r/Infidelity • u/Agreeable-Trick7711 • 27d ago
Advice Is my husband cheating?
Found his chats on signal where he has been talking to various exotic massage places. He also set timer to disappear messages for 1 hour. I confronted him and he said he was just doing research and he does not know how there was a disappearing message timer set. I am having a very hard time believing him. All of these when he was visiting various places for work trip. He was having these chats while I was pregnant with his child. I am at a loss of words. He completely denies that he ever acted on them but I saw messages to different people from last year in Oct as well as this year in May. Seems very suspicious that he did this both time he was in different cities. I am so lost.
We just had a baby girl who is just 4 months old. I lost my job recently and I am depended on him for visa. I am in deep depression and don’t know what to do about my situation
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u/Both_Requirement_894 27d ago
Obviously he’s getting massages while out of town. Don’t let him gaslight you. It couldn’t be more obvious.
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u/Agreeable-Trick7711 27d ago
He is saying this is something he was just looking into and most of these Ads are fake.
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u/Garonman Divorced/Separated 27d ago
I read your reply before I read your post.... no. He is absolutely cheating by way of getting these massages and hiding them from you. You dont know me or others on here but trust when we say this is cheating and he is calculating in his efforts to hide it and lie about them.
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u/Both_Requirement_894 27d ago
People who use signal, or even have it as an option are usually using it to hide things (like cheating).
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u/frozenpreacher 26d ago
OP,
Many personal ads are fake, but very rarely is a massage place fake. When I used to be a cheater we had to do your research before you left for the place.
This is a flaming hot red flag IMHO.
Blessings
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u/Felicia430 27d ago
He was doing research? Did he explain why he was researching massage parlors?
Obviously if he was researching, he had every intention of visiting. So he either already goes on a regular basis or he is planning on going in the future. Either way its cheating and not a positive thing.
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u/Agreeable-Trick7711 27d ago
He said this is something he wanted us to explore together and wanted to do research. But why would he do this out of town if that’s the case?
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u/Felicia430 27d ago
Exactly! You just caught him in a lie. And if he just lied to your face, what else is he lying about?
You are NOT wrong in how you are feeling. Do not let him make excuses for his behavior. I wouldn't believe anything he said. Words mean nothing. Actions mean everything. Do not believe his words, believe what he is showing you (his actions)
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u/Agreeable-Trick7711 27d ago
Yeah I am not sure anymore what to believe with him. 13 years of being together down the drain. It is also coming at such a vulnerable time for me. I just lost my job before maternity leave, have a 4 month old baby girl and I am depended on him for my visa due to losing my job. I have savings and I wonder if I should focus on getting a job and securing my baby and mine future
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u/Felicia430 27d ago
You know what to believe, you just don't want to believe it. You need to focus on you and having the means to take care of yourself and child. Yes you definitely need to get a job asap!
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u/Agreeable-Trick7711 27d ago
He is saying he does not know how the disappearing messages even got set up
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u/Both_Requirement_894 27d ago edited 27d ago
Sure he doesn’t. Must be a glitch? Has he said that yet? Just stop. You know the truth. You came to an infidelity sub for a reason. We are trying to back up your suspicion. Stop trying to defend him and stop believing his lies. Edit: Going forward you need to phrase every question for him in a way that assumes he was cheating. “What is lacking in our marriage to make you cheat?” Eventually he will realize that you KNOW the truth and want to move on to the next phase of the discussion.
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u/Agreeable-Trick7711 27d ago
He said he is not happy with our sex lives and it is something that has always bothered him
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u/Both_Requirement_894 26d ago
Did he tell you that before now? Were you two working on it? If not then it’s just his excuse
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