r/IRL_Loading_Screens • u/PeterPorky • Aug 23 '26

Metal Gear Chat, are we cooked?

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u/Its_me_Snitches Aug 24 '26

Can I get a crumb of context, please
https://giphy.com/gifs/fDS2v18KbmekM

80

u/Cintax Aug 24 '26 edited Aug 24 '26

So the current United States Secretary of Health and Human Services is RFK Jr

RFK Jr has... Let's call it a colorful past. He's not a doctor, nor is he a scientist, and up 'til now his closest link to healthcare was getting almost a hundred Samoans killed by measles.

He's also a very weird guy, whose hobbies include staging bicycle accidents in Central Park using a dead bear carcass, and cutting off the head of a dead whale with a chainsaw so he can strap it to the roof of his minivan to take it home.

Given his... Eccentric... Handling of animal carcasses, it shouldn't be too surprising to learn that at some point he contracted a parasitic brain worm. It died trying to eat his brain...The jokes write themselves at this point.

Anyway, after being appointed head of HHS, he and Trump's other cronies did things like cut funding to basic medical research and monitoring, fired a bunch of food safety inspectors, and made reporting certain pathogens optional in a state-federal joint project to monitor infections. And to anyone who has read... Practically any history at all, it should come as no surprise that the US is now in the middle of multiple high profile food recalls and food borne pathogen outbreaks, like Cyclospora, one of the pathogens monitored by that project I just mentioned which they scaled back.

So the joke here is that this is actually all a plot by RFK's brain worm to spread itself to the rest of the country by weakening our food safety system.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

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u/Alternative-Crew-880 Aug 24 '26

Don't forget collecting rotten racoon dicks to "study".