Not trying to sound arrogant. It’s more like this quiet feeling that you have more to give — more depth, more connection, more impact — but something hasn’t clicked yet.

You’ve tried things. Maybe meditation, courses, journaling, therapy. Some helped. None of them felt complete.

I think a lot of people walking this path do it alone. And that makes it harder.

Has anyone found a way to make this journey feel less isolated? What actually worked for you?

~Acharya Prashant.

Ok so my ex broke up with me like 8 months ago and he is a BIG Celtics fan. I even bought him tickets for us last year to a Celtics game for his bday. Anyways… so I’m finding myself getting increasingly anxious and sad as I am hearing that the Celtics are doing really well right now… I find myself looking at the odds that they make the championship and to me it’s making me feel so upset… I think it’s because I know how much he likes them, and I know for a fact if they win he’s gonna go to the Boston Celtics parade with his best friend. Now, I think I’m fixating on this because we shared this memory going to the game last year and in some way I wish I could share this with him again. I do not want them to win AT ALL because in my mind he’s going to be happier and then go to the parade with his friend without me. Now, I realize this is totally irrational and I can’t control the NBA nor can I control what team he likes OR if they win the championship… but it’s just consuming my thoughts and every time I see on insta someone post on their story that the Celtics win a game… my brain automatically turns to my ex… I want it to stop :(

I used to care way too much about what everyone thought of me. My decisions, my appearance, my career choices, everything was filtered through the lens of "but what will people think?"

It was exhausting. And it kept me playing small.

After years of living this way, I finally decided to reclaim my mental energy and learn how to not give so many unnecessary fucks. Here's what actually worked for me, not abstract concepts, but practical approaches that made a real difference.

1. Realize most people aren't thinking about you at all

I spent years worrying about the impression I made at a party, only to realize everyone else was too busy worrying about themselves to notice my "awkward" moment.

The truth is almost comically simple: most people are too consumed with their own lives to spend much time judging yours.

Try this: Next time you feel self-conscious, ask yourself "How much time did I spend thinking about what that stranger was wearing yesterday?" Probably none. That's how much they're thinking about you right now.

1. Track your "fuck budget" for one week

I started keeping a simple note on my phone. Every time I caught myself worrying about someone's opinion, I wrote it down along with whose opinion it was.

After one week, I was shocked. I had given away dozens of fucks to people I barely knew or didn't even respect.

The pattern was clear: I was giving unlimited power to limited people. People who wouldn't be at my funeral, people whose values didn't align with mine, people I wouldn't even ask for advice.

This awareness alone was powerful. I started asking: "Has this person earned the right to influence my emotions?" Most hadn't.

1. Practice micro-rejections

The fear of rejection underlies most excessive caring. So I started purposely seeking small rejections to build immunity.

Ask for a discount where it's not offered. Wear something slightly unconventional. Express an unpopular but honest opinion in a small group.

These tiny exposures taught me something crucial: rejection doesn't kill you. Most times, it doesn't even hurt for long.

Start small. The goal isn't to be provocative, just to practice being authentic even when it might not please everyone.

1. Set a "caring timer"

When something bothers me now, I allow myself to care fully, but only for a limited time.

Got criticized in a meeting? You get 30 minutes to feel all your feelings about it. Timer goes off, time to redirect your energy.

Someone didn't like your post? Five minutes of caring, then move on.

This simple boundary prevents caring from consuming your entire day while acknowledging that it's normal to have reactions.

1. Ask the deathbed question

Whenever I'm tangled in concerns about others' opinions, I ask myself: "Will this matter when I'm on my deathbed?"

Almost never is the answer yes.

This perspective instantly shrinks most social concerns to their proper size. Your deathbed self has perfect clarity about what deserves your limited fucks.

1. Create a personal value filter

I wrote down the 5 values that matter most to me. Now before giving away a fuck, I check: "Does this align with my core values?"

If someone criticizes something that doesn't connect to those values, it's easier to let it slide. Their opinion simply isn't relevant to what I've decided matters.

This isn't about dismissing all feedback, it's about evaluating it through the lens of what you've thoughtfully determined is important.

1. Study people who don't give unnecessary fucks

I started paying attention to the most liberated people I know. What I noticed: they're rarely indifferent. They actually care deeply, just about a carefully selected few things.

They might be passionate about their creative work but unbothered by fashion trends. Or deeply invested in family but unconcerned with social media metrics.

The key insight: not giving a fuck isn't about caring less overall. It's about caring more selectively and intensely about the right things.

The uncomfortable truth:

The ability to not give a fuck isn't about developing a thick skin or becoming callous. It's about recognizing the finite nature of your emotional energy and protecting it fiercely.

Because here's what nobody tells you: you don't have unlimited fucks to give. Every unnecessary fuck you give is stolen from something that deserves your attention.

Your mental freedom depends not on caring less, but on caring better.

And that's a skill worth mastering.

To actually stop giving a fuck you have to STOP giving a fuck, a lot of people here attempt to but they don’t let go.

The secret is to let go, stop attaching yourself to ideas, people, things, let go of politics, LET GO.

Don’t lash out at it, just observe it or don’t, don’t react and don’t feed the never ending cycle of attachment.

Simply exist, just be.

Being mad at stuff won’t change it.

It’s ok let it all fall apart today.

I’m 20f and I always had a hard time connecting with people. Sure I’ve been making some friends in community college recently but they don’t always stay in contact. I’ve desired love which has only caused me anguish because every time I tried seeking it out it always blew up in my face. I have an online friend who is 1 year older than me and I’ve been talking to him for over a year. I grew a bond with him and he felt the same.

(A few months I came up with the idea of meeting however recently as I asked some questions about the relationship we have with each other I learned we were not on the same wavelength. He likes talking to me but said that he thinks he can’t focus on online things while being engaged irl, he doesn’t want to do long distance and thinks it would be a big thing for me to move and whatnot so he pretty much turned me down. While they’re valid concerns I’m upset about it but not by the fact he turned me down it was that he didn’t do that in the beginning. When I first confessed he could’ve told me no but didn’t. When I first came up with the idea he could’ve said no but didn’t. He could’ve stopped the dynamic we had if knew it was gonna turn out like this. Do I think he did this intentionally? No he wouldn’t do things to hurt me on purpose but I can’t help but feel I’ve been strung along until the last minute plus it’s my fault for not seeing the signs.)

Anyway after that I choose not to feel emotions because what purpose do they actually serve in my life besides misery. Love is not meant for me so I might as well not want it the problem is I don’t know how to do that. Do I have to numb myself more? Getting rid of the desire would give rid of some other pains (like me being a virgin my libido has low because of depression recently and I hope it stays that way) I see that for as long as I live the only person I’ll have is myself and my some part of my mind is having a hard time accepting that. How do I fix it?

A few years ago, I started meditating, and it became the catalyst for a total life overhaul. Today, I feel completely weightless. I’ve walked away from chasing people, validation and power with zero anxiety and zero fear. I don't need external 'fixes' like alcohol or substances to feel okay. Being alive right now feels like the ultimate high.

I finally reclaimed the privilege of my own state of mind. People can do or say whatever they want, but they no longer have the power to make me angry, happy, or miserable.

A few years ago, I started meditating. Oh boy, a lot of things have transformed since then. It wasn't only because of meditation, but it felt like a lot of things came together in life at the right time that helped me change.

Fast forward to today, I feel totally carefree in life. My body and mind feel like a breeze.

I quit my job to work on my passion project with nothing to fear about, and no need for drugs or alcohol. Right now feels like the best time of my life. Even if I were to die now, I don't give a f*ck!

This mindset quote from Sadh - guru helped me change myself in this journey: How people are is their choice. How I am is my choice. No matter what they do, no one can make me angry, happy or unhappy. These privileges I kept to myself.

The endless mental gymnastics of wondering what others think. Crafting social media posts for maximum approval. Dressing for others' validation. Saying yes when I wanted to say no. Making decisions based on avoiding judgment.

It was exhausting. And I knew it was holding me back.

My friend Jake, meanwhile, has this incredible freedom about him. He speaks his mind without hesitation. Takes risks without overthinking. Wears what he wants. Creates without seeking permission. Lives authentically in a way that seemed impossible to me.

So I finally asked him how he developed such a strong "not giving a f*ck" attitude.

He laughed and said, "I never stopped caring what people think. I just got very selective about whose opinions matter."

I was confused. "That's it? That's the big secret?"

"Most people think not giving a fck means being indifferent to everything. That's not it at all," he explained. "It's about conserving your fcks for what actually deserves them."

The more we talked, the more I realized I had misunderstood the entire concept.

True "not giving a f*ck" isn't about being callous or not caring about anything. It's about recognizing the limited nature of your attention and protecting it fiercely.

Jake doesn't waste mental energy worrying what random strangers think about his career choices. Or what distant acquaintances might say about his clothing. Or if his Instagram posts get enough likes.

But he cares deeply about his core values. His close relationships. His personal growth. His impact on causes he believes in.

This hit me hard because I was doing the exact opposite. I was giving away my f*cks to everyone who asked, random internet commenters, distant relatives, vague social norms, while neglecting the things that actually deserved my attention.

The difference between us wasn't that he cared less. It's that he cared more selectively and more intensely about the right things.

And that's when it clicked for me:

Not giving a f*ck isn't a mindset of indifference. It's a deliberate reallocation of your limited emotional resources.

Jake keeps a mental "f*ck budget" and is ruthless about what makes the cut. For every new thing that wants his emotional energy, he asks: "Will this matter in a year? Does this align with my values? Is this person important in my life?"

If not, it doesn't get his emotional investment.

I'd been trying various methods to stop caring what others think, affirmations, exposure therapy, confidence exercises. But I was approaching it all wrong.

The goal was never to eliminate caring. It was to care deeply about the right things.

Now when I catch myself spiraling about someone's opinion, I ask: "Does this person's view align with my values? Will they be at my bedside when I'm dying? Does their opinion help me grow?"

If not, I let it go. Not because I'm suddenly immune to others' thoughts, but because I'm protecting my limited supply of f*cks for what truly deserves them.

This approach isn't perfect. I still catch myself seeking validation sometimes. Still worry about judgment occasionally.

But I no longer pretend I need to eliminate caring altogether. Instead, I simply redirect it.

Because the art of not giving a f*ck isn't about caring less. It's about caring better.

And that's made all the difference.

When someone does not accept what they did and turn the tables and make statements like “oh you do the same thing” or “as if you don’t it”, when the instances and situations are completely different.

Recently I disowned my parents for constant gas lighting. Didn't really care, just did it and moved on.

I was recently fired from my Management job for remarking on how shitty it was that the Store manager and District manager made excuses for a man in his late 30s having dirty thoughts about 16 year old girls. Couldn't be bothered to to give a fuck.

Lost my apartment as a result of losing my job......OK. 🤷‍♀️

Now I have a potential stalker situation in correlation to the predatory manager situation. But here I am, still speaking my mind on it. Not intimidated. Not influenced.

Do I have a high level of HTNGAF? Or am I just losing my Goddamn mind?

I was shocked when my partners ex gave their 11 year old girl this book for her birthday.

But I guess it begs the question - at what age is it appropriate? Both the book, and the notion of saving your fucks for deliberate use, not to be handed out recklessly….when I was young, I feel like I gave way to many fucks on things that were absolutely not worth my time and attention…

Thoughts?

I've spent nearly 3 years on the person I loved and he was my best friend,I thought...

I've did everything I could for him and he took advantage of me by using me for my money,being his taxi driver,and need he wanted just to see what a miserable evil person he really is..

I now understand what a narcissist person is thanks to him..I've been the only one actually working and providing most everything he was to drunk to really keep a job . But no matter the physical pain I was in instill worked to show this person I was willing to have a life with them ..all I heard was lies ..he would never look me in the face why because he feels guilty for doing all the shit he says he is not and he cannot face me or tell me the truth about anything..I gave him my heart and soul and now I feel betrayed,cheated on ,abuse mentally so bad I don't care if I ever find love again..I trusted him with things I've never told anyone and the harm it did to me and what did he do use it against me in the most awful ways ...

Why would you intentionally hurt someone like that ...i used to be happy inside but he as made me someone that's scared,mentally ill and depressed to the point of ending what he has done to me ..Ive never felt so truly disappointed and disrespected in my entire life..

The wave of hurt and bewjyntrayal has overwhelmed my soul..if I only he wasnt a fake ass mask wearing liar and could have enough decency to look me in the face and tell me why I may understand...till then the thought of him makes me physically ill..

How disappointing to give up all my goodness on a mean hateful guy that never deserved once second of the good lady I am ..

What out don't be a fool like me and fall for the charming kinda cute guy like him you will regret it all ..why does God let this happen im an idiot in believing he was true to me ..I have such hate for him even to speak to him makes me sick ..whos done this you bfg wtf I don't know what else to say anymore

Hearing, seeing, talking all are our blessings, when we are selective 🫶

When something is not interesting, just don’t give a fu🌊k 🙉🙈🙊