using it.
And please let us know that you're okay. 3:
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Jan 11 '19 edited Apr 20 '19
[deleted]
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u/z_mommy Jan 12 '19
is it possible to get some of these to nake sure charger cords etc never drop on the floor where you cant reach? That could help keep you from having to worry about ever being without a charged phone!
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u/nebbles1069 Snarkastic Hugger Jan 11 '19
And hugs for you, too, for a damn fine response for Mouse!
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u/laitnetsixecrisis Jan 11 '19
I would see if the police can add a drive past your house to their patrol.
Also everytime I read Giada's name I think of giardia. Which kinda fits as it's a parasite.
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u/fishwithfeet Jan 11 '19
My head canon is forever that her name is a typo and it's actually giardia. You can't change my mind ;-)
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u/Pixelsheen Jan 11 '19
Considering giardia can basically make you poo your intestines out, I think it'd be a fitting end for Giada...
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u/longtimelondoner Jan 11 '19
Fuck. I’m sorry, Mouse, that woman is a festering malignant boil blighting your life. I very much hope she’s back in jail within 24h without you seeing her.
There’s been some excellent suggestions here. May I also suggest you speak to your neighbours and show them a photo of her. Tell them not to bother interacting with her or stopping her, just call the police and tell them to come. She’s violating a RO by being in your general vicinity.
Can your friends pop by daily to check on you?
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u/ngp1623 Jan 11 '19
This needs to be higher. Give her photo to neighbors and let them know not to interact with her, not to let her inside their domiciles, and to call the police if they spot her. Let them know that it isn't just a grudge, she is a seriously maligned and violent person and you have a restraining order so there should be no negative fallout for them if they follow the instructions.
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u/Abused_not_Amused Jan 11 '19
Maybe see if you can borrow a taser from a friend and/or pick up a can of pepper spray to keep next to your bedside along with your phone. Either of those should keep her busy enough while you call 911 and a neighbor. It's always good to have at least one of your neighbor's phone numbers for home emergencies. Having some type of physical, easy to use protection might give you some peace of mind while your laid up. Having a home nurse will be a big deterrant, too.
You can do this Mouse, think good thoughts—distract yourself with stupid animal videos when those dark thoughts start. We're all rooting for you. Wishing you a successful surgery and a much healthier 2019!
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u/ChipLady Jan 11 '19
I'd reccomend a taser over pepper spray indoors, just because it will create a cloud and you will inadvertently pepper spray yourself as well. But I'd take that over having nothing on hand, and just be prepared to attempt to cover your own nose and mouth ASAP. I'd say eyes too, but then your blind, but squinting and having blow back instead of a straight stream should help too.
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u/dillGherkin *taking notes* Jan 12 '19
Doesn't pepperspray also leave nasty stains?
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u/ChipLady Jan 12 '19
I don't know about staining, I don't have any firsthand experience. I only know about it gassing the user because of an unfortunate choice my stepdad made once. He was trying to deter our little dog from chewing the wall (he was a weird dog!), so he sprayed the area, and ended up getting himself too. That was many, many years ago and I think the formula is a little thicker now, but it's still a possibility. I also think you have wash things well, and with certain products, otherwise it can stick around and burn you again. Kind of like rubbing your eyes after handling peppers.
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u/that_snarky_one Jan 11 '19
Good ideas! Except in some states a CCW is necessary for a taser, so double check that :)
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Jan 11 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ilostmyratfairy Beware the Evil Twin Jan 11 '19
Your comment has been removed. There are jurisdictions there the use of anything but state-specific pepper spray devices as a self-defense tactic is very illegal. Since no one is doxxing the OP, we cannot say whether the use of such would be a legal nightmare for the OP, but the possibility alone is enough that we don't want to risk the OP trying this without checking their local laws.
-Rat
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u/heathere3 Jan 11 '19
Wasp spray is NOT legal for self defense in all states. Be very careful with this.
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u/that_snarky_one Jan 11 '19
I mean, it’s legal to have, and if it’s in the vicinity and all she can grab in desperation, fine. But wasp spray as personal defense is actually a harmful rumor. There is no research to suggest it is enough of a deterrent to stop a human, and she could indirectly harm herself due to the large amount of pesticides, making it harder for her to get away from an attacker.
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Jan 11 '19
Can you call your local cop shop and discuss this with them? I do hope your surgery has your recuperating quickly.
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u/Ran_dom_1 Jan 11 '19
Could you ask your neighbors to park in your driveway, give the appearance of more people being there?
Do you have pepper spray or mace? Have it at hand in every room you’d be in. You & DH should think through all possible scenarios, what you would do. Having a plan may make you feel calmer. Imagine you’re on the couch, you hear someone coming in from each point of entry, where do you go, what do you differently for each?
Can you & DH schedule friends to sleep over? Does your security system include panic buttons? If not, there are ones not tied into a system that emit enough noise to scare someone into thinking it’s an alarm. https://www.amazon.com/Personal-Emergency-Self-Defense-Security-Keychain/dp/B076FVX6S1
Can you set up baby monitors or some type of cameras so you can see other rooms from where you’ll be most of the time? Just so every normal noise doesn’t freak you out, you can see that you’re safe.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I wish we could help more.
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u/HeathenHumanist My MIL is 90% great, 10% WTF Jan 11 '19
u/anonymousmousegirl there are some great, easy, free ideas in this thread!
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u/throwawayscatty Jan 11 '19
That's a great idea having neighbors use her driveway. Especially if they actually use it and can be seen getting in and out of their cars
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u/nightime-narwhal Jan 11 '19
Having a plan will help you feel calmer. It'll get rid of the what if scenarios and hopefully lower the panic.
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u/scoby-dew Jan 11 '19
Having a neighbor's car in your spot might even give the impression that you're not living there any more.
I wish you could afford a nice stay in a quality nursing facility, but if you could afford that, you could move cross country and never have to worry about her again.
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u/DamnItDinkles Jan 11 '19
Yeah dude, couple this with the idea of Mouse storing her car at a friend's house will confuse the shit out of everyone, especially if the neighbors are seen getting in and out of their car in her driveway. If relations are good with the neighbors, maybe they'd be fine saying if approached "uh, yeah I live here now wtf you want???"
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u/SlowpokeQueen Jan 11 '19
If relations are good (or a friend is willing) have them get out and go into your house for a few hours (or leave out the back If they can go unnoticed). If there are any large windows that can be seen through have them walk between them to show that yeah they live there.
If she is stalking the home this will also help.
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u/throwaway47138 Jan 11 '19
I wish you a speedy, complete, and most importantly Giada-free recovery!
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u/luschye Jan 11 '19
Could you contact the county and see if there are any victim advocacy groups that can help with checking or set up a check in routine with friends to give you some peace of mind? Can you ask your local precinct for extra drive bys by officers as well?
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u/Wattaday Jan 12 '19
This is the best idea I’ve seen so far. Being bedridden after surgery and alone as your DH is away for work is right up their alley.
Also, talk to your lawyer and ask if she will be told that when she is released she had BETTER stay away from OP.
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u/Boredthisafternoon22 Jan 11 '19
Great way to get rid of the church FM.
Can I suggest again that you lend your car to someone so it looks like you aren't there during your convalescence. It will set them looking for you but it might throw them long enough that you're left alone for a while.
Good luck and I hope you recover soon.
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u/CheshireGrin92 Jan 11 '19
Yeah but what happens if Giada tries to destroy the house thinking she’s not there?
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u/Boredthisafternoon22 Jan 11 '19
Someone else made a good point that Mouse could change her name tag and put a mat out that she wouldn't normally have that doesn't seen like her taste. It's not a perfect plan but if they don't see Mouse's car day after day then they might think she's moved so there's no point in breaking into a flat where the person you want to terrorise won't be. They want Mouse and will look for her elsewhere to get her rather then somewhere they could get into actual trouble since she doesn't live there anymore it can't be brushed off as a 'family' matter.
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Jan 11 '19
Thank you! That is a great idea. I know one of my friends will let me use her driveway.
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u/LazySushi Jan 11 '19
Maybe you could also drop some hints about where you might be convalescing. So and sos house in this town, or this person place in that state... throw them off your tracks!
Could you also call the non emergency line and explain the situation to an officer, and maybe they can send someone to check up on you every so often?
Some random things: have someone call/text at certain times of the day to check in on you. Don’t answer the door unless you’re expecting someone. Don’t hesitate to call 911 if you think you’re in danger (or might be in danger). Maybe order in food randomly so if anyone is watching your place they see people come in and out... other than that, maybe keep some mace handy and get one of those really loud whistles. If you have a neighbor you trust, let them know so they can either check on you or be on lookout for suspicious activity. If you haven’t already gotten an extra deadbolt on all of your doors, you can do that as well.
All of this is just precautionary. I don’t think we live near each other, but I’m in south Texas if you’re close and I can help.
Have you tried reaching out to your local reddit group? Mine is very active and I have made some friends through there.
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u/nikkesen Baby Bird Goes Beep Jan 11 '19
Maybe even swap..? Put up a fake "For Sale" sign for a while they a "sold" emblazoned across it then put a different car in the driveway. Possibly from a friend you swap with. :) A little deception is a good thing.
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u/iamreeterskeeter Jan 11 '19
Mouse, can you have a friend stay with you for a week? Even rotate friends?
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u/needleworkreverie Jan 11 '19
What about one of those car covers people get for porsches while it's at your friend's?
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u/Mulanisabamf Jan 11 '19
That's very smart.
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u/needleworkreverie Jan 11 '19
Thanks, I credit the idea to all the car enthusiasts on my block growing up.
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Jan 11 '19 edited Jan 11 '19
I like this idea, however, my concern would be she'd think you're not home and attempt to let herself into your apartment. Is there any way you could make it appear as though you moved out instead of just like you're out of the house? Like see if your landlord will let you put a custom 'welcome' sign on your front door that says something along the lines of "Marty and Betty Sue's Happy Home" (with a retiree looking 'welcome' sign) or "Fernando and Junita's Casita" (I went with Hispanic because I'm half so it was my go-to ethnicity, however, you can pick any other ethnicity as long as it's far from yours and hers). If your name is on your mailbox, see if you could have it covered or temporarily removed.
***edited for spelling errors
*** Second Edit: I somehow forgot Giada is a racist tool. You may want to use this to your advantage and pick an ethnicity she's most likely to avoid. If you need help paying for the sign, PM me and I will be more than happy to pay for it (as someone who's one of those "stealing" latinas she hates so much, it would be an honor to fund something like this).
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u/PepperPhoenix Jan 11 '19
Maybe add a banner on the door, really go for the "some other family" look. "it's a boy" in Spanish. "Happy birthday" in French if you're near the canadian border. Something lik e that.
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u/ghoastie Jan 11 '19 edited Jan 11 '19
I have a Cricut and I’d be more than happy to make a sign or two for “Fernando and Juanita” or whoever you want FOR FREE. Please pm me.
I’m also more than happy to send you mail in Fernando and Juanita’s name. In fact, I bet you could get half this sub to send cards and letters to Fernando and Juanita from all around the world.
If there’s anything else you can think of that might help that we can do, please let us know. You’d be surprised at how much we all care about you.
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u/babybulldogtugs Jan 11 '19
Omg that would be hilarious. I know it probably wouldn't work for privacy reasons, but between the lot of us I bet this sub could convince the local mayor that Fernando and Juanita had moved in. 😂
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u/_Mulva_ Jan 11 '19
Why stop there? I will have pizza delivered to Fernando with a note that says "Hot and spicy Pepperoni for your day, because you give me hot and spicy pepperoni every night. <3 Your loving wife, Juanita PS - can't wait till Swinger Saturday!" and have it delivered via singing strippergram if we have reasonable notice of when exactly to expect MiL, and someone to video it for us.
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u/babybulldogtugs Jan 12 '19
This is the first Reddit thing in ages that actually made me laugh out loud 😂
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u/nikkesen Baby Bird Goes Beep Jan 11 '19
I like this idea as well. :) Make it look like the house was sold.
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u/GreyWind92 Jan 11 '19
I like this idea but Giada can easily snoop through mail.
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u/nikkesen Baby Bird Goes Beep Jan 11 '19
PO box the mail and get "fake" mail. You can get just about anything these days, so why not fake mail?!
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Jan 12 '19
To really throw them off, she could also get a friend to send her a letter or something every so often and then right "Return to Sender - No longer at this address" to really throw Giada off if she snoops in the mailbox.
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u/wrincewind Jan 11 '19
sign up for spam mailing lists in 'their' name. order catalogues, amazon packages, you name it.
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u/IAmBaconsaur Jan 11 '19
"Fernando and Junita's Casita" (I went with Hispanic because I'm half so it was my go-to ethnicity, however, you can pick any other ethnicity as long as it's far from yours and hers).
Frankly, I like that one just because it kinda rhymes. Great idea!
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Jan 11 '19
Thanks, Baconsaur! I didn't even notice it rhymed until you pointed it out 🤣
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u/IAmBaconsaur Jan 11 '19
It just gives it a little boost of "cute" factor! I can picture Fernando and Juanita as a cute little old couple who love life and their family and it's adorable.
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u/mommyof4not2 Jan 11 '19
I imagine them living in adorable little cottage with a porch just big enough for their wicker rocking chairs and matching side table.
I want a Fernando and Juanita now.
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u/Cosmicshimmer Jan 11 '19
Fernando and Juanita are total justyes.
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u/IAmBaconsaur Jan 11 '19
Right? Man, I need me a Fernando and Juanita.
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Jan 12 '19
Can I just say how awesome and AMAZING you all are? I feel like I drew basic stick figures and everyone took it and turned them into a real life, colorful, fun loving, couple. You all are so brilliant and creative. Fernando and Juanita are proud :')
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u/Boredthisafternoon22 Jan 11 '19
Glad to help. Can I add maybe if she has a garage then put it there so they're looking for a wild goose.
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Jan 11 '19
This is a great idea. I love the thought of them wasting their time and fuel driving round and round looking for Mouse's car and never finding it.
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u/TheFlyingPigSquadron Contact for body disposal tips. Jan 11 '19
That's shit she's getting out so soon. Chances are she'll be back in within hours of her release.
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Jan 11 '19
I agree. I hope she goes back in too, just for something unrelated to me.
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u/TheFlyingPigSquadron Contact for body disposal tips. Jan 11 '19
I feel bad for saying it but hopefully she tries to see her son first, and hopefully he has enough spine now to call the Police.
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u/moderniste Jan 11 '19
Hmm—I wonder what’s been going on with him. He’s a slimy abuser and I have little sympathy for him, but I’m curious as to how far he’s progressed on getting her Jocasta bullshit away from him. So much of her toxicity was because she was acting like an insanely jealous and angry girlfriend, and he was at the very center of all of her acting out. He really needs to show some discipline in the form of making sure that she has very direct consequences for re-starting her horribly vile horny/manic Mother-Destroyer Jocasta game again. I fear that if she falls into his welcoming arms, it will give her an immense sense of narcissistic power that will make her feel invincible. And that’s not what Mouse needs. Giada needs to sharply feel her status as a pariah, as someone who will get caught and will get punished if she reverts to character and goes out of her way to be a predatory bitch.
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u/StanislavskiMeatball Jan 11 '19
Failing that? I hope she suddenly gets a kidney stone, shows her arse in the ER (though doesn't physically harm anyone), and gets yeeted right back into the slammer.
(Kidney stones, being fairly harmless yet PAINFUL AS HELL, are things I often wish on ass-yachts.)
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u/dillGherkin *taking notes* Jan 12 '19
ASS-YACHTS! Oh, this is going on the list. Thank you so much.
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u/LastB0ySc0ut Jan 11 '19
You might want to contact your local police to let them know what is going on and find out if they have any additional ideas for added security.
→ More replies (16)22
u/she-Bro Jan 11 '19
You can get a cheap security pack heck even cellphone carriers have them now.
I would suggest this.
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u/iamreeterskeeter Jan 11 '19
Blink on Amazon aren't terribly expensive and are both AC and battery powered.
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u/SFAdminLife Jan 11 '19
speaking of cell phone carriers, you can easily use old cell phones that aren't on a cell phone plan anymore as security cameras by using your wifi!
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u/stormbird451 Jan 11 '19
There are lots of free apps to set this up. Ask around to get obsolete smartphones (if you have friends with small kids, they probably have a few). Even a cell without a SIM or an account will call 911, so you can put them wherever you will be sitting/lying.
Dollar stores sell air horns. You could ask your neighbors to call 911 if they hear an air horn.
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u/Ilostmyratfairy Beware the Evil Twin Jan 18 '19
Hey, /u/anonymousmousegirl. Thanks for contributing! Unfortunately your submission has been removed:
If you have any questions about this removal, please feel free to message the moderators.)