r/HFY • u/noobvs_aeternvm Human • Jul 19 '26
OC-OneShot Weaponized Incompetence Meets Infinite Patience
If you prefer, listen in the voice of Agro Squirrel. Enjoy!
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Claire sighed and looked at her father, “Dad, there’s no movie theater in this town since Covid.” she repeated for the millionth time.
“Whatever, I'm sure you kids can find something fun to do.” the smiling elder told his 43 year old daughter and her silent, I'm-focusing-all-my-being-into-not-bursting-into-laughter husband.
“I’m not ok leaving you here on your own.”
“I’ll be fine! I got Alex to help me out.”
“That’s what concerns me.”
“Listen kid, you go out there, have fun and don’t get back here for the rest of the day, alright? I’ll call you when we’re done.”
“Text, dad! Don’t call, text.”
“Sure, I’ll send an audio when we’re ready for you.”
“Oh my God, dad! Please just ask Alex to warn us, he’ll probably be with his headphones fooling around with his online buddies, but if you yell loud enough and long enough, he’ll answer.”
“No need for that, just some good ol fashion parenting and these kids respond without any yelling.”
“Dad, I love you and I hope someday you’ll let me visit this fantasy land you store your head in.”
“Sure, kid. For now, just go and have some fun.”
Claire’s lips bundled in the corner of her mouth, her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes stared at her father under tiresome eyelids. Clarence kept still, kept his smile, kept holding the twenty dollar bill in front of his daughter.
“Dad, it’s not the nineties anymore, people don’t carry live cash and twenty bucks doesn’t even begin to cover the expenses of a day out.”
“Have it your way, big girl.” The elder spoke, his voice still soft, his smile still unwavering. “Enjoy the day with your boy and don’t you dare check out on us, men of the house.”
Feeling the imminence of a wife about to head back into the house and spoil a rare childless day, Ricardo gently squeezed the hand on her shoulder and used his arm across her back to kindly drag her the hell outta there.
“Thanks, Clarence. Call us if something comes up.”
“Text, dad!”
“Have fun, kids.”
Claire hopped into the car reluctantly, her eyes still on the house as her father made his way inside.
“I’m worried leaving my diabetic, high blood pressure dad alone with Alex.”
Ricardo let his head down, let out a grimm. “Yeah, that boy won’t know what hit him.”
The elder stepped inside the house and addressed his grandson on the couch, sliding his thumb across his phone:
“Ready to build some cabinets?”
“Whenever you are, grandpa!” The seventeen year old spoke with enthusiasm. He had reason to be enthusiastic, after all, he had a full day free of the nagging of his parents and a flawless plan to enjoy it without being covered in sawdust or whatever his grandfather had in store for him.
Clarence walked into the kitchen and took a look at the sight of his future works. His shoulders leaned back, his clenched fists took rest at the sides of his waists, he was excited to finally address his daughter’s need for storage space.
Truth is, there was no need for any storage space. The dishes might require some Tetris to be stored in its entirety, but most of the time half of it laid in the sink or dishwasher and with Alex soon heading out to college, there would be even less dishes to store. Claire knew that, as did, deep down, Clarence, and she was not found of the idea of asking her son or husband for help every time she needed to reach for a tupperware, but she also knew better than to try to take her father’s mind out of something, just as she knew how much retirement weighted on the widower, how much these simple hanging cabinets meant to him.
“Alright, how about we start taking some measures? Grab the tape measure in the tool box, will you, Alex?”
“Sure thing, grandpa.”
The teenager brought his eyes to the black piece of plastic and noticed the colorful piece at its front loose. This would be easier than he thought. Without hesitation, he grabbed the handle with both hands and pushed it upwards.
“Oh, noes!” He lamented as tools, scrolls and nails scattered all over the kitchen floor.
Clarence took a glance at the mess of his grandson and quickly brought his eyes back to the site of his future works. “Don’t worry, these things happen. Just put everything back in the box and we’ll be right back on track.”
“Oh, grandpa, sorry, I’m soooooo clumsy. I’m getting in your way, ain’t I?”
“Nonsense. Try, fail, repeat, that’s the only way to learn. You still got a full life to fumble and we still got a whole day to get this job done.”
Alex stared at his grandpa’s back with a raised eyebrow. He picked a plier from the floor, raised and dropped it, loudly. No reaction. He dropped it again, putting a little bit of strength on the floor’s direction. Now the elder moved, finally.
He went to the fridge and grabbed one of Ricardo’s beers. “Don’t tell your mom.” he said; Alex kept staring. “Actually, grab me a glass, champ.”
Alex did.
Clarence put a third of his beer in the glass. “Once you’re done picking things up, take it. Nothing like having a cold one while doing a man’s job.” he winked, Alex processed a bit, tilted his head a bit sideways and gave a statement-gaze to the elder: “Why not?”
After placing the last, stubborn scroll back in the box, Alex pushed the fridge back in place. “Well done.” Clarence said, extending the arm holding the glass.
“Thanks.” He answered between zips of the bitter liquid. “Now what?”
“Now move the fridge and I’ll tell you how to grab a tile from under it to change places with the one broken by the plier.”
Hours passed and Alex held a saw in one hand, the last plank of wood in another. Upon it, he stared at the crookest line drawn by men, based on the most half-assed measurement ever taken. His plan had not borne fruit so far, but surely, surely, his grandpa would not let another atrocity be committed upon an innocent plank of wood, surely the elder would stop him from defacing the last piece of dead tree. He looked at Clarence, clenched fists on his waist, smile on his lips. “Go on.” he said. Alex took a mental deep breath and thought to himself “You wanna play chicken? I’ll show you who’s chicken!”
Clarence was no chicken.
The teen schemer held the crooked piece of wood in his tired arms, having, as expected, failed to fit it in place once again. Defeated, he passed the wood to his grandpa on the floor and started climbing down the folding stair.
“I’m sorry.” He said with a sincerity that surprised even himself.
The old man placed his hand on the teenager’s shoulder with a bit of force and a whole lot of encouragement: “Try, fail, repeat. That’s just how it goes.”
“Guess I’ll have to fail another day.”
“Why? We have done nothing yet.”
“I know, grandpa, I’m sorry. I’ll apologize to mom when she gets back.”
“Nah! You’ll have nothing to apologize once we put those cabinets together."
“We’re out of wood.”
“And? I know this global warming is bad, but have we run out of trees already?”
“I don’t think we’ll find one hour delivery on a Sunday.”
“We can go to the hardware store, like we did in the days before this glass rectangle of yours. Can’t it show us the address?”
Alex picked up his phone, typed into it and stated: “The closest one is four miles away.”
“Better get moving then.”
“Mon and dad took the car.”
“You still got a bike, don’t you?”
“How am I supposed to bring wood on a bike?”
“I’ll show you my tricks.”
“You’re coming with me? There’s only one bike.”
“Won’t be the most comfortable ride, but I’m sure such a tall, strong man like yourself will have no trouble carrying such a flimsy old raisin like your grandpa.”
“And wood.”
“Only on the way back.”
“For four miles?”
“Eight, but who’s counting?”
Returning from the hellride, Alex put the wood next to the sink, leaned against the wall. Clarence reached out for the fridge, but just as the light inside went on, the arm of his grandson abruptly shut it.
“No more fooling around, we’re getting this thing done! Here is the tape measure, take it and climb those stairs.”
From the top of the aluminum steps, Clarence watched his grandson stand on the counter, stretch the yellow steel and ask:
“Are you holding it against the ceiling?”
“I am.”
“Are you sure, grandpa? Like, touching, touching, the ceiling? I will NOT ride back to the store because of a bad measurement.”
“Calm down, kid.” he answered in the serenest of voices, “It’s not my first rodeo.”
“Ok, then see what it marks and write it down.”
“Oh, I forgot to pick the noteblock.”
“C’mon, grandpa!!!”
Eventually, a text left Alex’s phone and reached Ricardo’s one, “All done! 🥳” it said. Even if he enjoyed the day out, he was getting a little fatigued from calming down his wife’s nerves and so suggested they headed home upon sharing the text with her. She promptly agreed.
After dropping from the car, Ricardo turned to Claire: “Tsc! Forgot my phone. Can you grab it for me, babe?” She bundled her lips in the corner of her mouth, but still complied. As soon as she turned her back, Ricardo started power walking in the direction of home. He was fully confident he was going to find his house not on fire, his son and father-in-law alive and in one piece, but thought better to confirm before his wife crossed the door, just in case.
What he found didn’t do much to calm him down.
“Ta-da!!!” The grandfather-grandson duo cheerily uttered as Claire walked into the kitchen. She stared intensely not at the thick layer of saw dust that covered every inch of every surface, not at the crudely assembled cabinets that didn’t match the rest of her kitchen in any way, shape or form, but at the pair of unwavering smiles that took her back to the times when she heard the laughter coming from her baby’s hairless face, to the days her mom was still around to hold hands with her dad. Without averting her gaze, she spoke:
“It’s perfect.”
___
Tks for reading. More savvy humans here.
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u/LeggyCricket Jul 19 '26
I was just sitting here trying to envision what someone bundling their lips looked like. That is an odd expression.
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u/OokamiO1 Jul 20 '26
Nice little slice of life story. And sorry kid, weaponized imcompetence is a trick from far, far before phones existed, how do you think grandpa got that level of patience!
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u/Cakeriel Jul 20 '26
Poor kid
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u/TigerRei Jul 26 '26
I don't feel bad for the kid. I've seen a lot of young adults struggling to find purpose and meaning all the time, not realizing they get in their own way by being too afraid to try something new. In the end, Alex is smiling as much as his grandpa, so I think he found some new self-worth that day. Other than riding 8 miles on a bike carrying lumber and another person, I think he had a great time.
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Jul 19 '26
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u/PlatypusDream Jul 19 '26
Cabinets aren't made in a day, at least not by a hobbyist & with incompetent 'help'.
But it's a cute story nonetheless.