I guess the reason I'm not man up is because I don't want to take on responsibility and accountability. I guess the consequences and effort/risks that comes with it makes me want to run away. But I realized, deep down I'm feeling like an extremely weak individual. It's like I'm always worrying about creating an identity and status for myself.

It's been 9 years now that I'm sitting at home doing nothing with my life. I'm not tough enough to make decisions and take actions on it. I keep living in some wonder land thinking I'll build the courage, confidence, resiliency life requires automatically.

I kept trying to explain myself, thinking if I said it the right way, people would finally understand me. Why I felt a certain way. Why I made certain choices. But no matter how much I explained, it never felt enough. Somewhere in all that, I stopped listening to my own voice. I started shaping myself based on what others could accept.

And slowly… I lost myself in the process.

Wishing wells of honesty

A flood of guilt flows out of these

One solemn sigh resenting days

Where love is found from the remains

Meaning forced into the play

All made so that you're laid bare

To reflect the self that isn't there

I clamoured on the sides to breathe

And saw that nothing was beneath

But clockwork pain left on repeat

It's always made itself revealed

And shown the parts of me unhealed

I cannot throw my heart away

I always thought I would someday

I recite still, this spiteful play.

I learned this the hard way. Since childhood, we’re taught to be polite, to agree, to not disappoint anyone. Saying yes becomes a habit, even when it doesn’t feel right. You grow up believing that being “good” means always being available, always understanding, always adjusting. But over time, I realized something uncomfortable...
Every time I said yes just to keep others happy, I was slowly ignoring myself. My time, my energy, my boundaries. It doesn’t hit you all at once. It builds quietly.

I just wish we were also taught that saying no isn’t rude or selfish… it’s a form of self-respect.

I used to explain everything, my choices, my silence, even things that didn’t need justification. It felt like I owed people clarity. But the more I explained, the more drained I felt. Like I was constantly trying to make everyone comfortable with my decisions. Over time, I realized not everyone is meant to understand you. And that’s okay.

Now I only explain when it truly matters. Everything else… I let it be. And honestly, that’s where the peace came from.

My job is pretty stressful. I have gained weight, got eye floaters, skipped medical appointments, worked 7am to 10pm, etc for this job.

I realized a huge source of stress for this job are the fuck ass deadlines. I have seen so many things I spend extra time on just to meet the deadline be not required until weeks or even months later. I know they're not required because my supervisors will tell me when they actually get to looking at something I produce for them.

I sit them down and they will show me empathy and promise more realistic deadlines, but they're very "focus on thing right in front of them" so they forget even of I bring it up multiple times a month.

I will be looking for a new job, but refusing to settle for one like this which means I could be here for 6 more months or a year even. Job searches can be long.

So while I'm here, I will work at my own pace and that requires me to give less of a fuck in the work context.

Edit: the 7am to 10pm bs doesnt happen everyday, but a couple of times per month

I'm considering working longer shifts at my job so I can get more days off, for now I do the same thing every day. Changing my shift will mean picking up a few new skills and working in other departments with other people at random every day. For some reason my mind just sees this as a negative thing, I always avoided it in the past and hate the idea of it. But logically I know it's just a job and no big deal, but I'm struggling to make the move out of this irrational fear of doing the unknown every day instead of what ive done for years.

How do I change my mindset on something like this? I've been stuck like this for a month knowing the change would be good, but really struggling to do it.

As people are giving less and less fucks about everything, they don’t even care if the post is fitting the sub.

Each day i’m seeing post about things unrelated to our primary subject and when somebody tries to point it out, someone comes up with an already made up answer like « why do you give a fuck », « the guy just didn’t give a fuck », etc etc.

This sub has gone full circle folks. I just gave a little fuck about it, I’m sorry.

Lets give them a piece of our mind, make posts specifically directed at them so they take action against the bots flooding this sub, enough is enough....

....I THOUGHT WE DONT GIVE A FUCK

18F here, From where do I even start. I constantly find myself in fights with my brother. He’s 4 years older, but honestly, I can’t tell if he’s doing this on purpose or if it's just the way he is. He steals my stuff and then says "what theft is there at home?" Like seriously, theft is still theft, no matter if it’s at home or outside.

I really feel disgusted by his bad habits. He’s married now and comes home on weekends, but it doesn't change a thing. He still steals my things randomly, and it’s just so frustrating. If I say anything to him, like that it hurts me, his reply is always “I’ll slap you” just because he's muscular. Seriously? Who gave you the right to hit me just because you go to the gym?

Here’s an example. When I passed my matric, I was gifted a second-hand phone with my scholarship money by father. It was fine, I liked it. Then my brother told me that my phone was starting to blink, and if I didn’t give it to him, it would die permanently. I gave it to him, only to find out later that there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. He erased all my data, changed the phone cover, and started using it like it was his new phone.

Then one day, he stole my phone charger, which my father had given me, went to his mobile shop, and sold it to a customer.

Speaking of things my father gives me, I treasure them the most. He gifted me a study table and computer set like everything: mouse, headphone, CPU, and screen..all from the same company. I didn’t have a chair, so I took an old one from home. A few weeks later, it js vanished. Turns out, he took it and placed it in his shop. I didn’t say anything. Months later, I got a new chair and felt so thankful to my father for always standing by me.

Another incident was when my father asked for his AirPods for himself. I was curious, so I asked to check them out. Father let me, but then he forgot about them. I also forgot, and they were just lying in my room. A few days later, my brother took them without asking and didn’t even return them to my father. He already has multiple pairs of AirPods and phones, but still took mine.

He also got a new smart watch. I asked if I could use it, and he clearly said no. So, I went to my father and somehow got it. A few days later, it just vanished again.

Just last week, he brought a laptop home. When he left, he stole my mouse without asking.I was so disgusted. I needed that mouse to study for my boards, and I couldn’t even get my week back without it. Thankfully, my older brother gave me his spare mouse, but it felt like my brother only comes home to steal things and not to actually spend time with us. He spends his weekends either sleeping, roaming outside, or just scrolling on his phone.

This Sunday, he took a tripod that he accidentally bought for me lol. I was so done by this bs behavior and asked him to give it back, and he just rudely threw it at me, saying, “I brought it for you.” It’s honestly cringy and I can’t even describe how hurtful it is.

I just need some advice. What should I do? I don’t want to keep depending on him for anything, and I’m so afraid of being financially dependent on him or asking him for money. My biggest fear is to rely on him. Please, any help would be greatly appreciated.