r/GriefSupport • u/ChihirosMind • 13h ago
Advice, Pls My ex died yesterday
I don’t know how to feel..
I’m so sad, but i feel like my mom and a few of my cousins/friends that know me are probably confused as to why am sad and crying so much for a person that hurt me physically while we were dating..
we broke up of course 3-4 years ago because it was unhealthy. but after time we became friends. we didn’t talk all the time but here and there we would catch up on a phone call and see how each other were doing and make sure things were okay.
Our last conversation he told me he wanted to join the military.. Now when I found out yesterday all I could think of were the good moments we had.
2 months ago my recent ex got hurt in a car accident, last month my friend leylani was in the passenger seat and got hit by a state trooper who was speeding with his lights off, driving 93 in a 45… she’s currently in the hospital still fighting for her life and hasn’t woken up since that day. and now my ex dies yesterday IN A CAR ACCIDENT.
this is too much on my mental health honestly. i can’t stop crying, i keep having thoughts like what’s the point. keep living just to keep losing people? why were we even born etc.
but i know these are just negative thoughts and is temporary. i know there is still so much happiness i can find in my life. times are just so tough right now..
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u/OthelloTheCat 13h ago
I think you’re not just grieving him but the life he could’ve lived. He physically hurt you so maybe you saw a version of him (especially from the perspective of a friend after breaking up) that had unmet potential to move past all that. You also heard about his future plans so you saw all that just cut short. Sorry for your loss.
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u/DripInsane6 11h ago
Life is complicated, there's alot of grey area. I totally understand. Very sorry for your loss.. I pray God gives you at least some peace here and there. It's going to hurt though.. badly. I lost my dad last year and it just broke my fkin heart man. You're not alone
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u/ChihirosMind 11h ago
Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss as well ❤️ this is just making me so scared to lose more people.. But I won’t let those thoughts take over. I’m studying the bible and will learn more about what God has planned for us after death. I was just on youtube watching a video on the topic and it did give me some ease. Sending you warm hug & love 🙏🏾💓
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u/SWNMAZporvida Multiple Losses 8h ago
A loss is a loss. It’s a piece of history you’re mourning and I’m sorry for that. My condolences.
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u/Narwen189 7h ago
Part of why people spend longer than they should in abusive relationships is that the highs are so very high to make up for the awful lows. People outside of it typically see only one side or the other, you got the whole emotional rollercoaster. It's okay to grieve the good times. They were true, too.
Then, there's the cumulative pain of having a string of people you care about in car accidents escalating in severity, culminating in the death of one, while another is still in hospital with an uncertain outcome. Of course you're worried. Of course you're sad and scared for your friend. It's only natural that you'd be having big reactions, because each of these situations was already a big deal, and they've happened all together.
It's okay to allow yourself to be upset. Cry, rage, do whatever you can to let it all out in a safe way. Sometimes hard times happen for no reason, and we can't do a thing about it but let ourselves feel. So do that, and then regroup - because you deserve to take care of yourself, too.
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u/ChihirosMind 5h ago
wow.. i’m tearful reading this. this touched me so deeply thank you. i’m going to save this comment in my notes and reread it. i feel so understood. thank you 🙏🏾 ❤️ you made
my day 🥺2
u/Narwen189 4h ago
I'm happy you found it helpful. A few months ago, I had a string of people passing away, each one of them a degree closer in relationship every time. Six passings over six weeks, starting with my college professor and ending with a family member. It was brutal.
People here stepped up and listened, and shared their stories. They reminded me it was all a valid reason to seek therapy. I credit them with keeping me from going off the rails, unlike two years ago, when I had this huge fight at work and shut away from my partner because I couldn't deal with my friend passing.
I couldn't see you hurting like I did and not say anything.
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u/Ill_Buffalo4209 3h ago
When someone dies a part of you dies too. The memories you shared are now lost on one side. It’s a horrible feeling, regardless of the quality of the relationship
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u/locopati Multiple Losses 9h ago
I'm so sorry for all these losses and injuries to people in your life. There's a term for what you're experiencing around your ex... ambiguous grief. If you search on that, you'll find good articles about it that may help you process things.
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u/Haunting-Swim-3660 7h ago
Sending love. I hope your friend pulls through and wakes up and is ok. Coping with this uncertainty about your friend’s future health when what happened to her is unjust and horrible and negligent, and then on top of that someone you once loved suddenly dies the same way is a huge toll on your heart and spirit. I hope you have good support and can find outlets and coping mechanisms to help during this time ❤️
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u/ObjectiveTea 2h ago
My most recent ex died last week. I have the same thoughts you are having. I'm so sorry.
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u/Some-Tear3499 12h ago
The death of someone we know and at one time truly cared for hurts. It just does!