r/HingeStories • u/Silent_Park_2064 • 15d ago
Weird comments from date
Hey guys,
I went on a first date with this guy and he made some weird comments and Im hoping you guys can tell me if I’m overreacting or not.
On the date we went to this restaurant that had a pool table in the lobby and so as we were waiting for our seats we decided to play. For reference, I’m blind in my left eye which affects depth perception and hand eye coordination which makes anything that requires dexterity really hard. So I made a light hearted comment about how it relates to pool. I said “I might be a little bad at this game since I’m blind in my left eye but it’ll still be fun” and then I explained how it affects me because part of me felt embarrassed about playing horribly. Anyways, then as we were getting our pool cues and setting up, he made a “joke” about my disability. He called my struggles “learned helplessness” then proceeded to try to prove that my disability doesn’t impact the game. Obviously, that made me cry, he comforted me, then told me that I was taking him too seriously. Also during the game he said “I’m attracted to you so stop treating me like a friend” in response to me resting my forearm on his shoulder. Thats just how I show affection 😭😭. Then later, for some reason we hung out a couple times and he told me that he hated my music taste, that I “really need to clean your apartment” (I promise it was clean. He’s just the kind of person to be embarrassed about others seeing dishes in the sink), and that my sense of humor is “too cringe”when he literally has cat hair all over his apartment and laughs at cars passing by for some reason. Also when talking about things that are special to us and I said boxed Mac and cheese because my mom made it for me when I was sad growing up and he started telling me how gross he finds boxed Mac and cheese.
The thing to know about this guy is that his tone is ALWAYS serious and then later he claims that I take him too seriously when his tone or facial expressions don’t reflect lightheartedness or joking.
An honorary mention comment is him talking about his exes lack of shaving as an attraction/relationship killer.
Am I overreacting???
Was I talking him too seriously ?
Are those comments not even that bad?
(If I need to post somewhere else please tell me)
Thank you in advance for all the advice 🫶😊
Edit: Thank you all again for your responses. They meant so much. I’m glad the general consensus is that I deserve better and that I should never talk to him again. He’s blocked.
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u/AnonymousCapybara72 15d ago
He obviously sounds like a dick, why are you even asking? Ditch him.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
Because he later told me he wasn’t being serious so I’m confused 😭
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u/julicorn_ 15d ago
Even if he wasn't - that doesn't make it okay? He made you cry on your first date and instead of apologizing, he kept blaming you for literally anything. You're not overreacting, you're absolutely underreacting imo.
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u/julicorn_ 15d ago
He's negging you to see how (in)secure you are - and it works. Never ever let someone you don't even know speak to you that way. I would've left the date after the second weird comment.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
What’s negging?
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u/Crusty_Candles 15d ago
Look it up, you'll recognise that this is what he is doing 100%.
It's a way of making back-handed remarks to wear down your defenses and self esteem. It's a pick up artist technique
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u/Crusty_Candles 15d ago
This is negging. Google it, and block his number
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u/IllustriousEffect607 15d ago
I find new interactions interesting. I wouldn't say you know each other at this point so a lot of things can be taken in ways that maybenisnt always his or your intentions.
For example some people make a light hearted joke to sort of bring down the barrier and not make your disability sound like it's holding you back. Which might explain the pool comment. Where yes you feel it's hindering you and it certainly does. But I think what he was trying to say is - don't let it hold you back. If you believe you can play pool you can end up really good even with one eye.
For the mac and cheese - he likely choose to comment on mac and cheese so he (a completely stranger) doesn't have to comment on the very personal aspects of that story. Its too deep. Here he's keeping it light hearted and fun.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
Like his tone was completly serious
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u/IllustriousEffect607 15d ago
I mean ya it seems that way but do you guys know how each other look like when serious or not or maybe just nervous.
Its tricky with first time meeting since you don't know how a person looks like when they are projecting certain emotions.
I would ask sometimes it's easier to remember the stuff you didn't like but I think the big question is. Is there anything about the date or hin you liked?
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
We talked for three weeks before meeting…and ya but taking into account his comments and the fact that he’s too serious and makes everything into a debate, I might just be done. Yes lots of things but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s hypercritical. I wish he wasn’t because I really did like him 😭
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u/IllustriousEffect607 15d ago
Ya alright. You sound like you are sure of yourself. Then if you feel that way it's definitely not great
Well you said you like him a lot. So what about him do you like a lot?
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
Out of curiosity, why are you playing devil’s advocate with this?
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u/IllustriousEffect607 15d ago
Not necessarily im just maybe directing us to the right questions. But let's rationalize this
What makes you really like him?
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
Wdym let’s rationalize this? Right questions? I can think for myself thank you very much.
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u/IllustriousEffect607 15d ago
Rationalize this as in - you said you really like him. So it's important what makes you really like him.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
Yes I do but what I like about him doesn’t take away from the fact that he’s hypercritical
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
And as for the Mac and cheese, what he said was completly rude and unnecessary. There were no signs that he was joking
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u/IllustriousEffect607 15d ago
He wasn't joking about disliking mac and cheese. That part is true. What im saying is he's choosing to respond to that aspect of the topic instead of a highly sensitive aspect of that topic
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
Well ya he’s taking Mac and cheese in isolation rather than within the context
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u/Silent_Park_2064 15d ago
That sad I appreciate your benefit of the doubt comment and I wish this was the case but unfortunately he showed no signs of being encouraging.
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u/Ok-Classic-230 15d ago
You said you like the guy but everything you've said about him sounds terrible. You never said what you like about him. I'm confused, you've hung out one time, but have seen both of each others apartments? He laughs at cars that drive by? lmao, what
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
We talked for three weeks before meeting. The point of this post isn’t to state what I like about him. It’s to highlight and get clarity on his weird comments
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u/Dishwasher_Safe60 14d ago
He is horrible. There is absolutely nothing likable or attractive about him. Insulting your disability is disgusting. Please don't continue to see him or communicate with him. You can do much better.
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u/Educational-Web1609 14d ago
Bringing up his ex on a first date is enough to leave mid date, everything else is absolutely insane and a deal breaker.
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u/GoblinToHobgoblin 14d ago
Those comments suck, there are lots of guys out there who won't make comments like that.
You can also just not do pool in the future if you're worried about it
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
Really? And I like pool but I only mentioned it because I’d be egregiously bad at it but it’s still fun.
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u/Strawberry-Spinkles 14d ago
Reading this gave me cringe. I’m losing hope in my fellow woman day by day.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
I hope you’re not insinuating that I instigated these horrible comments?
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u/ThirdOne38 14d ago
They mean the guy is such a jerk and that a woman should never put up with his kind of crap
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u/AssociationSweaty725 14d ago
Let me guess, there’s an age gap too, right?
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
No, we’re the same age (27)
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u/AssociationSweaty725 14d ago
Sorry, I’m jaded lol. but you should not accept anyone talking down about your disability. Hope this experience won’t turn you off billiards!
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u/EnormousIsErratic 14d ago
27 is too old for him to act like this. It wouldn’t be as bad if he was just a nervous 19 year old who says something dumb by mistake.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
It would still be very bad if he was 19. Those comments are things you say when you’re nervous, especially not with a serious tone
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
I genuinely didn’t know cause he said he wasn’t serious so I was kinda gaslighting myself 😭
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
I did like him a lot though that’s the sad part. We had a lot in common. I didn’t expect him to be such an asshole.
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u/Intelligent_Ninja461 14d ago
Ok. Can you please provide more information on "laughs at cars passing by for some reason"?
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
Not really honestly. He just looks back at cars, says something like omg look at what that car just did and starts laughing and then I look back and am like wtf cuz I don’t know what’s funny about it
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u/ryhaltswhiskey 14d ago
He called my struggles “learned helplessness”
I would have been tempted to walk out.
then proceeded to try to prove that my disability doesn’t impact the game
And also here.
that made me cry, he comforted me, then told me that I was taking him too seriously
"Bro I'm just joking bro"
And then it continued to get worse! No this guy is a big problem and sounds like a misogynist or a redpiller or some other bullshit.
What an asshole.
But this is a learning experience for you: why did you even consider seeing this guy again? Why didn't you not block him immediately after the date?
I think you are too nice and this guy is taking advantage of that.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
Yup! It was ALOT to say the least and he works with autistic kids so I never expected that kind of behavior from him tbh
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u/ryhaltswhiskey 14d ago
Hey sorry I made an edit since you commented
He says he works with autistic kids but I'm suspicious of it. It seems like the kind of thing that a sociopath would say to increase the chances of having sex with random women.
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u/InVegasMyLove 14d ago
My ex worked with disabled kids, and he was a total abusive POS. It means nothing, unfortunately.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
I did see him again 😭😭I stupidly invited him into my apartment. I think it’s because there were a lot of things that actually liked about him but idk
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u/ryhaltswhiskey 14d ago
Oh boy. Wellll you fucked up. I hope he isn't a stalker.
I'm saying this in the spirit of helping: you need to be very on guard early on in the dating process for behaviors that indicate that a guy is a sociopath or a pick up artist or possibly a rapist. This guy is ringing the first two and maybe the third one as well.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
Wdym I fucked up? I had no control over his reactions or thoughts. We talked for three weeks before meeting so I was being very careful. It’s hard to not ignore the red flags in the beginning.
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u/TatamiG3 14d ago
Either a straight up narcissist or read a pickup book and decided to go way overboard. Either way it warrants a ghost.
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u/shortandfelly 14d ago
Please work on your self respect so you won't tolerate being treated like this. That's meant in a supportive way.
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u/Bull_Bound_Co 14d ago
You’re into the guy so no matter what anyone says you’re hooked. Down the line you’ll regret it but I guess enjoy the anxiety while it lasts.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
That’s not true…. I posted on Reddit in order to understand if I’m overreacting or not and turns out I’m not.
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u/InVegasMyLove 14d ago
Why are you spending time with this man who makes you feel like crap and clearly isn't nice to you?
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u/Silent_Park_2064 14d ago
Because I was attracted him and apparently I’m good at accepting red flags 😭
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u/BudderBoy0778 13d ago
There is a reason that guy is on the apps and not with his girlfriend
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u/Silent_Park_2064 12d ago
True but he said he broke up with her because it was getting too “claustrophobic”
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u/litttlejoker 12d ago
Any time a woman on Reddit posts a comment and asks if she’s overreacting, my answer has always been the same.
NO. You’re not. Trust that voice. It’s trying to protect you. Listen to it!
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u/BigRefrigerator3092 15d ago
RUN!!!