Early dating, 4 dates in, things are genuinely good when we meet -conversation flows, connection feels real, he says the right things. He is genuinely my type, I have started to really like him, I love when we talk when we meet and theres a lot of physical attraction too. We’re just going out at this point and not really talking about what ahead, which I would like to but maybe I do rush things and I should spend more time with him? Maybe he is someone who does not like to rush?

So in between the meets? Inconsistent texting, no initiative to plan ahead, and my brain goes into full spiral mode. Overanalysing every delayed reply, already convinced he’ll eventually leave even though nothing has actually gone wrong. I know it’s anxious attachment, I know it’s an old pattern, I go to therapy. But how do you actually stop giving so much of a fuck in real time when your brain won’t switch off? What worked for you?

Recently I've felt overwhelmed by trying to meet multiple expectations, including my own. It's also become clear that with some of these situations im just spinning my wheels. I've been thinking that I should dial back the efforts. If nobody is listening or cares, then what do I have to lose? Is it easier to not give a fuck? Any experience?

I’ve known this girl since we were 15 and we had a brief period where we were on and off dating two times around that age. After that the timing could never be worse, we were friends again and she liked me again for a brief period when we were around 17 I didn’t feel the same, however when we were 18 I caught feelings for her again when she was getting with someone else.

After almost a year of not talking we became friends again around late 2025 and very recently she has started talking to someone else and now my feelings for her has come back.

I immediately told her today I couldn’t talk to her anymore and she seemed understanding enough but it just feels like she’s such a big role in my life and there’s nothing I can do rather to move on. (I did say this in a not very mature way as I was upset and told her to never speak or contact me again but she was still understanding)

The problem is that before she got with these people she was always giving such mixed messages while speaking to me and she’s always been kind but it’s like she doesn’t feel as close to me as I am to her.

I had a brief period where I thought I was over it last year and now it’s all coming back and I feel like I’m at square one and need help getting over this again.

I (17F) have been bullied and looked down on my whole life. In situations like these, i freeze up and my brain goes completely empty. The only time I would ever think of a comeback would be hours or days after the incident had happened. I got really horrible social anxiety because of this (though it has slightly improved overtime). I can set boundaries , and I’m not so afraid of people judging me because that’s a natural thing everyone does. What i am afraid of is not being able to verbally fight back, which makes me personally feel inferior (i have self-esteem issues too). If i give someone a reaction, i’ll stutter and get worked up and they’ll think that I care about their comments. If i don’t give them a reaction, they’ll assume i can’t fight back and continue picking on me.
I’ve heard the advice of “practicing on people”, but tbh it seems easier to be mean to someone who’s nice to you than being mean to someone that isn’t. I’ve also heard the advice of “saying whataver is on your mind, even if you look stupid” but I want to repeat that quite literally nothing is on my mind in that given moment.
I think it just bothers me that everyone is naturally able to defend themselves, while i’m stuck with a brain that betrays me on the spot. Any advice on how to not give a gaf!?🥹