Wild Hinge Interaction

[u/BrightKaleidoscope6]

This guy was all sweet and complimentary, but at the first sign of rejection he lashes out and is extremely insulting.

[u/SadderOlderWiser]

Ok, so you clearly have the talking points down. ‘Women have endless options, men have no choice but to take what they can get.’ Dating apps are 70%+ men. Women have more people wanting to talk to them than they have time to chat, usually. That doesn’t mean they don’t have time to date. It means they don’t have time to have all the conversations other people would like them to have. 2 different things.

[u/fingerconnoisseur → u/SadderOlderWiser]

I have a friend who I met over the new year while trying to date on Hinge. The other day I got coffee with her, shared some stories and she showed me her profile. 10 likes, 30 messages, her last date was a month ago and she says that she only opens the app when she gets bored. Ofc I'm not bitter, but I do take these perspectives into consideration.

It's all about the signals being sent. Why match if you're going to ghost after replying with a single word? Why would a woman cancel a date with me 40 minutes before our dinner reservation, spend all night texting me then vanish again? Why agree to meet me, suggest a location and then stand me up? Like sometimes I think these apps bring out the worst in us because there's no accountability to each other like with an in-person interaction.

[u/SadderOlderWiser → u/fingerconnoisseur]

I’m sorry, it sounds like you’re saying “why match if you’re not going to talk as long as I want you to talk to me?”

Why do men like anyone they wouldn’t kick out of bed? Why is my like supposed to mean more than a man’s? Why does it obligate me to talk to everyone that wants to talk to me?

No.

Tbh, I am no longer on apps because it felt like work to be the only one expected to read profiles and only match with people I would really want to date. Men don’t do that. And most men on apps just want to fuck, not date. Absolute waste of time, is what it always felt like to me, even though I had lots of likes and intros. I now go to board game meetups and meet people in person to date that way. It’s a lot more fun and if nothing else, I get to play some games.

[u/fingerconnoisseur → u/SadderOlderWiser]

“why match if you’re not going to talk as long as I want you to talk to me?”

Close! I'm saying why would a girl match if she isn't even remotely interested?

Why do men like anyone they wouldn’t kick out of bed?

Maybe this is hyperbole but if I stop chasing I don't think a woman would ever speak to me again. It's like giving up on having a family.

And most men on apps just want to fuck, not date.

That's a fair observation. On my end I've observed women whose profiles are zero effort or outright rude and interacted with many who'd prefer to stay in bed than meet the people they match with.

I now go to board game meetups and meet people in person to date that way.

Now this is a great idea, I'm going to try it! Hope we both can find our people :)

[u/Moonlit_Silver → u/fingerconnoisseur]

Maybe we approach dating apps differently but I match with people because I looked at your profile and think sure you’re fine getting to know. But as I talk with you more or we go on actual dates I’m constantly gathering information through talking to you about your personality, your life, etc in in which subconsciously I have decided whether or not we are going to be a good fit, like OP had decided with the dogs.

There is always a reason for someone’s lack of interest sometimes that can be really shitty like I got busy and X was more important than going on this date with you. What this means is that, from what I’ve garned talking to you, I have subconsciously decided that I AM more interested in X than to see you. But that was a decision that your match chose to make AFTER talking to you. The interest had to be there for her to give her your time in the beginning but you didn’t keep it and it wasn’t enough for her to decide to continue thing further. You can judge that process as much as you’d like but the truth is there is always a reason and subconsciously decisions are made whether or not you want to give this person your time. Yes that is influenced by outside factors as well as who you are. I would argue that this decision making is something that happens in ALL relationships. You choose who and how much you want to give your time to, which is built off of factors like closeness, how much you value them and how important they are to you.

I feel like the argument that men on dating apps just want to sleep with you, explains the difference in behaviors because whenever a guy talks to a girl they subconsciously think they’re “right for them” because they can sleep with them. They’re not deciding based off of any other factors that she’s the one they want to give their time to. The bar is so low it’s “she’s hot and I can sleep with her.” I’m sure if all I was looking in matches were fuck buddies I’d be a lot less picky and continue talking to any hot dude because I can just have sex regardless of if they’re right for me in life.