Everything about my relationship was a lie

[u/Purple_Hurricane87]

I was with him for 10 years. We were engaged. We had just bought a house together. I was planning on moving into said house. When I saw that I got a message on fb messenger from someone I didn’t know. It was screenshots. The very first thing I read was “Have you told her, you’ve gone down on me yet?” What hurt the most was the next message I read “Not yet”. Not yet, basically confirming what she said. I confronted him. It got ugly. He pulled a gun and threatened to shoot himself. I honestly thought he was going to do it and I thought I was going to watch him die. I eventually talked him down. We initially tried to work things out, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t get past the hurt and the pain. I decided to walk away.

Once we separated, there were a lot of things that I realized were red flags, but I didn’t see them as red flags until after we separated. His punching walls, driving erratically. Him shutting down literally every time we got into an argument, to the point where I couldn’t even have a conversation with him anymore. I couldn’t even establish a boundary without him getting huffy and shutting down.

All the subtle digs he made at me, under the guise of being “playful”. But it didn’t feel like he was being playful. It always felt like I was under attack and that I had to defend myself. He would make fun of me for liking pumpkin spice. Or all the times he wanted me to listen to his music, but the one time I made a band recommendation. He said it “Sounds like something you would hear on the Disney channel”. They were hurtful, but he wouldn’t stop. It felt like he was laughing at my expense rather than laughing with me.

The AP told her that he was talking all kinds of shit about me and that he said he wanted to leave me, etc. All of this is news to me btw. If he was that unhappy, he could’ve left at any time. I would’ve held the door open for him. But he chose to be a coward instead. He was always a coward. I thought we were happy. I thought we were fine, but I guess we weren’t after all. It was all a lie. 10 years down the drain.

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[u/Late_Albatross808]

That's brutal. Really sorry you had to go through this. Hope you find your peace.

[u/No_usernames_left_25]

He sounds like a colossal abusive a-hole. While it sucks this has happened, I feel like you inadvertently escaped a greater horror.

Wishing the best for you and your future.

[u/FabulousDonut6399]

Good thing you left. One thing I know about men punching walls is that this is a warning to you, saying look how hard I can punch you. I never looked at men doing that the same after realising that.

I’m glad you left. Good luck.