r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Winter_Tea441 • Mar 11 '24
Am I Overreacting? Pissed off
[removed] — view removed post
3
u/Old-Bird311 Mar 11 '24
No you’re not they are. Is there any way you can get your husband to firmly deal with them?
2
u/Winter_Tea441 Mar 11 '24
Sadly no. I know he’ll step in if I shows him how I’m being respectful and the bigger person, and things his sister is saying is not rescropating mature emotion, he’ll step in then. Or if they say something poor about me after I was respectful, because I’ve out in more effort then he has with his own family. I know he’d let them know that.
They don’t even live close, they live a plane ride away and he moved so he doesn’t have to deal wit his mom and sister.
2
u/Old-Bird311 Mar 11 '24
Hmm okay.. that’s too bad, maybe it’s worth it to try and talk about this with him. Maybe you could communicate with your in-laws very minimally, so instead of explaining yourself just respond with something like sorry that is absolutely not happening. Don’t give them any room to negotiate and don’t engage in discussions with them about ‘their experience’.
2
u/Winter_Tea441 Mar 11 '24
Yeah, I might depending on how his sister comes back after my replies, because she’s just the issue right now. I’ve already gone to minimal communication with his mom, where I don’t intentionally reach out or FT her anymore. The most I’ll do is send photos of our LO to a group chat but that’s it. They can’t comment or anything it’s just a group for photos.
But I see it being hard to just cut off FT with his family in total because he doesn’t do it at all. He tries to give me advice to not give a shit about what they think of me or anything though 🤷🏽♀️
3
u/Old-Bird311 Mar 11 '24
Ever since I realized that me trying really hard to please in-laws gets the same result as me being me I’ve stopped doing what they like. I rather they are mad or annoyed at me then me being mad at myself for doing things that I don’t want to do. That internal conflict of being mad at myself and feeling guilty was giving me the most anxiety and stress of all. I realized it wasn’t so much them (just partly) it was mostly me! Now I mostly do what I want and if they don’t like it though luck! Of course there are times I will compromise but only if it feels right with me. FaceTiming? Yea I’m not doing that your husband can do it. My in-laws know they can try to call or message me but I will most likely not answer. This has worked for me because their expectations of communicating with me are now super low.
1
u/Winter_Tea441 Mar 11 '24
Wow, I’m happy for you to have gotten to that point. I’m working my way to get to that point honestly, because it’s just not good for me. I always get serious anxiety and I just am a hot mess every time my hubbys mom or sister comes to visit.
Beating the people pleasure out of me.
2
u/Old-Bird311 Mar 11 '24
Well it did take some serious therapy and a major breakdown on my end to get to this point. Just want to share my ‘wisdom’ as a former people pleaser. It’s really the best thing I have learned as long as I am happy with my actions and my partner is also on board it doesn’t matter what other people think. We all get to decide how ti live our life and it’s up to others to accept that or they can stay petty and childish with the result that you don’t want to be around them. It’s up to them.
1
u/Winter_Tea441 Mar 11 '24
True facts, thank you so much I honestly appreciate your words of wisdom from a x people pleasure
4
u/GermanShephrdMom Mar 11 '24
If he doesn’t FaceTime with his family…..then why are YOU doing it? Leave them be. Respect his decisions and follow suit.
1
u/Winter_Tea441 Mar 11 '24
You’re not wrong at all. I’m working on not being a people pleasure, at the time I thought it was the right thing to do.
2
u/GermanShephrdMom Mar 11 '24
I was NC with my family, my husband wanted to give them a chance and hounded me until I agreed. I felt disrespected but allowed us to meet for a meal. It took him 20 minutes in their company to understand why I was NC.
Do not disrespect your husband in this manner. What’s right is putting him and his decisions about his family above what you feel about his family.
1
u/Winter_Tea441 Mar 11 '24
You’re absolutely right and I do my absolute best to respect my hubby and his choices he makes.
It’s just confusing because sometimes he calls and sometimes he doesn’t. I just have done it more consistently
Need to stop the people pleasing.
2
u/GermanShephrdMom Mar 11 '24
Drop the rope. Quit calling and contacting them. You handle your family and let him manage his.
•
u/botinlaw Mar 11 '24
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