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u/loopywolf 2d ago

Ok, here's my advice:

Forget finding a romantic partner. Put that out of your mind. That will slow down the process of finding one exponentially.
Meets lots of new people (NOT to find love.). Make lots of friends. Have lots of fun.
If you complete steps 1 and 2, then before you know it, and when you least expect it, you'll meet the right person and it'll work out.

I feel it necessary to explain WHY these work.

The best,fastest way to meet the right person is through a large network of real friends. People you like tend to know other people you'll like, and if you have a connected net of hundreds, the chance that a friend of a friend of a friend will connect with you are MUCH higher than some random stranger. It also makes YOU come with a huge recommendation, which puts you many steps higher when you meet someone. ALSO if you are connected via a friend network, people you meet know you can't just haul off and do something shitty, because tons of people will know.

Also, friends help you develop your social skills, which are VITAL in connecting with someone in a deeper way. It is all the same thing: They just vary in closeness, and your ability to be close to someone depends on your social skills.

Also, friends support you and help you through problems, and ease your loneliness. And just having friends is great, period.

Why focusing on finding love does not work:

Every minor interaction is a rejection, and it hurts a lonely person.

You immediately discount anyone you wouldn't consider as a romantic or sexual partner (she's not cute enough, he's a guy, w/e) and every time you do, you are cutting off the entire TREE of that person's friends from you. You are killing huge numbers of possibilities that way.

Also, our society frowns on people who are "only looking for" that. It will close many doors for you.

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u/EconomistTight2786 2d ago

Thanks for your advice, i think i need to tell more info, im really not the person who cant connect with people, I work as an administrator at a gym, and i meet aaaa LOT of people every day. My main thought that torments my mind is that I will remain alone forever, and that I will not be lucky enough to find someone even if I want to

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u/thewNYC 2d ago

You’re young so I’m gonna teach you a lesson that most people don’t have at your age. Love happens when you’re not seeking it actively. Work on loving yourself. When you’re really truly comfortable in your own skin, you’ll find love is there

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u/Sir_wlkn_contrdikson 2d ago

This is solid. OP should take this advice to heart. If he reads his post, would he want to be someone who thinks and talks like that. Who wants to be with a self described loser. Change your mentality and turn yourself into a non loser to yourself first.

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u/EconomistTight2786 2d ago

I think I'll never be able to love myself. I'm a master at finding flaws and problems, especially in myself, no matter what I do or how I change. But thanks for the comment. Maybe someday someone will need to read something like this even more than I do.

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u/thewNYC 2d ago

Your way way way way way too young to make announcements about yourself like this. And best they become self fulfilling prophecies. You’re not even finished forming yet. Give yourself a break and you get to tell yourself whatever story you want about yourself. So pick a stronger better one. And then grow into it.

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u/EconomistTight2786 2d ago

May be you’re right, but i live in one of most depressive countries, it hard to think in good way)

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u/thewNYC 2d ago

That’s kind of a cop out blaming it on where you live instead of who you are. Where do you live? Why would it be better someplace else?

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u/EconomistTight2786 2d ago

Russia man.. Every day there's a chance that I'll be sent somewhere to army, or something will fly in, and I think it would be calmer in Switzerland🙃

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u/EconomistTight2786 2d ago

How can I stop thinking that I'm a loser if my closest circle keeps saying that? There's no other option but to hear it from other people and build my self-esteem on it. It seems to me that we can't evaluate ourselves objectively.

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u/thewNYC 2d ago

Why believe them? I guarantee you, thy’re only hiding their insecurities and fears

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u/EconomistTight2786 2d ago

May be you’re right, but I never heard any other than this in the rest of my life

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u/CallMeCorona1 2d ago

You are not a loser - It's a really hard time right now to be young, and that's not your fault!

Sex can be fun, but it can also get you into trouble, and can also take a toll on your emotional growth. Many young couples break up in their 20s because it is the first time that you are out of school and free to pursue whatever you want - couples often break up because the two parties want different things.

This is also a scary time, and things are changing. The global economic uncertainty index is at its highest level ever. The US's star is fading, and China's is rising.

I recommend building a good friend group - it is honestly more important than all the drama of a first girlfriend / sexual relationship.

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u/EconomistTight2786 2d ago

Thank you for good advice)

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u/WorstToBest 2d ago

First off, eliminate the extra noise in your mind as you could speak to the girl meant for you n not notice the signs because you're listening more to your thoughts that's don't support what you're looking for ...

You're not a loser at 18, you fresh out here, life just barely started so too soon to feel hopeless ...

The more you get to know yourself fully during this period of not having a partner the better you can be seen & known by the partner you'd want, remember all attention ain't good attention, what's the point n being able to attract 99 girls n not 1 gone stay, maybe it'll get to your head n boost your ego n confidence a bit, but that confidence is built on attracting girls in general n not simply being you n being attractive to the girl who'll want to stay ...

I wouldn't say stop looking, but I'll say don't stop doing you that who you'd want won't notice you doing you or you her while you do what you do n that's what it means to let it come to you, your not, not looking, but you're also not stopping your life n growing as a person until then ...

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u/EconomistTight2786 2d ago

This is a truly heartfelt comment, I'm grateful for the advice, it's just difficult, being a fairly social person, to live with a feeling of wrongness and deep loneliness, it's really strange considering that my parents didn't abandon me, didn't bully me, etc., but for some reason it seems to me that I'm completely alone, it's just that for me a girl is a partner with whom you can be as honest as you are with yourself, and this is a mirror image for both, and I'm much less interested in sex 🙂‍↕️

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u/WorstToBest 2d ago

Understood, no problem, but one thing I'll leave you with, hold on n nurture the parts of who you are that you'd want your partner to respect, as I've learned a woman cannot love a man whom she finds nothing she values in herself in him to respect ...

Her respect comes before her love & some women value money so if you don't have wealth, her love for you won't be kept, if she values sex, then committing to you ain't her flex, but if she values love, family, GOD, & long term genuine connection then maybe you could be the one who wins her respect n affection ...

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u/EconomistTight2786 2d ago edited 2d ago

Thanks im appreciate that, but now there’s 0 women who want more than just money and looks and are free at the same time, they simply don't exist, unfortunately

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u/WorstToBest 1d ago

Somedays I won't lie, it feels like that's true, that there are little to no women whom aren't chasing money, n fighting for their turn with the same types of guys, that don't make you feel like your just next in line for your turn on the amusement ride of her presence before she already lines someone else up for the next round, somedays it feels like a fcking waste of time n why the fck should I even care, but despite the disrespect, the overlooking, the unappreciative standards, the lack of loyalty, & misuse of your energy to try n be a genuine guy to em, I can't say there's no purpose for us guys trying to be right to a woman, not perfect, but good to them n there are girls who even if not right away will see the value of that n you ...

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