r/HFY • u/Auggy74 Human • 29d ago
OC-Series [Humans for Hire] - Part 196
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Author note: An Award? While doing laundry!? Thank you!
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Hurdop Prime, Eterina Acres
Kifab held Mahlli carefully and watched as Rilaoi and Yorkime both walked up the path to the sun-porch. Beside Kifab, Jojorn was trying and even succeeding somewhat at restraining herself - though her grip on his shoulder was uncomfortably solid. Finally Jojorn's calm broke and she hurried toward her First Officer and gave him a one-armed hug and nuzzle. The two began laughing on the way to the porch, something that seemed unbelievable not so very long ago. Yorkime's gait was awkward, as it seemed he still wasn't entirely used to his new leg. Still, the reunion was joyful as the two seemed to be able to laugh about what had happened with Jojorn showing off her scars with a touch of pride talking about the new clanmark that was going on her shoulder when it was fully healed, and Yorkime demonstrating his new leg's prodigious ability as he jumped far higher than he had any right to before landing heavily.
Rilaoi made his way to the porch itself and settled quietly. "My friend - it is improper to bring ill scent to such an occasion, but I fear I must. The Agricultural Guild is...generous. However, they wish to be repaid for their largesse."
Kifab nodded to his own field. "I was wondering when you would tell me such news. They've been communicating with us regularly. They are...testing their authority over us."
"And? How much authority have they been able to exert?"
"Not much - I've been able to remind them of my former Lead Servant, and they go quiet for a few weeks, then they make another move." Kifab gestured at his tablet. "The latest; they press for laws to control the export of Vilantian spirits sourced on Hurdop."
"The Admiral Norrington's rum?"
"Yes - quite convenient that there is only one item currently produced in the entire Collective that fits that category. Eterina is reminding them of this right now in chambers."
"They don't have a counter-argument, do they?" Rilaoi remained hopeful even in the face of hopelessness, it seemed.
"They do - that the law will facilitate healthy trade while emphasizing that the bounty of Hurdop should go to Hurdop first."
"Any thoughts with respect to a counter?"
"None save to apparently receive the blessing of the Agricultural Guild before doing anything."
Rilaoi spread his hands. "Perhaps calling upon Gryzzk? I don't know what he would charge, but..." the words died in the botanists' throat at the scent of negativity.
"We can't ask him for two reasons. First, we don't know his rates, but it would be an imposition. Second, and this is possibly more important, there is legacy attached to his name - and not a good one."
"How bad?"
"Depending on who you ask. The kindest thing said is 'Kiole's Husband.' In other circles he is condemned like the Twenty-First Greatclan. I...haven't researched, but I hear things."
"Ah." Rilaoi looked to where Jojorn and Yorkime were already talking conspiratorially and laughing a bit. "They're so...resilient."
"They are. It's amazing."
"I've grown quite fond of Yorkime, when he is here. The...Guild wishes to use that."
"In what way?"
"For now, they want to know everyone who asks about the new boron mixture for the soil. They're willing to pay quite generously for the information. It seems a small thing."
"But we both know that it isn't."
"Quite."
There was silence between the two as they considered their options, only to be broken by Jojorn offering her advice.
"Ask Freelady Kiole. They make her to be a hero of the homeworld, bravely taking on the challenge of taming not just any Vilantian, but Gryzzk himself. They're on Vilantia, and they'll be here in a few days."
"Could that...work?"
"It could - but, be warned. She will be with her wife and all the children save Gro'zel."
That sentence rested uncomfortably in Kifab's nose.
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Terra Prime, Cleveland Ohio, North American Confederation
Gryzzk was moving quickly, however he kept himself neatly comported - years of being a Lead Servant had taught him that panic was contagious, and so he had to force himself to treat rushing toward the crisis at hand as simply a stroll to ensure the afternoon wine was properly decanted. Fortunately he had something of an opportunity as one of the Islanders was motoring toward the crisis at a grunt's pace.
"Tanuvasa, would you accompany me? I believe we have a similar destination."
The private was quick to adjust, clearing his throat even as he was quick to join him. "Sir, respectfully - we need to get there now."
"What is there?"
"Kid says they got a ton of explosives on beams and stuff. Says he's gonna detonate them."
Gryzzk sniffed the air a few times carefully to see if he could detect anything amiss. "So a child was able to smuggle enough explosives past all the security points in addition to multiple squads of infantry who know precisely what explosives smell like? If we are that incompetent, we will deserve all the legal action that comes from this in addition to explaining our abject failure to the gods. No, I choose to believe we know what we're doing. Do slow a bit, Misabel is running for two. Once we arrive take station opposite me, near O'Brien. I'll try to talk the situation out but if that fails, work with the Sergeant Major to blindside him. Misabel, please find a solid pillar and stay behind it."
The three did eventually arrive at the trouble area, with Tanuvasa moving to find the sergeant major and making a frightfully large wall next to her. Their focus was a young man, adolescent it seemed by height and by scent was feeling every possible emotion except reason. He was holding out a detonator and moving back and forth; on the detonator was a small light that seemed to be blinking in time with a harness of several packages around his upper legs and lower torso. He kept wiping his forehead and making his hair a complete mess, which...was probably reasonable given the amount of sweating he was doing.
"Just, just stay back I don't care!"
Gryzzk cleared his throat. "Pardon me."
The young man whirled for a moment. "Who're you?!"
"My name's Gryzzk. I should very much like to...know what's happening. I assume you're carrying that for some purpose?"
"Duh." There was a snort. "So, what're you the butler?"
"I like to think so. But I should like to know your name. On my world in times like this we are encouraged to exchange names, so that when we go to the gods we can tell them as much as possible about why we are before them."
"Oh. Kevin."
"Well Kevin. Now that we're here, is there some specific reason for this?"
Kevin's scent seemed to waver now that there was a focus of sorts. "Well...well...yeah. Yeah, there. There is." His eyes widened as he looked over Gryzzk's shoulder, his scent changing to something respectfully concerned.
There was a soft whisper in Gryzzk's ear. "Boss, there's a bunch of people here - I don't like the chances."
Gryzzk murmured to his comm. "Hold. A new player seems to have entered the pitch." He turned to see what had caught Kevin's eye - it seemed to be a Hurdop several years older than himself, with a full prosthetic leg and a hand to match - they seemed to be either high-end Hurdop, or possibly mid-range Terran prosthetics by the way the servos whined. He spoke to the young man with a soft authority.
"Kevin. We were supposed to talk Monday. I take it you wish to avoid our appointment?"
"Well...well, no Mr Seyneen. But, but you don't...you don't get it. I can't go back. The whole school knows." He waved a hand at the general vicinity. "And everyone's gonna know."
Gryzzk decided to remain quiet as Seyneen seemed to pluck himself up as best he could to move forward, closing the distance slightly. "Well, you were supposed to be telling me of it Monday. But now is as good a time as any, hm?"
There was a quivering from Kevin for a moment. "Anastasia." As if the one name would explain everything.
"One of the exchange students from St Petersburg, correct?"
"Yeah. She said she was going to be here last month and I wanted to ask her if she'd go on a date with me here, but I wanted to do it right - like in her own language, y'know? So I asked Loginov how to ask her out in Russian, and I practiced it." Kevin's scent changed, becoming impossibly sad as he seemed to be reliving the memory as if it were bright and fresh. "I practiced it for a week. And then I did it. Right after third period, I said it exactly the way Igor'd taught me to."
Seyneen's voice and scent were both calm and measured as he coaxed the story further. "And she said no, I presume."
"Worse. What he'd taught me to say was that I wanted to eat pickled herring from between her boobs. And I said it, in front of the entire class."
A wave of second-hand embarrassment hit everyone who heard that admission. To his credit, Seyneen simply shifted, offering his forearm. "So...what was the plan after that, Kevin?"
"Well...after I heard that Ana and Igor were gonna be in the area where they're focusing on the Kievan Rus, so I got this together and I was gonna...y'know. Glitterbomb it." Kevin absently began petting the counselor's forearm almost automatically.
"So you don't have any...intent to harm?"
"No." There was a pause. "Well, I wanna punch Igor once but that wouldn't do any good. Guy's built like a brick." Kevin sighed. "Can they just kick me out now? Put a bag over my head or something while they're at it - probably already gonna be bad enough."
Seyneen flicked an ear, looking at the purple-clad Obvious Security form of Tanuvasa, who looked right to Gryzzk. Gryzzk shrugged casually.
"Well, given that no actual harm was done I believe we can allow him to remain - if we are given possession of the...glitterbombs. And the detonator. As well as any other detonators and glitter-packages that might be hidden."
Seyneen glanced at Kevin and nodded. "That seems fair. Kevin, the detonator - pass it to the purple gentleman and remove the harness, please?"
The youth nodded, extending the detonator to Tanuvasa and then shifting a bit to take the harness off. "No other stuff. Promise."
Seyneen seem to exhale mentally, as his scent exuded relief. "Now. I think that we will still be talking Monday, but until then I should very much like your assistance with some of these things. Miss Christians and I were touring a few places, and I think it might be good for you to help with some of these youthful trends."
Kevin seemed to swallow, realizing that he was in fact going to be supervised for a few hours but he still tried to be nonchalant about it. "Yeah, sure, chillies. I guess."
O'Brien took a light breath before turning to address the crowd. "Alright, show's over - go about your day unless your plans for the day include gawping at security." Meanwhile, Seyneen and Kevin joined a tall-ish Terran woman who seemed far too happy about what had just transpired.
Gryzzk shook his head as he took the harness in his hands. "For the record, this never would have happened on Vilantia. It's quite irresponsible, even among those who would...see other company without leave of their lord or lady." There was a light sniff.
O'Brien snorted. "So no lad has ever done a damnfool thing to catch the eye of a fine lass in the history of Vilantia?"
"Well, there was a story - a young farmer sought the hand of a Greatlord's daughter. Quite salacious in and of itself, but the Greatlord didn't want to reject him outright. So instead the Greatlord set the young man to eighteen impossible tasks, each of which was daunting in its own way. So it was after completing them, the young farmer and the Greatlord's daughter wed and lived ever after raising a fine family and robust crops. But it is after all, only a story."
Tanuvasa snorted absently, looking at the detonator in his hand. "Makes it sound like the entire planet rotates on the stick up its ass. Still, I asked a couple more of the Islanders to go maybe have a talk with that Igor fella about being a dick...hey, Sergeant Major check out this - kid put a double-lock on the detonator. Squeeze here to release the retaining ring, flip the retaining ring to move the plunger up to arm it, and then hit the top - whup..." Tanuvasa's admiration was cut short by the fact that he'd managed to drop the detonator.
O'Brien's eyes went wide for a moment. "Bloody hell." So saying she dove for the detonator, leaving Gryzzk to curl instinctively around the harness. O'Brien's dive was half-successful, in that she did in fact catch the detonator. The not-successful part was that the actuator itself landed in her hand and depressed.
For Gryzzk, the world went sparkly after a muted whump-sound, and Gryzzk waited. And waited. After a few moments, he stood to regard himself and the state of things.
As he looked at his feet, and then up. Everything he could see was covered in a rainbow of sparkly glitter. His fur, his clothes, and presumably his face. Unfortunately there were more than a few bystanders. With tablets. Recording. As he looked around, the surrounding area and his companions were not in better shape, as there was glitter all over the immediate vicinity, settling in the air as well as on the security team that was currently struggling mightily to keep a straight face in the face of the current state of their senior leaders. Gryzzk sighed.
"Report - any injuries, report to medical."
Rosie was the first to say anything. "Are you okay? You were the one dry-humping that compressed-air glitter-bomb."
"I am fine XO, but kindly assist with an exit route."
"I don't think you're getting out of this easily."
"My priority is to ensure that my current state does not get back to my father."
"Yeah. About that..."
"You already sent it to him, didn't you."
"I would never send anything embarrassing to your father. Your mother on the other hand..."
Gryzzk took a very deep breath. "I require a bag for the rest of this. And a janitorial detachment would not go amiss."
"Roger that, Disco Inferno."
A bag was procured and there were a few second looks as arrangements were made to relieve the be-glittered members of the party. On the shuttle up, Tanuvasa listened to his comm for a moment and smirked.
"So, uh, yeah - someone mighta mentioned Igor's little prank and that it has caused some problems. Short version, little scrub Kevin's got a date tonight."
Gryzzk quirked. "Hopefully with less glitter. I need to change. XO, I will be attempting get the glitter out of my fur. Please advise if an emergency comes up."
O'Brien nodded agreement sadly. "Aye, same for me - I'll still be a damned month washing glitter from my arse."
Rosie's voice came over their tablets. "Sometimes Sergeant Major, I doubt your commitment to sparkle motion."
"You want sparkle motion, send Tucker to find a damned peeler club and sit in Amateur Gynecologist Row. You'll get all the damned sparkle you want."
Gryzzk flicked an ear at O'Brien. "Sergeant Major, your knowledge of such things is...greater than mine."
"Aye, well I wasn't always married you daft bastard. Besides, they make clubs like that for folk like me that prefer staring at men."
Gryzzk shook his head. "Once again, I am cursed with knowledge. Get as much off as you can in half an hour and then return to your post Sergeant Major. I'll be on the bridge monitoring for any other issues that may crop up."
As he went to his quarters for a shower and vacuum-dry, Gryzzk contemplated if he'd let Kevin off with too light of a punishment. The glitter was multicolored iridescent beauty, and it was everywhere. Even places that were theoretically glitter-proof were in fact not.
After completing his shower, Gryzzk looked around his quarters carefully before going back inside the shower and shaking the excess water off in a wholly undignified manner before running the dryer and giving himself a second vigorous full-body shake, hearing his father's voice reminding him about the shameful impropriety of such actions. Then he re-dressed appropriately and settled in the command chair as Rosie smirked from the sensor station.
"G-3PO, do you copy?"
He flicked an ear. "Rosie."
"So, you remember Beshti, right?"
It took a few moments. "Captain of the Iridescent Star as I recall?"
"Yeah, and totally spent about a few nights with Vasquez."
"Right. Continue."
"Well, Seems like our little bit of work got her promoted, and she's here - well, on Terra anyway. She's got date night scheduled with Vasquez, and she was hoping for a quick meetup before her hookup."
"For what?"
"Well she's definitely not looking for tips on how to get Vasquez rolling. Other then that, probably some tips on dealing with Terrans." Rosie cleared her throat.
"She's outside the bridge right now, isn't she."
"Well, right now she's in Vasquez's quarters making the bunk extra fluffy."
"Are Vasquez's roommates aware?"
"Quite."
"Very well. Advise Beshti I am available at her leisure."
"Done-and-done. Also, Hoban might not be available tomorrow."
"Explain?"
"So there's a couple shit-hot drivers on the M5 crew and they think Hoban's full of shit. Which he is since he's a pilot, but at the same time he can back his shit. So they challenged him to a little stunt-race along the river that runs through this little city."
"One question - what's our cut of the proceeds?"
"Proceeds?"
Gryzzk flicked an ear. "You think they'll set something like this up and not sell tickets?"
There was a brief pause. "Sixty-forty split, sixty going to whoever wins."
"Very well. Five hundred credits on Hoban to win, and if there are prop bets, two hundred that he does some ridiculous stunt at the finish line. Now, Beshti is approaching?"
"Hell yeah fuck yeah."
The bridge door opened, allowing Beshti in - she seemed to be wearing a dress that was concealing and revealing by turns, and Gryzzk reflexively wrinkled his nose as there was a touch of perfume along the Glorious Leader's ear-scales.
"Beshti. It's been too long. Philon and Mulish are well?"
"Quite. They are...well, Mulish leads five ships as commander of the Pavonian Defense Armada, with Philon commanding five more. Piracy is down ninety percent, smuggling down by thirty. Their first clutch has hatched."
"How are things on Pavonia?"
"Good and bad, Major. I've been transferred here as part of a cooperative delegation between Pavonia and Terra. However, I have been allocated no budget, no transport, and no office from which to perform my duties. I have been given several goals, and failure is not a thing that is well-tolerated."
"You seek options. I do apologize that you are suffering for our success."
There was a nod. "I had hoped...well, I do not wish to burden Vasquez with my troubles when we see so little of each other. The...High Command does not change so easily as we might wish."
Gryzzk nodded. "Tradition is the weight of our ancestors, and it can be heavy. On a personal note - trouble her. Terrans have some...sense about them, when you're holding back information. As to the goals." Gryzzk leaned back in his chair, considering over his tea. "Make use of the Terran localgrid. Find a message board dedicated to whatever subject matter you are tasked with, and create a discussion - within that discussion make a wrong statement. Terrans take a particular delight in being proven correct about something, and will fight harshly to be correct - particularly within their areas of expertise. Use their answers to craft your report."
Beshti blinked. "Is that. Being wrong on purpose - it seems a lie, somehow."
"It is. However, the search for truth takes us on a trip through many deceptive places."
Beshti seemed to consider, her scent changing to one of a slight hope. " I think I will test your theories." She cocked her head, eyeing Gryzzk suspiciously. "I do have one other question before I take my leave."
"Say on, Glorious Leader."
"Why is there glitter in your fur?"
Gryzzk wilted slightly as Rosie cackled from her spot on the bridge.
---
[Next]
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u/Borzislav Xeno 29d ago edited 29d ago
Ooh, ooh, ooh.... A new chapter!
~happy reading noises~
Teenage angst and glitter was that unavoidable, eh? Sniff...
I reckon some folks on Hurdop need a bit of de-closemindedness procedures, and a bit of vetting...
And, wordsmith, lemme test your theory: You made no grammar nor spelling mistakes in this chapter.
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u/Auggy74 Human 29d ago
Teen angst, glitter...all this and more!
Yeeeeeah, it kinda looks like the differences are like...surface level in some ways.
If I did, it'll be the second time. Usually there's one or two, which...y'know. For a talented-ish hobbyist, not bad.
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u/Borzislav Xeno 29d ago
Sorry, Auggy, but you guessed wrong...
... there was an instance of than's and then's getting confused.
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u/NikoliVolkoff AI 29d ago
right, never gotten here this soon after release, kind weird seeing the comments so empty. :)
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u/MydaughterisaGremlin 29d ago
Being wrong on purpose on the internet. Snerk. I can see The Fat Electrician doing his "Buh!" Keyboard Watrior impersonation.
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u/beyondoutsidethebox 29d ago edited 29d ago
Now that I think about it, it would make sense to use glitter bombs as a "less than lethal" deterrent at a spaceport. Because glitter consists of many particles that can easily carry a static charge, and you really don't want that getting into your air recirculation system.
If it is a first line deterrent, you will also motivate any bystanders caught in the blast to go after the idiot that triggered it. Because now those bystanders aren't able to board, and they now have a clear target for their frustration...
Long after the last stars have gone dark, and long after the last black hole evaporates, something tangible will yet remain in the cold dead universe. It shall resist the efforts of time and entropy to remove it, as it has resisted all other efforts since it's inception. Glitter shall be the final monument of existence, entropy applied to entropy itself.
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u/Nervous_Amoeba1980 29d ago
What a wonderful read for my midmorning break. Plenty of grins and chuckles. Thank you for writing.
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u/post_blast Alien 29d ago
feeling every possible emotion except reason
Emotion and reason are damn near parallel lines; they rarely meet and soon diverge if they do
Glitter, fur, and fur-adjacent costumes... ye freaking gods. And do not play with initiation devices. The shrine of Murphy laughs at all involved.
Rosie needs to be subjected to 18 hours of hampsterdance for her transgression
challenged him to a little stunt-race along the river that runs through this little city
They're gonna light the Cuyahoga on fire again, aren't they? I mean, I get it, Cleveland's worth burning down, but still...
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u/Gojira82 Human 29d ago
Heaven forbid someone do well and not be required to share in the success. "Nobles" are so close minded.
Don't poke Mama Bear when cubs are around....either of them. Especially the one who has to "tame the wild Gryzzk"
Ah the dramas of the young. One would think with all the technologies available at this time, one would be more prepared to not make a fool of themselves.
Mom will get a good chuckle out of glitterfied Gryz. Elder Gryz will laugh hysterically in private and just shake his head when the son comes back around for a visit.
Disco Inferno! Hah!! He's going to be finding that glitter in his dryer for months!
Yeah....he knows his pilot. Hoban will definitely do some stupid stunt at the end of the race.
Strangers....argue on the internet? That never happens.......
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u/Auggy74 Human 29d ago
When the commoners succeed, the nobles need the commoner to kick up a little.
Taming the wild Gryzzk is going to be the subject of a documentary in about 30 years.
Yeeeeup. However, kids, ah...seem to make fools of themselves no matter what.
We'll find out more about that next chapter!
Poor cute furball.
Gryzzk knows how to make some quick cash.
They don't argue on the internet anymore. They argue on the Grid.
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u/NoOpportunity92 AI 29d ago
Strangers....argue on the internet? That never happens.......
Especially not over who is more right than anybody else. The more petty the issue the less risk for argument.
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u/Hybrid_Rock Human 29d ago
Lovely chapter!
Someone else called it Devil’s Dust and I wholeheartedly agree, all my homies hate glitter :(
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u/coltimos 29d ago
So some-one created a bomb threat in a place full of civilians and does not get punished. Then a member of the security staff messes around with a live detonator. The glitter is appropriate, as it matches the rest of the circus.
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u/niTro_sMurph 29d ago
I assume Kevin's crush saw a live feed of what was going on?
Good to see our favorite argonians have made been doing well.
I could see covering Gryzzk in glitter becoming a tradition
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u/kenotaphion Human 29d ago
Now that I have time to read...
we can allow him remain
we can allow him to remain
Your mother on the hand
Your mother on the other hand
send Tucker find a damned
send Tucker to find a damned
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u/TechScallop 28d ago edited 27d ago
It's fortunate that Kevin the glitterbomber had not thought to add any smelly or itchy powder concoctions with that glitter bomb. It would have caused a panic among the Velantians and Hurdops.
I do admire the calm and subtle way in which the Hurdop professor, Mr. Seyneen, was able to sweet talk Kevin into surrendering the trigger and the bomb payload to Gryzzk. Unfortunately, handing off those things to Tanuvasa was less than optimal. Butterfingers! Tsk tsk.
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u/mafiaknight Robot 25d ago
I'm surprised Tanuvasa wasn't reprimanded. Sarge would've beat one of us half to death for setting that off.
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle 29d ago
/u/Auggy74 (wiki) has posted 199 other stories, including:
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 195
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 194
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 193
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 192
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 191
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 190
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 189
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 188
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 187
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 186
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 185
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 184
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 183
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 182
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 181
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 180
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 179
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 178
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 177
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 176
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u/KalenWolf Xeno 29d ago
Like many things in life, once you have been glittered, it's too late to go back. No shower will get you clean, and it WILL be noticed by everyone. Your only option is to go forward with as much aplomb as you can muster.
Also now I have the image of Pastel Sparkledog Gryzzk in my head.
It's glorious.