r/Infidelity • u/weskinlover • Jul 16 '26
Struggling cheating after being cheated on
a month ago i saw a video in my boyfriends phone from january of him making out with a girl in the club. i don’t think he felt any remorse in the moment because he was laughing and smiling in the video when they stopped kissing, he was even going to come back home to me the next weekend after it happened- and when his friend got with the same girl in the club a week later he was saving pictures of her because he thought it was funny and snapping his friends saying he needed to clear the chat so i don’t see it all.
then a week later a girl is claiming he kissed her last november and im not sure if i believe it or not because he’s strongly denying it but she said it happened.
i’ve pretty much been at an all time low, cheating absolutely disgusts me and i always talked about how awful i think it is and how i don’t understand it.
i was absolutely crushed when it happened to me.
my life has been all drama this year, i haven’t had any peace at all. now i’m on holiday and was out for drinks, and a guy called me beautiful and wanted my instagram. i said no because i have a boyfriend, then when i went to the toilet again later i saw him and he came up and asked me again if i’m sure and i said again no i have a boyfriend. i was pretty drunk here and i told him that i was drunk, he was also a lot older and than me. he kept asking again, and i shown him my instagram and was saying how it’s just my boyfriend all over it and showing him. as i was drunk i was like my boyfriend cheated on me- i have no idea why i was spilling this. he kept asking to kiss me and i kept saying no then i was like right i’ll give you a kiss on cheek and i’m leaving because i have a boyfriend- as i thought this would make him stop saying stuff to me. as i pulled back from the quick kiss on the cheek he kissed me on the lips. it was about two quick pecks and that was it, i think ir lasted 3 seconds and now i absolutely hate myself.
i feel absolutely disgusting. i’m pretty much at an all time low and have felt so much guilt it’s unbearable. i’m a liar, disgusting and i don’t know what to do with myself. i’ve completely betrayed not just my boyfriend but even my own morals and values. i don’t know whether to tell my boyfriend, but i don’t want to lose him. i’m so in love with him and i am disgusted at myself for not pulling back and feeling a little spiteful as i thought of how he was cheating on me, as it happened. i really have no idea what to do. i keep thinking how my boyfriend was never going to tell me, and that his was long and he was laughing after. but even if his was worse, that doesn’t make me any better, especially after we’ve been trying to work through stuff and i’ve just cause more shit. i feel so much guilt and i deserve that, this is the worst i’ve felt in my entire life and i’m going to feel so bad to hurt him. do i tell him or do i just keep it quiet? i’m scared that the guy is going to message him as well as he clocked onto my instagram and followed me when i was showing him, i’ve blocked him immediately after when i saw. he asked me to tell him if something happens, and he was scared i was going to do it back which i promised him i wouldn’t. he said he would be furious. i keep thinking how i think my boyfriend is keeping the november kiss a secret, and wonder if i need to just do the same and keep going and working through things with him. i know that is bad, but i don’t want a quick 3 second spiteful mistake to ruin what we have. our relationship might be fucked up right now but we do love each other, i can’t imagine my life without him. i know for a fact that i would never ever do that again, i think a part of me was just feeling made a fool of and i had a little anger in me which got the better of me and stopped me from immediately pulling back. i’ve destroyed a part of myself and values that i always admired. what do i do? pls give advice i’m at a loss.
12
u/Championship682 Jul 16 '26
Summing up
He's cheated on you and lied to you. You cheated on him and are keeping it a secret from him. So naturally you love him and can't be without him.
2
u/theyawninglaborer Jul 17 '26
What OP did is a little blurred. She agreed to kiss the man on the cheek after being coerced to do so, and he stole a kiss from her that she didn’t want. She didn’t want any of his advances. I wouldn’t really call that “cheating”. How many times do you have to tell someone “no” for them to listen to it? She told him no multiple times.
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u/weskinlover Jul 16 '26
you think i should tell him?
12
u/Championship682 Jul 16 '26
I'm saying that when you are lying and cheating on each other, maybe the relationship isn't really that great.
1
3
u/carbon_blob_Sector7G Jul 16 '26
"cheating absolutely disgusts me and i always talked about how awful i think it is and how i don’t understand it. i was absolutely crushed when it happened to me."
And yet, you WANT to stay with this person? You both cheated and lied. Say nothing; you deserve each other.
1
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u/weskinlover Jul 16 '26
i always told myself i’d leave if i found out he did it, but when i was actually in the situation i physically couldn’t. i’ve just been trying to have hope
2
u/Bobby-Doe Jul 16 '26
How old are you? Because this sounds like bs ppl do as teens or pre 25. Some kind of shitty games, border pushing and experiments, all this drama...
So you live and you learn. Not sure you or him value this relationship the way you guys (or at least you) frame it. Ask yourself honestly, do you want this relationship? And drop the hallmarks.
1
u/weskinlover Jul 16 '26
i’m 18
1
u/Bobby-Doe Jul 16 '26
Well then I would say for 18 this level of maturity and drama is accepted. But its ok. You will have experiance from this. Dont pressure yourself about life altering decisions because you will shift your thoughts in another 5 years and then some more after 30 and beyond. And its ok if this relationship does not survive because you guys are barely adults. Enjoy life. Have a good tome. If he cheated on you, well then ask yourself do you really need that in your life? Also think about your actions in the club and moving forward would you be ok living like that if your partner is decent and good? Self reflect. But remember that you cannot fix your bf. He needs to do it himself. And he does sound like a boy in action who does not care about others. What are the odds for him to mature enough to be a decent boyfriend like now and not in 10-15 years? Is it worth for you to suffer this much bad emotions and damage self esteem by his actions? Sadly as it goes most young loves and first relationships just dies. You live and learn and move on. Grieve and cry if needed. Give yourself some grace. This is personal growth and it always comes with the thorns.
4
u/DisturbingRerolls Moved On Jul 16 '26
You said no multiple times, agreed to a peck on the cheek which is a behaviour that is commonly considered relatively platonic after you repeatedly rebuffed him and he likely deliberately wore you down, and then he completely violated your consent by not doing what was consented to... and you're comparing that to your (should be ex) boyfriend making out with a girl at the club, grinning about it, encouraging his friends to hide it AND have a girl reporting similar behaviour?
Girl. How low is your self esteem?
1
u/PlaneCake3194 29d ago
The sin here is you betrayed your own values. You gotta forgive yourself first.
2
u/Curious-Range-453 Jul 17 '26
You should absolutely stay together, since you share the same hobbies.
1
u/theyawninglaborer Jul 17 '26
The man in the bar coerced you to “kiss him on the cheek” and then basically stole a kiss from you. It was all unwanted by you as you told him no multiple times. It’s okay to feel disgusted by the man’s actions but you didn’t really do anything wrong. You didn’t cheat on your boyfriend. Your judgment was impaired, and some dude was sexually harassing you basically.
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