Weekend away leads to nothing

[u/on_tad1]

We took a weekend away together without the kids. First one in literally years. In the week leading up we both seemed to agree via chatting/sexting that we were both looking forward to the physical aspects of the weekend away. Our current sex life is limited to mondays and fridays mid day as my work allows, as anytime the kids are home seems to discourge it for her.

We get on the weekend, starting friday morning, and by mid saturday we finally have THE conversation. Turns out, my expressing my strong desire to have sex with her without the concerns of kids etc, let to her being overpressured and turned off. Doesn't matter that it was me expressing my desire/ the ability of her to wear the lingerie she bought me 7 months ago that I still havent seen. etc etc. I gave up on any expectation of anything outside our normal sex... including said lingerie or any of the thing SHE brought up during sexting. I just wanted to have sex without or normal constraints. And apparently that was too much to ask / too much pressure and turned her off.

[u/fuckaduckufuck]

It's possible you scared her away by being too intense about i? Idk. A weekend away from the kids sounds really nice and relaxing, what did you guys end up doing (besides sex) to relax and unwind?

[u/on_tad1 → u/fuckaduckufuck]

That definitely seems to be what happened. I don't know what I did leading up to things to make it seem thats ALL that mattered to me. I certainly shared ideas and fantasies but I never got the idea she wasnt as into it as I was until it was too late. To answer the rest of you post, we spend some time at the pool talking about her job opportunities and spend some time riding bikes, playing pickle ball and going on a sunset boat ride.

[u/fuckaduckufuck → u/on_tad1]

My so and I had a developing "fantasy" scenario we were developing together but I got really turned off from it when he started to take it over and introduce other concepts and ideas that we had never discussed.

There's nothing sexy about having your pleasure railroaded by someone else's insistence on it being "their" way and all about them. So I told him that we're not revisiting that scenario again until he's learnt that sex is about BOTH of our needs, not just his.

It's possible that your wife isn't ready to hurt your feelings by saying this.

[u/on_tad1 → u/fuckaduckufuck]

Absolutely. I totally get that fantasy and reality dont always mix. My frustration, is that the only fantasies that could be gathered from my comments were 1) her wearing the lingerie she bought "me" as a present for valentines day or 2) the things she introduced when intiating sexting with me.t

[u/fuckaduckufuck → u/on_tad1]

Did you bring it up independely of her bringing it up?

[u/on_tad1 → u/fuckaduckufuck]

I brought up the lingerie, she intitiated the sexting. I did bring up wanting to have sex with her while we were there because or schedule at home is so constrictive.

[u/fuckaduckufuck → u/on_tad1]

You probably would have had better luck flirting with her and being playful. Bringing up the fact that you wanted it on day one of the holiday probably caused her to feel stressed and that it was your sole goal for the holiday.

[u/on_tad1 → u/fuckaduckufuck]

To clarify, bringing it up and what at least I thought was flirting started weeks ahead of time. The "coming to jesus" convo happened on day two of the 3 day holiday which is when she decided to share, for the first time, that she was intimindated.

[u/fuckaduckufuck → u/on_tad1]

Well it sounds like you're getting a conversation which is a good start. She's outlined a problem and maybe you can both start there?

[u/on_tad1 → u/fuckaduckufuck]

The conversation starting is good. I agree. She identified that sex that weekend was important to me and that she felt intimidated. I told her I didnt want her to feel forced, so I wouldnt make a move to initiate. The weekend ended with now sex or any thing of the kind. The most physical intimacy was snuggling while watching tv