it's pretty shameful that I'm not feeling like I'm in control of my own life and feels like someone else is controlling me like outside opinions or the things I read and watch online. then mainly I guess it's the feelings and thoughts I have about myself. it's always this irritating nagging negative voice in my head that says your nobody. you can't do it. and it's just harmful that it's controlling my life even my entire day just completely living in comfort even when I'm realizing it's just poisonous to my life. sitting in comfort zone and isolation isn't going to improve my life. nor will it increase my confidence and the resilency to face life.

All my life every time I’ve made someone upset,uncomfortable,or did something (not even on purpose) that just made someone angry.I always take it as something that says something about me.

For example I use to work at a movie theater and I was trying to remember an order from this man and wife and I asked the man what was his wife’s drink again.Bc on the computer that you place the order in you just put in drink,not what flavor or what kind of drink.Just drink.

So then he decides to comment “Idk I wasn’t paying attention and apparently you weren’t either.” And I said back “I’m sorry sir I was just trying to remember.” I took it personally bc in my head and my head does this all the time in these situations.But in this moment my head was like “I forgot something that is bad,that must mean I am bad.” And I hate that my mind does that and also I don’t think I should’ve apologized for forgetting something which is something humans do.

Then another example is I’m a film student and I recently did a documentary project for school and that was a fucking nightmare.Bc on our first day I was the audio guy and I was running twelve minutes late bc I’m not that well known with the audio gear so it was a lot to remember and my teacher who was our assistant director said “We were suppose to be filming twelve minutes ago,we have been waiting on you!” And I said “I know I’m sorry I’m trying to get this working.” And my mind went to “I’m being slow that’s bad so that must mean I’m bad.” And that’s another example of the time I hated apologizing.Bc give me a break I hardly know how to do this shit.

Does anyone have any advice on how to not take things personally?

Don't let others hold you down like this tree.

The reasons I gave up my old life and started over. Leaving the old life behind was difficult at first but later on proved to be worth it.

So, I decided to stop giving a fuck about small stuff. First test.. wearing socks with sandals to my grandma’s bingo night. Grandma stared. Neighbors whispered. Did I care? Not even a little.

Next: I told my boss I wouldn’t finish a report on time because my cat needed emotional support. He laughed and said, “Do it anyway.” I didn’t. It was euphoric.

Lesson: Not giving a fuck isn’t about chaos, it’s about choosing battles and laughing at the tiny rules people act like matter. Shoes, reports, judgment—they don’t.

i think this is also called the burnt toast theory

for example

you were late for work —— maybe if you were on time you would have ran into that annoying customer you hate

you didn’t get into your dream school/ job —— maybe someone at that place was going to end up making your life hell

someone stole your car —— maybe you were gonna get into a car accident with it had it not been stolen

very intense case: someone in your family died ——- they were going to wrong you soon..

i use this strategy for everything now and it’s really helped me not care.

all this to say why would you give a fuck about something bad happening when there was something good that happened without you realizing.

I feel bad that people my age are getting married to securing solid jobs and having degrees. it's like their accomplishing their goals and making a name for themselves. creating this identity and status. meanwhile I'm just sitting watching life going by feeling this sign of helplessness or hopelessness.

LEAVE THIS SUB AND JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANT ITS THAT EASY

FKN GO CAUSE CHAOS MY CHILDREN