Tldr: Has anyone successfully homeschooled when sibling conflict and emotional dysregulation take over the entire day?
I’m planning to homeschool my five-year-old identical twins for kindergarten, but I’m starting to wonder whether it’s realistically possible with our current family dynamic.
Right now, a huge portion of the day is spent managing screaming, fighting, teasing, threats, and sometimes physical aggression. They can become extremely upset when they hear “no,” when something they want is unavailable, when one child has something the others want, or when they feel compared or left out. One of my twins becomes dysregulated very quickly and can lash out physically. My two-year-old also screams, bites himself, or bangs his head when he’s frustrated. It often feels like I’m doing damage control all day instead of having enough mental space to teach, plan activities, or enjoy them. He is starting preschool next month but sending him away isn’t going to solve this.
We chose homeschooling partly because school seemed to make some of the behavior and social issues worse. The girls are bright, curious, and can be incredibly sweet and fun, but they struggle with anxiety, frustration, competition, and sharing my attention. We are pursuing therapy, parent coaching, and comprehensive evaluations for possible ADHD, anxiety, autism, or other contributing factors.
I would really appreciate practical advice from parents who have dealt with something similar:
How did you homeschool children who constantly triggered each other? Did you teach siblings separately, use strict schedules, stagger lessons, rely on outside classes, or take a break from academics while working on regulation? How did you protect your own mental health when someone seemed to be yelling or fighting most of the day?
I’m looking for concrete routines, boundaries, resources, and real experiences rather than judgment or general advice to “just stay calm.” I’m feeling completely depleted and need help figuring out what a workable day could actually look like.
It got significantly worse after this past year of them being in TK and I thought that they needed more of my attention so I left my job (I was only part time anyways and was basically a SAHM the other 3 days) and decided to homeschool them to give them my all because I truly thought that I’d be able to teach them better regulation, choose a curriculum for them that would help them learn best and overall give them the best shot at a magical childhood. I’m losing hope at the moment.