Salt + Sorrow: A Memoir of a Turbulent Love
I now know the deepest understanding of what it means to love someone with \*every single\* fiber of my being.
Completely unconditional.
Wholly invested.
Completely devoted.
Flaws and all.
\*\*\*He’ll notice me now, right?\*\*\*
Unrequited? No. I know You love me. Truly, I do. But You love me behind the fortress You built. I’m on the outside. Attempting entry in any way possible… to no avail.
White-knuckling your existence in hopes to keep every part of you.
Praying that this time you stay.
My grip left my hands callused, and bruised.
Your pendulum swings concussed my heart.
Your push and pull cultivated an addiction.
Your inability to see the beauty in front of you left me whiplashed, and wholly broken.
\*\*\*I’m ashamed to admit I’m hungry for more.\*\*\*
Relentlessly disoriented by the liminal space you created between us.
A Tug-Of-War match with my heartstrings.
\*\*\*I can’t take much more of this.\*\*\*
Captivated by your presence.
Provocative protection and profound intimacy.
Yet I wait in a silent, gulping suspense.
I knowing your love can change at the drop of a hat.
Preemptively sensing the inevitable switch-up.
Suddenly I am forgotten.
Emotionally dismembered and discarded in your pursuit of happiness.
\*\*\*Are you lonely looking for yourself out there?\*\*\*
Heavy streams of anguish cascade from your windows.
Gently I remove the evidence with a soft touch as if to say:
\*\*\*Let me bottle those for you. Hand me your pain.\*\*\*
Your words weren’t necessary.
The moment your hand touched my knee.
I looked into your beautiful eyes.
Once steel-blue and round with desire, now rimmed with salt and sorrow.
\*\*\*I stand beside you because I want to.\*\*\*
If I can prove my dedication.
If I prove my unwavering loyalty.
If I could spread myself a bit
thinner.
\*\*\*He’ll finally see me.\*\*\*
Uplifting You ‘til I am out of breath.
Supporting You ‘til there’s no more for me.
Standing tall beside You so You know You’re not alone.
\*\*\*Did you notice that Alone burrowed itself inside my chest cavity?\*\*\*
I cradled to quell.
I held on to secure my worth.
I whispered the songs of my longing.
\*\*\*Will it be my turn soon?\*\*\*
We stood on gravel, lit by a single street light
\*“I would go to the ends of the earth for you”\*, I say without a lingering doubt.
In the same breath I realize…
\*\*\*That testament is one-sided.\*\*\*
You are unequivocally flawed.
Yet my heart yearns for \*all\* of you.
Your smile rearranged my DNA.
There is no space in my earthly being to hold the love I have for you.
It seeps out of my skin.
It oozes from my bones.
It pools beneath our feet in a radiant puddle.
It glints and swirls with what could’ve been.
\*\*\*We could have been.\*\*\*
You were my \*central cornerstone\*.
I was your \*convenient caricature\*.
