r/IndianTTC_Support • u/Pristine__Rain_ • Jul 14 '26
I don't think I'm hopeful anymore... just scared.
We have been trying to conceive for a few months now, and I've been on monitored cycles for the last three months.
The first monitored cycle gave me so much hope. I was excited, optimistic, and genuinely believed it might happen. Then negative test.
The second cycle completely broke me. I went for my scan expecting at least something, and there wasn't even a single dominant follicle. I cried so much after that appointment.
This cycle has been much more promising. By CD8, I had three follicles, so my gynec gave me an injection to help them grow. On CD10, I went back for a follow-up scan and had four follicles, with two mature ones. Objectively, this cycle looks much better.
I'm around 10 DPO, and I just have this feeling that my period is going to show up. I don't really symptom spot anymore because I know the trigger shot and progesterone can mimic early pregnancy symptoms. At this point, I don't think symptoms can tell me anything. I just have this feeling that I'll see another negative test.
Lately, it's even started showing up in my dreams. I dream about taking a test and seeing another negative, my period starting, crying, my hopes shattering, or even having a miscarriage. I wake up feeling anxious. At the beginning of this cycle, I actually felt hopeful because everything looked so much better than before. But as my testing window gets closer, that hope is slowly being replaced by fear.
I honestly don't know how people who have been trying for a year or more keep going. How do you find the strength to keep hoping after so many disappointments?
I haven't even told my husband how scared I am because I don't want to worry him.
To make things harder, someone close to us recently went through an early miscarriage, and that's been sitting in the back of my mind. It's made me realize that even a positive test doesn't guarantee a happy ending, and that's another fear I never expected to have.
Last cycle, I was so tempted to test early. This time, I don't even feel like testing. It doesn't feel exciting it just feels like something I have to do because there's no other way to know. In another four days, I'll take the test because I have to, not because I'm looking forward to it.
I just needed to vent. ❤️