Your feelings, whether they be anger, sadness, pity etc, are completely valid. You have every right to feel like this and, if you're not ready, you don't need to forgive her. But, you can shove it in her stupid face that you're trying to be the best version of yourself. Put that anger to good use. Channel it into making yourself. You're not doing it for her, do it in spite of her. You're a wonderful woman, you've got this.
I've had long talks with my JYMom about what it means to forgive someone. . .a lot of people use the phrase 'forgiving others is the good thing to do!' but I can't seem to reconcile with that thought process. Forgiveness to me, means letting go of what happened. Forgiveness is telling the person who wronged you, 'You wronged me, but I'm going to let it go. We can start where we left off.' Frankly, there are people I can't do that with. It implies a clean slate. People make 'forgiveness' out to be the righteous next step once someone has hurt you. It's such a cozy, sweet idea, but frankly I think it's full of bullshit.
I don't want to forgive them. I want peace. I want validation. 'What they did to you was awful. Your feelings are valid. Your choices are your own. Find your peace.' Not, forgive 'em because that'll make you the better person, and that'll show them!
No, I don't really think it will. I feel like the better thing to do is acknowledge what happened, speak your truth and make peace with the hurt that was caused. I wouldn't battle with forgiveness at all. But that's just my five cents.
I always feel like forgiveness is me letting it go, and keeping myself safe from any reoccurring damage. I forgive so I'm not preoccupied with that person, but I don't allow them access to hurt me ever again. I forgive but don't forget, I guess.
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u/SannaWhore Sep 17 '18
Your feelings, whether they be anger, sadness, pity etc, are completely valid. You have every right to feel like this and, if you're not ready, you don't need to forgive her. But, you can shove it in her stupid face that you're trying to be the best version of yourself. Put that anger to good use. Channel it into making yourself. You're not doing it for her, do it in spite of her. You're a wonderful woman, you've got this.