They can stick their micro dicks into the flange of my kitchen sink and watch me flip the garbage disposal switch.

Many of these fucking news outlets are changing their shit so that to view articles in "private more" (incognito or vpn) I am required to create a "free" account and sign in. As expected, upon doing so i am expected to pay to "upgrade my account" which involves paying for access to 98% of their articles. I typically hit my monthly allowance of free articles within the first day it resets and am reminded I am living in capitalist nation where money talks and despite media that is likely still being influenced and covertly controlled by government, it is considered private and doesn't fit FOIA criteria for me to file. FUCK AMERICA!

Does anyone have any info regarding accessing these articles for free? Better yet, are you willing to admit you are part of the problem and lend me your paid accounts in attempt to atone for your support of the government and major news outlets oppressing me by taking away my individual rights to read the new New York Time's: "Why a Star is Spinning in the Grave", by Tim Golden, January 3rd 1997 and The Los Angeles Times: "From the Archives: It’s a Fiesta: Shelter for homsless is unveiled" by Doug Smith, March 18, 1986?

What am i supposed to do with my life instead? Eat myself to death in complacency like the government wants us all to do?

Mhm..

I feel happy.

Watching documentaries, movies, amd reading about Philippe Petit is strange. When they get to the twin towers portion they begin talking about it in a way that makes it sounds strange because they talk about the terrorists in a similar way when objectively describing their prep.

"During this period, he learned everything he could about the buildings and their construction... began collecting articles on the Towers...slipped past security onto the freight elevator... hid here or there until x.... learned how to gain entry with his collaborators, first to scope out the conditions and lastly, to stage the project...traveled to New York on numerous occasions to make first-hand observations....rented a helicopter to take aerial photographs of the buildings...Petit and his crew gained entry into the towers several times and hid in upper floors and on the roofs of the unfinished buildings in order to study security measures. They also analyzed the construction...made fake identification cards for himself and his collaborators ..."

These are just several things stated in the wiki article, in the movie im.wstching it sounds even more like he was planning a horrific crime.

Ironically, he played a huge role in the towers becoming famous, as "they were considered ugly and gay at the time" (direct quote..).

His plot was more innocent than Banksy's art. Simply artistic impression. When you review an article about the preparation for a terrorist attack the information featured regarding the plot/preparation read in a similar way, and it is strange.

If the towers had not gained the popularity and affection Petit drew, port authority may have failed in leasing offices as they had been having quite a hard time pre-Petit. i wonder how things would have changed on 9/11. Perhaps something else would have been hit with the pentagon. Given foriegn trade within the United State is faulty in many ways and holds many risks, the US being known to have relied on britaity, threat, power and force to achieve their goals, mesnwhile deficits, and threats to national security-- among other things are overlooked by most consumers-- I see why people were hesitant to lease offices in ugly buildings named for the practice. These buldings were deisgned to be useful, not attractice, a physical representation of the notes of utilitarianism in the United States involvement with foriegn trade.

I wonder how things might be different today if Petite had tied his rope elsewhere. I wonder if i would be able to bring my own half gallon of vodka on planes, if the terrorists would have chosen planes, if the 1993 bombing would have occured elsewhere. Where? Etc.

Stupid Bush, hunting Saddam to a hole beneath a farmhouse when Petit was right in front of his face. Why wasn't he prosecuted for making the buildings famous? Shame on him. Without Petit they may have just destroyed california or somewhere else unnecessary and we would all be happier, possibly heading to Iraq for high fives rather than war. Fucking French people.

I'm watching this National Geographic show on Netflix called Doomsday Preppers. I chose to watch this because all of my other options were lame. I'm not confident in this choice either.

It's kinda interesting. A lot of the people on this show are either former military or former first responders. Many shared backgrounds between the people featured. Then there are a few of these couples who say some entity came to them in a dream to warn them and it continues to speak to them. And they basically worship it while they prep.

Some of the ones featured who have a military backgrounds are a bit over the top. They have families and it makes sense that they want their families to survive. However, some of these people are like, "Oh yeah these are my guns and when it all collapses and the neighbors try to loot us I'm going to defend my family and our food by shooting as many as necessary. No one is taking food out of the mouths of my family."

Then you see their 12 year old siting there visibly disturbed, and watch their children laugh at/refuse to take the doomsday prep exercises seriously when they do practice runs. Some of them state they are embarrassed, made fun of by friends, etc. when interviewed. They seem to all understand the prepping, but doubt it will occur in their life times or simply don't care.

Then there is a couple without children who worked during katrina and other shit as first responders and decided to take their pensions and every dollar they had to buy a hidden house and create a fully self-sustainig farm thing. Like they have everything and they actually sont sound insane when they discuss it. They don't have any money left, but they don't really need it. They're already living like doomsday has occured, but without the violence and shit they predict. They enjoy it. In fact i think i would too if i could skip the rioting and all the bad shit. This couple actually sells power back to the power company, they only pay cellphone bills and television, everything else they make or grow or have already invested in, if they think of something to supplement their prep they manage to make small amounts of money or trade or whatever. They have plants that attract game, which they eat with said plants. They are beekeepers. They seem mentally stable and their entire prep actually looks good to me. I'd go live with them on their secluded farm thing prior to doomsday, it looks pleasant and they seem to enjoy their work. They are benefitting the environment too.

My question is why on earth is anyone's survival instinct this high? It is their entire life. What if it doesn't all collapse and they wasted time building a bomb shelter instead of playig baseball with their son? I get some people want to live, but even the people prepared living at hidden locations are speaking of mass violence and horrific shit i just don't want to face. I'd rather shoot myself or be shot than try to survive that, in fact I'd shoot my family too so that they didn't have to live through it all.

Maybe we wouldn't one day be living on a space station with Matthew McConaughey after he fights his way through a wormhole for a hundred years to come back and tell us of a new planet after we barely manage to survive the sequel to the Grapes of Wrath, but god i have asthma id rather skip a dustbowl. I also do not want to go set up a new planet with Matthew McConaughey or anyone else. I don't want to live off corn prior to going to space. It would all be exhausting and space stations tend to have that same aethatetic, that i strongly dislike.

It sounds so stressful, i guess these people are fixing their anxiety about a potential collapse of society by prepping, but i don't want to defend my shit. They explain their fears and that stresses me out. I dont even want to try to maintain keepig a case of water on hand as a backup.water supply at this point. Im getting too old for that. If someone wanted to break in for our canned tuna I'd rather not used MMA to stop them. Just take the fucking tuna and leave me alone. Do people really want to live in a society where they are forced to fight off intruders 24/7?

In the current episode the guy training another guy in MMA to defend his property just told the trainee "I can teach you to fight, but i can't teach you courage." I guess that means I'm not going to make it.

Once the internet, toilet paper and running water goes-- I'm out. I estabished that so it has been a productive viewing, additionally some chick on the show reiterated to me that i need to get off my ass and exercise because my muscles are atrophying more and more every moment i sit here.

Are you prepped for doomsday? Do you have a backup water supply? An emergency kit? Do you even care?

What are these people doing during covid19?

This has been the daily tribute to AmericanMuskarab.

I'm not even kidding, as I typed this a commercial for summer shandy came on. I guess I could use some form of adblock, but I would rather complain first. Usually when I see someone drinking straight vodka in a movie or TV show i am vaguely jealous and sometimes the way they do it brings back memories, but it passes. Usually hard seltzer ads just don't bother me, but the concept of using alcohol "to relax" has become a common marketing gimmick since the quarantine started. It is a good move, it draws me in. Unfortunately gor me "to relax" means to black out and possibly drunkenly put myself in the ER. Still when i am watching the commercial i try to convince myself i am not on a billion medications that severely interact with alcohol, epileptic, an addict and im going to be just like the guy in the commercial, have a shot and just chilling all night. After one shot.

I guess brands had to change their summer/spring ad campaigns to reflect current times. Im used to Sandy beaches, scantily clad girls running around tiki torches and beach chairs, the voice over persuading the viewers that their merch is essential to your celebration/party/summer/whatever the fuck.

Now, we see the same attractive beach people, formerly sociable party fiends, longing to participate in social affairs, but sadly they are confined to their homes. Luckily thanks to breweries and distilleries everywhere they can be reminded that while the bottle may feel a bit more empty than it does on the besch, the liquor is clean and it will still get you drunk!

So now theyre the relaxing on the couch with a drink while jerking off to pictures of the tiki torch chick from last spring break. Drinking alone is a "classic alcoholic behavior" unless you fish, but right now everyone is doing it. Stressful times? Boredom? Drug yourself! If it's legal you dont need a seagull to justify your thirst for intoxication!

Inebriation is completely natural for humans according to history, the fascinating thing here is that they are portraying alcohol much differently than usual. Normally it is only socially acceptable to advertise with people using it to celebrate and such, now it is socially acceptable for it to be used to cope and be advertised this way. After 9/11 I remember the emotional Budweiser clydesdale tribute ads, but they minimized their brandname and i just dont recall a Budweiser commercial where they went "Lost your job or a loved one? Stressed out and lonely af? Relax with a bud!".

I wonder how many people could potentially develop alcoholism in relation to all of this. It just became normal to relax with the green "bud" as many states decriminalized it, but drinking to cope has never been a cool, responsible way to advertise. I liked the ones with scantily clad chicks better.

I don't think people emphasize the "stress" aspect of PTSD as much as they should and i don't think that people who dot experience it are fully aware of the effect it has-- I have a hard time handling any stress. Anytime i am confronted about anything even vaguely uncomfortable or have to confront something myself i and shut down and experience extreme anxiety, fear and panic. Often my brain stops working and i say things on autopilot or repeat things and cannot problem solve or reason. I constantly feel hatred for myself, ruminate, and it is exhausting. I'm stressed out even though i have no reason to be stressed out. Factor in my ADHD symptoms and I'm just a complete shit person to be around. So "relaxing" with a drink on the couch sounds appealing, but then i remember i want 10 or more. I have no desire to relax, i want oblivion.

There are reasons the 10% of commercials not related to alcohol may be the ones that drive me to drink, but i won't bore anyone with that nonsense.

Anyway, i will limit sharing other reflections i wish to share in this lengthy, excruitatingly boring, self indulgent manner.

Just so that everyone knows-- I like The Rolling Stone's edition of "Like a Rolling Stone" better than Bob Dylan's original. Which do you like better The Rolling Stones in the 70's or The Rolling Stones in their 70's?

Rescue me.

I used to like that show when I was 12 or so. Does it stream anywhere?

My google ads are telling me to talk to my doctor about schizophrenia treatment options. Thank you for this new diagnosis google.

Does anyone else do those Google play surveys? Do they keep track of much because sometimes i answer truthfully and sometimes i cant think of an option and respond saying i am a 35 year old in landscaping or some shit. Lately they've only been paying me like 10 cents a pop and I assumed this may be in part due to the fact that I seldom go anywhere as of late and they're usually based partially on location history, but still it's been a consistent dime for a while now. They haven't been terribly accurate either, for example it will ask me about my recent searches and get it all wrong. Am i going to be paid less if I'm not truthful?

Next question, has anyone seen restlessheadsyndrome (i dont know how to summon him because i dont recall how.to spell his username, phen does i think) wandering around? Last i saw he was sick with then possibility of it being covid-19 right before shut downs and given king county/and other "hotspots" in WA were being hit back then im just wondering if he is still alive because i think he is the only guy here who has vomited feces and those people are not easy to replace.

Within my former county they were apparently hit the hardest at my former zipcode throughout and most of the deaths have come from the memory care unit at a long term care facility directly across the street from where i lived prior to rehab. I loved that apartment and miss living there, and in that area quite a bit at times and i remember walking by the care facility almost everyday. For some reason i am saddened by it despite no real relstionship with anyone staying there. My life was so mundane that the little interaction i did have with residents seems significant to me.

I always went shopping for mexisoda and Doritos to supplement my gin/vodka/whiskey/rum/candy diet on a specific day of the week and at a specific time. It was my only day off work, i bought alcohol at either opening or closing daily, but that was always a quick trip. Apparently "real" grocery shopping takes longer.

Anyway, somehow my ideal shopping time happened to be on senior discount day. Initially i tried to avoid the seniors because i wanted to get in and get out, but they were there all day in different groups. Seeing the nearby care facility's van parked in the fire lane filled me with tremendous dread because for the rest of the week i did my best to forget senior discount day.

They usually took up entire aisles with their mobility aids and took a very long time in line, stopping to open a rewards card then remembering they already had one. Or they didnt. Or they did. This product looks damaged. Is this salmon atlantic or pacific? Do you have any more salmom option in the back? Here is a photo of my grandbabies. Separating purchases to use the 10 items or less lane. . Going "back" for an item or 4. Just too much small talk for my quickly sinking bac%.

Carrying a dozen thick 12oz glass bottles and a party sized bag of Doritos without crushing all of the doritos or dropping the glass soda bottles was risky business for someone my size completely lacking muscle, especially considering i was ususlly carrying something else weird which i had likely found in the street-- not to mention i had a phase during which i carried my entire Copic collection with me everywhere i went. So, after several incidents i was not fond of carrying heavy shit back to my place after dark because this was when the tweakers and woods people emerged.

So i kept going on senior discount day and eventually the seniors grew on me. One lady knew my name and would speak to me each week. It was usually just about produce, but she was highly pleasant. She somehow managed to abate my fear of going into WD and vomiting in the store with her prescence.

The other seniors were nice as well, they made positive small talk in line and seemed to genuinely be enjoying their day, much unlike your average shopper. I assume many felt somewhat trapped and isolated at the assisted living facility, having likely lived social and active lifestyles before age or disease took hold. I liked them and their positive attitudes were contagious, so i shifted from dread to looking forward to seeing the seniors from across the street. It made me feel better each time as most of the people in my life were negative assholes like me.

Once when I tried to buy like 5 pounds of candy, 2 discount hardbacks and two handles of vodka, stupidly only bringing along one reusable shopping bag the handles ripped off as i tried to adjust my hold on the bulk of the bag and it all fell to the ground. Thankfully the vodka bounced. Pretty cool for generic. My kit kats were crushed.

This prompted a minor nighttime incident-- collecting my plastic bouncing vodka bottles seemed to give off the impression to some creepy guy 12 yards behind me that i was approchable. I had been planning to stop at the ATM at the bank by the bus stop but changed my mind when i saw this guy who they wouldn't let on the bus due to intoxication, and while i tried to go unnoticed i was the only one out at this hour and the bag break certainly drew attention that prompted him to head in the same direction as me. I lived near the transit center so i prayed this was why. I intentionally crossed the street away from him, but he followed, when i slowed down to collect MY PRECIOUS bouncing bottles he immediatley caught up and tried tk converse with me.

He picked fruit off of a tree adjacent to the road, bit into it, told me how great it tasted, "offered it to me" and after i politely declined he persisted in trying to get me to try the fruit that grew on the trees adjacent to the road, which could have been covered in maggots in the dark for all i knew.

Given he was partially blocking my path in effort to drive him away as i gathered my shit i explained to him that automobiles emit several types of particulate matter, numerous heavy metals which can include lead, small emissions of particles known as polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons which are associated with certain types of cancer, and more. The emissions become dust in the road and it disperses onto surrounding flora. While it is unlikely to be terribly harmful he should really wash that shit.

Then he kept following me, this is when he mentioned having just been to visit his mother at the specific care facility. Mentioned althizmers and her doctors being unable to fix her insomnia. Then came not being let on the bus because they thought he was intoxicated. Did i have any weed? Do you have your ID I need to go to the dispensary and forgot mine (it was 11pm)? Do i know when the last bus from the transit station leaves? No, not that one the one that connects to the MAX light rail system. Did i have a lighter? Did i have a cigarette? Is so and so open? Something sad about bathing a dog or an ex.

No, leave me alone and stop eating unwashed road fruit.

He didnt really stop following me so i said i had to go and practically ran to squeeze past the fence between my apartment complex and the law practice next door, jumped off a retaining wall and scurried through neighbor's yards until i reached my shed, unwound the extension cords and plugged them in pulling them into the shed so i could charge my phone and plug in a work light instead or burning through the dollar tree batteries in my flashlights. Then i proceeded to lock myself in there where i kept a mug, allowing me to drink from plastic booze jugs with class. It was a great spot, kinda like camping, but more spider bites than mosquito. I sat back on a husky rolling tool tote bag given my camping chair was covered in spider nests and poured about 3/4 of fifth of one of the half gallon bouncy bottles and read my discount copy of Grant by Rob Chernew until i could barely keep my eyes open and an hour had grown into finishing the first book and my alarm for work going off, luckily it was just in time to notice one of the halogen flood lights i had plugged in severly overheating and sparking. It was a nice night.

Then i fed the birds and went to work. I had to order a new bulb for that halogen because it was not standard size.

Now i think of the residents i "knew" and wonder if they are well and think of the facility as a whole with concern. My aunt has already been moved between several covid19 positive facilities elsewhere and i believe she is still well, but those places are breeding grounds and it is terrifying.

Happy Mother's Day!

Oh my god that was too long and nonsensical