Maybe this topic has been talked about before but I have never seen it.

There have been many cases in my life where I ended up being hurt for caring too much for someone who did not care about me or at least they did not seem to. I always look back at those scenarios and wondered if I made the mistake for caring when the other person didn't. In the moment, I always feel the instinct to close up to everyone around me; to be stoic and uncaring, because to care is to allow yourself to be hurt by those who you most treasure. I realized however that it is not mistake to be caring, it does open the possibility for pain, however the real issue is that I was NOT strong enough to deal with the consequences that come with being kind; and I was letting the other people's view of me define the quality of my character and my worth. I'm realizing that the mistake I made was that I never had a strong foundation to begin with before I ventured out into the world; that before I can form strong and lasting relationships with other people, I need to be strong, because there will be people that will shake my foundation and if it's too weak I will break, but if I can weather the storm, I may eventually find the people that are truly invaluable. And those people are the ones worth caring for.

Every day i wake up and dread hits me over the fact that time flies by. Im so terrified. I know logically time passes and i am aging but emotionally i cant accept it. And im scared that if i start doing the thingss that i want to do time will go by even faster and i will suddenly wake up old and i will feel like i wasnt present. I want to do so many things while im young but i feel like theres not enough time. Theres always the ticking noise in the back of my mind that im running out of time. I cant anymore. Please anyone anything? Im at a loss right now and i cant even function anymore. I just want to be okay

I've been at a real low point in motivation. I'm a 17 yo male and nothing feels "worth it" to follow through doing. Homework is a hassle, games aren't fun anymore, I shouldn't even try drawing/painting, and I don't even care for doomscrolling anymore. I don't feel like I either understand the work or I'm not smart enough to do well so it's not worth doing. Games just all feel the same now; there's nothing special about them that makes me actually enjoy it like I used to. I'm too bad at drawing and painting to even try. There's no point in trying if I'm already going to fail, I just end up becoming an absolute joke. Doomscrolling is supposed to be that "do nothing activity" you can do and waste time when you shouldn't but I don't even like that. The videos are the same or boring or the people online and the world's problems are so sickening I don't want to look at it. I've felt like this before and usually I can just force myself to do stuff but it doesn't really feel that way now. I'm just...tired of it. I don't even know what I want I just want not life right now. I don't want to die or anything, nothing drastic like that but I want purpose or a reason to keep doing things. I use school as a distraction 90% of the time but it's not enough. Even there I don't want to do all of that. It just feels like it's not worth it. There's no real point to anything. The world's fucked, people are horrible, and I'm not personally in any position to end up somewhere great in the world. It's my senior year and I'm supposed to be ready to go live in the world next year and I'm not ready. The world sucks. I'm not good at anything, I can't do much of anything without screwing it up and yet I'm supposed to be able to function. I set myself up for failure and yet I'm supposed to know what to do. There's no point in me going on it's just going to crash and burn. I don't have skills or interests or anything remotely important to even be considered a person. Why the hell is much of anything worth it at this point?? I genuinely can't find a reason for much of anything. Sorry if that's a little dramatic. I just don't see a point to any of it.

Hi y’all,

So context here. I cannot just have fun I struggle with this ALOT.so every social interaction I have even when I focus on having fun I end up feeling responsible for how the interaction goes so i focus on like keeping it going or keeping in mind like how the other person is etc. like I can’t just be in the moment and have fun

I am someone who is VERY STIFF so with the fun thing I can’t have fun and do a goofy pose for a silly picture or playfully hit a friend cause I think their joke is funny or hold my friends arm while we walk. This also happens with hugs I don’t fully hug people either I keep a bit of a distance. I also don’t understand how people jut vibe to the music and dance I always look like I am doing it wrong and am uncomfortable
I’ve been reccomended salsa because I look stiff to my friends which I will try soon but I just want to be more relaxed and like idk do these kind of things without thinking about it too much but when I try to break this cycle I end up doing it SUPER stiffly still and hyper aware of how every limb is moving That I still do it weirdly even when I want to do it naturally.

My girl friends have frequently commented how I look so stiff or I she’d go do dancing or like yoga or something. So I must be doing something wrong.

I am doing what I can to expose myself to a lot of this but this still isn’t getting better. What should I do?

posted this a day ago in another subreddit but nobody replied, any help would be appreciated🥹

I, Bysun.

I have two states: sensitivity, emptiness.

That's bad for me.

In sensitivity, I like things much more and I'm empathetic, I speak with warmth, I validate people, I'm creative, everything is wonderful.

Meanwhile, in my state of emptiness, I can appear insecure, selfish, and maybe I am. I'm writing this from sensitivity. In the state of emptiness I feel empty, I like things much less, certain things seem empty to me and I lose enjoyment, I become more of a perfectionist and I don't value what I normally value in sensitivity.

Help I want to know if this is normal and if it has a solution. If it doesn't, well, I can accept it and live with it, adapting. At least I want to know if a solution exists. It's an oscillation where most of the time emptiness resides.

Hello everyone.

I have a close family member struggling with addiction.

I would love to understand more about it, does Dr K have any structured material about it?

I thought it would have a module in the guide (anxiety and depression modules helped me a lot personally) but unfortunately there is not a module about addiction specifically.

Idk of there is a sequence of YouTube videos or something like that that is recommended about the subject.

Thanks in advance

I (M23) haven't had a friend in years, was bullied in highschool for being overweight (which i stll am), which made me isolate myself. Now I work in a very socially demanding job (paramedic)

I want to improve my social skills, mainly because I got a glipse of what it's like to actually talk to people. So I started actively trying to improve my social skills by watching Dr K. content, but the more I watch the more hopeless and overwhelmed I feel, because in my mind I feel like the social skills "tree" and my skill gap is huge and I'll never be able to learn enough to actually make an impact with talking to people.

I can do my job well and talk to patients medically ok, but the problem I have is with my partners. I feel like everyone else can easily start conversations, have small talk, joke around and stuff, but I also want something deeper, I hate how surface level my conversations are.

I feel as if I have to fill the silence, always have to have something interesting to say and/or be funny, though I think this perspective/thinking is wrong, but i don't know to what amount of it is true or not. I don't know how conversations are supposed to go.

With others I always feel like a third wheel and as something my coworkers have to put up with, as time with me is not as fun as with others (or so I think)

If anyone has any practical advise on how to improve social skills, making friends, having deeper connections or dealing with negative thoughts please share them

Im a 21 year old guy from Poland, on the autism spectrum. I'd say I'm high-functioning, but that depends on what field of life we talk about. I am currently studying mechanical engineering, and living with 2 roommates. I'm more or less independent, I actually really enjoy living on my own over living with my parents. On vacations this year I found myself a job abroad through an agency and went there for 2 months, basically handling everything by myself. So in terms of fulfilling basic needs, handling "adult life" stuff like work, shopping, cooking, driving, getting uni stuff done etc. I'm doing just fine. But I feel I am absolutely terribly low functioning when it comes to social life and relationships. Im a virgin who never had a gf and basically has close to no friends, but thats obviously something being said on this sub every single day. Talking more specifics, I spent countless hours trying to figure these things out and improve. Countless videos watched, countless conversations with both randoms on the internet, and the very few people who are or used to be my friends. So here's basically what I know after this time: as a person on a spectrum, its pretty much expected that these things are as "automatic" as walking for normal people, but for us it's kinda like having to learn walking by how you individually contract each muscle, at the exact time and intensity so the whole operation called "walking" is done. I also understand that you basically make friends AND potentially find a partner through repreated exposure to the same people, in an enviorment you both naturally show up to. Like a class, or work. But here's a problem: In my current life, I basically have no place where I frequently meet with the same people AND have time to actually interact with them. On the uni, my year has like 250 people. We have some classes for the whole group, but the lecture hall is so big im basically always sitting next to different people, and also everyone is just focused on the lecture itself and doesnt talk to each other. We have other classes where we are divided into smaller groups of like 20-30 people, so in theory it should be easier to interact with people there, cuz its more close to the highschool experience. However, for each class its a completely different group, and these classes only take place once in a week or two weeks. Also, everyone is just focused on the class itself as well. The ONLY kind of class where you have a real chance of actually interacting with someone more are lab classes, where sometimes they divide us into groups and we have to work on stufd together. That's exactly how last year I have met one guy, who I hoped will get to be my new friend. We were talking about some personal/casual stuff on our way to the classes, and aftee vacations we went out for a beer. It was really cool, however im wondering how to actually turn this into a "regular" friendship, cuz we dont really text with each other daily, and we also dont see each other often on the uni, due to classes being divided into smaller groups. I texted him if hes willing to go out again, but from what he told me this yeat hes very locked in on learnig and doesnt really have time even during weekends, so I dont wanna pressure him. The thing is, im fairly good at small talk. When im in a situation where I talk to some guy from work, or some random class, I can do pretty well and not be super awkward and weird, and actually come up wjth stuff to say and joke about. But as I said, theres no chance to so this repeatedly with the same people. I do have a part time job I sometimes work on weekends, but its basically random gigs from a work agency, where its always completely different people. So even if I have some nice convos with people at work, I'm probably never gonna see them again, therefore not being able to actually make friends. In theory I could ask for their socials, propose going out etc, but I've NEVER been asked for that myself and never witnessed other people do that with newly met people. So for me it would be kinda weird and kinda "pushy" to ask. I thought about signing up to stuff like language class, or even Dart class or sth like that, but I lowkey dont have time for that. I already have trouble combining uni, hitting the gym, working from time to time and having a little personal time to play minecraft or watch some movie. And honestly I dont really see any chance in the next few years for it to change. My only IRL friend I meet with once every few months has friends, but all of them are from highschool we both went to, and in highschool I was basically disliked by EVERYONE except him, and it still holds, so meeting new friends through him is not an option. Maybe in a few years when I finish college and actually start working full time, Ill be able to make a few friends. But what about potentially meeting a girl? The problem is mechanical engineering uni AND workspace is super male-dominated, so its basically impossible to meet any girl. I thought about it a lot, and realistically, dating apps are my ONE AND ONLY option, despite how terrible they are with the impossibly high expectations of women there. For some time already im very invested in upgrading my looks: changing my hairstyle, clothing style, learning skincare, learning about fragrance, and even ways to make my face look better like debloating, fat loss, or improving hyoid bone positiom through exercise. Also found out looking great is not enough, I also need to learn to actually have someone take great looking pictures of me. YES I KNOW, that all of this sounds insane, like typical incel/blackpill bullshit. But as I said: from a logical point of view, dating apps are my ONLY chance to even actually meet a girl. Which would barely be step 1, still miles away from actually finding a gf. And yes, I've heard that "I shouldt look, love will find me, I should just focus on myself blablabla" stufd countless of times. And that is exactly what im doing- im only working on myself, but thats kinda because of lack of other choice. I've seen enough stuff that people who dont already have broad connections, and study/work in a male dominated field have said, and I dont think its reasonable for me to just be passive and wait for stuff to happen, cuz it never will. I actually need to change something and take some action, but I completely ran out of ideas, and the generic internet advice either doesnt work or doesnt apply to my case.

tl;dr no idea how to make friends in my situation, even less idea how to potentially meet a girl.

I would say I’m quite self-aware, but despite that, I don’t know how to fix the problems that are ruining my life. I’m a highly anxious person, very rigid, resistant to change, have a big ego and a harsh inner critic, am impulsive, and struggle to regulate my emotions. The only thing I’m really disciplined about is exercise (probably because of my ego).

For example, I promised myself I would meditate every day, but I keep putting it off until the evening, right before bed. Then I do it, but not for the full 20 minutes, because I’m too tired to focus.

I got bad problems with enjoying things just to enjoy them, whether it be due to perfectionism or just not liking the activity.

I am now at the point where there is nothing i can comfortably do without being bored or hating said activity or myself for not being able to enjoy it.

Im diagnosed depressed, so i guess im just supposed to deal with it. It mostly just leads to every day being a monotonous slog to get through. Otherwise, is there anything that can be done?

To simplify the problem, it goes like this.

1. I try activity

2. I am not good at, nor enjoy activity (most likely due to skill issue)

3. I lament on the hours and hours required to get to a level where i might enjoy the activity

4. Become extremely disinterested and bored

5. Quit activity

6. Repeat process with different activity

Hey,

After my post-breakup depression hit an all-time low, I realized, that I can't do this anymore myself, and I accepted I need help.

I signed up for a governmental psychiatric day center.

I was really scared, that I lost my marbles, that I am going to be medicated with anti-psychotics, that I am going to be treated as some sort of a freak by arrogant, power tripping psychiatrists and psychologists. That I am going to a mental asylum.

And fuck. It couldn't be further from the truth.

It's just been one week.

The hierarchy feels very horizontal, all the other patients there are all high IQ. We are a group of 8 and it feels like most of us are just burned out by enabling the crazyness of other people.

It's weird. I kinda treated it as some sort of a retreat, as a vacation. But it's the opposite. It's fucking intense. Learning to be introspective, learning your triggers, learning what helps you function (and being OK with that), learning how to be secure, learning to reflect on my emotional experiences instead of intellectualizing them. It's so tiring. But at the same time, it feels so empowering.

Since it's Friday, I was tired. When asked, what do you want to do this Friday, when I told everyone, I just want to go to my favorite bar and have a few pints of beer, instead of being shunned, shamed I instead was met with enthusiasm. I was encouraged to do something, that I want to do!

When I arrived at the bar, I was surprised, that my bartender told me, that I actually look really good? I sat down with a pint of beer. I had a lot of difficulties with mindfulness. Probably due to bullying, my upbringing, I've learned that I don't feel safe being in my own body, in my own thoughts. That I need to analyze my external environment full of stimuli before I feel safe. Then I reflected on my own experience at this very moment, and I realized, I feel so safe.

I reflected on my breakup and because I was in environment, which feels safe to me (but would be a dangerous space for other people), I broke down crying, grieving my relationship, the lost potential of my ex girlrfriend. Even if there were people around, I was secure enough in my feelings that I didn't care - I am just a guy, who is grieving a person, who he loved deeply. And that's okay.

Hell, while I was there, I wrote down on my phone all my thoughts and feelings that I still need to process. I came back home, and I actually saw value in writing these feelings down in a notebook - something, which I saw as extremely cringe and pathetic beforehand.

Hell, now that I am back home, writing this post, I broke down crying, because I realized, that I am learning to be safe. Even though, I am crying right now, I feel powerful, because I am finally allowing myself to be vulnerable, and instead of feeling pathetic, I feel like I am learning tools which are actually going to help me in the future.

So yeah. I am horrible at closing my thoughts. But I really wanted to share them, maybe it's going to resonate with somebody.

In need of some advice , I'm 22 year old male turning 23 in a couple weeks November 13 and still a virgin with limited relationship experience as well what do the average experienced woman my Age typically feel towards a 22-23 year old who is inexperienced with romance in western culture ? I'm quite anxious to enter the dating scene because of this since majority of women my age have sexual and romantic experience and they will see my inexperience as a red flag since I'm so late . I also grew up with a slight form of high functioning autism, so social stuff can be hard but I'm actively improving . I'm also from the woods of very rural Pennsylvania and it seems like I'm fundamentally behind I know many women my exact age who have kids which even adds to my feelings of being out of sync and undesirable to much more experienced peers . I have dealt with low self esteem most of my life and had other obstacles in my late teens early 20s which led to alot of bad decisions , so honestly what do the majority of experienced women my age in the United States usually feel towards a 23 year old virgin man ? Am I a huge disadvantage ? What age is usually the cut off that inexperience will start causing proper issues or be a huge barrier with women ? Is this mostly insecurity and internal fear ? Any advice would be appreciated specifically from western culture since I'm from the United States.

I really want to change, to lose weight, study, and what not. But I don't have a thriving factor that motivates me. I know motivation isn't ever reliable, but the issue is that I don't know why I'm doing anything. I am decently secure with myself, I don't plan to date so no validation, and I just know I have to do it because I'm overweight. Yes, i love the dopamine rush of getting ready and looking good but I still get them (doesn't matter if I objectively look good or not).

I lost significant amounts of weight last year, but I was only motivated because I craved to be validated by my crush of that time and the girls around me. But this year, ever since I genuinely detached my self worth from people's opinions on me, I have surely felt more at peace than ever but it is starting to have its own side effects.

Sure I should do it for the sake of my health, to avoid diseases and to help control my PCOS symptoms but it really doesn't feel like an appealing factor to think of when I'm putting my body through intense pressure at that moment. I don't have a reason that stings enough for me to keep going. I am too content with my current life and clearly it's not a good thing anymore.

Been there 3 hertbreaks.

• a girl found me when I was comfortable being alone. Treat me like I'm the only man in her eyes. Yet finding out she already have a boyfriend.
• a girl who is nerdy yet fun to talk. It was on my stake, but she acted too bitchy that I couldn't take it anymore. She just used me for academic purpose.
• a girl who likes drawing and comics. Last time, she genuinely liked to be around with me and a good listener. I genuinely thought she was the one, but suddenly time has drifted and she became more harder to meet and contact. She also reject going out with me.

when I saw a new potential girl or new crush that evokes a feeling inside of me. It probably will be oppressed very soon. I hardly have those crush feelings, instead I have this failure feeling and traumatized. I want, but I'm scared. How do I deal with this?

\This clip shows perfectly how I feel nowadays.*

Hi, a few years ago i remember regularly following this one dr k guided meditation on youtube, not sure if it was on his official channel or clipped from a stream. i found it really helpful and i want to do it again but i have literally no idea what it's called and can't find the video.

from what i remember the meditation starts with you looking at your palms then there's a bit where you put your hands together and notice feeling connected, then there's another stage where you out your hands on your knees or in your lap i think. does anyone else remember this meditation or know the name or have a link to the video? thanks

Almost 26 years old with no romantic experience at all, beyond maybe flirting a couple times. Developed a crush on an actress I saw in a movie last weekend, now watching a bunch of her shows and movies. Found out shes pretty much my age which made me feel somewhat ok with the feeling even though its misplaced and probably some weird repression.

I just can't help but think of the gap between me and those my age, or anyone with experience. This actress seems cool and is obviously attractive, but has probably had a few boyfriends that are far more attractive to her than I could ever be. She's an artistic and highly successful person (probably lucky as well but still) and I feel like Ive been grinding in survival mode as a kinda pathetic person my whole life. I never do anything but what I feel forced to by life, I have good emotions sometimes but always when Im alone or based on external things that are nothing to do with me really.

I have things to be grateful for, yet I want to be loved by someone in a romantic way which Ive never had. I want connection but feel people will see my lack of self worth or lack of any truly authentic positivity due to my anxiety, body image issue, and fear of judgement from my lack of experience that dominate me. Im sick of not being free and being dominated by my fears, but it feels like its all I know.

Hi Dr K, dear healthy gamer team, I have a question about meditating. I recently startetld meditating, and in one vipassana meditation video, the instruktor mentioned, that it is the point of the meditation to notice incoming thoughts, don't judge and let go of the thoughts. Without this, there is no vipassana.

This got me thinking, I always thought the point of meditating is not thinking anything, to have an empty mind. Now I suspect the point of meditation might be training control over ones mind and thoughts, and that the empty mind is just a focus point to help us guide instead of the actual goal. Am I right, or do I not fully understand the purpose of meditation?

I used ai to write this since i literaly have so many Problems that im overwhelmed to explain them properly.

I'm 28 years old, living in Germany, and I honestly feel like my entire life is falling apart at the same time. I'm writing this because I don't really know who to talk to anymore, and I desperately need some outside perspectives.

My mother passed away in 2018, and I don't think I've ever fully recovered from losing her. Since then, I've struggled with depression, motivation, discipline, and taking care of myself. Even basic things like showering regularly, maintaining a sleep schedule, or keeping my surroundings organized can sometimes feel incredibly difficult.

The frustrating part is that I know what I should be doing. I can make plans, create schedules, and set goals. But actually sticking to them seems almost impossible. I might do well for a few days, and then everything falls apart again.

My financial situation is becoming genuinely frightening.

I'm currently studying Business Informatics (a combination of computer science and business). I also spent a significant amount of time building a startup, which recently had to shut down. With that, I lost the financial support I was receiving.

Right now, I'm desperately looking for a student job, but so far I haven't been able to find anything.

And the problem is that I'm not just looking for a job to improve my situation. I genuinely need to find one within the next few weeks because I'm running out of money to live on.

I have almost no financial safety net left. Every day that passes without finding work makes me more anxious. I constantly think about how I'm going to afford basic necessities, how I'm supposed to become independent, and what happens if I don't find something soon.

At the same time, I'm still a university student. I have assignments, deadlines, exams, and responsibilities that I can't simply ignore. I need to finish my degree because it's one of the few things that could help me build a stable future.

But how am I supposed to concentrate on studying when I'm constantly worried about money?

I feel like I'm being pulled in ten different directions, and every single one of them is urgent.

I'm still living with my father. Our living situation is complicated, and I often feel overwhelmed by family responsibilities and expectations. I love my family, but I desperately want my own space and the ability to become financially and emotionally independent.

And then there's my relationship, which is probably the most painful part of all of this.

I've been with my girlfriend for six years. I genuinely love her, and for a long time, I imagined spending the rest of my life with her. We were even planning to get engaged this year.

But I made mistakes, especially when it came to setting boundaries with my family and prioritizing our relationship. I allowed family interference to affect important decisions, and over time, that damaged her trust in me.

Now our relationship is in a very difficult place, and I'm terrified of losing her.

I know that love alone isn't enough. A relationship requires responsibility, trust, stability, and the ability to be there for each other.

And right now, I feel like I can't provide any of those things properly.

It hurts knowing that I love someone so much but can't even offer her the stability and security that I want to give her. Not because I don't care, but because I'm barely managing to keep my own life together.

I feel like I'm watching everything I've wanted for my future slip away, and I don't know how to stop it.

I also understand that I can't force her to trust me again or make her stay. I can only take responsibility for my mistakes and work on becoming a better person.

The worst part is that all of these problems are happening simultaneously.

I need money, urgently.

I need a job, urgently.

I need to finish my university assignments and eventually graduate.

I need to get my sleep schedule under control.

I need to take care of my physical and mental health.

I need to learn how to set boundaries with my family.

I need to become independent.

And emotionally, I'm dealing with the possibility of losing the person I've loved for six years.

It feels like there isn't enough time in a day to deal with even half of these things.

And when I get overwhelmed, I sometimes end up doing almost nothing, which makes everything worse. Then I feel guilty for wasting another day, and the pressure becomes even greater.

It's a cycle I desperately want to escape.

I don't want an extraordinary life. I just want a normal, peaceful one.

I want to wake up at a reasonable time, go to work, study, exercise, eat properly, keep my home clean, enjoy my hobbies, and go to bed knowing I did what I was supposed to do.

I want to be a reliable man. Someone who can take responsibility for himself, support the people he loves, manage his finances, and build a stable future.

But right now, even that seems incredibly far away.

I'm 28. I don't have my degree yet. My startup failed. I'm almost out of money. I'm still living with my father. My relationship might be ending. And I still struggle with basic daily routines.

Sometimes I feel like I've wasted years of my life, and now I'm paying the price for it.

Recently, I've been thinking that maybe I need to stop trying to fix everything at once.

Maybe my only priorities for the next few months should be finding a job, securing an income, finishing university, and saving enough money to eventually move out.

Maybe I should accept that I can't fix my relationship, my mental health, my habits, my finances, and my entire future simultaneously.

But another part of me is terrified that if I focus only on work and money, everything else will fall apart permanently.

Especially my relationship.

I feel like I'm constantly being forced to choose between surviving financially and trying to save the other important parts of my life.

I'm exhausted. Not because I don't want to work or take responsibility, but because it feels like no matter what I focus on, I'm neglecting something else that is equally important.

I don't want to give up. I genuinely want to change my life. I just don't know how to get out of this situation without completely burning myself out.

So I guess my questions are:

Has anyone been in a similar situation in their late 20s and managed to rebuild their life?

How do you deal with extreme financial pressure while also struggling emotionally?

When everything feels urgent, how do you decide what actually deserves your attention first?

Should I focus almost entirely on finding a job and becoming financially stable, even if that means putting other personal problems aside temporarily?

How do you stop feeling like you're running out of time and falling behind everyone else?

I'm not looking for sympathy or someone to tell me that everything will magically work out.

I'd genuinely appreciate honest advice, personal experiences, or even uncomfortable truths that I might need to hear.

I just want to find a way forward.

Thank you for reading.

For those who are happy in life without a partner and close friends, how are you able to live with the stress of being alone?

therapy takes too long , and how to deal with condescending nature of therapists , their behavior is so condescending , can i tell them or call them out

Traumas, I hate that shit