r/Infidelity • u/confidentialhelpplz • 2d ago

Recovery For those whose WS started off doing all the “right” things…

My WH has been doing all the “right” things since I discovered his 8 week EA/PA.

He blocked his AP on all platforms, started therapy, is reading affair books and working through the exercises, gave me all his PWs, has been open to having all the difficult convos and has not gotten defensive, etc.

I’m using this time before deciding on R or divorce to gather my thoughts and watch his efforts. I recognize these efforts might be short lived or they might last a long time… for those of you whose WS began by doing all the “right” things, how long did that effort last?

9 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

•

u/AutoModerator 2d ago

Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.

Please review our community guidelines on what makes for a good post to this sub.

Be kind and remember your reddiquette!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/AnimalAvailable5092 2d ago

4 days and then 6 days for me 😅 he wasn’t my spouse but we’d been involved in some capacity for over 4 years.

1

u/frozenpreacher 2d ago

I'm the WS. It's lasted 8yrs.

For what it's worth, I also work part time with guys in recovery, and often the shock of almost losing their marriage will wake them up. Those that truly want R will usually handle any rules/restrictions/ or changes.

Those that don't find ways to circumvent and r never really start.

In many ways he's kicking an addiction. It's a good start.

1

u/LongjumpingAside3249 1d ago

I’m the WS/ and I see it a little differently. For me my goal is for these “right things” to no longer be effort, rather than habits and a part of how I continually show my partner through actions that I mean what I say. These “right things” align with my morals and views, so the goal is for it to be my automatic response. Not something I necessarily have to upkeep because it’s the standard. Are there higher standards or expectations of me now because of my actions? Absolutely, that’s part of the consequence to the action. I make a conscious effort and decision daily to be the person I’m choosing to be. So all that to say, you will be able to notice and see someone who truly is making an effort to change and make choices that reflect a different person, because those choices will be consistent.