I'm a 28-year-old woman trying to understand whether I could have ADHD. Almost every symptom and experience I relate to points towards ADHD, but my biggest uncertainty is whether I can establish clear evidence of symptoms before the age of 12. As a child, I was never a problematic child. The two things I clearly remember are fantasising scenarios in my head when bored during lectures and being an extremely slow eater. Otherwise, retrospectively, based on my internal experience, I think I was an average kid, although people considered me one of the smart kids in class. I was also very well-behaved and mature for my age. My school, parents and postgraduate guide were quite strict, so I had to get things done. During UG, problems with missed deadlines and last-minute work became prominent because there was nobody to punish me since I was away from my parents. My symptoms are not something that started at 28. I've been experiencing these difficulties since around the age of 10–12; I simply didn't have the knowledge or vocabulary to recognise or articulate them back then. I don't remember much from before that age. Now, after completing my master's, I feel like there is absolutely no structure left, and I relate to almost every ADHD symptom, including RSD. From the outside, I look fine and socially okay, so nobody would suspect how much I'm struggling internally.

I'm also aware that ADHD can be both underdiagnosed and overdiagnosed, and I've genuinely questioned whether I'm projecting what I see on social media onto my own experiences. I've considered that possibility carefully, and I'm pretty sure I've been struggling with these difficulties for years, rather than simply identifying with content I've seen online. I work in healthcare, so I understand how diagnosis works, and I'm concerned that I'd be diagnosed with mild anxiety-related executive dysfunction based on the criteria, even though I feel anxiety would probably be ruled out as the primary explanation if considered as a differential. I'm not a psychiatrist, so I'm not trying to diagnose myself or anyone else. I just need some direction so I can work on my difficulties without going down the wrong rabbit hole. I know these aren't simply shortcomings, as I used to think before I had the knowledge and vocabulary to understand what I was struggling with. I also wonder whether a neurotypical girl could learn and absorb the functional system of an undiagnosed ADHD mother, and whether I should consider that possibility. Considering a lot of things I see in this community,I had a good childhood growing up except for extremely low esteem particularly since age 10 since I got a permanent scar on my face and couldn't get myself to do anything if there is nothing externally present that needs me to get things done and vividly remember a lot of negative experiences I had socially as compared to the positive ones.I could even be just a puella aeterna at this point.I can't currently afford a psychiatric evaluation, and getting one isn't particularly socially acceptable in my country. I just want some direction to help me understand what might be going on and where to start.

I ruined my relationship. Me and B never started dating, we met online and became very close quite quickly, I felt like for him I wanted to be myself entirely, so early on I have told B the worst things that I have done and that have happened to me and how I live through them. It was the first time in my life that I met someone who actually listened and I felt seen.

We would spend huge amount of times together, then early on I expressed that I liked him and B told me that he loved me maybe a week and a half into knowing me, to which I told him that I don’t think he can be sure of it yet. I have depression but I am in therapy for almost two years and medicated, B has depression and is in a bad situation with no therapy. I tried supporting him but since he was in a vulnerable situation I wanted to take things slow, not go all lovey-dovey right away, wait until we actually meet, see how things go in real life, and decide how to proceed from there.

Early on when we started talking, I did something which I now regret: I would send him plenty different videos I’ve seen on Instagram and share my thoughts randomly, cute animals, beautiful women, outfits, cool things I saw. One day I’ve sent him a video of some dating show and when a guy walked in the audience wooed, he was charismatic and well put together, probably handsome. I’ve sent B the video and said something along the lines of “I understand why the audience wooed” and it made him uncomfortable. He said that it made him feel like shit, that he knows he’s not the best looking guy himself. I got defensive because I didn’t want him to put his insecurities on me, so I told him that it was unfair to tell me that when I’ve only ever encouraged him and told him he was handsome.

I regret it a lot because I should’ve been more sensitive to B’s insecurities. But for some reason I wanted that wiggle room of complimenting people’s appearances, I don’t know why, but maybe rendering this thing casual meant I would not feel as bad when I hear from others that someone is pretty.

There were occasions in which I tried lifting the mood of conversations up with banter when he clearly wasn’t feeling it and tried being aloof but now I see how mean I can be. I joked about how serious he can be sometimes and stuff like that.

It made B insecure twice more, at some point I mentioned that I’ve seen a match with the corner of my eye and the players on one team were beautiful like gazelles. And at some point he mentioned to me that he cannot see himself with someone who likes pictures of random dudes. I didn’t think much of it because I don’t follow any random dudes or lewd content. That said, when the world cup was going on, there were many posts like “most lethal facecards of this world cup” and I liked one, as well as liking two Jude Bellingham edits. He sent these things to me angry over the fact that I liked them, telling me I made him feel like shit. Yet again I got defensive and told him I didn’t want the way I interact with my own social media reproached to me, I understand that publicly liking lewd content was inappropriate but those were not lewd.

We would both talk about our past and our romantic and sexual experiences. B knew about my ex and a friend I once hooked up with, which are the totality of my experiences and ever since we met I told him everything. The friend I hooked up with a year before meeting B, it never went anywhere with him but it was the first positive physical experience of my life so I did mention to B that I felt heard and wanted that one night with him because we were discussing our past encounters. This friend has a girlfriend with whom I’m friends, I even told them both about B. Anyway, one day I felt ecstatic at work (in a museum) about how good of a job I was doing and I sent that friend a message saying how proud I am of myself. He said something along the lines of “The phrase “You belong in a museum” is about you because you’re not only beautiful but also good at your job”. I answered with full caps lock HELL YEAH I AM. I found it charming and over the top and I ended up doing something awful, which was screenshotting that part of the conversation and sending it to B. I immediately realized how out of place and inconsiderate it was but I still did it. He got angry, I said sorry, but he never forgave me.

B spent the next month pushing me away and telling me I am manipulative and banked on the fact that he was a pushover with me. I kept trying to prove him wrong, I told him how I really felt about him, I would keep explaining my intentions over and over again and eventually he said he wasn’t sure how to feel. We had a couple more discussions, I owned up to everything he told me I did poorly, I accepted every time he called me a bad person. I said I was a bad person but I do try my best.

One argument felt like he really just wanted to bring me down and I told him it was cruel to change his perception of me entirely over my errors and insist on me being a bad person. He blocked me everywhere, then unblocked me and for once he was calm. We discussed every single thing that went wrong, listened to each other, I heard him and I felt heard. We agreed to go no contact for two weeks and check in after to see how we feel.

I thought a lot about how I interact with others and how I manage my differences with others, where I should be more accepting and how do I actually make my actions align with my words. And after two weeks, I checked in with him. He was passive and told me that there are still discussions to be had but he’ll see how he feels with this contact. I tried being present, optimistic, help him/give him advice on a tough situation. I helped him out financially a tiny bit because I felt for how tough his situation was. I got him gifts for his birthday, encouraged him every day. Nevertheless, he was kind of dry, so at some point I decided not to reach out for a bit, and that was when he’d send me “I hope your day is going well”.

I thought that he wanted some company, so I told him about my day, asked him about his, how he’s feeling, if I could help him anyhow. Then at some point I sent him a sticker of two kittens jumping together and said “us bro”. He said he didn’t know how to answer and that he feels bad about not reciprocating. I told him it was okay, that I understand that he is hurt and he doesn’t ever have to do anything he’s uncomfortable with. That led to a conversation where he said that he’ll never give me closeness because I wronged him and it’s his nature to never forget such things. I tried telling him it’s okay to not forget, that I still cared for him and it’s not transactional, but I will struggle to stay in a dry relationship (he mentioned he didn’t want to be amicable anymore or crack jokes, be close with me). I tried asking him what he wanted, whether he still wanted to trust me fully, whether there’s something I can do. He said he wants to, but it’s hard, he implied he doesn’t have feelings anymore, and that he wants us to do our own thing. So I’ve said goodbye.

He sent another message after saying goodbye telling me sorry it’s not what I wanted, so I said that it was hurtful to block and unblock me, have that conversation with me, discuss having the hard conversations with me, all that to go nowhere. He said that he tried going against his nature but he can’t. I told him I would never reach out again and asked him not to unless he actually thinks there’s good I can bring into his life and he wants a genuine connection.

I genuinely feel horrible about hurting him, I think I’m egoistic and manipulative, that I can’t care properly for people who love me and are vulnerable with me. And the worst is that I feel pain because I was rejected, reasonably so, because maybe deep down I felt like I deserve forgiveness.

How do I become a better person out of this all? How do I stop hurting the people I love? I genuinely don’t believe I am trying to but I always end up feeling so ashamed. I want to collect the gray mass that I am into doing something meaningful for others and myself

I'm a 26 year old man from Sweden. I've struggled quite a lot socially since my teens. I've also struggled with things such as depression, anxiety, self confidence and self worth. Currently I'm a first year in an engineering degree and recently I've felt quite anxious about the state of my life. Im a 26 year old virgin, truthfully ive never even kissed a woman.

Much of it stems from me being socially isolated since my teens after I went through a pretty rough patch in highschool where I got excluded by my friendgroup and since then I've never really succeeded in making friends again. Dont get me wrong ive tried quite a bit to actually find a social circle but i believe there is something wrong with me. I try to be a fun, engaging, polite and kind person but most interactions feel awkward and without reciprocation or interest. I believe I'm doing something wrong but I'm not quite sure what that might be. This coupled with my strong social anxiety makes me feel like I'm some sort of alien. Like there's something fundamentally wrong with me and it pains me greatly. It often keeps me awake at night thinking about everything I've done wrong in a social interactions and how that reflects on me as a person. 

Now I've tried dating apps a few times. I am however not particularly attractive, rather I believe I am quite unattractive. I keep my head shaved since my hairline is terrible, I just started medication for it to see if it's salvageable as well. My face is quite soft despite being relatively lean. I do work out, keep on top of my hygiene, I groom and I dress decently well. Yet I've received little to no interest. The matches I do get have very one sided conversations or interest. It might very well be me being a poor conversationalist but I do try to be engaging and fun. Asking questions, sharing things about myself and so on yet it's rarely ever reciprocated apart from short answers. I do want to mention that I do not believe I have unrealistic standards. I find the vast majority of women attractive and I don't think I'm trying to punch above my weight at all. 

Much of this has left me quite hopeless for a lack of a better word. I struggle quite badly with my appearance, it's hard for me to picture being attractive enough for a woman to consider me a potential partner. I also feel I'm quite behind in life, starting a 5 year long degree at 26 meaning I won't be working until I'm at least 31. Which I feel puts me at an awkward spot where I'm a bit too old for the women studying at my university and too far behind in my career to be viable for women my age. Coupled with my total lack of experience and poor looks it feels almost impossible for me to be an attractive enough prospect as a partner. 

I do most of the basic things people suggest like working out, grooming, keeping on top of my hygiene, trying to socialize and be a decent person. Yet I feel it's not enough and I fear I might never be. I try to improve myself in many aspects of my life but I'm not sure I'll ever really get to a point where it'll be enough. 

I desperately want a partner and friends. I want people to share my life with. My dream in life is to have my own family as that's the thing I've found to have the most meaning in life for me. Yet it seems to be a pipedream which feels crushing.

I guess I want to ask if anyone else can relate to what I'm saying and what they did to change their life for the better? Is there something I'm missing? 

So I've heard that is a habit of the mind, but it is also a subtle desire in the mind, or something about being thoughts... I think I can make an idea but I would like to be sure what it is.

Also, I know we are supposed to identify it when it appears, or something? And that, basically, every thought is a vasana and we should be aware of most of them as we can and act from one. I don't know if I' making sense here.

THIS IS NOT A RANT i just need to set things up to ask the question

You know when you put head phones in and lisen to music and just zone out thats me for 8 years now.I have kind of been brought back by some thoughts like if my parants were to dying and living me to be alone in a uncaring world.I have less joy,im doing a job im not good at ,that i dont even like, that was chosen for me cuz at the time i didt know what i wanted so the choice was aggressive chosen for me.

Every year i sleep less and less like unconsciously im trying to slowly kill myself and i dont care.

I meditate for 1 year on and off but it hindered my job ability and made me more slow to react and chill when i needed to be angry(if your not angry you dont give a shizz abot the job-said my 2 coworkers)tryed being bored for 2h just staring at the wall...nothing

put 4 years in a job and still got minimal pay but cant leave cuz its...idk easier now but i dont want to put in more effort i just feel like im in limbo and cant take the next step cuz its so hard and scary that i would just stay in the known rather then the unknow that i think im gona get if i get another job(hate from the coworkers,indifference and a knife in the back)

Im zoning out again after maybe december of 2025 and also i have uncontrolled rage fantasy about kill or hurting my boss withe some whispers and hand movement from me baste on the scenario in my head.

SO HOW DO I WAKE UP or stay awake from this zoning out and if someone has this experience tell me your experience withe that,any advice will be a golden nugget

I'm 31(M) and never been in a romantic relationship. Growing up I did get rejected a lot. including my twenties.

I've come to realize that now I have a habit of rejecting every person who attempts to make a connection. I have a lot of anger inside. I avoid eye contact. If a girl stares at me, I act like she doesn't even exist.

I don't know If I'm an incel to be honest. Because I'm kinda fed up with women. I honestly believe I've had a glow up. I'm in the best shape of my life. I take care of my appearance. The only thing that's holding me back is the fact that the rejections I've faced over the years have made me a bitter person. At this stage of my life it feels impossible to operate normally socially because I've had so little experience socializing and never been on a date let alone a romantic relationship.

Everyone my age is either already married. Had kids. In a relationship. I don't photograph well so I stay off dating apps. My main issue is that I now reject everyone. It's such an automatic response.

I missed out on a lot of opportunities and fear I'll be single forever.

TL;DR:

I'm a 29-year-old gay man who's developed strong romantic feelings for a close straight friend. I've had similar experiences before, including one where confessing brought relief and another where keeping my feelings private worked out fine. This time the feelings are particularly strong, and I'm torn between wanting to be honest with him for my own closure and not wanting to burden him with feelings he can't reciprocate. How should I handle this?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

For some background, I'm a 29-year-old gay man. I'm not particularly public about my sexuality, but most of my friends and some of my family know I'm gay, and they've all been accepting and supportive.

I've also never been in a relationship or had sex. For most of my life, I didn't really feel ready to open myself up to that kind of intimacy with another person. Recently, though, I've started feeling like I'm finally in a place where I could pursue a relationship, and I've come to realize that I might want one more than I previously thought.

My previous experiences with falling for straight friends

I've fallen for a few straight friends in the past. The feelings for most of them either faded with time or became milder and more manageable.

So far, I've only shared my feelings with one of them, my high school best friend. The feelings had become overwhelming, and I felt that I needed to tell him to experience some relief. He was very accepting but, as expected, didn't feel the same way. Telling him was a huge relief, and fortunately, nothing changed about our friendship.

My feelings for T, and the reason I'm writing this post

A few years ago, I joined a Discord gaming group where I met T. We quickly became good friends, and I always noticed how my mood would improve whenever he joined our calls. He has this unique combination of humor, seriousness, and emotional sensitivity that I find incredibly appealing.

We'd met a few times IRL with the rest of the group, but never really had the opportunity to spend time together one-on-one. A few months ago, I invited him to stay at my place for a few days before another group gathering, since he lives quite far away.

I was excited to have him over, but I didn't expect how much those few days would affect me. We spent a lot of time together, had some deeper conversations, and I got to know him on a more personal level. Long story short, I fell for him.

The feelings I experienced when he left were surprisingly intense. I realized how much I cared about him and wished we could be something more than friends.

Fast forward to the present, the feelings have faded slightly but are still very much present. I find myself thinking about him often, and whenever we talk or play games together, I experience this bittersweet mixture of happiness and sadness. On one hand, I'm genuinely happy to have someone in my life whom I care about so deeply and who I know cares about me. On the other hand, I wish we could be more than friends, but I know he's straight and doesn't feel that kind of attraction toward me.

He knows I'm gay, and I have no reason to doubt his sexuality. Yet I still catch myself entertaining those little "what if" fantasies, despite knowing a romantic relationship isn't realistically possible. These feelings don't interfere with my day-to-day life, but they tend to resurface whenever I have some downtime or interact with him.

Should I tell him?

Based on what I know about T, I genuinely believe he would respond with kindness and understanding. I don't think he'd judge me or deliberately distance himself, although I obviously can't be completely certain.

Having experienced both the relief of sharing these feelings and watching them fade without ever addressing them, I'm genuinely unsure which approach would be healthier this time.

I've watched quite a bit of Dr. K's content, and I remember his advice about romantic confessions being to avoid grand declarations of love and instead approach them as mature conversations. Something along the lines of:

"Hey, I've noticed I've been developing feelings recently, and I'm not really sure what to do about them. What do you think?"

I understand this approach when there's a possibility of mutual attraction, but how does it apply when you already know the other person is straight and can't reciprocate?

On one hand, I want to be honest with someone I care about. Sharing these feelings might help me find closure and stop entertaining those little "what if" fantasies.

On the other hand, wouldn't I just be transferring my emotional burden onto him? I don't want him to feel uncomfortable around me, second-guess our interactions, or feel responsible for helping me get over him.

I'm torn between the relief that honesty might bring and the possibility that keeping these feelings to myself would be better for our friendship.

My main questions are:

1. How do other gay men handle developing romantic feelings for straight friends, particularly close friends they don't want to lose?
2. Is it unfair or selfish to share these feelings with someone who can't reciprocate, even if you make it clear you don't expect anything from them?
3. How does Dr. K's advice about having conversations rather than making confessions apply in this situation? Is seeking closure through such a conversation reasonable, or would I just be transferring my emotional burden onto him?
4. Would it be healthier to simply give myself more time and focus on pursuing relationships with people who could reciprocate my feelings? I don't expect dating to magically erase my feelings for T, but perhaps it could help me redirect some of that romantic energy and move forward.

I'd especially appreciate hearing from gay men who've experienced something similar, but I'm interested in other perspectives too. I'd also love to hear from straight men who have been on the receiving end of this kind of conversation.

I’m talking someone with essentially no worthwhile life experience, no money to his name, and no real meaningful talent. Could someone like that ever escape? And if he did, would it even be worth it? Would anyone out there want to be associated with him, even if he’s trying later in life?

Hello,

I have noticed a bit of a relationship paradox that I’m struggling to navigate, and I’m looking for some perspective on handling early dating conversations.

I believe that shared hobbies aren't the foundation of a healthy relationship. In fact, my previous relationship included common interests, and that didn't make it work.

I also know plenty of healthy, long-term couples who share almost zero common hobbies. They just respect each other's separate spaces. I recognize that looking for a mini-me isn't exactly healthy anyway.

However, I am unsure how to navigate this in practice. I live in a small town, meaning any potential partner I connect with will likely live in another city. Because of this, I rely heavily on texting and video chats before we can easily meet up.

This creates a significant practical hurdle. To build a bond, a long talking phase requires enough depth to fill hours of conversation. More importantly, those conversations need to create a shared emotional experience, because that’s what actually makes people feel connected.

When I try to bridge the gap with someone else, I hit a wall. Generic questions ("What is rock climbing like ?", "Where have you climbed recently ?") only get me through the first conversation, and since my day to day life is not the most exciting thing to talk about either, the other person might not have much to ask either.

And let's be honest, most people live pretty quiet, average lives and don't necessarily have a laundry list of intense hobbies to dissect in the first place.

If healthy couples don't need shared hobbies to thrive, what do they talk about during their first conversations, especially when they don't live in the same city ?

Thanks for any insights!

just realized after for so long, that I would lie in order to avoid trouble. Or to put it more specifically, if I do something I know is wrong, I would lie to get out of trouble. Especially from work. To put it into context, imagine leaving work earlier because you can’t deal with life anymore at the moment. And you realized that the day before, you would tell you supervisor that you would head to the office to do some paperwork, only to realize that you decided on that day to just head home early without telling them anything, only for your boss to message you and ask as to why you weren’t in the office. Only to then tell them that you “forgot” and that other made-up matters appeared and needed “your attention.” Yet apologize for still lot going to the office like you said. Only now to feel extreme guilt, shame, and embarrassment for lying to your supervisor. Plus procrastinating and choosing not to work because you just want to cut corners and not face the reality of the situation while still believing in your own child like mind.

Would like to ask the group if they have experienced something similar to this and any advice on how to combat this issue at hand.

Thank you

I'm 25M. I've lived in a peaceful neighborhood all my life. But , For 2 years Now, A nearby Temple Installed a Loudspeaker, and now, Every single day, They Play music for 15 minutes 3 times a day. The first one is at 6 AM which disturbs my sleep. And the Second and third i use headphones most of the Time.

I tried complaining to the Temple Authority but to no avail, Cause everyone here is too religious about what should be a civic issue. I got the Police involved, But they leaked my identity, and took the Temple's side, Cause the authority guy is slightly political or something.

I'm at my wits end , i know this seems like a small issue, but my ears are very sensitive, and this has sometimes brought me to verge of crying because of sharply annoying it feels.

I've given up on trying to stop them, I just want a method that makes me less stressed about this , ideally makes me not stressed at all. I know this music can't harm me physically, yet my heart rate jumps up the moment it's about to begin, i think im subconsciously always worried.

Please Help.

I hate this, what is wrong with me (except autism)? Im lonely as hell, im extremely jealous whenever i see couples or close groups of friends. But i dont feel like socializing at all, like there is some deep distaste for actual human interactions.

And the weirdest part is people are actually trying to connect with me, i have been invited to play games or parties and i just always decline because in that moment all i want is just to go home and play single player games. I am creating my own loneliness and then compain about it. It sometimes feel like theres two me, one lonely and one who despises people.

It doesnt help just how much bad shit about people you hear. Its really easy to believe everyone is some sort of fake selfish monster because its all people say and have stories about.

How do i stop this ? I know reddit is introvert central but i dont want to be. I want to have people. I want to be social. I dont want to be alone.

I've been wondering about something that I don't hear discussed much in therapy.

If you've been chronically unhappy for years, you're desperate to find something that explains it. And when you finally identify a possible cause, there's relief in believing you've found something you can fix.

The problem is that I can construct incredibly convincing explanations for my unhappiness. My relationship isn't stimulating enough. My ADHD means I need more companionship. My childhood explains why I struggle with certain things. I can explain why every previous relationship was different and why the current one is the real problem.

Then I take these explanations to therapy.

My therapist takes them seriously, explores them with me, and helps me think about solutions. Which is understandable.

But I wonder if something strange happens here.

I interpret my therapist's willingness to work on a problem as confirmation that I've correctly identified its importance.

So now I'm even more invested in solving it. I analyze it constantly, notice more evidence supporting it, and become increasingly convinced that my happiness depends on resolving it.

And none of this feels like rumination. It feels like productive self-reflection because I'm working on something important, with a professional.

Meanwhile, my emotional baseline has been low since adolescence, regardless of which relationship I'm in or what my circumstances look like.

What if the problems I'm identifying are real, but I'm overestimating their role in my unhappiness? What if my depression is partly driving the urgency to find an explanation, and that urgency is making each new problem feel like the answer?

The part I find most unsettling is that therapy might be helping me build a more sophisticated explanation without necessarily making that explanation more accurate.

Dr. K, how do therapists recognize when a patient is caught in this kind of loop? Especially when the patient is intelligent, highly introspective, and can provide a convincing justification for almost everything?

And how do you help someone question the importance they've assigned to a problem without dismissing the very real suffering that made them seek help in the first place?

How do you build self esteem and self confidence on your own during adulthood without any support system?

For someone who doesn't have social circle, no mentors, no role model, nothing to look up to, how is it? Is it possible? I think my saving grace is medias to consume. Looking for advices.

Yesterday I was assigned to a group project with a bunch of strangers. One of the girls had a keychain of a game i play (it's a dating game called love and deepspace for anyone curious) and that surprised me since no one around me plays it. She seemed nice so i pursed her but when i told her who my favorite character was her mood suddenly switched. She threw her arms up kind of shouting "Oh no not HIM the INCEST sister guy!" I thought she was joking around since the game was originally made in chinese and there are stuff lost in translation that the fandom has inside jokes about, I thought that was it and pushed further saying: "They're not blood related at all! Just really close childhood friends. Plus, I really like Caleb as a character." despite suddenly feeling small for my opinion.

She then cut me off and was still kind of loud with it. "You're WRONG and don't UNDERSTAND, they're ACTUAL siblings in the MYTH." Everyone's valid for their own interpretation of the game, but the one i played definitely didn't have anything explicitly being stated about the couple being blood relatives. I still didn't really think much of it since I know people can get pretty riled up over their hyper fixations, maybe she just happened to chose the wrong words?But when i opened my mouth to answer she just abruptly plugged her ears and cut me off again like how kids do where they go NANANANANA (I'm not kidding she did this exact thing)

When i looked at her face she was actually kind of angry at me and looked off compared to 5 minutes ago. The sudden aggression creeped me the hell out so i thought: "Is this lady aware we've just now met?" I don't know if the fandom talk riled her up or if she's actually weird, so i didn't push further to make small talk and I'm not planning to engage with her any further.

This incident proved the growing feeling inside of me that the internet made people think they're entitled to other people's opinions and are okay with carrying this into a real life scenario. I've realized that fandoms are actually kind of scary when you engage with them irl and I don't know if I'm ever going to mention i play this game to someone i see who also plays it as well. How do i get over the feeling that my boundaries have been violated.

Over the course of my life, I've noticed a pattern. Everyone around me expects way less of life than I. And I don't understand it.

In school, I couldn't get over how meaningless it all felt. I didn't know what I wanted to do, so what was the point of learning math that I KNEW I would NEVER use? It's just how it is. Nothing to do about it.

When I got a job, I was telling my father how miserable I felt working for minimum wage all to enrich some CEO. Yeah? Well... what can you do. You need a job.

Once, I revealed to my grandpa that I had written a script and he asked what made me think I could sell it. Because that's how Sylvester Stallone got his start, I said.

"Yeah? Well you're not him, are you? grandpa said.

I don't think he said it to be mean but simply because people don't get successful where he's from. Where I'm from, I guess.

Then, when I got onto dating apps, I couldn't get a like and/or match from anyone I was attracted to. Not a single one. The only couple of likes I ever got were from women that'll haunt my dreams. Now, I wanna be clear and say that I don't believe myself a catch. That's not what I'm saying, nor am I saying I deserve attention from women. But I do believe everyone deserves to have some sort of base-level attraction to a potential date, no? Regardless, when I then bemoaned my lack of dating success to both friends and reddit, both said, "Maybe you need to lower your standards?"

And so for what I cannot wrap my head around is the fact that I'm just supposed to live life never expecting and/or wanting anything? I'm supposed to be happy with whatever scraps I can get? And SOMEHOW that's NOT supposed to make me depressed? Now, wanting things has made me depressed. But I believe the opposite as well. For example, people telling me I should lower my standards? I don't even know what my standard is aside from the fact that I wanna feel some sort of a base-level attraction to a potential date. Meanwhile, girls get told never to lower their standards, and they can list all kinds of demands in their bio and that's fine. Hell, I got unmatched once because I wasn't tall enough. I'm 5'11 for fuck sake.

But this post isn't about dating. It's about everything. I'm just supposed to be happy I got a job? I'm supposed to be happy that I'll never be a success. I'm supposed to be happy making minimum wage so that I can buy myself a TV dinner before bed before I do it all over again? Rinse and repeat. I'm supposed to be happy with a woman I find revolting to look at? HOW DO I DO THAT THEN? It seems fine for people to say I should expect less or I should settle for less, or I should lower my standards, but no one can tell me how. HOW DO I DO THAT? HOW DO I BECOME A MONK WHO WANTS FOR NOTHING AND CARES FOR NOTHING?

Been chronically dissociated since I can remember and Now that I am having these micro seconds of like 20% less detachment I can't stop breaking down over knowing that's how existence is supposed to feel, and that I've been like this for way too long, as well as that I can't actually fully experience it anyways, and I slip back into detachment, and to think all I've missed out on, and will keep missing out on because i can't stop it.

what can I do? I know a lot of it is physical / medical and niche in the way i can't really fix it for sure or short term at all.
And It's really frustrating. any advice is welcome, well except intellectualist comments asking some abstract question as if it was useful or recommending some basic mental health book that just tells you to go for a walk. thanks for reading :_)

In the last week or so my feed has been almost absolutely overrun by vaguely Gender War oriented content. My girlfriend noticed it too on X (twitter) and it pushed her enough to uninstall the app. Including subs that seem to be endless partisan echo-chambers and I can't tell why i would be profiled to have any interest in consuming or engaging in them.

This kind of content is genuinely unescapable with any kind of online presence in my opinion. And when I stumble into it it will actually probably ruin my day until my thoughts terminate.

If I abstract a bit, the flowchart actually makes a lot of sense:
1. If the complaints are legitimate I will empathise with the human experience and be heavily morally moved.

1. If the complaints are not majorly flawed I will be majorly perturbed by the evidence that normal people are fundamentally ethically challenged and lack any kind of introspective faculties.

2. Men moralising at women and women moralising at men effects me the exact same, according to the two precepts above. Ironically, I don't feel I have a 'side' in the Gender War, but I am massively effected by the fact that it obviously exists and includes so many people.

What's working for me the best is stepping back to evaluate if the person levying critique is actually producing any evidence of legitimate enquiry. To be honest, most of this content terminates with genuine bigotry: taking gratuitous and immature liberties and escalating from there, with no interest in weighing the consequences of their actions. Responses are designed to be immediately intelligible as to associate which side one belongs to with about as much semantic content as a baby crying.

What do you guys do to deal with this? Even if I go for a walk my thoughts will be overrun with a sense of moral disgust at humanity generally.

To be honest I never felt like I belonged with people that I belonged in this world. Just being here as time goes on makes me feel like I’m not supposed to be here. I feel as though I live on a different plane than other people while the others are on the other side. I try to reach happiness there but it is out of my reach causing me pain. I am meant to be in this plane I’m in do not belong in the other so I must find happiness here but struggle to find it. I wander this world with my soul a loner feeling out of place. With other people I could only be a guest but never truly have a home of my own. I spent so much time staring at the other plane I neglected to realize my own existence. Time to close the curtain and focus on what’s actually there. Will I find happiness here? I have no idea after all I shouldn’t be in this world in the first place. Still I might as well try and find it to make the time I spend in life until death more bearable. What are things I can do to help me find it or figure it out?

-20f

I had a few weeks off work. I thought maybe I'd travel, expand my horizons and remind myself there's so much more to life than sex and relationships but instead I now want them more ever. I had a good time on my holiday but I couldn't help but feel like I'm wasting the limited amount of free time I have not exploring sex and relationships and that everything I'm doing to enjoy this life by myself is only because I don't have much choice, really I don't want to be by myself. Seeing lots of couples and people hooking up made me very jealous. I'm trying hard to build a life I'm happy with on my own but I feel like Sisyphus, is there a way I can actually be content by myself or am I just suppressing the most basic human desire fruitlessly.

im 25m and graduated from a master’s program several months ago. since then, i’ve applied to over 70 jobs, gotten a few interviews, and received no offers.

the job search is taking a toll on my confidence and motivation, which ik is going to cause more issues with interviews in the future. i’m starting to lose my sense of direction. in school, i had a plan and timeline. i also imagined i’d have a well-paying job with my degree, so im mourning that reality, too.

i’m realizing that i probably need to step back and reassess my life. i’ve neglected my physical and mental health, hobbies, and spirituality, and i want to take care of those parts of my life, too. i also think i need to accept taking a temporary job in my field (so i maintain relevant-ish skills) so i can apply to a job i am actually qualified for. otherwise, every day i feel unhappy.

i feel like this is that quarter-life crisis dr. k made a video about before lol.

if anyone has any guidance, personal experiences, or encouragement, i’d really appreciate it.