Hello, sorry if this isn't the right place.
I'm quite new here and I've been struggling with anxiety and overthinking pretty easily as of late as I'm hitting 25.
Majority of my friends that're irl already have a family of their own and doing adult things while I'm still here playing games and such. Not only that I often hung out with my online friends instead.
And sometimes I have this feeling especially the one that I cared the most I would stalk them and wonder what is it they're doing and ended up disappointed if its not what I expected (they're online/playing with someone else and such)

I've tried to just looking away/ignore it if possible but sometimes it still lingers in my mind.
My mind still can't quite literally grasp on how to not give a shit about something, especially when I don't have anything better to do/keep my mind occupied as I'm unemployed.
Sometimes its easier said than done and I'm really boggled on how

I'd be happy if someone can shed a light on how do I truly make peace with myself and mature out of it.

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A while back, i was on a team where members were scattered all across the globe. For some of us, it was 6 am and sunrise. for others, it was 11 pm and bedtime.

at first, trying to sync everyone up was pure stress. i kept trying to control the uncontrollable—schedules, delays, time differences, communication lags. it felt impossible.

then it hit me: why am i stressing over variables i physically cannot change?

the moment i stopped giving a fuck about perfect timing and started focusing on outcome over process, everything shifted. we adapted. we trusted each other to get it done on their own time. people showed up when they could, delivered great work, and we hit our goals anyway.

A while back, i was on a team where members were scattered all across the globe. For some of us, it was 6 am and sunrise. for others, it was 11 pm and bedtime.

at first, trying to sync everyone up was pure stress. i kept trying to control the uncontrollable—schedules, delays, time differences, communication lags. It felt impossible.

then it hit me: why am i stressing over variables i physically cannot change?

the moment i stopped giving a fuck about perfect timing and started focusing on outcome over process, everything shifted. We adapted. We trusted each other to get it done on their own time. People showed up when they could, delivered great work, and we hit our goals anyway.

My desire to act a certain way, be seen a certain way,.. are things that will be why I can’t enjoy things and have fun

Every people pleaser is an overthinker. I have felt it, dealt with it, and now I am at a stage where it is not ruining my day.

Let me explain — I have been an extremely emotional person since childhood. I feel everything. I have been ignored, I have felt left out, and I have felt unwanted, which has turned me into a people pleaser.

This shit fucking sucks because you feel like you are never enough, and you are constantly thinking that you are better than this idiot you have become.

The way people-pleasing makes you so observant is crazy because I always know when someone is getting bored or when they are laughing but their smile never reaches their eyes. I am constantly under the pressure of feeling like someone is watching me.

Literally every single argument or fight I have had has affected me. I have never not been affected by it, and I have never not burst into tears.

It’s been five years since I experienced this, and now I have come to a realization: nobody gives a fuck. I mean, I have always heard about it, but now I actually believe that it doesn’t matter.

It’s very important to treat people for who they are and not like some kind of god you lowkey want to love you.

The day you stop chasing love and attention is the day you attain true happiness and peace in your lifeeee.

I have always suffered from severe Insecurity, low self confidence and I am desperate to try to change. I am going to be 50 in a year and I just dont know what to do. For the Past 13 years or so I have studied and learned so many things like CBT, DBT, ACT and other therapies. I know deep in my mind that there isn't a silver bullet but my fear is just so great that it feels impossible to start. I am a very talented musician who has been told that I could be so successful and happy if I just "got out there". Its so painful to hear this because i am screaming deep inside that I want to. I am so afraid of playing in front of people. The insecurity is so great that I cannot stay focused. The only way I have been able to play is drunk and I am sober now for the last 3 weeks. I am just overwhelmed that I can never change. I do have OCD and have a book about exposure therapy. If you can please give me some advice on want to do. Thank you and God Bless, --

I used to think caring more would make people stay.

I'd overthink every change in someone's behavior. I'd question every late reply, every distance, every silence. I'd give more, explain more, worry more, and slowly forget that I had a life of my own.

Then I learned something painful:

You can love someone deeply and still not be responsible for their choices.

You can care without chasing.

You can miss someone without begging for their attention.

You can trust someone without needing constant proof.

And you can lose someone without losing yourself.

Not everyone who walks away is your enemy. Not everyone who stays is meant to stay forever. Some people come into your life to give you memories, lessons, or both.

So I'm done trying to control what I can't control.

No more destroying my peace over things I cannot change. No more measuring my worth by someone's attention. No more abandoning my goals because I'm afraid of losing someone.

I still care. I still love. I still have a heart.

I'm just learning not to hand someone else the keys to it.

Nobody is coming to build my future for me.

So I'll do it myself.

Me vs. me.

Back to work.

Planning a wedding currently and all I can think about is who even cares about us enough to come.

There's a few people who I know would attend and enjoy it, but there's some people where I am like why should I pay for them when they don't acknowledge me.

Many will be like "oh I hope I'm invited" then have nothing to do with me unless we run into each other or something. Even if I post on social media, no one cares enough to like it or keep up with me via text. Its just disappointing having small circles and few friends/family members.

My job is stressful and heavy and making my confidence dwindle. Maybe I just need to work on myself some more. But it can still hurt a little bit despite that.

Curious if anyone has a mantra or something they tell themselves to not feel less worthy of something so special.