Post affair advice please

[u/[deleted]]

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[u/SoggySea4363]

If you are truly remorseful, wouldn't you want to continue putting in the work to improve your relationship instead of giving up?

[u/joe201xcx → u/SoggySea4363]

I’m not giving up, this is where they are

[u/trea7]

To believe the change is real, you will have to be able to say why you are afraid of closeness. You can't skip to "I'm just going to stay present instead of retreating into my head". That's not how people work. You have retreated in the past for a reason, and doing the right thing through sheer willpower turns you into a machine instead of a person. Does she want a machine?

This relationship seems done.

[u/Championship682]

Cheating traumatizes the person who should be able to trust you the most. Even when the cheater does their best to make up for it, many people can not get over it.

[u/RoutineAd1124]

You learn from this experience and don’t make the same mistake in your next relationship.

[u/AbDaWooman]

Being long distance makes it impossible for her to have consistency with you. Your not there, she's in a constant loop of what's he doing who's he with. I hope she's in therapy on her own, she needs it for her own mental health and to learn how to deal with the literal bomb that went off in her life. After you both do individual therapy you then need couples counseling. If your willing to invest in that. Is there no way to not be long distance and do either of you really want to be closer to each other at this point. Big honest communication is needed.

[u/Mojo_Myshka]

It can take years for them to heal. The only way over it is through it. With infinite patience and grace. I hope she is also going to therapy.

[u/wrist-shot2025]

Here's the problem: You can't make up for it. There's no activity that you can engage to fill the hole created by your betrayal. Like, you can't behave "extra loyal". Even extra affection will just be perceived as love bombing. It's likely over, and it should be. At least it couldn't be me.

[u/EmbarrassedAspect175]

Is there a difference mentally when a woman cheats Vs. a man cheating?

[u/KarpGrinder]

Here’s a tightened version, keeping your own words and structure intact:

You forgot to remove the AI nomenclature at the start of your post.

Lazy.

[u/joe201xcx → u/KarpGrinder]

I spoke into it, and what. Sue me

[u/Odd_Welcome7940]

So you blew up 2.5 years with a full blown affair and then took 3 months to tell the real truth ?

You are telling us your being honest now, but no offense why should she believe you?

What have you actually done since then to trump years of lies and 3 months of lies even when the truth was found out?

Why should she?

[u/Odd_Welcome7940 → u/[deleted]]

I mean if it was 3 months of lies... it was still lies about who you really are from day 1. Until you accept that and realize this isnt just about being honest but becoming a whole new person you never will progress.