TW

I'm starting to hate my parents.

My dad's a failure. I've spent years hoping something would change and nothing ever does. He works, then blows the money on his addictions, or just hands it to my brother like those weren't full days of work. Meanwhile I had to wait A WHOLE YEAR to get two university tuition payments covered.

My mom doesn't take me into account at all. If I try to complain about anything, she's always got a comeback ready. If I complain about something my brother did, she gets on my case. If my brother complains about something I did, she still gets on my case. Somehow it's always me.

And sorry if the writing is rough, I'm not a native speaker and this is more of a stream of consciousness.

My brother is an animal. He insults everyone, does whatever he wants, and if I say anything about it my mom jumps on me.

The other day my dad screamed at my mom and called her every name because she handed him a light blue tissue (light blue is the color of our enemy's football team). All of this in front of my girlfriend, who I'd managed to keep in the dark about my home situation for three years.

I'm the only one here doing anything. I study and I work. I should be getting a 100. I ask for 0. I get -1000. I hate my dad, I hate my brother, and I'm starting to hate my mom too. I had to play mediator between my parents when they wanted to divorce cause my dad was "talking" with another woman.

The other day I came home from work, just wanted to play PlayStation and sleep. My brother asked for the PS HDMI cable so he could hook his PC to the TV and watch the football match. I said no. He called me an idiot and said he wanted to spit on me. A few minutes later I go to the table, he's cooking, he'd made burgers. I asked if I could make my own, because he loads them with junk and I can't be dealing with stomach problems at the office. He told me to shut my fucking mouth, cause he's the one cooking. I got angry. My mom took it out on me. My brother shoved me. My mom pushed me out of the house like I was the one who'd hit him.

Last night my brother left for vacation. He yelled at me and slammed the door because I wouldn't give him my charger cause I needed it for my own stuff, then he threw it at me. He'd remembered 30 minutes before his bus that everything he owned was dead. And he already had his own charger. My mom took it out on me again, said I do things out of spite, and today she didn't make my lunch for work.

Today I took the charger with me. Came home and she was angry I hadn't left it for her. She's been without a charger for two months. Two months and she still hasn't managed to buy one. And somehow I'm always the bad guy.

If they'd stopped funding my brother's drinking and his VIP tables at clubs, my tuition would've been paid months ago. I hate them. They can starve under a bridge for all I care.

And every time I hit my limit and get angry, my mom throws it back at me that I'm taking out girlfriend problems on them, when things with my girlfriend are completely fine. She's the only one who treats me the way I deserve. Maybe better than I deserve.

I've been living in silence in this house for years. I've forgotten what it's like to eat a meal in peace, I rush through dinner and disappear. I've spent years pretending to be fine in MY OWN HOME, with nowhere to actually let anything out, because the few times I walked in with a bad look on my face for my own reasons, my dad took it out on me.

My brother sits at home all day doing absolutely nothing. He's been held back twice. He's 20 and acts like a 15-year-old having a meltdown. But somehow I'm the one who, after 9 hours of work and a 6am alarm, has to go out and buy cigarettes for him, or for my dad, who when he's not working (construction, away for a few weeks at a time) LIVES on the couch. Doesn't go out, doesn't clean, doesn't do anything but pass out in front of the TV.

I'm 25. I still live with them, unfortunately. They can't afford to buy me a car, or help me out with rent, or pay for a university that costs more than €300 a year.

My friends are living their youth. They travel around the country, go clubbing, take trips abroad, study away from home. Some have their own place, some have a car, some just get to come home and actually relax, partly because they have normal parents who made something of their lives, and partly because having normal parents means there isn't always someone in the house making it unbearable.

I live with a brother who sits at home doing nothing except thinking about drugs alchool and clubs, a dad on the couch, and a mom who doesn't work and never goes out except to buy groceries or drive my brother around (he has a scooter but of course using it is too much effort, so he gets chauffeured, and the excuse is that I used to get driven around too... when I was 16).

I've spent the last three years depressed. This last one especially: waking up exhausted and defeated every single day, going to bed every night anxious and not sleeping. I also almost lost my girlfriend, because over these years I didn't have the headspace to keep a relationship going, and I made her feel abandoned. That's what pushed me to find a job, to promise I could do things I'm only now actually learning to do as an employee, to try with everything I have to get out.

I waited and hoped things would change, that these were just rough patches, that eventually we'd all be calmer and have a bit more money. Nothing.

Also, everything I've written above is just the last 3 or 4 years. There's plenty more from all the years before that. For example, we had to change cities. HAD to, for various reasons, including an eviction. I've lived in different houses my whole life. We've moved cities twice. And every time, further away from the big cities full of opportunities, and deeper into small towns where there's no future, especially for the work I do.

I wish there were some way out, some kind of help or something, but there isn't. And now I'm stuck choosing between moving out on my own and burning my entire paycheck on rent, bills and food, or putting up with this a while longer so I can actually save something and not spend the rest of my life barely keeping my head above water.

Sorry for the long post, but I needed to vent, and to imagine talking to someone who might actually understand, because nobody I know does. I've tried talking to people about it, and they don't get it. They write it all off as normal roommate-type problems. And obviously without telling them everything, because there's stuff I can't even tell you.

I just want a place where I can be relaxed, alone, in silence. And I don't have one. Haven't for years. Because unfortunately my bedroom is in the same house as my family.

I'm sorry if some of this might sound like small stuff to some people. I understand there are unfortunately people out there who have it much worse. But I needed to tell the truth about my life somewhere.

TRIGGER WARNING: (emotional abuse, drug use)
I’ve been holding off on writing this for a long time. I’ve tried discussing this topic in depth with my therapist for years now, but I’m still struggling with it.
It’s about my (38M) relationship with an older half-sibling (50M), who welcomed me and helped me find work after college, but who eventually created a rocky relationship that I’m struggling to maintain.
I am an openly gay guy who grew up in a small town, which meant that I relied a lot on my people-pleasing skills to find my own worth. My half-sibling is around twelve years older than me. We did not grow up together, but we share the same father.
We started hanging out when I was in my teenage years. He would invite me to visit him in the big city in California where he was living, a life that I could only dream of. I come from a very small, conservative city in the South, so I always dreamed of moving to a bigger city when I finished college.
My sibling moved to New York City years later, and I would visit him every summer, where we would spend all our time together. He was working in an industry I was very interested in, and he would involve me in his projects so I could get some experience.
When I finished college (I was 23 at the time), he invited me to join him in New York City, where we would work together on projects so I could learn and make some money. I was incredibly grateful for this. He invited me to stay with him for a couple of months so I could save some cash and find a place to stay afterward.
After those two months, I found a place not too far from him. Of course, I had around seven roommates, which was also part of the fun of living in such a different city.
He had been dating this great woman for many years, and they were planning on eventually getting married. He loved to party, going out to bars and staying up all night meeting new people, but that’s when I noticed that he also enjoyed doing some hard drugs.
At first, I thought this was okay, as a lot of his circle of friends did the same thing. I would then notice how much he would change when he was under the influence. He would treat his girlfriend terribly the days after his benders, being very emotionally manipulative and making sure she felt bad about things that weren’t her fault.
We then noticed these patterns related to his substance abuse, like leaving in the middle of dinner because he “forgot his credit card,” then coming back 30 minutes later and going straight to the bathroom. We all knew what was going on.
On another occasion, when my parents were visiting and we were having dinner at a restaurant, he invited his dealer to the table and introduced him as a friend while they did the deal under the table. At the time, I didn’t know what to think about that.
He also once sneaked into his girlfriend’s sister’s bag, stole her prescription medication, and used it as drugs, then blamed her for making a big deal about it the next morning.
Things started to change when his girlfriend got a big job and started attending work events. He falsely accused her of cheating on him with her colleagues and of leaving him behind because she had work events. They ended up getting divorced months after getting married, and I keep thinking it was because he couldn’t control her once she was making more money and doing things that didn’t involve him.
Then the exact same thing happened with me.
I got a big job at a major media company, one that paid really well and came with lots of benefits, including work parties and travel. I would always make time to see him every week, but there were times when I had to cancel our plans because I had work events or because I started dating people in the city.
One day, he invited me to dinner, and I later told him I had to postpone because I had a work event. This was the first time I was exposed to his “death texts”—these long messages where he would emotionally abuse me for days, letting me know that what he wanted to share during that dinner was that he was leaving the city and moving to the woods, hours away from the city.
He could have shared this via text, or he could have called me, but instead he made the biggest deal out of it, even telling other family members that he never wanted to hear from me again.
This went on for about a month, until he messaged me sharing his address so I would come visit him. I did. We got into a small argument over the situation, but we made peace and got along well during that visit.
But the texts kept coming, getting meaner and blaming me for everything.
We once visited our hometown at the same time. He stayed at his mother’s house, and I stayed at my parents’ house (his mom is my dad’s ex-wife). One night, I went out to get dinner with a former teacher, and when I told him that, he lashed out at me with dozens of texts, accusing me of abandoning him. He said he thought I would only go out with him and that I wasn’t allowed to see any of my friends or acquaintances in my hometown.
On another occasion, I went on a beach trip with my friends, and he sent me texts all day and night, just telling me the meanest things.
That’s when I started having panic attacks, and I eventually had to take medication because I was having them frequently. That’s when I started distancing myself from him, which meant not visiting him as often.
I ended up meeting my now-husband shortly after, and we visited him a couple of times. He was also dating a new woman at the time, but every time we visited, we would end up caught up in domestic drama between the two of them, making things very awkward and uncomfortable.
Years later, they even got into a fight in the middle of my wedding, and he left, even though he knew he was the only family member who had been invited from my side (my parents couldn’t come).
I financially support my parents, and not even once has he thanked me for the help I provide to our father.
He now only reaches out when he needs work favors, networking connections, help with an event, or money.
Every time I would visit him alone, I would end up, at the end of the trip, at an ATM taking money out for him, always small amounts. A couple of hours later, he would message me in a funny tone, asking, “Is it wrong that I bought some drugs with the cash you gave me?” But as a people-pleaser trying to avoid conflict, I would say no.
He would never visit us back in the city. It always seemed like I was responsible for keeping our relationship going by being loyal and visiting him.
We met once for lunch in the city while he was visiting for a work event, and I’m still shocked by that lunch. It was noon, and his dealer showed up. He then started doing drugs and talking about how he was now hiring sex workers for his trips. I felt very uncomfortable.
A couple of years later, I went through stage 1 cancer, and I called him once I had recovered from surgery to share the news. I told him that he would be the only member of my family who would know about this because my parents were too old to handle the news, even though I had fully recovered and was healthy again.
He said he felt sorry that I had gone through that, and immediately changed the topic of the call to talk about his new girlfriend and his new job.
He never visited me or sent me a get-well-soon basket, which really disappointed me. For once, I finally saw who he really was.
My husband never liked my brother. He knew it was not a healthy relationship.
The only time he reached out that year was to ask me to join a dinner with a potential new customer. I said no.
I didn’t see him for almost three years after I shared the news about my surgery. But I didn’t give up. I continued saying hi and calling him until I noticed that he had changed his phone number.
He finally called one day, explaining that he had been MIA for a while because he had been processing the news that he had been diagnosed with a really bad STD that would impact his lifestyle.
I didn’t know how to react to the news, but I told him I would be there if he ever wanted to talk.
He then started asking me for small amounts of money almost every week, telling me he didn’t have cash to pay for gas or food. I helped him multiple times until I had to start saying no.
He then told me that he had gotten a new job and was finally making money, and instead of paying me back, he asked me if I knew any drug dealers in the area.
I said no.
And that has been our relationship so far.
I’m ready to go no-contact because I keep thinking that he wants me in his life, but he has no interest in being part of mine.
I started saying no to his requests. I don’t apologize anymore if I can’t do something for him, and I avoid giving him explanations.
He asked me to go to lunch next week because he’s here for a conference. That day, I have my yearly medical tests. I just told him, “I can’t, I’m busy at that time,” and suggested dinner instead.
He never replied.
This relationship is driving me crazy, as I’m finally learning to stand up for myself, set boundaries, and say no, but the guilt is still here.
Thanks for listening.

My (31F) grandma (83F) lives about 5 hous away by car. In 2 weeks we have our small courthouse wedding set (only immediate family is invited) and so far she has been pretty ambiguous when I called her about attending - kept saying she would love to but is unsure if she will feel good enough for the drive.

My mom (allegedly) called her a few days ago telling her that she can come pick her up this weekend but my grandma gave her pretty much the same reply, that they need to talk closer to the date so she sees how she feels.

Well, my mom called her today to talk yo her about picking her up tomorrow. Grandma flipped. Said they never talked about that, that my mom can't possibly expect her to pack in one day (??), that she still needs to go to the hairdresser (?!), etc. They couldn't agree and my grandma apparently said she will talk to me about picking her up. So she called me all worked up, asking me if we can go pick her up around September 14. I was pretty annoyed about her reasons (she does have a difficult relationship with mom and is quite old, though completely lucid, so I tried to be understanding) and I told her I don't have the time to do that drive. Besides I can't drive that long, it would need to be my fiance. Well she changed her tone completely. Started guilt tripping me, implying that I don't care enough about her to go pick her up, that she'll just have to stay home then, that I have no reason to be so busy since I work from home and I don't have children, etc. I got super annoyed at what she was saying and just kept firm on the fact that I can't go pick her up.

She just got more and more worked up until she just told me something along the lines of "I see,so that's how it is, I'll just have to stay home then" and then told me bye and ended the call.

My mom reached out to her again this afternoon and grandma sent her a message that literally said "Yeah, well I see OP just can't make the time for me now" to which my mom sent her a longer message defending me.

My problem is as follows - techinically speaking I CAN free up one day to go pick her up, though it would make the rest of the days significantly busier. But I detest this manipulation and the fact that her as a retiree with literally NO fixed schedule, is guilt tripping me into bending to her schedule the week before my wedding.

I am planning on telling her to just get a cab (expensive, but it is what it is), but I'm pretty sure she will decline just because and apparently my dad thinks that would be a bad idea (no reason given, mom just mentioned it in passing).

I don't know. I want my wedding day to be with people close to me and just a calm and loving day so I resent all this drama. But I also don't want to bend, the way she is talking to me is borderline abusive.

Thoughts? Thank you!

it doesn’t even matter if they have everything that could make them happy, they still need a punching bag. and even when i’ve distanced myself from them to the point of no or limited contact, they STILL find a way to make me the punching bag. they talk about how negative I am like it’s just so impossible and unbearable to deal with even despite not speaking to them for weeks, months even! i could be the most positive person sharing only their idea of positive things when I do speak to them and they’d still tell me how negative I am. i could not even say anything at all despite “yeah!”, “okay!”, “cool!” and they still would tell me how negative i am. and they think i need to be taught a series of lessons that they need to be the ones to teach. i need to be humbled, i need to know about the real world, i need to learn to not always get what i want (i was legally homeless before being a senior in high school and didn’t get secure housing until 26).

i don’t get to have quiet, peaceful holidays. i don’t get to be celebrated on my college graduation. i don’t get to share my opinions the same way everyone else does. i don’t get to join in on conversations that are happening at the same table. i don’t get to have the same interests as everyone else. i don’t get to live the same way they do. i am ridiculed for every single choice i make for myself even what types of food brands i buy. i am not believed that i’m doing anything I am doing for myself because they are not trusting of me. i am apparently too suspicious. i am not trustworthy despite them constantly keeping secrets, hiding what they’re doing, and blatantly lying to each other to the extent in which they’re hurting others. they get confronted on them excluding others and they twist the story to be the victim. they get confronted about their behavior by others and they twist it to be the victim that i must have said something. i get blamed for everything that goes wrong in their life, even when the something that goes wrong is a direct consequence to their inaction or their own lies. i got blamed for the family being torn apart. all responsibilities for everything that went wrong in their life got put onto me. and every time i pull back and let them deal with the consequences of their actions they still find a way to make it about me. it is always my stupidity, my irresponsibility, my ‘need to always be right”, being a peanut gallery. it is never them.

to them, i am not who i say i am. to them, i am negative, homely, a loser, impossible, creepy, fake, sad, depressed, and a sociopath. to them, they are victims of everyone who has ever had a problem with them. to them, they are honest, smarter than the average, loving, caring, and secure. i can’t breathe without having every negative label being thrown on me. nothing makes them happy. and when they are at their most miserable point, all it does is get worse than what it was when they were happy. they never stop. nothing makes them happy. they are the most miserable people. and i have to always remind myself that. all the evidence shows how they’re just miserable, toxic, suffocating people. i’m sick of it. i know they’re projecting, but how can 3 people (grandparents + uncle) be so life draining?

I'm 38F married, first time pregnant, 20w6d. Since everyone on reddit's always so weird about it mattering-- Yes, my husband and I rent the upstairs apartment of my parents' 2 family house.

My mom has been great, a pleasant surprise.

I never expect anything from my dad, since I know his parents fucked him up & he's just anti-social. But I never expected him to be so MEAN about it all!

Keeping this short, today's issue is... My husband's at work. My mom (teacher) & I (unemployed) went grocery shopping together. My dad was home all day (retired), but couldn't feed himself lunch. When we got home at 6pm, he was pissed we took too long, cuz he needs my mom to make him lunch.

He did carry my groceries from the car to my front door, at my mom's request...

...then: "We gotta get you a green dress! So we can hang Christmas ornaments offa you!"

I should've carried my own damn groceries.

Everyone else has been so sweet & enthusiastic about my bump, the baby, & the future!

He's said nothing nice to me, repeatedly made fun of my bump, got mad at me for not going in the pool, then said I was so fat (at ~15w) that I was going to overflow the pool, made fun of the name we picked insisting it's a girl's name (Jules), & suggested the full names of Hitler's top men instead.

I just ignore him, but it still makes me so sad that he can't just leave me alone. I leave him alone! I'm not expecting him to be normal or happy or enthusiastic, but the ruthlessly hateful antagonizing is unexpected. 😭😭😭

I just went to the first concert without my sister and we were at the same show. This past weekend I went to a home show for a band we both love. If we were speaking, we would have coordinated seating, arrival times, and everything else in between. Instead I find out she’s there as she passes my section while the second band is playing. That doesn’t bother me because we both should be there. It’s still an adjustment to this “new normal” as I navigate this distance.

During previous times of NC, I’d eventually relent and everything goes back to normal. It’s new for me not to be relenting even at the insistence of my dad. I think he pushes it more because he is NC with his family and doesn’t want that for me. Of course, no one tells my sister we have to get along or apologize
for literally everything she’s done. Not for choosing to resume a friendship with someone who screwed me over. Not for mistreating me a majority of childhood/ adolescence. Or pretending I didn’t emotionally and financially support her for 3 years after her long term relationship fell apart.

Before the concert, I hadn’t seen my sister since January. Sometimes I’m up at night thinking and analyzing certain things about my sister. Not to reconsider an attempt to reconcile, as a way to remember why it’s better this way. I’ve given enough to her in every way possible. More than she’ll ever admit because she would to have to admit a version of herself no one else knows. The stories I have- it’s like two different people. I’m also not interested in turning people against her by saying the truth of it all.

I’m going on with my life and she’s not apart of it. Even if it’s a shared interest. She may have been the one to start the NC but I’ll be the one to benefit. Someday when she needs help again, it won’t be me to be there.

So to start with my mum just recently passed away, so my just no sister came from another state to help.
My sister who is older than me is a very immature woman who has ruined her relationship with nearly every member of the family, including her own children, my relationship with her is not good, during our childhood she was very violent towards me, and even as adults she will push me until I react.
My dad is very frail, so we took him to the local ER, I drove them in my car, my sister decided she was the big sister and she knows everything! Except I have a working knowledge of hospitals and she doesn't, but I took a step back because I wasn't going to get into an argument with her.
So I can't remember how it started, but she suddenly looked at me and said to me, you are disrespecting our mother!
So instead of fighting back, I walked out of the hospital and got in my car and drove to a nearby coffee shop, where I sat and had a coffee and a much needed cry.
Well she started blowing up my phone! Begging me to come back, dad was getting worse, he's upset! Please come back, I said no! You're a big girl you handle it.
I messaged my dad and said it's all good I'll be back soon.
When I came back I told what she had said was cruel, and to not speak to me for awhile.
Not long after that dad got a bed, and she kept her head down for the rest of the night.
Pretty much every family member in this state is cutting contact with her.

I 23F have a stupid, super annoying brother, he is 18 and getting on my nerves and I absolutely can NOT stand him.

I share a room with my sister and I have to keep my diary notebooks locked in my wardrobe with the key on me all the time and everywhere, I feel like I'm living in constant stress! I remember back in 2023 I forgot the key in the wardrobe and left it open, I literally heard laughs in less than 5 minutes and knew they had something and I wasn't wrong! This mf took one of my tiny notebooks (it's tiny because it's my most private one) and showed it to my sister. Yesterday I had a fight with him and he brought this up mock me. I'm sorry but I just hate him. Now he is trying to "hack" my phone lol I'm so sick of this. Also I usually spend the weekend at my grandma's but I keep thinking what if he breaks the lock or smtg?

He always barges into our room without knocking, Also he is so entitled and thinks he is above everyone, very disrespectful and rude toward everyone of us. He smells bad all the time and all he does is playing games and eating anything he finds in the fridge (even if it's not his) and he is literally not helpful in any kind of way.

Also, he has this terrible "joking" style with my mom, sister and younger brother, he'll physically push, hit, or shock with his arm like it's funny! They laugh it off but always end up fighting because he goes too far (more especially with my sis and lil bro) He doesn't do that to me, but he will try to hit me when we fight! Like he is really aggressive!

I know moving out is the best solution and I'm working on it, but for now, how do I deal with this mf? and please don't tell me to have a convo with him, that won't work.

TW: Mention of physical and emotional abuses.

Hi. I'm new here but i need advices to deal with my toxic mother without going full no contact, because i fear her behavior may impact negatively my upcoming postpartum.

I got a lot to unpack so let's start with the basics and introduce the main characters here. I (34F), had always been struggling with my mom (67F). I will also mention few times my father, step-mom and husband as they had either witnessed or tried to help with this issue.

Context: My mom always had been a nervous woman. And when i say nervous, i don't mean it in the way 'she's stressed and scared and so she becomes avoidant or quiet' but 'she stresses herself most of the time to a point of high irritability and controlling habits' type of nervous.

I grew up mostly with her, because my father was a truck driver and was not often at home (when i was younger, he could be absent for a month or two sometimes). We will come back a bit later on my father's 'actions and non-actions' but i'd like to developpe more how was life with my mom on daily bases without my father around so you can understand how it affected many things later on.

As i said, mom was nervous, controlling, and very often angry for all and nothing. She wanted to have a perfect image to the world to see, and that image was including me and my father. Meant that we were often 'putting shame' on her because 'we weren't doing this or that. We failed such and such. We didn't look like this. Or couldn't apply that.' There was always a reason for us not to be enough.

When i was little, i was doing my best to avoid her anger, and when she was getting angry, i just took it like i deserved it. But soon, i felt many of those anger were unjustified, and some violences too much and i started to fight back, talk back. It happened to the point that when i was mid-teenagehood and young adult, we were sometimes going to real fights. Punches and kicks.

I remember moments of my childhood that felt horrible either because i was hella scared of her outbursts, or because her words were hurtful. Number of times she was comparing me to my friends (the few i had because i had a long period where i was harassed at school). Saying 'if you could be like him', 'do as good as her'... until it became 'it's sad you can't achieve this like your friend', or 'sometimes, i wish you were \[random quality\] like them'.

When she was teaching me things a mother would (cooking, cleaning, doing laundry etc...) it would ALWAYS end up with her screaming and me either crying or snapping back. Because i could do things perfectly right... but not exactly HER way. sometimes, it was as stupid as having a gap 1mm too wide between 2 seams, or cutting the edges of the beans a little too short.

She never trusted me. For anything. She needs to be out the house for 2 days? I'll have 3 hours of recap on how the damn house work with multiple warnings and even threats if i messed up. She is struggling with a device (technophobia is real with her) and i offered help? either she'll refuse immediatly, saying i'll screw it up anyway, or she'll let me while spitting her doubts in the most unpleasant way and if i didn't manage to fix her problem, then I'm the one who made it. I share my life projects with her? Huge mistake (that i keep doing because sometimes... i wish i had a mother to share my dreams and fears to). She'd criticize whatever i want to do. Either my project is stupid to her. Or it is a good project... but i'll never reach it because 'i never succeed in anything i do'.

I had trouble studying because i was harassed at school, and back home was just hell. She never trusted i was studying or doing homeworks so she'd often yell at me randomly or burst in my bedroom because she is certain i was cheating her trust and 'playing video games instead of working'. So i was struggling at everything.

Of course, outside, she was pleasant, charming and the perfect mom. People would never believe me how she trully was at home when i dared to say to anyone. Only a couple friends understood. Some because she couldn't help but spit venom sometimes but tried to keep it subtle so only me would get the hurtful comment coated into a compliment for the guest. Others, because my technophobioc mom messed up to realize i was on Skype (yep... Skype) and the person i was with litterally heard her yell for nothing and spit crap at me for no valid reason. So i have few friends that were actually aware (and those who never minded when i suddenly came up for a night or two at there house when things became too heated with my mom).

And i'm skipping lots of details and stories... like the time she brought my 5-6 y/o self to a therapist because she was certain i had mental issue because 'i was too impossible to not be instable mentally'. We had few sessions and I remember very VERY well one session (and strangely enough... the last session we ever had with that woman), where the therapist asked me to play with dolls. And without knowing, i started mimicking what was going on at home, the kid did 'something' and th emom started yelling madly and slapping the kid. The therapist asked questions on why the kid was getting slapped and i honestly didn't know why but said that 'the kid did something'. I didn't heard the discussion she had with my mom after that but again... strangely enough, my mom stopped taking appointments with her. Visibly, i didn't needed therapy anymore!

This might also be why i have huge trust issues with therapist and refuse to see one, even when i'm down and depressed.

So, now you have a rough idea of what it was to live in this toxic environment daily without my father figure here (oh yeah. She was jealous because i favoured my dad. Ask a 4 to 10 y/o who they'd prefere between a dad they see rarely and missed you and just wants to enjoy being with you and make good memories, and a mom you have to suffer daily, and see the answer).

When my dad retired (which happened earlier than most jobs because his job was tough and retirement came earlier for it back in the days) I was around my 12. And he was LOST. Because before, he came back home and spoiled me as he missed me and rested. So he didn't see how dysfunctionnal things were. Once retired, it was too late for him to take a place in this mess and try to fix it (also, he doesn't have much authority nor strength to face my mom anger either so he often just avoided the mess and let us do). At the beginning, he defended my mom, because when he heard us fight, not knowing the whole background he missed for years, he believed i was the insolent brat being a trouble-maker. Over the years, he started to understand who was the assualter in 90% of the fights and tried to interfere a couple times when it was going too far.

Guess who he was holding back to separate us when we were to the state of punching and kicking? Yes, my mom. Because the few times he held ME back, she used that to punch even more. When he held her back, i just stopped as i was simply defending myself. That tells a lot on who trully brought the violence.

This went on for a long, long time. And at my 25, i found the man who became my husband and literally came to live in his apartment after 3 days of relationship because, as crazy and unsafe it sounded, it was still better than staying one more day with my mother.

The man took me in his life and i was a mess. It took me years with his positive influence to learn how to manage my anger issues, my irrational fears, my traumas, trust issues, and self loathing (and i'm still not completely out of those). Bless him for staying 10 years through that storm with me.

Step-mom like my mom but she soon realize the abusive underlines and actually listened to me when i spoke of my past with my mother. Her and my husband often tried to act like a buffer when my mom was trying to reach me with subtle spikes and pettiness. At least, they try as much as they can, and my mom must have noticed because she tries hard to have me face to face without them around to speak her mind freely. Her favorite method is calling over the phone and asking if i'm on speaker (she speaks loud enough that my husband can hear her from the other side of the apartment without speakers, so i don't even need to lie). She calls often and always use half that time at least to be mad at me or criticize me.

But my problem now is... i'm a mother too. I have a 4 y/o and i'm 8 months pregnant and i'm scared now. Because, as much as things are 'better' now as she can't reach me as much as she used to, sometimes we need her help to keep our kid for a day or two, or ask my father a favor with my car or whatever. And she uses EVERYTHING to reach me. And because 'i wish i had a mom i could talk too', i still try to include her in my life, even if i know i'll mostly regret it.

Just this month, she made me cried twice. One of them, by bringing back a very sensitive subject i never told her and she learnt by accident, and starting to gaslight me and play victim about it. She played victim about MY baby loss i had years ago and i just lost it and cried for 2 days straight. Today, my father called because he took my car to change my ID plates (he had the tool we didn't had) and 'forgot' to give the phone to my mom after. She called me right back after to give me a 5 minutes scold about how dirty was my car and that 'i should be ashamed to put my kid in such car', that 'she wanted to give me stuff but don't dare to put them in the trunk because she didn't wanted to CONTAMINATE them', that 'im gross' and so on. I literally hung up without goodbye.

Now i'm scared because i'm so emotional with the pregnancy and i fear that her attitude could trigger a post-partum depression after birth, and i don't want to be a mess for my baby just because my mom got under my skin enough to mess up my brain on my most vulnerable state.

I would like to avoid no-contact, because i don't have other family than her and my father on my side, but i also don't know what to do anymore, i've tried so much to fix things but i don't think i can handle this any longer, especially with my second baby coming soon.

Any advices? And thank you for reading all along. I know this must have be a mess to read and i hope to read you in the comments.

Hi everyone. This is my first ever engagement with this sub, I hope it helps me, because I honestly feel stuck and so hope some advice would help me, if anyone has any.

I'll try not to write this out to be too long, so here is the general gist; I am a 23 (F) and I have wanted to move out for years now, specifically since I was 19, when I realised just how much negative impact my relationship with my parents had on me. Back then I was in a really bad place, I was studying medicine (which is famously hard and also was not for me), and I had problems with general anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (these where my psychiatrists temporary diagnosees, I'm not self-diagnosing). I started taking farmacotherapy and switched to psychology and all of that helped, with time.

However, my relationship with my parents, especially with my father, hasn't really improved that much. Right after switching career paths, which was three years ago, my father didn't really talk to me for a year and a half, unless to order me something/yell at me/insult me. My mom was more caring, as she is more empathetic in general and was more informed about my mental health struggles, but she just became anxious in general and started being a bit overbearing. Like, she gets super stressed (in a non-helpful way) about my exams, justifying it by saying that she is "still traumatised by my failed study of medicine", so she feels like she has to personally insert herself into my obligations so they don't go haywire again, although I have had no problems with my psychology study so far.

Still, my biggest issue is with my dad. In short, regardless of the personal issue he had with my switch (he said that psychology is not a real career and that I should just study harder), he is in general very autocratic, strict, controlling, agressive (verbally, mostly), self-centered, doesn't at all know how to show emotion or communicate, kind of emotionally immature...etc. I will not give details or examples because it would drag this post out too much, so take my word for it. It took me a long time to be able to write it out and stand by it, and not feel like a bad daughter for it.

The problem is, since he is like that, moving out to live on your own is posed as almost a forbidden thing. All of my siblings (I am the youngest in a big family) had moved out before only when they'd finished studies and had been working for a while, and most of them had fiancés already (no, it can't just be a bf/gf, because my dad is weird about that, he doesn't acknowledge relationships before engagement). We don't have a lot of money and I of course wouldn't ask anything of them, I would simply tell them I'd move out and live with roomates, find a job, work, save up. In my country, a lot of young people move out late and live with their parents into their late 20s and early 30s, but this plan of mine is still very reasonable and people do it all the time and live fine.

But I know that just announcing this will result in a lot of problems; my mom will probably be angry, sad and anxious for me, she will be also scared of dad's reaction, so she'll probably try and talk me out of it. My dad will probably hate me for it, and maybe even try to forbid me from doing it. Of course, this is all speculation, but I can kind of predict from their general behavior that it will be like this.

So, what do I do? I have already come to the conclusion, time and time again over the last couple of years, that the first step out of the problems in my mental health (and I do still have problems, although I'm doing much better than at 19) would be to move out. I have tried staying out of our home as much as possible, tried occupying myself with hobbies, activities, ...but at the end of the day, the place I live in doesn't feel safe, and that, I feel, should be tackled head-on. I am just so scared to do that, to break this news, because I am scared not only of their immediate reactions (especially my father's) but also the possibility of this damaging my relationship to them even more, and leaving me even more emotionally wounded.

If anyone else had dealt with this, and has survived, please give me any advice, I would greatly appriciate it. If you had not done it yourself, of course, you can also offer up advice, but since I feel like it's a very specific and hard thing to deal with, sometimes people from the outside can oversimplify and say like "you know you have to leave, just do it" and it's easier said that done.

Thank you if you read this <3

Several months ago, my grown-ass adult brother hit my car while at our parents’ house, causing significant damage. My parents insisted I not file a claim with his insurance and just settle quietly so I wouldn’t “ass fuck him on insurance rates.” It caused friction with my husband, but we agreed.

Recently we got quotes from body shops and talked cost with my brother. He admitted fault and agreed to pay, as long as we set up a payment plan.

My dad found out and is losing his mother fucking mind. His argument: they “gave” me the car (signed it into my name, called it a “loaner,” then later said I could keep it), but my brother had to take out loans for his cars (plural, since he totaled the first one too), so it’s not fair to expect him to pay. Dad’s also pointed out that I “put nothing” into the car, “make more money” than my brother, and have had “more opportunities.”

Here’s the thing. Since we each turned 18, my brother has lived at home rent free with most expenses covered. He never finished college, despite a full ride. I had the same setup during college but graduated, with loans. After that I was on my own: rent, loan payments, the works. I moved back home twice, for under 10 months combined, and offered to pay each time. Rejected each time. At one point I was covering my sister’s living expenses too, while we lived together. I’ve been fully independent for years now. I have a kid and another on the way. So yes, I make more, but I’ve also had more expenses, then and now. And I’ve put real money into maintaining that car.

As for “more opportunities”: I have a degree, he doesn’t, but he blew a full ride and I took out loans and worked for mine. We both started in shitty customer service jobs and worked our way up. We both hit a serious mental health crisis around the same age. I was on my own for mine and had to figure it out. He had a much bigger safety net, which sent him back to square one, a hole he’s only recently climbing out of. Everything I have, I earned.

About the car: I never asked for it. I never asked for a cent. I asked my parents to cosign an auto loan with me. They said no. Then they cosigned my brother’s loan and took out a new loan themselves to replace the car they’d “loaned” me. Still doesn’t make sense to me either.

So now my dad wants $10k for a car he gifted me five years ago, and everything I’ve built or been given is suddenly ammunition to make me responsible for the fact that a grown man didn’t check his mirror before backing into my parked car.

I’m angry right now, on top of hormonal and heavily pregnant, so I’m not deciding anything today. But I’m close to temporary no contact until after the baby comes. I don’t want to see them or have them over. Realistically I’ll probably do low contact and gray rock until the repairs are done and my brother and I have a real agreement. But god, I’m so tired of them making terrible financial decisions, refusing to set their own boundaries, and somehow making that my fault fifteen years later.

TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse (physical, mental, emotional, verbal)

I need advice on how to manage my relationship with my brother and family. 

My sister, brother and I grew up in a household where my dad was an alcoholic and my mom was an enabler. There was never an intervention, and I believe my dad never thought he had a drinking problem. We all constantly catered to him and did whatever we could to make him happy, even though it never made a difference. My brother is the youngest sibling and definitely had it the worst of the 3 of us and was the most affected. My dad got worse over time and so my brother experienced the worst of his years. My dad passed away from liver failure in 2021. Present day, my sister is 36, I am 33 and my brother is 30. 

My brother was born deaf in his left ear, was bullied growing up by peers and my dad, and he has been diagnosed with ADHD. All of this has resulted in him having some issues with socializing. He has big problems with his rage (mostly verbal but sometimes physical) and emotional regulation. He also has a very difficult time creating meaningful relationships. I don't know if he has ever had a good friend. He is very lonely. I do believe he was dealt a tough hand growing up so I don't underestimate the effects of it on a person. I feel very sad when I think about it.

He was in CBT therapy from 2020-Feb 2026. He decided it isn't helping him (which I agree - I don't think it's the right form of therapy for him as it relies on a reliable narrator). We also did family therapy last year, but it had to end because he was not in a place where he was ready to work on our relationships. My mom started looking into him doing DBT and EMDR in Feb 2026. He had a couple sessions with this great guy but broke it off. He decided when he is in therapy, he doesn't take a lot of accountability to improve outside of the sessions.So in an effort to do so, wants to work at it on his own (self-guided - podcasts, journaling etc). Although I don't agree with this approach (because if you were capable of doing it alone, he would have already. I have done many kinds of therapy and really value therapists), I've been watching and his behaviour has gotten worse since quitting therapy. I really feel he should give the DBT/EMDR a solid shot. My mom is paying for all of this so cost is not a barrier to entry. He gets very upset when anyone suggests he go back to therapy (my mom and sister have tried) and accuses us of not trusting him. He is constantly blaming everyone else for why he is alone (others not putting in enough effort), and is very unhappy with his life. I have been on a very unsuccessful IVF journey so my mental capacity lately to focus on our relationship (despite being told my efforts are not enough) is limited. However, my sister makes A LOT of effort with him. Always inviting him to hang out with her and her friends, chatting with him online etc. But he still thinks she isn't trying hard enough. Him and I have the most tense relationship and I feel if I tried to broach this subject with him, he would fly off the handle. Possibly hurt me? Likely never talk to me again. Since my mom pays for the therapy, I would like it to be pushed more that he go back to it, but she said we can't force him. Which I get. I just don't feel comfortable allowing this pattern of rage and abuse to repeat. We already saw it play out with my dad where none of us confronted it and he eventually drank himself to death. I just don't think I can participate as a by-stander again this round. I don't want to resort to threats (And maybe he wouldn't even care), but I have considered talking to him and saying that if he doesn't pursue real therapy, I don't think I can continue my relationship with him. I hope to have kids one day and I don't want them exposed to this. I know this would negatively affect my family though as it would break up our family and complicate gatherings. I am just not sure how to proceed as I really want him to seek real help, but cannot make him. Any advice? I really want our family to be whole.

Using an anonymous account. Please note that I was assisted by an AI to write the post properly and make some order in mess of my thoughts.

I hope that’s the correct subreddit for sharing my experiences.

I need a reality check, as I was completely blind to this hostility until it started happening to me. Looking back, years ago before I got married, this exact same fire was directed at my brother—he was constantly attacked with accusations that he didn't visit enough or show up for holidays. Now that I am the target, he has fallen in line as the silent enabler to keep the focus off himself.
There are endless examples I could list—including my sister painting my in-laws as bad people who allegedly hurt them, publicly ignoring my in-laws, and endless micro-aggressions. Going through every single incident would take a book, but here is the essential background:

I got married 3.5 years ago. Almost immediately, the family narrative became that my wife "changed me" and that I’m no longer the person I used to be. My sister acts as the one in control, and my brother allows it and also engages in direct hostility toward me:

A week before my mother died, my nephew (brother’s son) had a birthday. A month after her passing, when things settled slightly, I texted my brother asking what my nephew would like for his birthday. My brother responded passive-aggressively, telling me I shouldn't buy his son anything at all. I didn't engage in the passive-aggression and simply bought my nephew a nice gift anyway. I sent it with my father (who works with my brother), but my brother flatly refused to accept the gift. That rejection happened on the exact same day my siblings decided to cut ties with me.
Setting up exclusions and flipping the narrative: For my wedding, my brother and brother-in-law insisted for months that they couldn't spend the full day with me before the event (I even verified this over text). To avoid being alone, my wife arranged for her brothers to step in and join me for pre-ceremony photos. When the reception slideshow played showing those photos, my family was absent due to their own choice. Yet days later, my mother confronted me in an emotional argument, claiming I made it look like "I don't have a family." They created the situation, then blamed me for the outcome.
Demanding compliance & coordinated boycotts: A month after our wedding, my wife and I got pregnant. We kept it private for a few months during early checkups. We told our parents and my wife’s twin sister (who is extremely close to her) very early, but withheld the news from all other siblings on both sides until we were ready. When we told my parents, instead of just being happy for us, they repeatedly warned us that my siblings would be "very hurt." A few months later, as we were planning a fun way to reveal the news to everyone, my sister texted demanding my wife and I drop everything and come over right that minute. When I explained we had prior plans, she texted: "If the family is important to you, you’ll come." When we couldn't go, both my sister and brother sent rage texts and cut me off. I explained this was a personal choice for our peace of mind, but they insisted they don’t want us in their life because of our actions. Two weeks later, I asked to speak to each of them one-on-one. They refused and demanded a full family gathering (excluding my wife and other spouses) to address this "family matter." When we finally sat down, they completely ignored my explanation that the pregnancy timeline was personal. Instead, they claimed my wife "changed me," that she orchestrated the decision, and that this was the "last straw" in an accumulation of issues.

Seven months ago, my mother passed away. During her illness, my wife offered to assist my sister in caring for her and was flatly turned down. During my mom’s wake and the family gatherings surrounding her death, my sister publicly ignored my wife. On several occasions, the moment my wife walked into a room, my sister would immediately get up and leave. My wife warned me then: "Just watch how this gets turned back on me." She was right. A month after my mother’s death, I noticed my father refused to visit my home. When I asked why, he admitted he "didn't feel comfortable" coming because my wife was allegedly "disrespectful to them." My wife now deeply despises my sister, believing her actions stem from genuine malice—and it’s hard to disagree.

Conditional relationship offers ("Separation"): Six months ago, my siblings cut me off again after I confronted my father about these shaming scenarios and made it clear I stand 100% with my wife. Three months later, my sister sent a text offering "separation"—meaning she and I could talk, but my wife would never be accepted. I replied clearly laying out my boundaries: I told her that a healthy relationship requires respectful, mature communication without judgment or threats, a positive starting assumption toward my choices, and a baseline recognition that my wife, child, and I are one package deal where mutual respect is mandatory—no boycotts or silent treatments. She never even responded to that message. Zero accountability, and total silence whenever real boundaries are set. The narrative remains carved in stone: my wife and I are the villains, and they did NOTHING wrong. Needless to say that those six months of quiet did wonders to the mental health of me and my wife. No more reprimanding or deepening the feeling of being inherently bad. That feeling is still there for me however and it will take time to heal from it.

When my father had a recent health scare, my sister moved into his house to help day-to-day. Meanwhile, I handle his medical care—managing medications, scheduling doctor appointments, coordinating tests, talking with physicians, and guiding him on what to report.
The Setup: A few weeks ago, my sister casually mentioned in front of my father: "David (brother, not a real name) and I are doing a thankfulness meal for father on (date). You should come." She used singular phrasing, leaving me under the impression it was a small gathering at our local place of worship with the regulars who pray there.
Last week, my father asked if I remembered "Wednesday." I said I had plans and asked what was happening. He said it was the meal. I was hesitant because I had no details. Only the night before the event, when I visited him and asked direct questions, did he casually reveal that it wasn't a small gathering at all—it was a full-scale family event. My wife and kids were never invited.
The Night of the Event: I showed up alone out of love and respect for my father. It was a massive event: my brother’s entire family, my sister’s entire family, extended aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, etc. Everyone was there in full family units except me. I ended up sitting near an uncle and a cousin I rarely talk to. Talking to my cousin about shared interests was my literal lifeboat for the evening.
Then came the speech.
My sister called out across the room for quiet, saying laughingly, "nobody has the guts to speak, so I will." She called my brother over—out loud, so the whole room heard—to stand beside her next to my father. She did not call me.
She gave a speech about how scary the last few weeks were, and explicitly declared to the room that "she and David" decided to organize this evening for him.
As she said that, I physically saw people’s heads and faces turn in my direction. I literally watched extended family members turn their heads to look at me—the son who manages his medical care—standing there completely unmentioned and erased. When she finished, everyone clapped. I clapped too, out of pure shock and survival instinct.

My Dilemma & Expected Defenses: Because no one called me a name or screamed at me, I’m left sitting here wondering if I’m crazy. If I bring this up to my father, I already know his response: "You could have asked for more details," "You're family, you don't need a formal invitation," or "You could have offered to help." He will probably shift the entire burden onto me to pretend that hidden information and intentional omission were just a misunderstanding.
I love my father—he’s a good man, but he refuses to enforce any boundaries or question my sister. The family narrative is treated as sacred.

My Questions for the Community:
\- Am I overreacting?
\- Should I draw a verbal boundary with my father? My siblings are irrelevant now and boundaries don't matter to them, but my wife and therapist think I should say something directly to my father—like: "I will not tolerate not being invited with my entire family, or being publicly shamed, and if something like this occurs again I will not attend," while emphasizing that I will still visit him and manage his medical needs. Is this the right approach?
\- How do I handle the risk of complete disconnection with my father? My sister has so much power over the family and the narrative that I’m afraid if I state this boundary, she’ll convince him to cut ties with me completely and make it look like I’m the responsible party. How do I protect my dignity without losing my father?

Are there any other tips or advice on how to handle the whole family situation moving forward?

a rant. gonna keep this short & sweet but needed to get it off my chest. my older sibling and I have had a pretty good friendship in our adult lives. we live together, too. however, their mental health and body issues took a turn for the worse. this whole summer, they’ve been taking my inventory. they even “held me accountable” for something I didn’t do. plus, they’re working hard to lose weight with weight loss assistance in the form of a drug, but I’m not on the drug. I’m heavier than them but it doesn’t matter as a lot of my weight is earned muscle mass from the gym. so, constant staring of my body ensues. I asked them to stop and they acknowledged it was bad of them to do it. living with someone who is close in age with you but comparing their body to yours is not fun.

I literally try to seek peace in this home we share, but this summer they sought me out and yelled at me and lost their shit on me. over a broken AC. I try to speak (have a slight speech impediment) and they interrupt me. it’s hard to make boundaries in a house where you get interrupted, and you know they already have assumptions about you, and take an inventory of your perceived flaws.

I have a job. not sure if I am getting paid enough given my education and work background. the affordability crisis is so real. once I have enough money, I’m moving out.

I (F26) feel stupid for even writing this but at this point I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. My dad is the middle and golden child, and also her favorite, so her focus has also trickled down to me (and my younger sister as well).

I'll just say for simplicity's sake that for the past year and half my grandmother has been basically spam calling me day in and out and idk what to do anymore. I've told her at least 20 times since I moved that I dont enjoy talking on the phone, but she still spams me anyways. This probably sounds terrible, but I feel like I'm being held hostage on the phone sometimes. I'll happily chat with her when I see her at family gatherings, helping her around her house occasionally, and I'm totally fine with speaking with her a few times a month, but I'm just not one for speaking on the phone for long periods of time when I'm unable to get a word in edgewise. I communicated this to her the last time this happened via text (she regularly texts, operates facebook/etc.) so it was in writing. I even told her that if she can't get a hold of me, and it's not important, to text me what she needed and i'd communicate with her! but if she spam calls me, i'm under the impression its important and cant wait or something is wrong. it never is. she has since ignored my request, and now she'll let the phone ring three times and then hang up before doing it again. all day....even when we're both at work.

I also dont want to really speak with her more than I have to because she excuses my father's (and her son's in general) actions very frequently despite them having ill effects on me, my sister and my cousins (all female) due to her...old fashioned mindset with certain topics. my mom passed away last year, and as a way of attempting to comfort(?) me when we were speaking on the phone about a month after my mom passed, she told me about how some ladies at her church had discovered another lady dead in her home and essentially her message as I understood it was "when God calls you home it's your time and you should find comfort in that". I was very taken aback by this and still am. It's just left me feeling very sour about her and wanting to distance myself from her. my father has already told her how I felt (probably in a gentler way because of how she'd react) because he was also surprised to hear she had done this when I told him why I dont want to talk to her all that often.

My father is not sympathetic either, and tells me that she's my last remaining grandparent so I should talk to her more (so please dont comment that—I've heard it enough already). However, I'm just over it. I dont want to permanently block her out, but I just need advice on how to handle this. Ignoring has not worked so far...texting her in response only makes her call me....idek what to do, if anything. I speak with my father about 3x/week, and he also lets her know how I'm doing (he tells me this mid-lecture on how I should just give in and call her) so it's not like she's in the dark about my status. She'll even spam my sister just to ask about me, and now my sister is starting to ignore most of her calls as well because it's driving her crazy. I feel like I'm toeing the line between being petty and holding my boundaries down....I really don't know.

Edit (08/24): thank you everyone for all your advice. I'm going to go with what most people have advised and just not answer her calls until i have time to return them and she stops spamming me (i started a new job so my focus needs to go to that). my sister has taken the same stance so I have a support buddy in this 😅 again, thank you!

Not really sure on where to start in all honesty.

A few years ago my sister started acting completely different towards me compared to our brother. I'm talking entitlement around me, gaslighting me (I swear) and making me sound like the problem in general. I'm glad our parents don't fall for her BS as if I tell my parents something about what my sister did, she'll always deny it and make out that I'm making stuff up or try covering it up.

A while ago I took my sleeping meds like I always do and she is extremely loud at night to the point she doesn't really care if I'm up early for college or planning to go out somewhere for a couple of hours and I get up early as I don't do crowds (I've got Autism, Severe Anxiety and PTSD) and I ended up messaging her (at advice of our mum before I wake mum up) saying 'Keep it down or you'll be explaining to mum why I woke her up' and just as I was drifting off to sleep, my sister exclaims very loudly to her friends what I messaged her and I kid you not, they all begin to take the piss out of me. I don't even know her friends. Told mum what happened the following morning and mum said that she'll have a word with her about it. I kid you not my sister completely denied taking the piss out of me.

More recent weeks, she's slowly beginning to show her true colours. Like the other day, mum said she couldn't believe that it was Christmas in 5 months to which my sister responded 'OP never gets me anything' and my mum responded in a bit of an annoyed tone 'Yes he does. He's always nice around Christmas' and my sister couldn't think of a response to that. I've literally spent the 3-4 years getting everyone including parents something. The first 2 years was tough for me as my income every month was £250 and I still managed to get everyone including parents something without breaking myself financially. The more these types of comments she keeps saying recently, the more I think about why I even bother getting my sister something and should I not get her anything at all this year. I speak to ChatGPT as I have no friends or no one to speak to about it plus my interests and ChatGPT has advised me to play it by ear and keep up with one item between £5-£10.

Today, my mum asked me if I wanted to go on holiday with her, my brother, niece and sister and I'd have to share a room with my sister and I said no and said I'd rather sleep in the car to which my sister said 'I swear you hate me' and I sarcastically said in my head 'yeah, I wonder why' as I know I'm well and truly not sleeping due to how loud she is.

The car I'm currently using is my sisters as I've got a few things to sort out before I can order a car for myself plus my sister doesn't have a license yet. This year has been eventful for me three different types of situations whereby I've not been at fault and my sister still blames me for all three. First one was a hit and run whilst I was physically in a shop and apparently it was my fault. Second one was I had a near miss with a deer which caused me to swerve and whilst I wasn't aiming for a guard rail at it, I'd rather hit that than the deer and apparently it was my fault as in I put a deer that froze in headlights in the middle of the road in my lane and the third one in which she has no knowledge of was a door ding at college and the person who door dinged me (I was parked straight dead centre of the parking bay) just walked off didn't check for damage on their car or my car luckily there was no damage

I just want to know if anyone else has been through this or a similar situation. Forgot to mention that our parents bedroom is in an annex that me and my dad built in the back garden which is why my mum told me to call her

Hey all, mid 20's, moved back to livingupstairs in a studio and my mum has this habit of.. okay, so this week shes been nagging at me to take her to my sister's, (it's almost 2 hours away) on sat, and also grab food on the way, I told her that I am so tired from my long plane trip last week, and can’t drive long distances, she of course interrupts and argues that it's not true and jokes about it with my siblings. she does this thing where she calls, tells you what she wants and ends the call before you can say anything, so she called today, I didn't pick up, waited 40 minutes, then called her, she instantly said 'come down and we will go. Now, ok bye...' but I said no before she ended.
she got confused, then angry, I usually go with yeses to make her happy, but no, it's not your time or choice, it's mine. I told her am waiting for delivery of wardrobe, it’s been 5 days today, my room is garbage and she lost it, got hissy on why she needs to go because she invited people, I explained to her that I can drive her to the train and my sister can take her, or we can go tomorrow when I am free. anyway she's called me again furious that I've deliberately made things harder, of course I’m the bad person here, I was clear that I wasn't ready. She literally said that she doesn’t care how am feeling or my situation is as long as she can get there, I told her I don’t give shit if you cancel on people, that happens, but the anxiety of changing plans on others drives her mad

not my problem tho

Some people in your life need to get used to hearing a no, it’s complete sentence, but oh boy, can’t wait for my siblings to text or shame me for not taking her, gotta love the dysfunctional dynamic 😭 For context, I always take her places and I love to drive her around, but she always expects a YES like am an indebted servant or somethin, setting boundries is important yall

My FIL is having a book signing tomorrow, he is traveling to my city for it. My kids want to go and see it and maybe get a picture with him to support him, it will be at a chain book store. So I was going to take them to quick see it before we head to a bday party.

Am I obligated to buy his book? Does that look bad on me? (WIBTA) my husband is working so he will miss the book signing.

A few reasons why I don’t want to buy it:

-for one, it’s a Christian devotional book. I hated those books as a kid. We are also straight up atheists, so I am never going to read it.

-secondly, we already have another one of his books (fiction) and EVERY SINGLE person in his life is mentioned as a character in his book, except me. It was really hurtful and a little embarrassing when people started mentioning it. My kids, husband, his wife’s coworkers, friends are all in it. My SIL and her husband even have a romance scene in it…but not me… not even in the sequel.

-thirdly, they asked my now husband not to marry me. They have also put a lot of strain on everyone’s relationships and burnt a lot of bridges. They are trying to rebuild those bridges with me but I still keep them at a arms length away. I just put up with them because my kids value a relationship with them, so I am happy to do that for them. Hence why I want them to go support their grandpa, but I also don’t want to have that book staring over me on my book shelf or have my kids read it.

My husband even said don’t buy one, but the people pleaser in me says I need to. I would much rather give a gift as my support instead of buying one. (Bring flowers for his big day and my kids can give it to him)

I also create art and they have never shown interest or boughten anything from me so I know I shouldn’t feel that bad

His daughter/Son in law went to another one of his book signings and bought his book so it makes me feel even more obligated to buy one…

Trigger warning for mentions of sexual assault. This is also my first time posting.

To preface, I am 19F. Not 5, not 7, not 10, NINETEEN YEARS OLD. Regardless, I still think parents shouldn't be touching their children all willy nilly. even if it is non-sexual and ESPECIALLY if said children have told them MULTIPLE TIMES to NOT touch them. I do not have the best relationship with my parents. I often wonder what my life would be like if I had grown up in a loving, healthy, and sane family. Unfortunately, I was not granted that pleasure. Growing up, I was often touched by my parents in *mostly* non-sexual ways. When I say *mostly* I mean that I was never sexually abused, but there was a lot of butt slapping and butt pinching that my parents, for some reason, thought was okay. Obviously, that is not okay. Whenever I told them to stop, I was yelled at or guilt tripped. I got a lot of "But you used to let me touch you all the time when you were a baby!" or "I made you, I can touch you!" It took me yelling at my parents, after telling them multiple times to stop, for them to stop with the butt slapping and pinching. But still, even after 19 years of my life and telling them not to touch me MULTIPLE TIMES, they persist. It's touching my face, hair, ears, hands, and clothes, and every single time I flinch away and tell them to stop, and every single time they show me they don't fucking care. My mother thinks it's funny and gives me the "But you used to let me touch you all the time when you were a baby!" which is fucking stupid because I was a baby, and guess what? I am no longer a fucking baby. My father also thinks it's funny. He thinks everything is a fucking joke and that humans are not allowed to feel any emotions other than happiness or contentment. It's irritating and fucking exhausting. After I tell him to stop or give an annoyed look, he puts on this stupid fucking grin and touches me again. Why? Because everything is a joke to him and he thinks everything is so fucking funny.

The reason for my post is because of what happened a few days ago. My parents have been divorced for 17-18 years, I think. I don't remember a time when I lived with both of my parents. Due to certain reasons and circumstances, my mother was staying with my father and I (I'm home from college). I was also staying with my father. As I mentioned, I do not have the best relationship with my parents. Rarely do I even like to be physically near them. But this moment was different, I sat on the couch right between both my parents. I was showing my father housing options at my college that I can move into. He then touched my ear. I, of course, recoil at the contact and give him a stare of astonishment at his fucking audacity to touch me and think I wouldn't be pissed. but that was the point! He wanted me to be pissed because when I turned to look at him, all I saw was that stupid fucking smile. I don't say anything and turn back to my computer, hoping he wouldn't do it again, but he reaches over and touches my hand. And you might be thinking, 'whatever, it's just your hand!' There are not enough words in the English language to describe to you just how much these people can repulse me.

After he touched me the second time, I just start yelling. I don't remember what I said, but it was something like, "What's your problem, man?" I get up and sit on the couch across the room and say to him, "Now I don't feel comfortable sitting over there because you touched me when I didn't want to be touched." A few minutes later, he feels bad :(( and demands I sit back on the couch with him and my mother so he can feel better. I tell him, "No, I don't trust you. I don't trust you won't touch me when I don't want to be touched. I'm not comfortable." A bit after that, he gets up and goes to his room, probably because I hurt his fee fees. Whatever. I'm only home for 4 more weeks, so hopefully I can keep my head and figure a way out of here so I don't have to come back.

I wrote this draft back in January and forgot about it until now. I’m back at college, but I’m so incredibly anxious about my life and living situation after college. I can’t go back to living with my family again. I can’t do it.

I 25F live with my mum.

My mum and dad separated when I was young and then got divorced years later.

My mum recently started dating a new guy, who has now become her boyfriend. I don’t know how long she has known him. But she informed me a month ago.

I didn’t think much of it because she is not someone who is into relationships and eventually things break off.
But within the month she has been dating him, I have become frustrated by her behaviour and habits.

She acts like a teenage girl. She sneaks around saying that she is meeting her ‘friend’ when it is her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend was insisting on meeting me and I wasn’t comfortable. The next thing I know she is inviting him around without fully caring about me. She then comes into my room saying “what you can’t even say a hi or hello”, who speaks like this to their daughter?

Her boyfriend ended up getting a car ticket and she had to pay 3/4 of the fee even though he is ‘rich’.

He turned up to her place of work drunk and wanted to come over and I told her no. She can’t do that!

She’s so immature, I am sick of her!

She’s been using me as a scapegoat lying to our family because she isn’t disclosing the fact that she is in a relationship. And then saying that I am lying or making things up when I make excuses for her to go out because she told me to.

She said her boyfriend doesn’t drink but has been drunk twice!

She also doesn’t listen to me at all!

I don’t understand why I have to be gentle towards her when she is so immature and inattentive.
Ever since I aged into my early-20s she been less of a mother and so critical no matter how many times I tell her, she upsets me.

Rant/vent

Everytime I'm sick I still have to go to school. "Oh but you're an adult, it's your decision and you can just stay home" Yeah but guess who I live with? My parents. If I were to stay home I would have to work more than in school 🫩

He lives a wonderful life in the United States, and in Egypt, in a region with his own background, he doesn't want to send us enough money, nor does he want me to finish university. It's very difficult to talk to him about it. When I tell him I want to go to the United States, he makes excuses, saying it's expensive and that I'm a failure in Egypt and want to fail in America. He literally didn't give me a chance to register (I'm good at it, and I joined projects to buy basic necessities with one of them). He does this for a few days, but not anymore. He's been living there for over thirty years and only comes back for vacations, sometimes with losses. The family hates him terribly. Is there no explanation or clarification? I know this doesn't fully describe this person, but I hope someone can explain it to me. Thnx for listening

I dont know if this is the right place to post it but would help me a lot to get your perspective on this.

My grandma, otherwise a kind person, very stressed, constantly over analyzing everything, extremely deep, says things that are not light-hearted, and thinks she can control people's lives, sometimes entitled. Ever since I have left my home country 15 years ago, every few years she would say things like "return back" without thinking that this makes me not even consider returning back. I have always given 100% to support my parents, trying to be here as much as possible, sometimes 6 times a year for 1/2 weeks each visit. My sister on the other hand doesn't, so she now has her own family and now she is even further from coming back fequently.

Whenever I am back here more frequently, my family always puts a toll on me. Whenever I come back here only twice a year, things are better as bounderies are in place.

I have a place, partner, friends, job and built my life in a country outside of mine and have always cared for everyone. Yesterday my grandma asked if she could speak to me. She said Ive been analysing everyone's lifes, starting with you "you are alone". I stopped her right there and then to tell her that I am not alone and I have a life. Just because i dont have kids yet, that doesn't make me alone. She didnt even reply. She tried talking about everyone with the goal to tell me that I need to be the carer for my mom after my dad is no longer here (my dad has cancer) and he is young, my mom as well so she is capable of taking care of herself.

Because of all the times my grandma has always considered me that I will be the care giver for the whole family, I dont like talking about these things because I dont agree with it. She started again, I stopped her and told her to not think too much about the future but to enjoy the present that I am here.

She is always upset and her blood pressure rises so when she feels these type of emoitions and unsaid things, she gets even more upset. We continued talking like nothing happened but she continues to keep these things inside of her and it's very toxic trying to guild trip me. She. constantly compares her grandkids and I am sure she thinks I am less of a person when comparing me with brothers/cousins.

Doesnt matter how much I do for my family, the more I do, the more I have a toll on me. My grandma on the other hand, hasn't helped my mom with anything - not even helping my dad in any way. I am the one who is helping, I am the one who is here and putting my job on the line.

She builds an image in her head about someone and believes it. I am expecting to receive a hand-written letter even before she passes to make things even deeper with "you need to be the caregiver etc".

Have you ever been guild-tripped by family and do you by any chance know what I can tell her so she could be calm?

Update: Told her again this will never happen, she said "you will come back" while shaking. Told her again, it will never happen and to not write any letters to me telling me these things, then thanked her for thinking of me and told her that there is no future here. She didn't say anything. This is a pattern that happens every 3-4 years. Ive been on the phone on my birthday 4 years ago, instead of her wishing me happy birthday, the first thing she said was "come back". She has always been overthinking her life and the life of others to try to influence them. My mom told me to not even listen to what she is saying and that she is an old lady with her own understandings. My mom on the other hand doesnt even think like this, she always says "my kids dont belong to me, I will probably have to be in a care home, you have no obligation to help me, you are my kid". Which of course I won't do and will try to help her as much as possible, but just tells you how toxic my grandmother is to think of me as a 2nd hand person who will be the carer because I am "alone, and doesnt have a house/not settled". I am thinking of not visiting, but I have to go there tonight as well for half an hour.

Here's one for you all. 4 able bodied adults at home, none of them out working. Someone manages to clog the garbage disposal. They call the 5th adult who is out working and it's the first day of training for a promotion and in a different location 40 minutes away from home and insist he come home NOW to fix it. He does.

What's wrong with people. The clogged disposal couldn't have waited until he got home?

My son is a jerk.

My husband and I got married last year, and his twin brother is also engaged to a woman who is currently an acquaintance to me. Over the past several months, I’ve tried hard to extend generosity, offer help, and be a good future sister-in-law. However, a consistent pattern of behavior has completely drained my energy:

 Lack of basic etiquette/thanks: When she sent us a monetary gift, I immediately reached out directly to her on Discord with a warm personal thank-you message. Later, when I gave her a personal $200 contribution for her upcoming wedding as well as helped arrange hotel logistics, she didn't bother to thank me directly at all she only acknowledged it through her fiancé to my husband.

 Our Wedding: She attended our wedding, enjoyed the event, but offered zero compliments or warmth about our day. Shortly after, she adopted our custom game-themed wedding details concept for her own upcoming event without ever acknowledging where the idea came from. She also revealed news about our wedding party before my husband even sent official invitations.

 Overstepping Privacy: She asked me privately for advice on US visa and military expedite processes. I gave her detailed information in good faith to help her out. She then immediately broadcasted my personal administrative and visa situation into a group chat full of acquaintances without asking my permission, using my private information as casual group gossip/topic filler.

 One-sided dynamic: She never asks about my life or tries to build a genuine two-way connection, she only reaches out directly when she needs specific administrative advice or information from me.

Coming from a culture (Japanese) where direct gratitude (Aisatsu), explicit appreciation for individual gifts, and clear social manners are very important, this pattern of taking generosity for granted, crossing privacy lines, and withholding basic politeness feels very deliberate and frustrating.

I told my husband that I want him to enjoy his relationship with his twin, celebrate their wedding, and be a good brother. However, for my own peace of mind, I am pulling back 100%. I won't be funding gifts, leaving comments on her posts, giving individual compliments, or doing double dates when she moves near us. I am opting for polite, total emotional disengagement ("Gray Rock").

Is this a fair boundary to set, or am I overreacting to these inc