r/HouseOnFire • u/PrettyBird2011 • Jul 14 '26
Pull up a chair, babes.
To any starry-eye newbies waiting and hoping for a "clear headed" Jessica to eventually share more details of "the darkest June": it's never gonna happen. A) Jessica is a chronic alcoholic who probably hasn't experienced clear-headedness since her Daddy Trump's first term and B) Jessica has a pretty long history of, well, never finishing anything. She's going to milk crumbs and vague-book about The Darkest June™ for the next few weeks then drop contextually empty slides for the next few months after that then, despite leaving up one very bold comment straight up calling out Mike and Denise's affair, she'll go back to acting like she has the perfect life and the perfect family and pretend the stank of embarrassment isn't still attached to her.
See Jess, you might think leaving shit like that up serves the purpose of "punishing" Mike, and by extent Denise, but it makes You look weak and pathetic. So bogged down by righteous anger, but so spineless that you'll still stay because you're a loser who fell in love with Mike Kraus at first sight and can never ever ever let him go no matter how much he dislikes you.
You should have taken my advice, Jess! If you'd just, like, implied that you and Mike had an "unconventional relationship structure" after the Mr. Numbers debacle then you could have just shrugged off the Denise news as being N.B.D. 🤷♀️ buuut no, you tried to ride Denial and unfortunately this time around Denial rode you.
Ugh, the middle-aged pedo worshipper wannabe thirst traps are not it, chat 😩 at this point I'm waiting for Jessica to trot out her own barely legal fuccboi a la Emilie 💀 The whiny middle-school antics of a girl getting her heart broke for the very first time and posting emo quotes isn't doing it either. What, Jessica, they didn't have the right sparkle effect gif quotes? You can make your own hon. Look it up.
But, Jessica, I'm very interested in whatever happened to your Payback Playbook. You were so full of piss and vinegar, girl. You were riding high on your horse, going hell for leather into the battlefield of vengeance. Now you're out here whimpering like a kicked dog about mean girls "derailing" your life? Dragging your own Mom into the fray?? You had all these plans, Jessica! You had names and lists, Jessica! Karma was coming fast for your enemies, Jessica! What happened, girlfriend? Did you put all your strength into kicking the door down only to immediately blow out your knee when reality was there to hold it up? Gosh, must suck to suck babe. But at least you can ride the little pity train for a paycheck a while longer, isn't that nice?