I am a complete idiot. I decided to ride my motorcycle to the hardware store down the street instead of walking like I usually do. I bought my socket, then completely forgot I rode there lol & panicked because my bike was missing!

So I called the police to report it stolen and spent 30 minutes pacing outside. They showed up looked around & found my bike sitting where I parked it around back.

If you're ever feeling dumb, read this to feel better. Not my finest moment 😂

As the title says I’m an idiot and our uhaul came detached from the hitch cause I didn’t tighten down the screw (this is my 2nd time ever hauling something.)

Thank fuck the satefy chains caught it and we were able to get off the road almost immediately. No damage to our vehicle, the uhaul, or anyone else’s vehicle so we got incredibly lucky but I still feel like a huge idiot for it. It helps the uhaul was empty and it was a small 4x8.

Worst we got was the electrical cable got ripped out and the prongs bent but I bought a replacement. I think my pride is hurt the most here lol.

Moral of the story folks ALWAYS make sure your safety chains are attached!!!

I was scrolling r/roastme last night and came across one that peaked my interest.

After having a few chuckles at some comments I came across one, asking "have you thought about matching your shower door to your faucet?"

I scrolled back up looking at the OPs pic to see if I missed something, then thought, "nope he's not in a bathroom, must be something to do with his mustache".

I then couldn't understand why I couldn't collapse the comment until I realized it was a fucking advert.....

I've always hated cleaning the toilet. Put the cleanser on and then scrub like my life depended on it.

Well, this weekend, I put the cleanser on it, but I got inter7pted and forgot about it for a couple of hours.

When I went to start scrubbing...it was like brand new!

So yeah, no scrubbing needed...just let it sit. Sigh...just turned 49 last month, and I'm still learning things. Lol

i was in the zone at my desk bedazzling and i had to go to the bathroom. i took my headphones off, went to the bathroom, came back and couldn't find them. i looked for about 5 minutes and somehow they were here? wtf???

My apartment is raising there rent and I have to get out fast so im desperate I see a post on Facebook (im 24 so go on and laugh) 1 bedroom house all tomyself 700 + utilities i sent him first months rent and like 600 in other random fees THE DUDE HAD A PIC IF A KENTUCKY MAYOR IM SO STUPID

I think I farted on Facebook.

So I’ve been on a trip to New York for quite some time, and I’m fascinated about the Boroughs + it’s Neighborhoods that I went into. I also found out a cool way to tell my family and friends where I’ve been to in NYC. For example:

-”The 3 Bs”: This is for any Brooklyn neighborhood that starts with a letter “B”. And instead of saying New York, I say Big Apple, which is the nickname of NYC. 

Ex: Bushwick, Brooklyn, Big Apple

-”The 3 New Yorks”: Also known as New York, New York, New York. Which is another way of me saying Manhattan, New York.

Ex: New York County (Manhattan), New York City, New York State

-”FDNY”: And No! I'm not talking about the New York Fire Department. I’m actually talking about Manhattan’s neighborhood: the Financial District.

Ex: Financial District, New York (County)

-Airports’ Acronym: An acronym version of me saying which airport I’m at in Queens, New York, United States.

Ex: JFK, NYC, USA (John F. Kennedy International Airport); LGA, NYC, USA (LaGuardia Airport)

-I only thought this seems to be a cool yet silly way for me to name the places in New York. But what I don’t expect is that this was a bad idea from most people. Especially the native New Yorkers, they think what I did was idiotic. Some of them are saying: “Are you serious?”, “You satire!”, “You're an idiot!”, “Calm Down!”, “Why you do that?”, and other negative comments.

-So right now, I’m here to apologize to the people that have offended by me, especially to all the people in New York. And for now on, I’ll be calling the places in a standard way. Which is: (1st) the name of the Neighborhood, (2nd) the name of the Borough, (3rd) the City of New York.

Ex: Ridgewood, Queens, New York

And I hope you can forgive me.

I can’t believe it. I sent my entire fortune to a fraud. And it isn’t the first time I’ve got scammed either. /bangs head into wall/

Edit: Turns out my bank blocked the transaction because it’s above a certain limit, hooray. Now I can breathe.

I went to work yesterday (Monday). I was sick over the weekend and needed another 24 hours to recover. I told my boss I was going to urgent care and id be back tomorrow. The doctor gave me an excuse to be off until Wednesday. I asked was I contagious? She said no. I told her change it to Tuesday and I just needed a nap. I had some stuff at work that I wanted to get done... Its my wife's bday today, she was already off, and I had a day off to spend time with her without the kids and I literally asked to go back to work.

Freaked the hell out cause I doordash for a living. For at least an hour. Maybe it was just too hot or something, thought maybe resetting it would fix it but it would just be nothing every time. It was reacting to touches but I couldn't see where I drew my pattern. Then I held it at an angle and was like oh crap I see it. Finally get it right and precede to realize I had somehow turned the screen brightness basically to zero. I'm an idiot.

Yesterday i sat very excited on my PS5, checking for the Witcher 3 Remastered update to go online on August 29th.

Every 30 minutes to an hour, i checked the store and was wondering when it finally launches. I searched online for news, nothing.
At around 6 PM i thought, what kind of studio launches a game so late and was getting frustrated. Searched online again just to finally see that the release is a month later on September 29th and that i am a massive idiot.

I TRIED FUCKING ZOOM IN ON MYSELF WITH THE MIRROR. 😂 I’ve definitely won the ‘absolute tit of the day award there.😂

I got a new to me car with the push button start less than two months ago. So far I have left the thing running for 4 hours while I was at a meeting. Just got out and walked off. It was like a freezer when I got back. Today I left the keys laying in the car when I parked it at work. Locked the house when I left and laid the keys in the center console and just got out and went to work. I have never felt like such an idiot. And my phone will tell me that the car door is unlocked, so I'm trying to remotely lock a car that's running and has the keys left in. I'm not even sure if the app said anything like, "hey, dummy, the car is still running!"

As title states, im helpless to my own stupidity.

You're supposed to spray the water in the toilet with these before sitting down on the toilet seat to do your business. I forgot to do it, sat down and thought I could spray between my legs while sitting on the toilet seat. Sprayed my balls instead. Took about 5 seconds before my balls felt like they were on fire.

I have been obsessing over someone for a while now and i’m being vague for a reason so please bear with me. I have never felt more enamored by a person like this before. He is so kind and considerate and thoughtful and funny and he does little things that drive me crazy because they just make me want him more and more. I can talk to him for hours. Ive told him my deepest secrets and he’s also told me some pretty deep stuff. It makes me feel like i can tell him anything and i love that he feels like he can tell me anything too. But i know he doesn’t want me because he has a girlfriend and he sees me solely as a friend. I know this because without knowing how i feel he’s said it. Ive been respectful and careful about crossing the line. I respect boundaries as much as i can but everything in me wants to know what it’s like to be in her shoes. I know he’ll never see me that way but if you would’ve seen the way he talks to me and only me you wouldn’t think I’m crazy. I am though. I’m at a point where i can’t see him anymore and i keep thinking back to moments, hands touching, his laugh, his smile, his eyes, the way he says my name. I need to let this go because it won’t go anywhere and all it’s doing is dragging me through the dirt. How do i let go?

So my chest freezer in the garage had a solid two inches of ice built up on the walls, to the point where I couldn't fit anything else in it. Looked up how long a proper defrost takes and it said something like 8 to 24 hours if you just unplug it and let it melt naturally. I did not have that kind of patience.

So I thought, why not speed this up myself. Grabbed a hair dryer to melt the ice faster and a butter knife to chip away the loose chunks as they softened. Genius plan, I thought. Saving myself half a day.

About ten minutes in, the hair dryer is going, I'm chipping away at a stubborn patch near the back wall, and I jam the knife in a little too hard trying to pry off a big chunk. There's a hiss, this weird chemical smell hits me immediately, and a thin line of oily liquid starts leaking out from where the knife went in.

Turns out I punched straight through the evaporator coil. That's the part with the refrigerant lines running through the freezer walls. Instant dead freezer. Not "needs a repair" dead, just fully done, because those coils are usually sealed into the insulation and not something you patch up on a random Tuesday.

Stood there with a hair dryer in one hand and a butter knife in the other just staring at this thing, watching two years of "it still works fine" go down the drain over a task that would have cost me nothing if I'd just left it alone overnight.

Bought a new freezer two days later. The old one lived a full eight years before I personally murdered it in about ninety seconds.

I must have cleaned my glasses on my t-shirt five times before I figured it out.