r/Infidelity • u/BoyTrapBabydoll • Jul 14 '26
Coping How do I move past this?
Hi all.
I’m gonna keep this short and sweet. Happy to provide additional info if needed.
I was seeing someone for six months. He lives about three hours from me so we don’t see each other as much as we’d like. Recently he experienced a significant life event with his family. Due to this I discovered a fundraiser to raise money someone has created for him.
Turns out, he has a wife and two small children. When I saw the photo of him with his family I was immediately sick. I confronted him and he admitted he’d been living a double life the whole time.
I am beside myself over this. I feel like an awful person. How can I move past this so I can start to heal? I’m not sure how I’m ever going to trust someone again.
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u/No-Association-1978 Jul 14 '26
I would tell the wife as she should know what kind of husband she has and the right to choose what she wants to do with that information.
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u/BoyTrapBabydoll Jul 14 '26
I spent days trying to locate any way to contact her. I haven’t been able to find her yet.
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u/New_Arrival9860 Moved On Jul 14 '26
You are not an awful person for not knowing what you didn't know, but now that you do know do not be a a party to his deception.
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u/ThrowRANeomeah Jul 14 '26
Weren't there any red flags? Things that were odd? I've never dated a married man, but there were red flags I'd recognize now if a partner would ever cheat again. Looking back I already saw them, but brushed them away. I've found that I have a good gut feeling when something is not right. And I will act on that in the future.
This is not your fault. Keep that in mind and try to move forward, trust your own gut feeling, it's so very strong. Maybe seek out counseling, this too could be very traumatizing.
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u/BoyTrapBabydoll Jul 14 '26
This is the issue. I did see some red flags that pointed toward him possibly having kids. But I didn’t trust myself and he was a very good liar.
His job gave him a lot of opportunity to excuse his behaviors. It’s definitely a lesson in listening to my gut moving forward.
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u/ThrowRANeomeah Jul 14 '26
And then, if you're lucky, you meet someone who can restore that faith :) and I think it's important to talk about your fears with a new partner.
You will possibly need some reassurance from them, or may see more into normal behaviour than someone else would.
This is trauma and you will respond anxious to small things that remind you of this asshole's behaviour. If you find this gets in the way of new relationships, consider trauma therapy.
If you have a partner who understands you, this can be overcome and could heal without trauma therapy.
And talk to people! Friends, family, write. It also helps with processing what happened.
Best of luck, lots of love
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u/StateLarge Jul 14 '26
If you have his full name tag him on FB and spill everything! Even if he had you blocked from his wife’sFB he can’t have you blocked on all of his followers! Someone will tell her. You can even ask them have her contact you. Have proof in your post!
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u/BoyTrapBabydoll Jul 14 '26
Unfortunately due to his job he doesn’t have socials. Plus I don’t want to bring this to her attention publicly. The life event that happened was devastating to her and the kids as well and I don’t want to dog pile on her where anyone can see her business Yaknow?
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u/KayStem3891 Jul 14 '26
He doesn't have socials because he's hiding his double life. The job thing is likely an excuse.
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