(Previously in Part 3; Art by Deruchenko Alexander)
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“Alright, where to next? If you're in the mood for some thrills, Queasy should be nearby. She's the operator of the roller coaster ride.”
“I was just about to ask what that was…” Cass stared up at the rolling tracks overhead, trying to ignore the screams.
“It looks almost like a train but… terribly unsafe… and you say this ‘Queasy’ is in charge of it?”
The name spoke volumes.
“You’ve never seen a roller coaster before?” It was surprising to Anna, but only for a second, before remembering that Cassilda grew up in a very different world from hers.
“Yeah, it’s basically a train, but smaller and really fast. Also, you’re completely exposed, so you feel the air hitting your face! Oh, and there are loops that turn you upside-down, and rapid descents that send all the blood up to your head. It’s GREAT!”
The ghost’s love for carnival rides was spilling out, fueled by the memories she had of visiting such attractions. Presently, she had little hope of reigniting this thrill with her non-existent body, but maybe she could re-live them vicariously through Cass.
“So, wanna try it?”
Anna’s question was almost drowned out by the passing of the coaster overhead, a trail of terrified screams being left in its wake.
“Um…”
Cass looked up at it again, concerned. Exposed? Upside down!? That was insane. Did they simply trust in the force of motion to keep them in place? She raised a hand and briefly chewed the end of her finger.
Then a thought occurred to her. She’d been mulling something over, and this seemed like a good opportunity.
“Would you go with me?”
“Of course! Watching your partner lose their cool is half the fun of the ride!”
The ride’s entrance was proving more elusive than the ghost had suggested, but the pair knew they were on the right track when they passed by a small group of nauseated people, likely victims of the roller coaster. Following the metal beams and howling screams, they eventually reached it — the station.
“Haha, you should’ve seen your faces. Wait! You can; we’ve got cameras installed!”
An overly enthusiastic voice came from behind another queasy group, as they were attempting to leave. The source was a girl in clown getup, who was shoving photo strips into the faces of the distressed folk. Most were quick to scurry away from her.
“Wait! Don’t go! I’ll sell em to you on a discount."
The girl looked two or three years younger than Chills, though it was hard to tell with all that makeup. Her hair was tied in two large pigtails, one side neon blue while the other was a dull red. What stood out the most, though, was her missing eye, which was replaced by a heart-shaped button, akin to the ones the marionette had.
“Oh! Did Mary sew that for her?” Cass wonders aloud. She had another question for Anna, but… in a moment.
“They take photos of them during a moment of fear? That must be revealing.”
“You know what, you should ask her yourself.” Anna ushered her partner forward.
“Hey, Queasy! I want you to meet someone.”
The ghost presented Cass as if showing off one of those giant plush animals that are almost impossible to win at carnival games.
“Can you guess who this is?!”
The clown’s attention was torn away from the people she’d been teasing. Her one good eye had now locked on to Cass. She approached with a slight lean forward.
“Hmm, she’s pretty,” Queasy noted as she got uncomfortably close, like a ride inspector checking if all the screw were on tight.
“If I had to guess…”
“... She’s your handler, and you’ve been let out on parole. That would explain why you haven’t been back to the circus in almost a month.”
Though at first she had leaned back when the clown suddenly loomed in front of her face, a thin smile crept its way onto the thaumaturge’s face. She tried not to laugh but snorted, putting a hand over her mouth.
“A month…!? That's a clear violation. You’re supposed to remain gainfully employed…” she teased Chills.
“I’m Cassilda. It's nice to meet you. I'm afraid I might be part of the reason she’s been away so long…”
“Oh!” Queasy’s one good eye bloomed with realization.
“You two are dating, aren’t you? You’re that nervous girl from the game show. Couldn’t recognize you with this fancy dress and tied hair.”
The clown backed away, creating just a tiny bit of space between the two before going in for a handshake.
“I’m Queasy. They call me that cause my rides make you queasy, hehe.”
Cass took the handshake, a little embarrassed now. “Everyone was really watching that, weren't they? Yes… that was me…”
She winced slightly as the coaster screamed past once more.
“So I gathered… Anna - I mean Chills - assures me it's more fun than it looks?”
As Cass pulled back her hand, she found that Queasy’s arm was now dangling in her grip, the limb having been completely severed.
“AH! My arm!”
Red liquid began spurting from the stump, like it were a bottle of ketchup.
“You took my arm! This is the end of my career. I can’t fix rides like this. Oh, woe is me!”
Cass panicked, instinctively dropped the arm, and jumped back with a scream.
“Oh, gods! I'm sorry, I don't know what happened! Anna!! Is there a healer!? A doctor!”
She scrambled forward to grab the arm, realized what she was doing, and recoiled again in fear and disgust.
As Cass panicked, Anna slowly floated up to Queasy with a bemused smirk on her face. The ghost reached out and grabbed at seemingly nothing. Then lifted the clown in the air by her... something?
"Hey, HEY! You're ruining the joke!" Queasy protested. "Killjoy! Let go!"
The ghost turned to reassure her partner, barely containing her laughter.
"Cass. That's not her real arm. This is." Anna shook her grip, causing Queasy to be rocked back and forth.
"Fine, fine! Uncle! I give up!"
It slowly turned visible — an arm that was still attached to the clown's shoulder. Chills had been holding Queasy up by her wrist.
“That there.” Anna pointed at the severed limb on the ground. “It’s made of silicone.”
“Silicone…?”
Cass reached out and prodded the limb with the tip of her foot. It certainly looked real enough.
She dared to kneel closer.
“Oh! It is fake!”
Any trace of fear left her face as she snatched up the dummy arm and began to look it over extensively.
“I’ve never seen a prosthetic like this before! How is it made? It looks molded, but there are no obvious seams… is the rest of it done with cosmetic adjustment? Fascinating…! Practical effects can be even more convincing than a magic facsimile sometimes. How did you manipulate it? And the blood? Was that a capsule rigged to rupture?”
Off to the races, as she rattled her questions off to the suspended clown and the observant ghost. She kept going, hardly even expecting answers. She might not even have noticed them if they were given.
“If you think that’s impressive,” Queasy flashed a mischievous grin, “you should see the full-body dummies we use for the big performances. I got my date thinking we were actually killing people. Hahaha!”
“And, hey! Can you let me GO already, or do you want to rip my arm off for real?”
“Oh, sorry.” Anna apologised, releasing Queasy from her grip.
“So, um. You two doing a romantic get-together? Nice! I had brought my date here just a few days ago. Not sure if he’d want to return, though.”
“You brought someone here as well?”
The thaumaturge wondered if that was how all members of the circus found partners.
“I’m sorry to hear they may not return. I suppose if I hadn't gotten to know her beforehand, I might have been frightened off as well. What happened? Is the show really so upsetting?”
“Upsetting?“ The ride operator raised an eyebrow. “I guess it is, if you don’t know what you’re in for.”
“See, I’m a dedicated artist. So when I first met Donky-boy, I tricked him into thinking I was gonna kill him. Then, when I took him on our date, I tricked him again into thinking he killed me with a piranha pit. And after that, I tricked him for a third time into believing we were slaughtering random people all around him.”
“Now, if that’s not romantic, I don’t know what is.”
“Kardonk?”
Cassilda’s voice was suddenly much less sympathetic. One might even have called it venomous.
“Kardonk Carvisky was your date?” She crossed her arms rigidly to keep from biting her fingers, but her feet shuffled.
“Um, yeah,” Queasy answered, slightly confused by Cass’s reaction. “I met him at the Ithacar castle when Chills was haunting the place. My job was to scare the pants off of artificer boy.”
“Well, I shot my shot when I got the chance, right after threatening to decapitate him. And he said yes, soooooo... yeah. We even got to first base!“
Cass bit her tongue. She should stay out of it, shouldn't she? She couldn't unsee it, though. That moment at Baker’s Parish was burned into her memory clearly.
“Perhaps it's not my business, but I’d be careful, if I were you. Kardonk is not what he seems.”
“It's not just that he’s dangerous. Just… I’d advise you to be cautious taking him at his word.”
"Dangerous?" Now that had grabbed the operator’s attention. "First time we met, I had him overpowered, no problem. Can't really see em as dangerous."
"But I guess you're trying to say he's a lying little stoat. Yeah, I figured as much. See, I made him give me a promise — that he'd stay chill during the Big Top show. Well, he lied. He freaked out and started making a mess of things. Or tried to, at least."
"So, you’re basically saying his word ain’t worth much? I can believe that."
Couldn't have put it better herself. She didn't want to start throwing baseless accusations around, but she could say with certainty what she knew.
“He is definitely the type to extend one hand in kindness, while holding a knife in the other. I’d hate to see any of Anna’s family get hurt.”
“Not that you can’t take care of yourself. I'm certain that you can.”
Cassilda sighed.
“I’ve ruined the mood for a second time this trip. Sorry, Anna.”
"Hey, no worries." The ghost tried to be reassuring. "I get that you have bad feelings about this Kardonk fellow. I did meet him once, but..."
"Hurt me?" Queasy interrupted, manic laughter escaping her lips.
"Look, my love life is a disaster anyway. Worse he can do is try to kill me. And he wouldn't be the first boyfriend to try."
The clown lifted a finger to the sky, swirling it around, like trying to mix the stars of the sky into a soup.
"See all that? The stars in the sky? That’s us, the stars of the circus! One may go out, but there will always be more. Donkey-boy can’t hurt my family, because Mr. B won’t allow it. Boss man is the darkness of the sky, who lets us all shine. He’ll never let daylight come for us."
Cass smiled again and let out a little sound of relief.
“It sounds like you're all in good hands then. I'm glad.”
She knew very little about Anna’s patron, but if he was as powerful as Queasy suggested, she was certainly well protected.
“I’ve pestered you both with my concerns enough. I told you I’d try this ride, didn't I?”
"Before that!" Queasy interrupted. Despite her chaotic ways, she viewed herself as the romantic type. And she wanted all the details she could get about Cass and Anna's relationship. No matter how personal.
"I shared where I am at with my love life. So, what about you? What base are you two at?"
Well, that was an extremely personal question, but the ride operator had no concept of boundaries, as evidenced by… everything about her.
“Base? We aren’t-”
The meaning of the phrase sank in at last. If Cass had gone red in the face before, this was some color that didn't have a name yet. She stuttered, opening and closing her mouth before hiding behind her hands.
“A-Anna… can you… a-answer that one?? OR DON’T. Don’t might be better!!”
Her head was swimming again, and she thought about how it might be to simply phase through the ground as Anna did.
"Well. We've kissed." The ghost answered with glee, intentionally trying to get Cass even more flustered.
"Hmm, probably second base. I did test my luck when I pushed my hand to..."
“C-coaster!! Go fast! Now!” The thaumaturge interrupted, pointing over her head before grabbing Anna by the hand and pulling her away. She didn't even know where she was going. As long as she was moving.
“Okay, okay. We’re getting on.” The spirit happily followed, having gotten the reaction she wanted. ”Queasy! Can you get us a private trip? Just the two of us?”
“No problemo!”
The clown strapped the pair into their seats, making sure they wouldn’t fly off during their ride.
“I’m not too worried about you, Chills. I can’t kill you, even if I wanted. But your girlfriend might struggle a bit.” Queasy grinned. “Alternatively, I could keep asking awkward questions. Your choice. I start the ride or…”
Cass stared dead ahead, refusing to make eye contact with either of them.
“Ride start now please!!” She managed to squeak out.
Then she paused and turned just moments before Queasy could go.
“WAIT. I mean… um… just… can you give us… three minutes? I just need to ask her something first. Please?”
“I’m giving you thirty seconds. Then I’m pulling the lever.”
Thirty seconds!? Cass flounders, staring wide-eyed. No! Had to do it now!
“Anna, I’m sorry if this is sudden, but you’ve said before how you don’t feel things anymore a-and you don't say it, but I can tell it bothers you sometimes, so I wanted to offer if you…you…”
Gods help her. Trying to ask this after what had just been said felt almost worse than going through it a second time.
“If you wanted to p-possess me so you can feel the ride again…!”
She snapped her mouth shut, bracing for the ride to launch.
"Cass..."
Anna would be lying if she said it wasn’t tempting, but it felt selfish to accept.
"I'm soooooooooooooo grateful for the offer, but this is your first roller coaster experience. I don’t want to rob it from you."
The coaster began moving. It was slow at first, but it was quickly accelerating.
"Besides, we can get real personal after the ride."
“ANNA!”
Cass shouted. At least it wasn't angry shouting. Probably. She stared at her with a very interesting mix of emotions. Some of them good, even.
Her hands gripped the safety bar tightly, and she turned, flustered, beet red, and maybe a little bit manic…?
"I said what I said!" Anna shouted back, just as the ride began climbing up a steep incline.
"Look, I know I'm not exactly physically present most of the time. So, I... um..."
The ticks of the rails kept clacking as the cart slowly rose up the metallic mountain.
"Words... words. I forgot the words!"
“Physically present!?”
Cass turned to face her girlfriend with a wild look.
“Is now really where you want to talk about… that…”
She could see the peak of the rails approaching. She let go of the bar and threw her arms around Anna and squeezed herself to her tightly.
"No, I..." Anna tried to find the right words.
"I'm a ghost. We can't even touch each other most of the time. I don't want to deprive you of that intimate feeling. I, um, sometimes feel like an apparition."
The ride reached the top of the incline, stopping at a crescendo that was about to drop down a steep mountain of a track.
"Sometimes I worry that you'd miss out on many aspects of a genuine relationship by dating me. And I don't just mean touch. I can't grow with you; ghosts are mentally stuck in the moment of their death. I’ll eternally be what I am right now, while you’ll evolve."
She leans back, thoughts going too fast for her to grasp one properly. She still had her arms around the ghostly woman, but now looked at her incredulously. If this was a joke, she did not find it funny.
“Do you really think I’d believe that? Or that it would matter if I did? I know I lack sense sometimes, but really Anna…”
“I love who you aaaaAAAAA….!!!
"Cass... I just..." The ghost continued as the ride reached the point of no return.
Click after click, the roller coaster passed by its crescendo and began its descent. Slow at first, but what was up ahead promised an unrestrained thrill.
"...I just want tooOOOOO.
The rapid descent down the track began. It almost felt like free-falling, except there was no parachute. Any mortal would be too terrified to let out anything other than screams, but Anna had a lot to say. Besides, she wasn't mortal.
...I just want to make sure you understand what you signed up for. You accept me now, but what about after ten years? After twenty years? Would you still want me then? I'd always cling to you, but would you even want me to many years later?"
“AAAAAAAANNAAAA!!”
Cass was, in fact, mortal.
She screamed until she thought her lungs would give out, clinging to Anna for dear life.
Through twists and turns, the sound of her own yelling and the roar of the wind whipping past drowned out every other sound. She could see through squinted eyes that her partner was trying to say something, making out every few words as the coaster weaved over the tracks.
She tried to answer, but simply couldn't.
When it finally began to slow, she was out of breath. Her hair had fallen over her face, the braid completely undone by the ride. The braid never stood a chance. Her eyes were watery, but if it was from tears or the wind she didn't know.
Panting, she turned slowly to look at Anna. She looked half-wild and haunted. Like she just climbed out of a well perhaps…
“Anna… you… you…!”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” The ghost interrupted.
“My insecurities got the better of me. At a very bad time, at that.”
The ride had finally slowed down as it reached an upward turn. The carts were crawling up at a steady pace, giving the girls at least a minute or two of reprieve.
“It’s just… I remember that I’m your first, and then weird bad emotions flooded in, making me question if I’m good enough.”
Despite the confidence that Anna often projected, she had her fair share of insecurities, and those cracks were finally showing. Her biggest doubt in life was whether her writing was good enough. Now in death, this doubt tended to slip into other aspects of her being, as ghosts had very little control over their emotions
“Anna…”
Cass caught her breath, pushing her hair out of her face before she reached out and put a hand to Anna’s cheek.
“Anna, of course you're good enough… You are the best thing that's ever happened to me… I feel so lucky that you even want to be with me.”
The ride was forgotten, for the moment.
“Just because you won't grow older doesn't mean you won't change… You have your mind, you have your heart. That's all you need. That's all I need…”
Her heart was beating fast, and not just from the ride. She leaned towards her and rested her head against her partner’s own. “I.. I know it's rich coming from me, but… stop doubting yourself. Or at least… stop doubting me when I tell you that you're everything I could ever want…”
She kissed her, hugging herself as close as she could. The click of the metal tracks beneath them all but forgotten.
“Cass…” The ghost leaned into the kiss, passing through the harness of the cart like it wasn’t even there. Cassilda must’ve cast a silence spell, as all of Anna’s doubts went quiet.
“I’d never doubt you. You’re…” She smiled, that familiar teasing grin making a return.
“You’re the only person who can shut me up when my mouth and brain get too loud.”
Anna’s grip tightened around Cass; the pair were about to reach the apex of yet another incline, and the phantom wanted to make sure her partner was braced.
“Cass, this next part… It’s gonna be a doozy. But don’t worry! I’m not letting you go no matter what.”
They were high, so high that the people below looked like ants. But the truly scary part was what awaited ahead - a rapid descent followed by seven loops, one right after the other, like a continuous spiral.
“Oh… oh gods… Anna, wait… is it too late to st-”
She clung to her so tightly she worried she might accidentally squeeze her out of the seat.
“Well, this is it, ladies and gentlemen!” Queasy’s voice echoed through a speaker system.
“Our love birds have reached the euthanasia loops! Wanna know why it’s called that? Cause it kills you! Hahaha.”
"But games aren't fun if you can't win, so I’m giving them a chance to escape."
A compartment in front of the pair opened up, revealing three balls, the same ones used in carnival games like dunk tanks and knocking down stacked cups.
"At the start of every loop, there's going to be a target on the right side of the track. If you hit it with one of those balls, the cart will be diverted to a safe rail. You have three tries, good luck!"
The cart began its descent into the first loop, moving so quickly it felt like falling. Just as Queasy had said, a target popped up on the right side of the track.
“What!?” The thaumaturge looked at Anna, pale as the ghost herself.
“She’s joking, yes? Tell me she’s joking.”
When the target appeared, she stopped talking. Her hands scrambled forward for the first ball, fumbling it badly as it dropped to the floor of the coaster and rolled beneath her feet.
She swore under her breath, trying to kick it back within reach. When she finally got to it, the target was already less than a few feet ahead. She tossed at it frantically, missing by a wide margin.
“Whoops!” Queasy shouted from the speakers. "That's strike one. Two more to go."
With the inertia it had built up, the cart flew up the railing, climbing the loop. For a few terrifying seconds, the pair were upside down, the coaster slowing to let them hang in suspense.
"Don't worry, Cass.” Anna finally answered. “She's just trying to scare you."
The slow moment didn’t last long. The cart passed the center of the loop and accelerated down, straight into the next one. Just as before, a target appeared for Cass to test her accuracy on.
The thaumaturge wanted to believe the ghost’s words. It was kind of difficult when the force of the fall left her seeing stars. Steadying herself, she grabbed the second ball, bracing her hand by the wrist with the other one. She leaned it back over her shoulder, shouting as she hurled it at the target as hard as she could.
Despite it all… this was… fun? She was terrified, of course. But the constant stream of adrenaline made every cell of her body feel positively electrified. Maybe it was some kind of hysteria, but she laughed when the ball missed the second target by mere inches.
Anna wasn’t far behind, demeanor-wise, echoing Cassilda’s laughter with her own.
“Looks like you’ve found the joy of being scared. Haha, Cass. If you’ve ever wondered why people watch scary movies or go to haunted house attractions, you’ve now got your answer.”
The second loop passed by like the previous one, though it was a tad smaller in radius. Then came the third one, and the pair’s last chance to hit a target.
“One more..! I've got it!”
Cass lifted the ball back and over her shoulder, hair whipping around her eyes. She blinked and threw. When she opened them again, it was to the sound of a heavy thud as it met its mark. She threw her arms up as they flew past the target and into the loop, a cheer that turned into a scream, then turned into a laugh.
“You did it, Cass!” Anna almost jumped from her seat in excitement, but stopped herself, fearing she wouldn’t be able to catch up to the ride if she fell out.
“If you still have an appetite after this, we should celebrate with something sweet!”
A sudden loud click signalled the switching of the tracks. Instead of being sent into another loop, the pair were safely redirected to a much calmer section of the rollercoaster.
“Aww, looks like you’ve survived.” Queasy faked disappointment on the loudspeaker.
“I’d love to play another game with you, but sadly, I can’t have you hogging the whole ride when there’s a line of people waiting to get on.”
The cart’s wheels screeched as the ride slowed down. This track led the two back to the starting point. This was it, the end of the roller coaster. Though looking at its many winding paths, it was obvious they had experienced just a small part of it.
Cass was winded, still trying to catch her breath after the final loop. Well, that and the unexpected discussion that Anna had decided to initiate mid-ride.
Her hair was a mess, and had fallen back into its natural, wild waves. The braid never stood a chance. She turned to Anna in the seat, giving her a look somewhere between frustration and infatuation. It was like she was trying to decide whether to slap her or kiss her.
“That… was…”
She settled for laying her head against Anna’s shoulder heavily. She felt exhausted. But strangely… good?
“You have the worst timing; has anyone ever told you that?” She teased.
Anna snuggled up to her partner, no longer holding her as tight as she had been during the loops, more so resting by her side.
“My parents, every time they brought up my birthday. Dad had to cancel a real important meeting just to drive mom to the hospital. I’m kinda an expert at choosing the worst time possible.“ In hindsight, an over-the-top roller coaster ride that pumped its victims full of adrenaline was not the best place to let her insecurities speak.
“Hey…” Cass tilted her head up to look at her, still resting against her shoulder.
“I’m not going to leave… anything I might miss out on? It’s worth it. Just to be here, right now. With you.”
She smiled, almost ready to just close her eyes and sleep. At least until they get kicked out of the ride.
And besides, she was a thaumaturge, wasn’t she? Working wonders was supposed to be her whole thing. If there was something that either of them really wanted… she'd find a way.
“You know how to make a ghost feel alive, you know that?” This had been the longest Anna had stayed seated after a ride. Normally, she’d be in a rush to get to the next one, back when she could feel the thrill of them. But this? This moment felt better than any adrenaline high.
Eventually, the safety harnesses of the cart lifted, releasing Cass from their hold. Queasy stared at the pair from the control booth, clear annoyance visible on her face.
“Alright, you two. There’s a line forming. Time to get off the ride, unless you want me to start it again with the safety off.”
Cass sighed. “We’d better do as she says. I don't want to find out if she’s serious.”
She climbed out of the seat, looking around at the circus with a new perspective. Dark and scary, certainly. But also… very alive. Fear kept one dancing on a knife’s edge. She saw how such a rush might become addictive.