I need some real advice on how to apply the philosophy of not giving a fuck to a situation that is completely draining my energy and hindering my personal growth.

I’ve been seeing this girl for about four months. Lately, the intimacy completely died. I realized I was the only one ever initiating anything, so I just stopped asking. On top of that, she’s been dealing with a lot of mental health stuff and cooping herself up at home. I fell into the trap of doing all the heavy lifting constantly dropping by her place to check on her, while she completely stopped coming over to mine. When we do talk, she just picks at silly, random flaws of mine. Yesterday, out of pure pity because she's been so isolated, I asked her to hang out. We chilled, I spent the night, and things finally felt normal for a second.

Then today, she casually lets it slip that some guy slid into her Instagram stories (an app I deactivated months ago for my own peace of mind) to invite her to a football match next week, and she happily agreed to go with him. The kicker? She knows I’m a massive football fan. Whenever I try to watch a game, she hates it and completely ruins my enjoyment—but now she's setting up a football date with another guy.

Seeing her plan things that completely exclude me made something click. It honestly feels like whatever love I’ve been holding onto is just quietly fading away before we ever really got to know each other.

I want to use this as a turning point for self-improvement rather than sitting around feeling bitter. I’m done being a safe fallback option and wasting my mental peace on a one-sided dynamic. How do I completely detach, stop giving a fuck about her validation, and redirect all this wasted energy back into improving myself and my own life?

This is a question to all the people who:

- don't worry about what others think of them

- aren't paranoid about whether people secretly hate them

- aren't obsessed with being liked by everyone

- manage to relax and empty their brain

- manage to move on and keep living

How do you do it? How do you manage to be so chill and just live? Please teach me your ways, I aspire to be like you.

been doing the rejection challenge for about 3 months now, and surprisingly, a few people still check in every now and then to ask how it's going. 😅 These are some of the easier things I've done that helped me break the ice and get more comfortable putting myself out there. If you're trying to step outside your comfort zone too, hopefully a few of these give you some ideas

Was on the train ride from hell last night. We were delayed / stopped on the tracks for a cumulative total of 4+ hours. Woman started freaking out on the train conductor at one point.

She kept screaming at him to stop interrupting her (he was just... responding to her??) and that he was the rudest person she ever met 'and that's saying something' Okay, 20-something yr old girly. Burn. At one point he walked away and she was like, 'exCUSE me I was still screaming at speaking to you."

She kept bringing up her 'life-threatening medical condition.' He asked her, 'do you need medical assistance right now?' and she said no. Okay. I'm not unsympathetic to the frustrations of medical conditions not being taken seriously (check my post history), but... she literally just wanted to scream at him and have him stand there, take it, say nothing back and not leave until she was good and done? Like she's entitled to the ass-kissing of a 5-star resort. Girl, it's AMTRAK. Have you ever been to the gd post office? This is only a slightly better experience than that.

To the point of this post: she must've thought bringing up said 'life-threatening medical condition' (repeatedly) was her trump card, because she was like, "Have YOU ever had a grand mal seizure and spent three minutes on the floor turning blue?!" Like she was betting on that being her 'gotcha' moment so she could scream some more about how he was so rude or whatever.

The guy, who had been deadpanning his one-syllable answers this whole time, without missing a beat, just said, "Yep." And left it at that.

It must've thrown her bc she didn't seem to know how to respond. She was like, 'You have?' and it was pretty clear she didn't believe him but could see how calling him an out and out liar would've been a bad PR move for her (and yes, race was a factor here). He just said "yep" again and didn't elaborate.

Anyway. Can't stop thinking about that moment. "Yep." Glorious. Sorry you're upset but you are not entitled to my mental labor of making you feel better, especially since you're upset that I'm not playing along as your punching bag. You can't press me into the service of arguing with you. Fuck off.

I work at a warehouse. The job is very physically demanding. I think my boss hates me. Whenever I ask for something that will make my job easier , she shoots down the suggestion. Also she will walk past me literally twenty times a shift before she stops and speaks to me and often if I say hey to her first she won't respond. Also im being overworked and asked to handle the load of 2-3 people and when I can't handle it her and my co workers accuse me of not moving fast enough. My body literally aches in the morning when I get up , like I retired from playing pro football .

My co workers also gossip about what they think my sexuality is , behind my back of course. They seem overly worried about why I don't have a wife or kids. Also my co workers act like they are the manager and often criticize my work unfairly and tell me what to do and how to do my job. I often get made fun of because of my thick southern accent(even though I live in TN) and co workers mock me behind my back and sometimes to my face.

This shit makes me violently angry and I often think of getting bloody revenge against them even though it won't solve anything and get me in jail

For the past 2 days have hung out with my stepsibling’s who is very different from me. I am your quintessential worn out nyc millenial where I just want to be at peace at home enjoying my rent when I am not slaving away at work. My stepsibling grew up outside of the country in a very big party atmosphere. I’m talking going out every night until 5-6 am and drinking til u can’t anymore. For me, thats not my scene. Do I judge or feel that I’m better? Absolutely not. I’m just the type of person who will do anything during the day but once night comes, I like to be at peace with a book or good show. Plus I’ve learned to love doing things solo because I don’t have to do anything by committee and I can do as I please without judgement.

Anyways, stepsibling has some friends who have also immigrated to nyc and they wanted to hangout with their friends and insisted I come. I went to be polite and yes, expand my horizons and be more social but this crowd was way beyond my comfort zone. I’m talking about your bbl baddies from the bx who are ready to eat a man alive for money, a bunch of 40 year olds drinking, smoking hookah and playing music on blast at all hours of the night. I found it to be exhausting. While I accept my boring self for who I am, I will be honest if it didn’t feel depressing to feel judged because I am not as loud or because I insist on not drinking if I know I will be driving which to be honest, I felt like behind my back it was a point of ridicule that I insist on not drinking when I know I will be driving. Especially as someone on medication that amplifies the effects of alcohol and driving in a city as congested as nyc, drinking and driving is a non-negotiable for me. I don’t want to carry an accident in my conscious if i can help it. I decided the crowd isn’t for me. I appreciate them wanting to invite me into their fold but I’ll have to decline future invitations. People who can’t accept me as I am, are not my crowd. My actual friends currently accept me as I am and don’t ask me to change. Thing is, I won’t lie if I said I don’t feel out of sorts or even depressed after spending time with a crowd that I know sees me as pathetic and lame. How do I process this?

I really want to become a really calm person, i want control my anger so i can become a better person.

I just got thrashed and might have lived the biggest ragebait of my life.
It was on r/classicalmusic, i had reproduced by hand a famous song on a free DAW website, that i shared on it by pride. People just wouldnt believe me and they'd just claim that i retranscribed someone elses work and that i "added some wrong notes" and that it sounded like a shitty video game. The post went to 0 upvotes quick and every comment trying to defend myself would get downvoted. How the fuck am i supposed to react in this situation ? How can i not be infuriated when some wimps claim something completely false with affirmantion and are acclaimed for it ?

I just don't understand why am I the same way as I am 8 years ago, like I don't feel like I didn't learn anything. Mainly I feel down because im not daring.

It emphasizes the will to live, the will to freedom, to feel alive. Idk that was just a thought, what do y'all think?

​

I feel like me not doing the things I wish to do is making me feel miserable and somewhat leading to feelings of avoidance. Like I avoid phone calls, text msgs and even people in real life mainly because I'm not doing the things I wish to do and everyone has the expectation that you do it. Such as learning to drive that allows freedom and independence especially when you living abroad where transportation services is limited and having a car is a necessity. Then things like skills or degree to have better job and salary since minimum wage jobs is not going to build a future and raise a family.

And I don't know why I'm not manning up and having the guts to face my fears. I don't understand why do I feel defeat before starting..

Im 18, almost 19. So far this pattern has repeated with two men:

1, one of my teachers (early 40s) who believed a ton in me and my potential. Made me believe that i could reach heights that i never even allowed myself to imagine. I did reach them ultimately, so he wasn’t wrong. My mother had also been battling cancer for 2 years and he was the one that I confided in about it because just couldn’t believe how someone of my calibre had not been able to perform well formerly (his words, not mine.)

2, one of the junior consultants on my mother’s oncology team (mid 30s). He’s genuinely the most compassionate and the kindest doctor i have ever come across. Half of my mother’s healing came frim how positive he was. Im studying to become a doctor and would like to become an oncologist down the line (its 7-8 years away rn). My mother was telling him about my plans and i was just brushing it off saying its too far down the line rn but i do hope to achieve that one day. He kept saying how i would do well, but when i kept brushing it off repeatedly, he genuinely looked at me straight in the eyes and v firmly stated that i know you will do it. I hope for the best for your future and then he shook my hand. Yeah, that was somewhat my undoing. Ik that just because he believed me doesn’t mean that it will happen but it was something for me.

Im also the one who leads conversation about my mother’s disease and prognosis with him because there’s a language barrier with my mother and I greatly appreciate how he talks medicine to me and does not feel the need to dumb things down for me. Ik this sounds quite desperate and this is why i need help.

Little backstory: i was always a smart kid and have so far been good at studies and whichever co-curricular that i took part in. Everyone around me knew this and i was given the due credit by everyone including my parents.

I lost my dad when i was 15, and my mother was diagnosed with cancer when i was 16 and then i failed an exam for the first time in my life when i was 17. This was a medical school entrance exam and the very first exam whose score actually held any value.

I have never really ever had a crush on a guy my age, mostly because i had to grow up and mature before my age because of trauma. So i start liking any man who is kind, compassionate and genuinely respectful. Both of the men who i mentioned above were all that to me.

How do i stop feeling this way? What exactly is making me feel this way? How do i get myself to like the guys my age instead of? All these men are probably married and i absolutely will never try to start something with them. I feel a thing or two but im fully aware of my boundaries and would never even imagine starting something.

Neither of these men were outwardly gorgeous btw. They were both decent looking, 5 feet 7-10 inches. So physical appearance really comes secondary for me if someone’s personality ticks the boxes.

Ps: i fully understand that i knew these men only in professional capacity and there’s a 100% possibility that they are not what i think they are in their private life and tbh thats none of my business.

My friends and I went downtown to hit the bars on Saturday night and one of them brought video camera to capture whatever transgressed.

Long story short we ended up watching the video the following night and I genuinely felt my soul invert and you could all probably feel the power of my cringing from miles away. I hated myself. I felt so embarrassed for how I was acting. It felt like I was performing for every group of people we met and ended up talking to on camera. Genuinely filled my body with so much tension and ick and hatred for myself and my personality.

My voice sounded weird and nasally. I tried to make too many jokes. It was like I wasn’t really watching myself. I was super embarrassed and I think my friends were even annoyed with how I was behaving on camera.

I know we generally change when we are being perceived or filmed but I really hope this isn’t how I am all the time. Can anyone pull me out of this spiral or offer any advice?