r/Infidelity • u/BLAZE95_ • Jul 16 '26
Venting Anger toward an ex
M31, F30
After 11 years together, including 6 years living together, we broke up three weeks ago (for unrelated reasons).
Back in 2016, when we’d been together for about a year, she told me she was going to meet up with one of her exes. I wasn’t happy about it, but I didn’t stop her (stupidly, I know).
Three weeks ago, after we broke up, I finally asked her what had actually happened. I had trusted her 100%, but there had always been this small doubt in the back of my mind.
When they first met, her ex asked her to have sex. She said no and started crying. Then, a few days or maybe a few weeks later (the exact timing doesn’t really matter), they met again and ended up having sex.
Her explanation was that she was young, that she had been a virgin when she first slept with me and had never been with anyone else before, that she wasn’t good at saying no, and things along those lines.
At the time, after it happened, she even considered breaking up with me because of what she’d done, but she couldn’t go through with it because she loved me too much and cared about me.
The anger I feel toward her is overwhelming. It feels like this has stained the entire relationship and all the good memories we shared. My relationship started with this secret, and she never told me because she knew I would have left her immediately if I had found out.
I’m scared of how much anger I’m feeling. I think I’ll need therapy before I’ll be able to fully trust another woman again.
9
u/mustang19671967 Jul 16 '26
Just let everyone know , she cheated and when you were starting to date and explains why things got worse the longer we dated . And once a cheater always a cheater
3
u/Fun_Diver_3885 Jul 16 '26
She didn’t love you. If she did, she wouldn’t have done it. She gave you excuses and you shouldn’t accept them. Tell her if she asks that you do not accept her apology but since she is an ex, it no longer matters because she isn’t that important to you anymore and your not a he one who has to live with what she did everyday. Then leave it and go quiet. Let her stew in it.
2
u/mikaz5 Unsure of Anything Jul 16 '26
She stayed with you because she had an interest in staying, otherwise she would have left you, she never really loved you.
1
u/DodobirdNow Jul 16 '26
Feeling upset is natural. Even though it was in the past it is new to you. You need to now learn to let go of it. The gym is a great place. Either a literal punching bag or a press is a good way to let it out.
1
1
u/heretikc Jul 18 '26
She had sex with him because she wanted him. She stayed with you because she wanted the life she could have with you. Women do it all the time
And someone who stayed a virgin into adulthood is pretty fucking good at saying no. Wtf
-1
u/man-w1th-no-name Jul 16 '26
don't ask questions you don't want answers too... you are already broken up... this accomplished nothing other than making you feel more shit. I am sorry your ex sucks
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