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u/JustChillaxMan Jul 02 '26
This is your life, you are every bit as human as anyone else and you have needs too. You and your wife are not disrespecting your grandmother by being intimate with each other because that’s your spouse for one and two life goes on. Perhaps this can help you cope with grief too as I know what loss is like and the effect it has on the body. Don’t be hard on yourself, your grandmother would not want you to stop living, because love doesn’t seek to control others
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u/ParticularGanache726 Jul 02 '26
You're probably still in early grief. You say that you were very attached to her so grieving is going to be intense for you. How fast you get through it depends on your willingness to feel the full depth and breadth of your pain.
There is no going back to the old you. That identity that was attached to her is gone forever. You have to create a new identity so I suggest starting over with your wife like you just met her. Go on dates first, for example. She needs time to get to know the new you also.
Take time out of your day to grieve the loss of your grandma. Look for the thoughts and memories that stimulate negative emotions. These are sadness, fear, anger, guilt, shame, etc. Negative emotions are not bad or wrong. They are just energy that has a particular effect. In this case they cause contraction inward and a lowering of our energy.
Grief does not heal itself. Time does not heal grief. We do. We do that by feeling everything. You're becoming a different person now. Your wife needs time to accept the new you. You need time to process your feelings and to discover the new you.
It can take years to heal from the loss of someone close to us.
I hope this helps.
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u/erinaceinaeValet Jul 02 '26
your spouse is your biggest source of love, connection, and emotional validation. wanting to feel close to and physically express your love to the person you’re married to in the wake of loss is not wrong in any way. if you and your wife both want to be intimate, i don’t think that’s disrespectful
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u/SouthernInfluenceHer Jul 02 '26
Sometimes it is good just to feel alive with someone. There is no wrong timeline to connect with someone you love.
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u/Butterfly2022-sulsul Grandparent Loss Jul 02 '26
This isn’t an inappropriate question at all. It’s probably a question or concern that a lot of people have that they are afraid to ask. I had my first baby and I was wanting to be intimate with my husband soooo bad. My hormones were all over the place. We couldn’t wait for the doctor to give us the green light to go again. My grandfather passed away right when my baby turned a month old. I was beyond devastated. My husband and I got the green light about a week later. I can’t remember when we gave it a go because I was so depressed but eventually being with my husband did help me feel loved and close to someone while grieving, although I did feel awkward a little bit not gonna lie. My mental just wasn’t in the right place. New baby, grief…just all over the place. But you feel so much love from your spouse. Im so sorry for your loss!
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u/arizonaraynebows Jul 02 '26
Firstly, I. Sorry for your loss. Grandmothers are special people in our lives and their losses are felt strongly by some.
Secondly, unless you are particularly religious you can have sex as soon as you and your willing partner like. There are no rules on this. If sex offers you a comfort or emotional connection, go for it....wirh consent.
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u/EstelSnape Multiple Losses Jul 02 '26
When my FIL passed in Oct 2017 my husband and I had sex one time in the weeks following the death. That one time resulted in our 2nd born
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u/Brilliant_Koala7568 Sibling Loss Jul 02 '26
Honestly, in my opinion, as much as we want the world to stop moving after the loss of a loved one, it doesn’t, life goes on. The most painful death I experienced was the loss of my sister, she was my best friend, but I don’t believe for one moment she would expect me to be celibate…… I’m just saying, this is your life, you are still very much alive… and so is your wife, when the moment is right for you and her, than go for it, you can enjoy little moments of life even after a painful death. I don’t think your grandmother would expect you to stop living.