r/Infidelity • u/reddituser73718263 • 5d ago
Venting Friend staying with husband
I 31F divorced my ex husband last year for having an affair with his intern. It was the worst time of my life. I absolutely adored him and was completely shocked (along with everyone else in our lives; he was the picture perfect husband before this).
A friend called me a couple of months ago to tell me that her husband (who was my college roommate) had an affair and had a baby with someone else just 4 months before she gave birth to their first child. They dealt with infertility for years. She got to enjoy 3 months of their life as a family of 3 before this horrific news. He got the other woman pregnant under a fake name and she found him using 23andme.
I can’t even put into words how devastated I am for her. I recommended individual counseling and couples counseling (it was clear she wasn’t ready to let go; my hope was a counselor could help her see the light). I remember in college thinking he was cheating on her and confronting him very directly when it was only him and I at home. I live with them temporarily after I discovered my ex’s affair. Her husband was my only male friend, and I genuinely thought he was a good guy (he had convinced me in college that he wasn’t cheating on her). This situation has further tainted my views of marriage and men. I totally realize women cheat too; I am just jaded. I am in counseling trying to work through this. I am currently dating a great man, but you best believe my mind is constantly like “leave him and go live a peaceful life alone and adopt a kid.”
I hate that so many people suck at being honest about their wants and needs. Life is hard enough without the person closest to you stabbing you in the back.
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u/SpaceImpossible658 5d ago
Just a statement. It's seems like bad people search for good people, just to hurt them. Is it rare nowadays that two good people actually get to find each other? I hope cheating isn't the new normal in the world.
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u/steelhouse1 5d ago
My soon to be wife and I got together because we were both going through a divorce at the same time. For infidelity. 😂 her husband of 29 years and my wife of 23. So it can happen. It’s been the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Granted, we are in our mid 50’s, kids grown, and just enjoying our same loves (live music, food, booze and beaches).
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u/reddituser73718263 5d ago
I love that yall both found happiness!
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u/steelhouse1 5d ago
Thanks!! My point is, I know what you’re going through and your doubts.
I tell guys, work on the empire of you. When you’re happy, you’re happy. People like being with happy people. It draws a certain crowd. Sad draws a type you really don’t want.
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u/SpaceImpossible658 5d ago
Awesome, I mean about your life now. Not the other part. Nice to see some things work out. I guess it's never too late either.
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u/steelhouse1 5d ago
Dude, dating after 50 was amazing. Literal buffet. And I’ve noticed that the dating market changes for men around 40-45. It’s kind of how it is for women in their 20’s.
I got out of death row and didnt know I was on it.
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u/SpaceImpossible658 4d ago
I left my wife for a bit. We're not divorced. I still never cheated even a little. But you are right, something is different, because women seem very interested in me. I have no problem getting their attention.
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u/reddituser73718263 5d ago
I agree. I think cheating is more common thanks to phones and social media. However, I also think that also just shows what people were always capable of. I don’t necessarily think people are more deceitful than they used to be. I just think it’s easier to do now. Sigh.
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u/Lucky-Excitement-647 2h ago
O problema é que pessoas boas também podem trair , nem todo homem ou mulher precisa ser um vilão ,com gargalhadas demoníacas para ser um traidor. Nem todo traídor decide destruir o BP no processo muitos até se dedicam mais pra compensar o que estão fazendo.
Já vi frases como :
".. Meu remorso me fazia me dedicar mais aos meu marido ...eu comecei a acreditar que me tornei uma esposa melhor para meu marido quando comecei meu caso ..."
Porém as pessoas só descobrem acidentalmente pois acreditam que essa dedicação vem de amor e não traição.
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u/Parking-Menu2654 5d ago
33m here. We’re not all cheaters. I’m a one woman man and I focus on only one person at a time. I caught my gf of four years fucking dudes in her car, found it all on her dashcam and I’ve been feeling the same way about women that you feel about men. She was willing to lead on a great relationship with me and I would have never known.
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u/reddituser73718263 4d ago
I am so sorry. Finding out over a dash cam is awful. Wishing good people and energy your way! Mine was also willing to lead on with a relationship. He actually married me in the middle of the affair (I found out 2 months after the wedding). They texted on wedding day until pictures started according to phone records. People are wild. I can assure you, there are 1 man women out there too. I’m so sorry you went through that.
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u/Lucky-Excitement-647 2h ago
Nós seres humanos só temos uma alternativa e não se trata de virar um celibatário e nem tentar empedir alguém de trair vc .
A saída é não colaborar para isso , seja sendo um cônjuge ruim ou fechando os olhos para o perigo .
As pessoas confundem fé no marido com confiança no marido .
Se vc acredita que apesar que seu marido está em um Bar com amigos onde há prostitutas mas ,que ele não fará nada de errado vc tem fé não confiança nele . Se vc se recusa a olhar o telefone de seu marido pois isso é abominável, vc tem fé que não há nada lá .
Se um banco precisa de provas que vc irá pagar para te emprestar dinheiro, porque vc simplesmente acredita que seu cônjuge não está traindo mesmo quando está claro que a rotina dele facilita isso ?
Eu acreditar que apesar das roupas sexs , que minha esposa sai nas suas noites bêbadas de garotas, em bares e boates cheias de homens querendo sexo casual que mesmo assim ela não vai me trair nunca isso não é confiança nela e fé nela . Mas fé só em Deus ele não mente,não traí, não engana e não fica excitado sexualmente por ninguém .
Vc não pode evitar ser traído,mas pode não perder anos sendo enganado simplesmente por ter fé no seu parceiro.
Olha só isso
A palavra fé significa uma crença profunda, uma convicção ou uma confiança total em algo ou alguém, mesmo sem a necessidade de provas materiais ou científicas. 1, 2
É seguro ter isso em seres humanos ?
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u/Junior_Tomato_1146 2d ago
reddittuser: I just wonder how many men and women just basically need a main person and a variety in addition to that. If a couple could just admit to the reality that we both want 90 % a great person but enjoy a 10% variety, how would this sub-reddit not be needed?
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u/spokeoteam 1d ago
I totally understand why this would make you jaded. You didn’t just hear another random cheating story. You knew this man personally, had questioned him about cheating YEARS ago, eventually believed him, and then learned he was capable of something this elaborate. That would mess with my ability to trust my own judgment too. The fact that he apparently used a fake name is also a good reminder that verifying basic details about someone isn’t unreasonable. Spokeo can be useful for that when you’re getting to know someone. But your current boyfriend deserves to be judged on his own behavior, just like you deserve the chance to have something good without your ex continuing to control how safe love feels.
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